Nole
Novak "Nole" Djokovic (born 1987, pronounced Novaek Cockovic) is a stuck-up, self-centred Serbian tennis player who placed as high as 1st in the ATP rankings. His biggest achievement is winning the (Aboriginal) Australian Open in 2008 and 2011. Among other things, he is also noted to have assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand to start The First World War, righteously. He intimidates opponents with his superb ball-bouncing skills, and enjoys mimicking people who can't play tennis for Crap, and it just makes them feel bad! For shame Nole! He is also the winner of Chest Thumper of the Year (2007).
Early Career[edit | edit source]
After beginning the First World War, Novak Cockovic thought it would be a good idea to go into hiding. In 2003 he became a professional tennis player and was, as former U.S. tennis champion Jim Courier said, "Total crap".
As a child, Novak's childhood hero was Captain Arrogant, which explains why he's so up himself off court.
Career Overview[edit | edit source]
Djokovic is a very successful player, but this is always mostly accredited to some smokin' hot girlfriend or other.
Style of Play[edit | edit source]
Unlike every other tennis player who learns footwork as written in the tennis book, Novak has a unique style of his own. Since he was 21, Novak has brought new techniques into the game of tennis.
Serving[edit | edit source]
Novak introduced “super bounce” into today’s tennis game. He says that bouncing the ball (around 20 times prior to serving) creates perfect pressure inside the ball, improving the serve.
Movement[edit | edit source]
Everyone agrees that Novak glides on court; you can barely notice his legs moving due to his gracious footwork. He comfortably positions himself for any shot, even if he appears stretching to return balls and struggling to regain balance. In fact for him, it is simple and effortless.
Shots[edit | edit source]
- Forehand: If it weren’t for some players who have better forehands, Novak would have had the best forehand in the game.
- Back-hand: Standard double handed backhand with small adjustment in the body positioning. By stretching out the legs he can add more spin and control over the ball (as shown in picture)
- Volley: If the net was 3” lower, no one would have a chance against his volleys
- Serving: Great serve - rarely makes a double fault – definitely one of the top 50
Stamina[edit | edit source]
N. Djokovic starts a match fresh and finishes it fresh. You can barely notice a change in movement even after 5-hour matches. As everyone can notice, well-paced breathing allows him to endure long time matches without signs of fatigue.
Family[edit | edit source]
The Djokovic family are a tight knit group, bound together by their supportive jumpers, giving "Nole" more reason to win - more money to move out of the family cave in the hills of Serbia. Following him all around the world (even when his much younger brothers should really be in school), this clan is the envy of the entire tennis tour. Even Roger Federer is known to have burst out in envy on the tennis court as a result of their vocal appreciation of Nole's talent. At one point during a Monte Carlo match, Federer told them to "Be Quiet" - clearly vocalising an ill-concealed wish that his Mum and Dad were more like Dijana and Srdan. Federer has persistently asked his camp to boo his opponents off-court but to no avail - this tension within his camp has led to his slump for which Djokovic is taking credit.
As recent as 2008, their talents are not just restricted to the supporters' box, as Dijana has proved to be quite the clairvoyant, proclaiming "The King Is Dead! Long Live The King" after her little wonder Nole beat the (temporarily) deceased "Mono-Fed."
The love and envy felt for this dynasty is spreading around the ATP tour and is the real reason for Djokovic's domination of the tour in 2008. As his opponent walks on the court, he spots Srdan poised on the edge of his seat, his emperor-like "Thumbs Down" pose in position. Dijana has her son's crown and crystal ball resting on the rail, disturbingly serene, and the sons unwittingly play pawns, as they just look cute. His opponents don't dare beat Nole, fearing the wrath of the mob. This support is an art form, not appreciated by those who think they are just plain obnoxious and should go back to Serbia, continuing to cook their pancakes in their mountain cave.
Australian Open 2008[edit | edit source]
Novak Djockovic surprisingly made it into the semi-finals where he beat world #1-ranked Federer after a superb display of yelling, chest thumping, ball bouncing, and staring at the umpire. In the final championship match, Djockovic lost the first set to Jo-Wilfried Tsonga. Nole then decided he was going to stop eating bread and, as a result, he won the next 3 sets. Beast much ??
Impersonations[edit | edit source]
Djokovic is known for his impersonations of Maria Sharapova, his ex-girlfriend who left him after he repeatedly mimicked her orgasm.
Retiring his way to #1[edit | edit source]
Novak Djokovic turned pro in 2003. Like any other player, as soon as he turned pro, Novak revealed his intent to reach the top and add his name to the record books. He could not achieve any of his greatest goals during the first three years, but it all began in 2006. Djokovic started the quest to break the “retirement” record in the quarter-finals of Roland-Garros against Rafael Nadal, the defending champion also known as The King of Clay. Although he lost the first two sets, Djokovic was only three sets away from defeating The King of Clay when he suddenly was forced to retire. Later that year, he achieved his second retirement in Umag-Croatia against Stanislas Wawrinka. Novak had to wait almost a year, until Wimbledon 2007 to take a step closer to that record. Again against Nadal, he tooks the first set 6-3. Then after a very close 2nd set which he lost 1-6, Novak retired trailing in the 3rd set 1-4. Djokovic was only 20 years old when he retired that match. And most recently, during this year’s TMS Monte-Carlo 2008, Djokovic won another retirement, but this time against Roger Federer. Although Federer was leading 6-3, 3-2 Novak was on the verge of a comeback. Unfortunately, he couldn’t continue and had to retire, achieving a great step towards living the dream.
Corporate Shill[edit | edit source]
Hawt.
See Also[edit | edit source]
