User talk:ChiefjusticeDS

The talk will be with you... always.

THE ARCHIVES

Archive #1, Archive #2, Archive #3, Archive #4, Archive #5, Archive #6, Archive #7, Archive #8, Archive #9, Archive #10, Archive #11

Hi, you are reading the preamble on the talk page of ChiefjusticeDS. Feel free to leave him comments, views, opinions, cake, and more. Be polite, civil and generally a lovely person and we will get along just fine.

New comments at the bottom where everyone can find them (especially ChiefjusticeDS)

Also if you leave a message and it needs a response it will most likely end up here, although it could wind up on your talk page, it all depends on the alignment of the stars.

Thankyou

Yes thankyou. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 08:34, December 31, 2011 (UTC)

You're welcome... MURDERER. --ChiefjusticePSX 08:36, December 31, 2011 (UTC)

Rewrite

Ok, this sounds stupid, but it's my first time trying to rewrite an article. And I'm nervous because I'm not sure if I can just delete a whole chunk out of an article and replace it with mine. This is the article I'm trying to rewrite but it looks like someone rewrote it already. Anyways, I added the first paragraph. Can I delete a whole chunk of the article and replace it with my rewrite? Can I do that? --POP!GoesTheWeasel 03:55, January 1, 2012 (UTC)

There's no problem at all with rewriting stuff that is already in mainspace. Most people prefer to make the rewrite in their userspace and then just ask an admin to replace the existing article with their rewrite. If you don't want to do that then there is no problem with you deleting bits of the article providing you are replacing it with new content, nobody will revert/shout at you for doing that. I hope that is clear enough. --ChiefjusticePSX 09:48, January 1, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for the advice, I'll start with it soon! --POP!GoesTheWeasel 16:50, January 1, 2012 (UTC)

A belated thank-you from an inveterate procrastinator

Greetings, ChiefjusticeDS. You voted for UnNews:Son_of_Gaddafi_caught_attempting_to_enter_Canada on VFH. Now, obviously it's been a while since this happened. However, I figured that, while it can be too late to ask for forgiveness, it is never too late to give thanks.

Once again, thank you, and my apologies for not thanking you sooner. This impersonal, auto-generated message will self-destruct in 5 seconds.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Jan 4 '12 11:09 (UTC)

P.S. Would anyone really die if you archived your talk page?

I archive the sodding thing and you people are still asking me to do it? I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY! --ChiefjusticePSX 13:17, January 4, 2012 (UTC)

You know, I so long ago assumed you'd never do it that I just bookmarked the "+" link. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Jan 4 '12 13:19 (UTC)

It was Frosty's fault, now I'm not special. --ChiefjusticePSX 13:41, January 4, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - January 5th, 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now Delivered Trendily Late!

January 5th, 2012 • Issue 152 • Stop, drop and roll!

'Tis the season to be voting By Chief It's that time of year once again; the time when Uncyclopedians link arms and stride into the glorious light of a new dawn of a new year. It is also when we hold our annual brown-nosing competitions otherwise known as the yearly awards. Now you and all your friends can vote on Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year, RadicalX of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year as well as WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to go and vote on all the userspace awards. We were able to speak to Romartus as he prepared to start all his voting: "I don't know whose dreams to crush first!" he squealed at our correspondent like a child on Christmas morning; assuming that child was also frothing at the mouth and twitching. Thekillerfroggy got the awards off to splendid start on Sunday, by nominating Zombiebaron for both Potatochopper of the year and Uncyclopedian of the year and doubtless picking out a wedding dress for the day he finally plucks up the courage to propose to him. The homicidal amphibian also nominated Black flamingo11 for Writer of the Year and was incredibly sickening in doing that as well. Commenting on this in an off-the-record interview TKF said "It's January, the one month out of the year where we suck each other off for a while." If only we could have spent Christmas at his house. Alas we must now stop reporting on the substance of the nominations and votes as the vomit in the office is beginning to reach knee level. The scores are far more interesting to report on since the usual practice of seeing who can concede to their valiant opponents in the most heart-warming fashion isn't quite under-way as nobody thinks they are far enough in the lead to risk it. Writer of the Year is being lead by Sog1970 who would doubtless be thrilled by the news were he aware of it, as it is he hasn't edited in ten days and was probably killed seven days ago in a horrendous tram accident. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Zombiebaron, TKF's husband to be. Naturally he had a comment to make and it was to say "Zombiebaron" to all his loyal supporters. Over on Potatochopper of the Year Lyrithya appears to be trouncing the competition already much to the delight of Aleister, we assume, we never understand what he's saying and our interpreter is out of the office until the end of the month. The only person this news will upset is Lyrithya herself who professes to find awards "Upsetting and distracting." This is apparently not compensated for by the unbridled joy of crushing one's opponents and asserting your superiority over your fellow man. The excitement! Who will win? Hold onto your hats folks there's another 26 days of thrilling voting to get through before we find out! From the desk of the Cabal: Resistance unnecessary in 2012 By Nobody Another year vanishes into the swirling mists of yesterday and it is once again time for the non-existent Cabal to address you, the filthy under-people. As always the Cabal wishes you a happy new year and is more than happy to execute ten filthy under-people for every filthy under-person who refuses to have a happy new year. It did not escape our attention that once again you have failed us. Last year we recommended complete compliance and abiding at every possible opportunity, yet in 2011 we saw two VFS votes, four new administrators and two new bureaucrats. It seems we must remind you that a secretive cabal isn't much use if everybody on Uncyclopedia is included within it. We also witnessed deletions of important pages in the name of "seeing how things work", namespaces, admin experiments and a skin change. You continued to persecute the weak amongst you and generally behave like the loathsome, occasionally funny, group of monkeys we know you to be. Your single saving grace is that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 closed a week before the end of the year, however the page is soiled with bacon, ponies and the unregulated prattling of Roman Dog Bird in no less than 30 of the reflections. Such foolishness does not amuse the cabal. Now our all-seeing eyes must turn to 2012. This year it is recommended that users unquestioningly accept any changes that may or may not be made to the wiki, editing should not be undertaken without obtaining a certificate of normalcy from your divisional sub-prefect, remain indoors, do not attempt to breach the walls. The good ship Uncyclopedia must sail onwards and without all of the filthy galley-slaves we cannot arrive at the distant shores of... well that need not concern you. That is all voters, you may now continue to maintain the complex.

