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- 1778 - James Cook discovers the islands of Hawaii, names them the "Sandwich Islands": Cook is later killed by Natives after he declares the Taco to be a folded sandwich.
- 1886 - Field hockey is invented by hyper-insecure men who feel that gliding on ice is like, "totally gay."
- 1919 - During the Paris Peace Conference, the French Army give themselves the "Winner-est Winners" award, for having won the most in the conflict they have won.
- 1943 - The Polish city of Kraków is liberated by the Red Army, the Poles are surprisingly ungrateful for some reason.
- 1990 - Digital Underground's becomes the No.1 song in America, listeners kill themselves in droves, having heard the voice of God.
- 2013 - To curb certain "unfounded" stereotypes of French people, France invades Northern Mali: troops immediately go on strike due to lack of hazard pay.