J. D. Vance
“I love him. He’s the only one who appreciates the Trail of Tears.”
J. D. Vance, also known as James David Bowman (according to the Republicans, at least) is an American hillbilly and senator who's Trump's running mate for the 2024 American presidential election. Born in Ohio during the 1980s, Vance had already shown signs of an unstable mentality, worshipping the teachings of Peter Thiel so much that the FBI created a new cult just for him called Libertarianism.
In 2024 Trump decided to make Vance his VP, thinking he was Vin Diesel. Trump was especially happy when J. D. Vance called him "America's Hitler". Flattery can bring you anywhere. Also, calling Trump "idiot", and not "giant idiot", was a good move. Trump likes people who stick to the truth and don't exaggerate. Truth is very, very important for Trump, and that is the truth, according to Trump. So after Trump sent a mob out to murder his last vice president during the storming of the Capitol, J. D. Vance will now try his luck.
With his background as CEO in a venture capital firm, J. D. Vance understands how ordinary American workers feel, and is ready to speak to almost any white person as long as the initial investment is at least two million dollars.
“I did NOT have sex with that latex glove stuffed in between two sofa cushions, and there are no video recordings that I am aware of.”
“Women who are raped must be forced to have our babies.”
See also[edit | edit source]
| Democrat |
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| Republican |
Donald Trump & J. D. Vance • Ron DeSantis • Vivek Ramaswamy • Chris Christie • Nikki Haley • Asa Hutchinson • Mike Pence |
| Independent |
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