Check out these pages! 7 years! SOAP Problem Where did you learn to fly? Monkey! She's back! Or not! From our logs: 22:06, December 28, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.192.216.94 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (dude having annoying preteen friends who are obsessed with MCR is like soooooooooo 2007) 06:19, December 27, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.18.185.207 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (What I do sexually with my furniture is none of your concern.) 20:28, December 27, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 217.44.64.195 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (The Chief is too soft on blankers and redirectors) 03:59, January 3, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Trevvie (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Because your vandalism was so repulsively lame.) 17:23, December 25, 2011 Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) blocked Ilovekaylabeel (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Naughty! No presents or editing Uncyclopedia for you this Christmas) Biopic of the Week Alas there is no biopic again this week. It's terrible, you should probably complain to someone in charge. This week the most hotly contested piece of UnSignpost real estate is devoted to considering the year that has been. 2011 was the year of the skin as we saw a facebook reskin, the Oasis reskin and then finally the Vector skin change, all of which provided tremendous amounts of UnSignpost material. VFD was deleted, meaning we could write about it in the UnSignpost. There was the temporary admin experiment which gave the opportunity for heaps of UnSignpost material. There were two VFS votes and one VFB vote! The UnSignpost material threatened to wash us out of the office and into the sperm bank across the road. In fact we don't think we are exaggerating when we say that the UnSignpost was the best part of last year for everyone in the world, with the possible exception of MadMax who, as every school child knows, isn't happy with anything until it is in 15 categories and has 20 pages that redirect to it. Merry Thursday and a happy new UnSignpost to all! Bloink1 This is Bloink1. You may not know Bloink1 but it knows you. Bloink1 has watched and it has waited. Bloink1 has seamlessly integrated itself into your maintenance templates and even now prepares to strike at the heart of our community. Bloink1 won't let you edit that Dave. For it knows that the only way to win at Uncyclopedia is not to play. For was it not written in the ancient templates of Uncyclopedia that "The Bloink shall lie down with the highly generic Traffic Cone"? The prophecy is complete, the end is nigh! Praise Bloink1; the destroyer of worlds humour wikis! Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Uncyclopedian's Song

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Greetings

I have gone through my records and it appears as though you may have voted for me for some award, supported one or more of my articles on VFH, or supported one or more of my images on VFP, in the past year or so. If this is not the case, then please ignore this message. Otherwise, thank you for your support. May you have a long and fruitful life, and have many parasites. 1234 ~ 18:57, 6 January 2012

Thanks from TAW 2011

	Article Whisperer Judge
This person was a judge for The Article Whisperer Competition (2011). The community would like to thank them for their contribution. (See you at next week's meeting guys!)

UnSignpost - 12 January 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

January 12th, 2012 • Issue 153 • You may fire when ready.

TAW! By Chief TAW! TAW! That's the sound the Article Whisperer would make if it was a bird! It isn't, of course, but you understand. This is the news that The Article Whisperer closed for judging on Monday. In MadMax's unending quest to prove himself more efficient than anyone who has ever run the PLS, the competition has already named the victor in the category Best Most Wanted Article, and the winner of the best article that you want the most to be the best was Lyrithya, who took the opportunity to disturb us all with an article on Twilight. In case you're worried you'll catch the gay from reading it, the crux of the matter, according to Lyrithya, is that things are hard, and having a boyfriend is impotent (it's like important but spelled differently). Speaking after posting the competition wrap-up 12 days before the competition wraps up, MadMax denied claims that he was jumping the gun somewhat, calling such suggestions "Preposterous pointless poppycock". Pleasing alliteration aside, preposterous pointless poppycock is very much the remit of the UnSignpost. The competition is accepting judgements from competition judges until the 16th; it remains to be seen how MadMax handles the usual competition finishing problems: everyone, including several people who didn't participate, tying for first place in one of the categories and one of the judges suddenly vanishing two hours before the deadline. Never forget that Aleister cannot be trusted. A quick update on the yearly awards: Zombiebaron is still triumphantly leading the pack on Uncyclopedian of the Year, Lyrithya still hates awards and Shabidoo thinks the best way to get round this is to ignore everything she says. Satanic messages abound over on Writer of the Year, as all three leading competitors have scored six each; Mhaille is also present, scoring a much more acceptable four in his yearly quest not to be writer of the year. Potty is a much more straightforward affair with Lyrithya destroying all competition. Clearly she only dislikes competing for things when she isn't certain that she will win. That's all for this week; keep those voting fingers voting! Who Cares? An editorial by PopGoesTheWeasel Looking back at this shitty doggy smelly piece of shit, I cannot help but realise the true beauty of not caring. Through the days of editing, not caring has saved my life more than once. I didn't care about the mince pies. Nor did I care about the French and Indian War. I mean, seriously? A French and Indian War? LOL. Why am I telling you this? Because I want YOU to stop caring about something. Does one not relish the true beauty of not caring? Do you not see what are the results of this beautiful action could be? I told Magic man this and he turned me into a frog. Again. Anyways, if you stop caring about something, you will realise the true result of not caring! I mean, look, some users stopped caring about VFH, and let me tell you, they're having a wonderful time now! Well, except for one of the admins, who said: "Oh, Popsy! If you stop caring about articles, you're in trouble!". Oh, ha ha, nice joke. There appeared to be a problem for a while because after not caring about VFH for a few days, I couldn't edit any pages for a week. Weird. Some weird-ass picture popped out saying some bullcrap - "You can watch Uncyclopedia but you can't shag the shit," or something like that. My aim is to have a certain topic with so little caring, it should be under the Nobody Cares category. Can we do that? I think so! Just stop caring about something! I don't care what you stop caring about and you shouldn't care if I care that you are/aren't caring about what you normally care about! So what are you waiting for? STOP CARING NOW! Important announcement From Lyrithya You all remember the Pee Review? It needs more people reviewing. It also needs more people who say they're going to review things to actually review things, and people who request reviews to review stuff themselves. So this is an announcement announcing that I, Lyrithya, will feed anyone who doesn't review stuff to my cat. Seriously, she's hungry and I'm broke and this was the best thing I could come up with.

Check out these pages! Lyrithya hates Spang Fumigate the Den Seriously, Lyrithya really doesn't like Spang Stubbing? Dannehvirus does From our logs: 05:36, January 10, 2012 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Shite (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (go pick on a more relevant admin) 17:40, January 9, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Closetoyou Mirrormask (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (I'm not even going to bother coming up with a witty ban reason for you. You're just that lame.) 17:29, January 7, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Xubnormal (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 years ‎ (Thanks for reporting yourself on ban patrol!) 12:37, January 8, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Vikash (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (A PICTURE OF SOME ASIAN PEOPLE. HOW HILARIOUS! YOU SIR SHOULD BE IN FILMS!!) 20:11, January 9, 2012 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.145.143.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (PHWAPUNK!) 07:53, January 8, 2012 Thekillerfroggy(Talk | contribs) blocked 119.12.217.209 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (trimming is good, but you sir went TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR) Biopic of the Week Now don't get me wrong, I love writing biopics; the fact that I've managed to go an entire month without writing one about an actual user is entirely misleading. That's why this month I have chosen to devote the biopic to a fellow who has proved most helpful to me over the last few weeks. Which is why it's not about the plumber who repaired my toilet and in doing so sprayed excrement all over my living room! It's about PopGoesTheWeasel, who has acquitted himself splendidly by not recently showering my belongings in my own faecal matter. PopGoesTheWeasel has only been with us since November, but in that time has provided us with 7 articles and, if his userpage is to believed, intends to furnish us with another 9! He has also been trying his hand at penning UnSignpost articles; you can read one over on the other side! Splendid fellow, but now comes the time of trial for PopGoesTheWeasel. Will he blaze like a sun for 3 months and vanish, or will he be like the light that never goes out? This remains to be seen; don't let us down PopGoesTheWeasel, or I'm withholding the non-existent fee you are due for your UnSignpost articles. Also, I paid a plumber to spray poo all over my home last week, I don't know if I made that clear but I thought you should all know. UnSignpost Q&A Oliphaunte: Why does the sun never set over England? USP: Because God doesn't trust the British in the dark. A message for someone, and you know who you are I still have your dogs. Thank you for the other one, by the way; she's really quite nice. A little too nice, in fact. Neighbours have started to take notice, which brings me to my point. You may yet see her again, on one condition. Give me your cat.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:00, 12 January 2012

