American Civil Liberties Union

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ACLU logo as of 2006.
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The Anti-Christian Liberal Union (ACLU; pronounced a-CLUE, as in what they don't have), or American Criminal Lovers Union, Atheists Communists Liberals and Unions, the American Commie Lowlife UBERbastards (and also All Crazy Lunatics U Know, originally founded as the American Communist Lesbians Union) is a group / cult that encourages protection of the rights it chooses are worth protecting, especially criminals, child molesters, neo-nazis, and terrorists. This includes but is not limited to the right of atheism (freedom from religion) and the rights of terrorists to roam free of surveillance. They are, however, opposed to things such as the rights of Christians and rights of law-abiding citizens (on issues such as guns). The ACLU is led by Homo Romero, a stereotypical Jew who won't protect the religious rights of his fellow "Chosen People", let alone any people not alike him.

History[edit | edit source]

The ACLU was co-founded by Muhammad Jones (born Muhammad bin Laden) and Oscar Wilde in year zero as a secret society devoted to the rights of Islamofascists, Communists whom are spies in the Democrat Party and gays (self-explanatory).

They were later joined by Billy, a young atheist child who was told by his mommy that religion was a trap. It's first major almost success was in 2006 when it almost succeeded in nuking Christmas. However, the combined strength of Bill O'Reilly and Ultra Jesus defeated them.

The ACLU is an appointed mentor for the country's black people because we believe in the evil white racist Republican right-wing conspiracy is after them. Also we love Hispanic people, we defend illegal immigrants right to be in this country and taking jobs from black and white Americans (and about the Hispanics without a need of green cards?).

Mission Statement[edit | edit source]

The ACLU has a five-part mission statement.

  • Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers.
  • White males are out to get you.
  • Terrorists can be our friends.
  • Rapists and Sex Offenders can be your friend too....just give them a chance. Let your kids play with them.
  • Child porn can be fun, just give it a try. Just don't make any yourself, or that would make us look bad.
  • There's nothing like a good spam mail to click and delete.
  • Your feelings are our feelings and should never be hurt.
  • Boy Scouts are evil and should be shot.
  • Minorities such as Mexicans, rapists, blacks, drug dealers, and Klansmen must be defended. Minorities such as Jews, Christians, Republicans and American Soldiers are not to be defended. And fuck whites.
    • Asian people, maybe to accept lawsuits about "racist" depictions, but Asians are "too white", smart or successful.
  • We're for women's rights, usually sluts, prostitutes, lesbian wannabes, female sexists, extreme feminists and lawyers to promote faulty/phony/frivolous/fake rape, sexual harrassment, gender discrimination and paternity claim lawsuits.
  • Christmas represents everything evil in the world and should be nuked.
  • For some reason, we must annoy Bill O'Reilly. Forever. MUHHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!
  • Illegal immigrants who are ruining the country are our friends.
  • We shall protect rapists, sex offenders, and gang members, since most of them are ACLU members.
  • Only evil redneck conservatives count (we must repeat).
  • Also stupid blue-collar neocons count.
  • We don't accept cases about free speech violations from the workplace (except by a minority, a woman or an insane psychotic gunmen about his rights to carry a concealed weapon at the office).
  • Pot smoking, atheist, liberal college professors have rights. Hard working, Christian, conservative gun owners do not.
  • A woman has a constitutional right to abort a unborn child but a teacher can't tell a student that Jesus loves them.
  • The rights of White Males should only be defend if they are Klansmen, Skinheads, real racists or Neo-Nazis.
  • Also they like secessionists, sedition, treason and terrorism and people that burn mothers and their daughters alive in their beds.

Famous Card-Carrying Members[edit | edit source]

Famous Admirers (non-members)[edit | edit source]

Katie Couric, Your Dog, Bill Maher, Hades, Beelzebub, Mel Gibson and Michael Moore.

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