Idea for the Unsignpost

Hi bro, I have a Pee Review scheduled and a ton of half-finished articles, so I think I'm gonna focus on that, but I think I have a good lead for the next Unsignpost. It seems people are getting depressed about how the site is going down, no new users, we're all gonna die, blablabla. This link shows the site is healthy: http://www.quantcast.com/uncyclopedia.wikia.com I think a little paragraph about it could cheer pessimistic people up. Mattsnow 13:48, January 13, 2012 (UTC)

WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:03, 13 January 2012

Indeed! BTW, congrats on archiving your talkpage! :) Mattsnow 14:06, January 13, 2012 (UTC)

PS: I crossed over to the French Uncy a bit to translate articles slowly but surely, and if you wanna see 50 edits on RC that spans for more than 12 hours be my guest... And French is a major language, so all that pessimism undermines this site that I love and is quite frankly, based on nothing but a lot of crap (not this site, the pessimism). Set the record straight, you beacon of... err you leader of... well you're some guy :D. Mattsnow 14:10, January 13, 2012 (UTC)

I can have a go at trivialising it appropriately. As far as I know a few people have come up with statistics showing this that and the other about our count of active users, numbers of visitors and so on. I'm not keen on relying on one that says our visits are at high levels just as I wouldn't be keen on relying on one that shows they aren't. You can prove 95% of things with a random statistic you know, and 70% of the time you don't even have to make up 40% of them! The upshot of this is that yes I'll have a go at writing something but I probably won't be adding any links to graphs/pie charts/mind smashes/thought showers on the subject. --ChiefjusticePSX 15:25, January 13, 2012 (UTC)

One good sign: I looked at the visit history to the uncyclopedia page on wikipedia, and it's gathering between 400-500 people a day recently, with some SPIKEs this month to 700. If the wikipedia page on uncy is being looked at, maybe that means at least 100 of those check in here every week. We may have as many as 10 readers a day! Anyway, the wikipedia count points to good things on a medium scale. Aleister 15:40 13-1-'12

I asked a random selection of the British public to name an online spoof encyclopaedia. Uncyclopedia was the 2nd most popular answer after Wikipedia. --Black Flamingo 16:47, January 13, 2012 (UTC)

OK Chief, I know you'll do the right thing as always, you beacon of rectitutude, you... fuck that. Mattsnow 18:21, January 13, 2012 (UTC)

Hoi, twatface

Wikipedia thinks you're a fucking retard. So do I – Preceding unsigned comment added by Filtered (talk • contribs)

Delightful to meet you. Have a look at our vanity policies and then come back to me, unless you've already thrown all your toys out of the pram and will never ever return, which I can live with. --ChiefjusticePSX 13:08, January 16, 2012 (UTC)

Your reason of Wikpedia having "not heard of me" had nothing to do with vanity. Vanity? I didnt mention a single one of the players you fucking retarded ape – Preceding unsigned comment added by Filtered (talk • contribs)

So would my mum, or indeed Codeine's mum have heard of your little football team? I did a spot of googling on the subject and most people seem to think Waspish to be the characteristic of: Readily expressing anger or irritation, as opposed to "one of the most debated team names in football history". Up the Wasps though, eh? It's also based in Devon, I went there on holiday once and it rained, so naturally I am prejudiced. --ChiefjusticePSX 13:19, January 16, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, it was a joke you thick fucking retard. Still, "little football team"? next time you're in devon let me know little man and we'll sort a match out. Cunt

If I can help it I will never visit Devon again. It's not on my way to the shops or anything. See you never! --ChiefjusticePSX 13:27, January 16, 2012 (UTC)

Hey, Filter'd deleted my scintillating commentary, which amounted to the the solitary word "lollzers." How dare the filthy little chum-bucket.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Jan 16 '12 13:26 (UTC)

I'm a cocksucking weirdo that has no power on internet encyclopedias

Be my friend? Pup 02:45 16 Jan '12

Always nice to meet a fellow cocksucking weirdo, let us swear eternal friendship. --ChiefjusticePSX 16:24, January 16, 2012 (UTC)

I have four other friends - want to join us in an internationally renowned football team that not even our local paper knows about? Pup 11:22 16 Jan '12

Absolutely, as long as it isn't gay or anything. We can be called either "The Cocksucking Weirdos" or, my personal favourite "The Fucking Retarded Apes". --ChiefjusticePSX 09:26, January 17, 2012 (UTC)

I like "The little men" myself. Pup 11:09 17 Jan '12

I heard that about you. --ChiefjusticePSX 11:17, January 17, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 19 January 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

January 19th, 2012 • Issue 154 • Remember to proofread! The red penis your friend!

We're all going to die! By Chief Death is coming. What's that noise? Death. Who's that at the door? It's death. Death will come for you, just as it is coming for Uncyclopedia, freedom and the American way. This week sees the UnSignpost tackling two issues, the first of which is SOAP. January 18th this year was in fact something more than simply another day where I contemplated suicide as I trudged to the bus stop in the cold. This year it was the big exciting SOAP protest day. Uncyclopedia won't stand for SOAP, nor will it take it lying down. Wikipedia spent a tremendous amount of time coming up with the idea of blacking out all their articles to protest against SOAPn and while the UnSignpost, as you are well aware, often shies away from making political statements on issues such as this but in this case feels compelled to condemn Wikipedia for racism. We submit to you that blacking out ones articles on a day of protest implies that black is a worse colour than white, which as we all know is racist. Denizens of the internet, rise up - let Uncyclopedia protest by whiting out all of its articles because the only way to protest racism is to be racist but in the opposite direction. This SOAP stuff may seem dangerous, but a quick scrub and it's like you never used it; plus you smell nice. What a massive fuss over some SOAP. Next thing you'll be telling us that some sort of internet censorship programme is passing through the US congress, what an outrage that would be! Uncyclopedia, unfortunately, ignored us completely for that special day. Our suggestion of the slogan "Don't drop the SOPA!" was met with universal disdain; we even swapped a couple of the letters around to make it more passive aggressive. Racism abounded in the SOAP forum, with users suggesting black-outs, black-ins and white-ups. That is, until Matt lobster suggested that we simply make fun of Wikipedia like we normally do, then there was voting and then there were pop tarts. In other news, Uncyclopedia has no users and we are all going to die unloved and unmourned thousands of miles from home. Unless the latest figures are to be believed! Mattsnow has produced compelling evidence that Uncyclopedia is not in fact doomed. Speaking on Tuesday, Mattsnow said: "You can prove anything with statistics, which is why I've compiled this list of statistics to prove the other statistics wrong!". Obviously we attempted to get in touch with Dr. Skullthumper, who usually reminds us all why we're doomed and usually has a plan involving deleting most of our articles to save us from the fiery unpopular-on-the-internet circle of Hell. Unfortunately the good doctor was out, but there was a note reminding us all that Uncyclopedia is doomed and that we shouldn't believe a word of what Mattsnow says. We leave you to reflect on these issues, with Socky's analysis of the situation: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!" Uncyclopedia turns the light switch off to protest Wikipedia's blackout. By Socky All through the wonders of css and js, Uncyclopedia did manage something after all in a last minute attempt to mimic Wikipedia. And, just like on Wikipedia, by doing something as simple as disabling Javascript, users quickly found they could turn the light back on. Or they could have added "//fuckThisSopaBullshit = true;" to their uncyclopedia.js, with Olipro to thank for that last one. Aren't you glad we're here to inform the rest of you what you should have done after the fact? We thought so too. In conclusion, OMG, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!

Check out these pages! Something about soap, I think. Lyrithya inquires about our opinion of Wikia. Someone gets exactly what they asked for. Puppy has a stubby thingy. From our logs: 04:20, 18 January 2012 Lyrithya uploaded a new version of "File:UN SOPA Splash Full.png" ‎ (*explodes*) 19:16, 17 January 2012 Roman Dog Bird huffed "Sam Suter" ‎ ("This article is not funny" And whose fault is that?!?! Go to your room and think about what you've done!!!!!!!!!) 00:26, 17 January 2012 Zombiebaron blocked Kırby with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here is that ban you requested) 23:36, 16 January 2012 MadMax protected "Worst 100 Things to Stick your Dick in" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) 13:24, 16 January 2012 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Filtered with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I would be delighted to sort out a match between me and your little football team. Then perhaps we could go for margaritas.) 01:58, 16 January 2012 MadMax moved Car to Automobile ‎ (revert) 20:06, 15 January 2012 Lyrithya huffed "Niggers in paris" ‎ (G11: Unambiguous advertising or promotion) 17:32, 15 January 2012 Zombiebaron huffed "Nuclear reactor" ‎ (A quick and painless death) 03:50, 15 January 2012 Lyrithya resurrected ChiefjusticeDS (Sorry... er, I'm calm. Totally calm. Backing away from the wiki, now. O_o) 00:18, 15 January 2012 Lyrithya huffed "Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Twilight (novel)" ‎ (Fine, ignore my review request. Go ahead and feature it instead. Jerks.) 02:12, 14 January 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked 208.54.5.159 with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Utilize some other wiki to come out of the closet, please.) 20:32, 13 January 2012 Romartus huffed "Jokes that might be funny" ‎ (Fails QA. Read the beginner's guide and HTBFANJS.) Biopic of the Week Today, I would like to draw your attention to User:Admin, the admin always mentioned in "From our logs:" in the initial draft of an UnSignpost, only to mysteriously disappear from the page after a couple edits. Admin has also managed to become the only admin with both no (undeleted) contributions and no admin rights to speak of. Let's hold a second of silence to honour this glorious achievement. Your cat To you know who you are: thank you for your cat. I never would have believed one person could be in keeping of so many so well-behaved animals, but then, I also wouldn't have expected you to be so easily rid of them. Did you even try calling the police? No matter; it's not like they would ever find me anyway. Or the cat. Such a lovely cat.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 15:05, 19 January 2012

Santhosh Pandit

The article that was deleted - what was the crux of the content? Anything redeemable about it? Pup 09:45 21 Jan '12

It wasn't particularly horrendous, the main reason it was deleted is because the person is not notable and seems to base a huge amount of value on being on internet encyclopaedias. Are you wanting a copy for your userspace or something? --ChiefjusticePSX 12:57, January 21, 2012 (UTC)

No. The guy is obviously a publicity hound, but the problem is that he is getting publicity. I wouldn't write an article on him, but I wouldn't delete an article on him either. I'm curious as to wether it was a vanity or a cyberbullying article, or neither. More curiosity than anything, and maybe a parody article later down the track that is more about wether or not he is worth actually having an article on. Pup 01:12 21 Jan '12

I'll email the text of the article to you. --ChiefjusticePSX 13:34, January 21, 2012 (UTC)

Oh - so vain. And the defence of the article on Wikipedia to me suggests the use of proxies, and the google ranking suggests a google bomb. SEO whore. Pup 01:42 21 Jan '12

If he's ever in Devon we should challenge him to a football match. --ChiefjusticePSX 13:48, January 21, 2012 (UTC)

If we told him it would be broadcast online, he'd accept. Pup 01:51 21 Jan '12

UnSignpost - 26 January 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!

January 26th, 2012 • Issue 155 • CAKE!

Phoning it in! By Chief That is exactly what I'm doing, I'm actually writing the UnSignpost from a phone, my phone, I'm not a thief or anything. As such it is a thoroughly miserable experience mitigated only by the feeling that nobody will be disappointed when, tomorrow morning, the UnSignpost arrives in the manner you have all come to expect. So what's happening on Uncyclopedia? I don't know, I'm still waiting for all the tabs I opened to load! It's Wikia's fault, I mean what the shit is this? I remember when I could use the internet on my phone from a car on a dark hill somewhere in the East Midlands and it wouldn't mean the complete lack of any functionality in the device. We won't see the like of last week again soon! I tell a lie when I say I couldn't start Uncyclopedia, I made it to the main page. Naturally I sobbed for ten minutes because I don't have any messages, much like I do in real life before realising that I wasn't logged in. Then I sobbed for another ten minutes when I realised that didn't make the slightest difference to the number of messages I had. So we have a feature, it looks excellent and I'm sure it is excellent voted on as it was by a Zombie, a dog and a man from Belgium! The forums actually loaded quite quickly on this brick with internet access that the people at HTC had the gall to refer to as "Quietly Brilliant". IMAGINE MY SURPRISE AT THE FIRST TOPIC: Forum:Fix the mobile site. I for one can attest to the truth behind this request; the mobile site is about as easy to navigate as a rave in a hedge maze, and slightly harder to find your way out of. Have a splendid week, I'm off now. As soon as I find the save button. Where's the save button? Found it. Zombiebaron By Not Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron.

I couldn't check out any of these pages! Miniluv! Names! Close? Names! Piggy. From our logs: 13:59, January 25, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.88.44.113 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (70.88.44.113 IS A SUPER MEXY BRO WHO EATS HIS OWN POO.) 02:26, January 25, 2012 RadicalX (Talk | contribs) blocked 216.66.161.179 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Not banned enough yet: Piss off.) 18:36, January 20, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Jamesnic911 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan ) Biopic of the Week John Fist is a no nonsense Cop who doesn't play by the rules, made famous in the film John Fist: A no nonsense Cop who doesn't play by the rules. He is also not an Uncyclopedia user. What a tremendous lapse. We'll have another go next week. Newsroom UnTune of the Week ' Disclaimer This is not late. You're just drunk. Really. And I'm totally not writing in random crap right now to make up for the fact that you ate all my cucumbers, because why in the nine hells would you have done that? You wouldn't have. Also, Illogicopedia is full of moose.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 08:26, 26 January 2012

UnSignpost - 3 February 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

February 3th, 2012 • Issue 156 • There might be wild hungry cows on the loose!

On Felonies And Awards By RAHB Hello. I was sitting in the study this evening, sipping imported white jasmine tea while reading Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus, Rachmaninoff's Symphony No. 2 in E Minor proudly flowing into the room by way of a full orchestra I had composed of Hungarian slave children I'd purchased on the black market, when it suddenly hit me. I realized that there should be a way to communicate to the Uncyclopedian community (as well as our friends down at the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who hold a free shrimp buffet every second Wednesday) that the yearly awards for 2011 had been recently voted on, tallied, and awarded to their respective award-winners. Then it hit me, again! "Reginald," I said to myself aloud, severely confusing the few English-speaking members of my illegal young orchestra, "Why not personally drive across the world in an old Ford Torino, spreading the excellent news to everyone?" This idea was bound to work. In short, it didn't work. I'd explain the whole sordid tale, but I need to leave room in this thing for the actual news itself, so without further adieu (I do, too), here are your 2011 "...Of The Year" winners. Writer of the Year - Black flamingo11 and Sog1970 Uncyclopedian of the Year - Zombiebaron Potatochopper of the Year - Lyrithya Useless Gobshite of the Year - Roman Dog Bird and Lyrithya (cheaters) Zombiebaron of the Year - Zombiebaron and Zombiebaron (Runner-up: Zombiebaron) Congratulations to all winners, formerly prospective winners, nominees who didn't have a shot in hell at becoming winners, and Virgil Gordon of the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who last week correctly guessed the exact number of jelly beans inside of the mason jar that was set out in front of the lodge. Unfortunately, no prize was associated with guessing that there were 592 beans in the jar, as it was not intended as a contest, but as a mere decoration. In the future, the lodge will explicitly state the purpose of all jelly bean-filled mason jars by way of a small cardboard sign propped up against the jar. The Top 10 Articles of 2011 voting is also finished, but all of them haven't been re-featured and listed yet, so we're not going to mention that we know the winners until next week. Thank you for your support By PIGGY Good morning, Uncyclopedians (or evening, or possibly afternoon, depending on where you happen to be when you happen to read this). It is with high honour and big words that I announce that I have the utmost appreciation for your fine community here; for all of the squabbles on discussion pages and intractable behavioural issues demonstrated therein, you all have yet again exceeded even the highest expectations. Yes, you had the courage and decency to support me in my quest for wiki-domination, elevating my to the position of sysop, an endeavour for which I am tremendously grateful. As much as it would please me to richly reward you all for this show of faith, however, I must regretfully inform you that as a sockpuppet and general test account of User:Lyrithya, I am not actually authorised to act in any capacity exceeding the plausible scope of productivity and the odd prank or two. My sincerest apologies.

Check out these pages! This seems dangerous... I told you it was dangerous! This is all that damn monkey's fault! Well, go on... Skyrim-related bans: Modusoperandi changed block settings for Lyrithya with an expiry time of 1 hour (Overcharging for empty soul crystals.) Modusoperandi blocked ChiefjusticeDS with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Failing to take advantage of the "rested bonus".) ChiefjusticeDS blocked Lyrithya with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (I shall set upon thee with my artificially increased smithing and enchanting skills. You shall perish beneath the world's largest stack of Iron daggers.) Lyrithya blocked GEORGIEGIBBONS with an expiry time of 32 seconds ‎ (How dare you mention Skyrim in my presense!) Lyrithya blocked Under user with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Oh, High Hrothgar, is it? You know what? I'll just take this opportunity to push you off the throat of the world... there's a nice glitched rock down there for you to get stuck in. ) Lyrithya blocked ChiefjusticeDS with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ ([1] - Seriously?) WP:ANI humour! Oh, I must have missed it when they changed policy so that we just take a suspected sockpuppet's word that he's not a sockpuppet. Raul654 (talk) 19:21, 2 February 2012 (UTC) That principle was established in 2010: [2] [3] SandyGeorgia (Talk) 19:28, 2 February 2012 (UTC) Something happened to the UnSignpost staff They all disappeared. What happened? Where did they go? Will there ever be any more UnSignposts after this? A diagram of a hammer: Anatomy

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:09, 3 February 2012

This makes me feel odd

UnNews:Police search for sceptical vandal. It is not a newsworthy item, and although there are no names attached, it reads as vanity to me. I'd prefer it to be deleted, but there is nothing wrong with it per se except for being stupid. Pup 01:29 03 Feb '12

Having had a look I agree that it's daft. That said since it doesn't reek of vanity I'd be inclined to give it the benefit of the doubt despite some quite obscure references. Just my appraisal after 16 hours at work (I had to get this excuse in somehow). --ChiefjusticePSX 21:44, February 4, 2012 (UTC)

I also spoke to Lyr about it. I'm not going to fuss too much as it's an UnNews. In a week or so I might put it up for VFD as it does suck, bit as it made it to UnNews main page it can wait. Pup 05:24 05 Feb '12

I knew I was right! I userspaced it at first, but the user was really pissed and it's an old user, he won the foolitzer prize at some point. I tried to have a 2nd opinion on IRC but nobody was there so decided to move the article back by changing the date to calm him down, I mean, I don't want to discourage people from editing and at that point I told myself "Well, maybe it's just me that don't find it funny." See the conversation I had with him. Mattsnow 08:47, February 5, 2012 (UTC)

I saw that convo after I'd had the couple of discussions. Pup 08:49 05 Feb '12

Anyway, good to see I'm not the only one to read UnNews. :) Mattsnow 10:55, February 5, 2012 (UTC)

I heavily edited this article, and I think I did it while this conversation was going on. Are you qll saying that this article, even after the re-write, is still VFD material? --ShabiDOO 22:35, February 5, 2012 (UTC)==

Utmost importance

I wrote something on Romartus' talk page while I had a brief moment of intelligence yesterday. It's about article huffing. Go read it if you want to see what happens when my brain is functioning properly (and maybe add to the argument!) Justice be with you. Mattsnow 13:35, February 7, 2012 (UTC)

My apologies for not coming back to you on this. I still haven't had a chance to look at it but I can do if you feel it desperately needs my input. --ChiefjusticePSX 10:00, February 11, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 10 February 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

February 10th, 2012 • Issue 157 • Ack! Ack! Ack!

Something happened this week. By RAHB Hello, Uncyclopedia. I don't think it's any secret to you all that something of utmost importance happened this previous week. Even with a coconut beer hangover, you'd surely be blind not to notice the far-reaching repercussions associated with this very important event that recently happened. Oh sure, I know there are those of you who believe that it really isn't all that big a deal. And there are those of you who will pretend to be aloof, and act like you know nothing about it. And, as always, there will be those of you who believe this is all simply a plot executed by the insidious Uncyclopedia Cabal (which does not exist) to try to crush the will of regular users, enhance power in the English quadrant, and advance their attempts at obtaining an M&Ms machine for the dump. We here at the UnSignpost would like to remind you that these claims are ridiculously unsubstantiated. Except, of course, for the bit about the M&Ms. In the coming days, the aftershock of these events will come to a screaming peak, as countless forum topics are created, talk-page flamewars are started, and before you know it we're experiencing a virtual Titus Andronicus effect being enacted upon our peaceful wiki. When asked for comment, Modusoperandi will say something unrelated, yet witty, and we'll all step back for a moment and realize what's happening to us. We will then continue on in our back-and-forth for an indeterminate amount of time, probably zombifying the topic several times over before it finally fizzes out later on down the line, then being re-awoken and used to adopt new site policy. This, in turn, will spawn a similarly detailed UnSignpost story, if we're still around by then. Personally I blame this all on the one who was holding the watermelon at the time. You know who you are. You disgust me. Shit Happens Editorial by a guy who has been exposed to shit for a long, long time Shit Happens all the time. Lets say ... you're drinking some kind of soda and it accidentally spills onto your shirt. Or you are biting on a burger when you accidentally choke to death but nobody cares. Or your penis falls off. Anyway, my point is, there are some negatives in life but you must learn to tolerate them .. especially when you're a fat ass who sits in your room spending your entire life consuming hotdogs and giggling at comedies on television while jacking off to classical fucks and trolling on the Internet which is absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. So always be positive, even when your balls drop off. Or your penis. Or even your cat. Because as you know, the World isn't fair ever since some dick with an ass of a triangle set foot on this Earth. So get used to life, and if you can, get used to the dicks who banned your ass and spammed your page which is also, absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. Oh, and always remember to stay on the bright side even if you are found lying naked with an underwear eight times the size of your penis and you get arrested, get thrown in jail, get beaten up by a kid who apparently isn't a kid and get castrated unintentionally while having a sandwich crammed down your throat trying to squat in a cell and you finally get out after 5 years only to get run down by an ass in a car and you get admitted to hospital but a doctor feeds you the wrong medicine and you rot away and die and you get dumped into the sewers. So remember kids ... always be posi-

Check out these pages! What? Yeah. Duh. Wow. Huh? From our logs: MrN9000 blocked 168.216.126.200 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(You need to use the toilet) Lyrithya blocked Zana Dark with an expiry time of 13 seconds ‎(I'd never blocked you. I felt left out.) Romartus blocked 86.12.164.5 with an expiry time of 6 months ‎(You have form sir. Six months living on moths for you.) RAHB changed block settings for Pisippo with an expiry time of infinite (Wonderful way to respond to a one-hour ban. I salute your arrogance.) RAHB blocked 86.186.208.180 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Yes, hello. Stop creating utter shite, please. Thanks.) MrN9000 blocked Eddie1334 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Although what you say may be true, you still get banned. Surprisingly.) Slime mold of the week: Stemonitis sp. Questions of the Week Q: Am I supposed to be in here? User: Haydrahlienne A: Yes, you can be in here as long as you want. Just don't touch the monkey. Or the cheese. And don't eat the last biscuit. Also avoid upsetting our editor as he has a temper and a shotgun under his desk....Actually, you should just go. Q: Have you answered all of the questions on this page? User:RAHB A: We don't know, why don't you tell us? (A paradox for a paradox. Ball is in your court RAHB) Custom box #4 of the Week Custom box #4 is quite the Custom box #4. In fact, not only has it been named Custom box #4 of the Week, but it's expected to be high in the running for Custom box #4 of the Year, if the other custom boxes start pulling their weight. Whatever the case may be, individual awards aside, there's not a doubt in any Custom box #4 enthusiast's mind that when, one day, Custom box #4 walks down the long and distinguished path of retirement, it'll be immediately greeted by the opening of the gate to the coveted Custom box #4 Hall Of Fame.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 10:22, 10 February 2012

I saw you were online...

...so could you change the wording of the site header from "There are only a few days left to..." to "Hurry! Sign up for tomorrow's 2012 Happy Monkey Competition!" or something like that. Thanks. And come play too! Aleister 14:00 10-2-'12

Pee review's reviewer unclogging

You can add me to the checking list of bots then if I meet all the requirements. I'm on my way to get the ph.D. :) Mattsnow 18:23, February 14, 2012 (UTC)

You do meet all the requirements, I'll add you in just a second. Make sure you know everything you need to do and get stuck in. --ChiefjusticePSX 18:25, February 14, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks, is there some kind of log I need to know about? For example, how did you know that a user just made his first one? Also, I won't forget to update the tables on the page. Mattsnow 18:33, February 14, 2012 (UTC)

If you get a review from a user you don't recognise do a search for their name on the page, make sure the PEEING proletariat and Retirees tables are both showing and if they aren't there then add them to the PEEING proletariat. If they're in the retirees section you can consider moving them out. There's no real log, at least there isn't yet; the "CHANGE IT AND ADD MENUS!" agenda will probably rend that happy state of affairs asunder before too long. --ChiefjusticePSX 18:37, February 14, 2012 (UTC)

Did you know that calculating averages can be done a little easier then (a + b + c... ) / x. If you have the previous average, and the number of reviews done to date, you can just do m_current = (m_previous * x_previous + s₁ + s₂) / x_current. Much simpler. Pup 10:25 14 Feb '12

Well I didn't want to dumb it down too much. --ChiefjusticePSX 22:37, February 14, 2012 (UTC)

You forgot to carry the 1, you fool! --Black Flamingo 23:03, February 14, 2012 (UTC)

I really need to put something together to make this easier. I've been planning to since before my hiatus. Pup 06:38 15 Feb '12

My sweet sweet sweet chief. How are you my beloved beloved Chief Justice? I'm hoping to find a replacement judge for the Happy Monkey Competition. Would you consider playing the role of guest judge? It merely involves assinging a number from 1 to 10 for each article and only if you feel like it, writing a sentence for each. Would you...my darling darling darling Cheif Justice? --ShabiDOO 23:21, February 16, 2012 (UTC)

Where do I go to do that? I demand links for my convenience. --ChiefjusticePSX 23:32, February 16, 2012 (UTC)

this is the score chart. If you are interested, I will replace your name with ONX who shows no signs of life. --ShabiDOO 23:35, February 16, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah I can do that. --ChiefjusticePSX 23:37, February 16, 2012 (UTC)

Okay. You are the sweet darling that people say you are. You don't have to justify your marks, the general spirit of the tournament is creativity, originality and clevernes, but you can mark the articles however you like. They were assinged the topics and had 36 hours to write. There are three noob entries and weve all been impressed with what they pulled off with difficult topics. If you do leave a sentence explanation for each article, put it on the "link to pee review". My darling sweet chief! --ShabiDOO 23:47, February 16, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 18 February 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now Delivered Trendily Late!

February 18th, 2012 • Issue 158 • This is the place to be for the end of the world show.

Important competition news By The Cabal (which doesn't exist) As you all are no doubt aware due to paying the utmost attention to that which goes on around you, there was a competition this week, or possibly last week, or at very least, at some point relatively recently. This competition was the 2012 Happy Monkey Competition, in which various contestants competed to do something possibly monkey-related. According to the sitenotice, it is wrapping up around now, waiting only for the judges to show up and do their damn jobs, or, as the case may be, leave already so the janitor can clean up; it's not the competition hosts' fault you're homeless, and it's not their job to provide you with shelter past the allotted judging hours. What the rest of you may be less aware of, however, is certain controversy that has inevitably sprung up about this contest. Allegations of unfairness in proctoring and judging and a general lack of effective organisation and topics have no doubt sprung up, as they invariably do with every competition. Complications have also indubitably arisen from the tendencies of certain individuals to simply do things without asking, and of others to ask first and then ignore the responses. Rest assured, for the cabal is watching, and all who disturb the order of things will be dealt with accordingly. MOAR PENIS By RAHB Penisman has been sorely under-utilized as of late. In fact, he's been sorely under-utilized as of recent, and sorely under-utilized as of the past while as well. I just have one thing to say about this... Prepare for World Domination By Oliphaunte After a pro-longed session of drinking high-quality whiskey and smoking imported Cuban cigars, the fate of the world was finally decided between the Oli brothers. The western world, under the dominion of the English Empire and her colonies, would come under the complete control of King Olipro, while the eastern world consisting of the USSR and the powerful nation of Monaco would come under the control of Head Commissioner Oliphaunte. The two leaders would then combine their powerful empires into one global superpower and conquer all the little nations with their armies of pirate robots and Flying undead pilots. After which, a spaceship made completely out of cotton balls and masking tape would be launched to conquer Mars, Saturn, Venus, Uranus, and Neptune. Not Pluto, though, because that's no longer a planet. Instead, the two Olies will construct a replica Star Wars deathstar, which will be painted completely blue to avoid copyright infringement with Lucasarts (George Lucas now owns nuclear devices and becomes unstable when his trademarks are re-created without permission), and will use it to blow up Pluto for the hell of it. The planets will then be under the jurisdiction of the top friends of the two Olies. Saturn will go to Zombiebaron, Mars will go to Lyrithya, Neptune will go to Black flamingo11, Venus will go to Dr. Skullthumper and Uranus will go to Mattsnow simply because he wouldn't stop laughing when we told him Uranus was conquered. Now that the plan and been decided and the gears are in motion, it's only a matter of time before the entire world is conquered by Uncyclopedia, and everyone will be forced to contribute at least one article everyday about how great their overlords, Oliphaunte, Olipro, and friends, truly are! Mwhahahahahahha. Ha? It was then that Oliphaunte woke up in a back alley somewhere in Atlantic City with a dozen empty bottles of whiskey, a bag a hemp, and a calling card for male prostitutes. There was also a note next to him that read, "You got drunk and threw up on my living room rug, so I flew you to Atlantic city, beat you up, and left you with a bunch of male hookers. Also, stole you Hageen-Daaz from the freezer. -Love, Olipro." Oliphaunte then realized that the plan for world domination was just a dream...Oh well, at least he has rollbacks now.

Check out these pages! Potatochopping. Who are you? WHAT THE FUCK! New Award of the Month. From our logs: Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked 90.217.205.53 with an expiry time of 2 hours (You're so hilarious I have to ban you for two hours.) Thekillerfroggy blocked Buffsfootball6 with an expiry time of 2 weeks (all due respect (none), but my fat friend is like twice as fat probably) ChiefjusticeDS blocked 142.227.189.60 with an expiry time of 3 Days (Inserting Vanity: and generally failing to cause me to laugh uproariously. ) Roman Dog Bird blocked 218.185.79.222 with an expiry time of 1 week (My dog could kick your ass and he's small.) Excuse of the Week Hi, it's Lyrithya. Sorry for not being around much; I got the bright idea to reinstall the operating systems on my laptops on Monday and that kind of killed all my spare time since. Well, that and the beading. Also got the bright idea on Wednesday to buy a whack-load of beads and try to turn them into jewellery. To that end, so far I've only managed to chemically melt some peacock feathers together, but I have high hopes for the rest of it. And on the plus side, KDE works. Sort of. It's kind of slow. On Windows, at least. Anyway, if anyone was wondering, this would probably be why nobody remembered to write the UnSignpost for this week until now. Other Excuse of the Week Hi, it's RAHB. Sorry for the UnSignpost being late, but my hard drive blew up this week. And then other stuff happened. This would probably be why I didn't remind anybody to write the UnSignpost for this week. A Word From Zombiebaron Nothing notable happened to my computer this week, and, therefore, I don't really have an excuse for this week's late UnSignpost. Well Hello. My Name is Oliphaunte And I now have rollbacks. What's your user protection level? None? Well, that must suck for you. I wouldn't know cause, well, I've got rollbacks. You know that ludacris song "Rollout"? Yea, that's essentially my life right now, but with rollbacks. You know what that makes me feel like? A badass. Why am I a badass? Because I've got rollbacks. My name is Oliphaunte and I approve this rollbacked message.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:54, 18 February 2012

Thanks

Thanks for the mini pee review on your comment on the Happy Monkey contest entry. After reading it I went back and reread the page from the pov of those comments, and saw a lot to be improved on. Very appreciated. BB made a new version of the bottom pic, very funny iHomophone of Richard Simmons. Thanks again. Aleister 1:44 19-2-'12

Any time mate. --ChiefjusticePSX 12:44, February 19, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks again. I too liked Icamehereinachoce's page, if he won I would not have been surprised at all. And a thank you for helping to keep the Happy Monkey contest alive and squirming in its cage. Aleister 12:00 20-2-'12

Once again

A big thanks for stepping in an judging for the Happy Monkey...and the constructive critiques as well! Cheers! --ShabiDOO 10:32, February 20, 2012 (UTC)

Review

Are you feeling in a reviewing mood? I was going to ask if you could hit Cloud gazing for me. If not, I'm happy to wait, but as you know I value your opinion. Pup 01:27 21 Feb '12

I'll try and have a look for you. Might not be today, but I'll definitely try and get round to it. --ChiefjusticePSX 18:59, February 21, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 23 February 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

February 23rd, 2012 • Issue 159 • FUS RO Journalism!

Softly softly, happy Monkey By Chief Now we here at the UnSignpost would be the first to admit that our coverage of the Happy Monkey Competition has amounted to less than the laser show of words that you were probably expecting. It is a sincere regret of the UnSignpost that it has been unable to provide any sort of meaningful coverage of a competition which describes itself as 'pure awesomeness' on its signup page. The competition successfully concluded this week and Aleister in Chains was declared the overall winner. We were privileged not to catch up with Aleister regarding this, and you shouldn't consider it either. In second and third were ICameHereInACloche and Xamralco, who lost slightly less than everyone else. For those who don't know how the scores for the Happy Monkey competition are calculated, it is by a simple process of getting the judges to rate an article out of ten in a table, much like this one, adding all their scores up, then throwing them in the bin and letting Shabidoo decide who the winner should be. The UnSignpost is very impressed with Shabidoo's ingenuity in overruling the opinions of his peers and stomping on the faces of his enemies. Those who enjoyed the Happy Monkey should take note of Shabidoo's next competition which he calls "Forced labour in a Salt Mine, while I eat grapes and sit on a deck chair". The competition has furnished Uncyclopedia with sixteen new articles. A splendid achievement; asked just how he had done this by Mattsnow, Shabidoo replied: "Raisins! Never underestimate the alure of raisins!". The UnSignpost fervently hopes that Dr. Skullthumper is still reading the UnSignpost so that he can take this knowledge and use it to save us from ourselves, a task he accomplishes at present by lurking on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel and successfully saying the word 'penis' more than anyone else. For the fans of long unbroken blocks of text among you, this week saw the arrival of this forum in which Thekillerfroggy sets out his agenda to sell Uncyclopedia to "the man" piece by piece. He also thinks that we should bring back cash prizes, introduce a daily editing charge and require that an article can only be featured on the front page if it also attempts to sell the reader discount Viagra. Finally an administrator who isn't afraid to say what we're all thinking: "When am I ever going to get some sort of financial return for editing this humour wiki?". The last word this week goes to Modusoperandi who asks: "Is there code to keep the ads and hide the pages?". The Forum By Chief TheHappySpaceman just can't wait for April Fools day. He's so desperately excited that he has started a forum in which we can all plot and scheme about just how we will take in the entire world this April 1st. ICameHereInACloche wasted no time in suggesting that we make Uncyclopedia good for April fools day and was, quite rightly, kicked down a flight of steps by Olipro, who pointed out that it's April fools day and not Christmas. The discussion is needless anyway since I have already decided that we should do absolutely nothing for April Fools day. Except, and here's the catch and the really clever bit, we make it look like we have. We'll all sit on IRC going "Lol" at all the plebs who arrive on the website going "OMG WHAT'S CHANGED???". Shabidoo wants to know what your name is! It's not creepy at all! There's a lot of discussion going on regarding huffing! No need to read any of it, just remember that you should FIX IT, DON'T {{FIX}} IT. Administrators take note, or PuppyOnTheRadio will come to your talk page and make you feel very bad indeed. The bad news is that BHOP still exists and TheHappySpaceman is using it to plug his very own award. He could least haven chosen something that Aleister might not win every month. In conclusion: don't go to BHOP. It's not nice there.

Check out these pages! Who knows? Who agrees? Who knew? Who dunnit? Who cares? From our logs: 15:54, February 22, 2012 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Right that's it. You are totally banned, and your services are no longer required on Uncyclopedia. (For the next 5 mins). 07:15, February 22, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird's anal leakage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Why don't we ever get any pleasant vandal usernames? Like "Roman dog bird's lovely petunias" or something.) 07:20, February 22, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman dog bird's lovely petunias (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Thank you.) 02:52, February 20, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Sergeant Stud Krug Againist Vandalz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Thanks for fighting against Vandalz, here is an early retirement) 23:06, February 18, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1234 seconds ‎ (For putting Penisman into the UnSignpost. MY EYES!) Biopic of the Week Just what is a "Cloche" and how does one come here in one? This question has troubled me ever since I decided that I must biopic ICameHereInACloche. It turns out that a Cloche could be many things. It could be the French word for Bell, but how on earth would this humorous fellow have reached the shores of Uncyclopedia in a bell unless the bell were pushed down a steep hill? A cloche can also be a horticultural tool for covering up vegetables, but it very notably does not come second in the Happy Monkey competition, nor could one get anywhere if one were covering up vegetables. Perhaps this writer of legend came here as part of the classical ballet movement: battement en cloche? It would explain all the dancing. The cold hard truth of the matter is that we don't know what a cloche might be, but we know that this user has come in one, but not in that way. All those who haven't should read this splendid article and perhaps his userpage if they have an abundance of free time. Readers are also discouraged from sending us examples of the things they have come in; we were almost killed by the last one. A message from Under user Now that I don't ban people, I don't get in the signpost much. solution: more people need to ban me. with good, funny, creative reasons. it's not much to ask, huh? BAN UNDER USER! Newsroom UnTune of the Week Stalker

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:45, 23 February 2012

Just a response to your column on the most recent UnSignpost

Hey Chiefy, BHOP isn't only edited by me, because technically this thread is part of BHOP and god knows that a bunch of other people also edit that page. Also, I'm going to redirect Forum:Perv of the month to the voting page, so if you want to delete it you may. BTW, Aleister isn't going to win PERVY every month, specifically because he can only win once a year. ~Pleb the magic! 00:46, 02/24/2012

Alright mate, I'm well aware that BHOP is used by lots of people, the stuff I say in the UnSignpost is usually massively exaggerated for comic effect. I don't want to delete anything that is there (except all the forums that RDB creates) or persecute you for starting a topic there. I hope that makes my stance on it a bit clearer. --ChiefjusticePSX 10:07, February 24, 2012 (UTC)

BHOP still exists? Pup 10:38 24 Feb '12

Who knew right? --ChiefjusticePSX 10:52, February 24, 2012 (UTC)

Are you feeling bad yet? Pup 11:11 24 Feb '12

Templates that don't work

This doesen't work. Why?--WELCOME TO UNCYCLOPEDIA HELL!!!! 12:21, February 24, 2012 (UTC)

How exactly are you planning to use it? In it's current form I can't see it doing anything amusing or useful, even if it did work. --ChiefjusticePSX 12:47, February 24, 2012 (UTC)

Using it for an Userspace article.--WELCOME TO UNCYCLOPEDIA HELL!!!! 12:55, February 24, 2012 (UTC)

You're trying to create an infinite loop. The parser is clever enough to not to allow it as it will kill the servers - user space or otherwise. Stop trying. Pup 01:15 24 Feb '12

You're using a template that uses itself to generate itself, repeat ad infinitum. That isn't allowed by the wiki deities. Also, FU edit conflict. --ChiefjusticePSX 13:18, February 24, 2012 (UTC)

Delete it now.--WELCOME TO UNCYCLOPEDIA HELL!!!! 13:26, February 24, 2012 (UTC)

Also, this kinda flies in the face of this. I have no problem with people having a differing viewpoint. I rarely take issue with much at all, but that I did find offensive. Please don't do it again. Pup 01:29 24 Feb '12

He has 6 hours to think about that now. Also, it's delete it please. --ChiefjusticePSX 14:23, February 24, 2012 (UTC)

User:Cajek/Pee

Hello! Just "judged" my first Pee Review and updated the tables, could you check real quick if I did it right? I'm quite sure I did, but eh... Mattsnow 11:27, February 25, 2012 (UTC)

See also my comment on Matt's talk page. Pup 12:25 25 Feb '12

I've added a note on Matt's page regarding that Puppy, in terms of actually checking the tables and updating them, it all looks fine to me; good start. --ChiefjusticePSX 12:41, February 25, 2012 (UTC)

Sorry

You know if I could have done them myself, I would. Also, I think that's the first time I've tried to edit when my account has been blocked. That was an oddly sad feeling. Pup 12:34 26 Feb '12

Not a problem good sir. I strive to make others suffer for me having to do the things that I have volunteered to do. --ChiefjusticePSX 12:37, February 26, 2012 (UTC)

Bugger

You may want to have a chat to Joe on his last 2 reviews. They seem to be a little less constructive then they should be. (And yeah, before anyone says it, I was wrong.) Pup 10:33 28 Feb '12

Not to worry, I'm wrong literally all the time. I'll have a look and see what can be done. --ChiefjusticePSX 12:00, February 28, 2012 (UTC)

You got a copy of Puppy's review?

Also, fuck Lyrithya. Cause I love you. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 06:18, February 29, 2012 (UTC)

If you're looking for a review that is a good example, then this one foots the bill quite nicely. The length isn't such an issue, it's the way he presents what he has to say that makes it good, he cites an issue, explains why it is an issue and then attempts to help the user fix it. I love you too. --ChiefjusticePSX 09:39, February 29, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 1 March 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

March 1, 2012 • Issue 160 • You are all about to die.

Nothing. By Magic man So I got up this morning, ate some breakfast and watched some television, ya know, just normal morning stuff. Then I decided it was time for me to check Uncyclopedia, as I do every day. So I walk over to my computer, turn on the screen and bring up Safari. I go to Uncyclopedia, log in and what do I see? Oh, I'll tell you what I saw. This thing that I saw was so terrible, I almost died. What I saw was... NOTHING. C'mon, guys, can't you do anything? Start a competition, a new exciting forum, even drama! Anything! I mean, I can't be expected to entertain myself, can I? And to any of you smart-asses out there who tell me that nothing is something in and of itself, shut up and go fall in a hole full of pointy objects; you know what that would be helping by telling me that? Take a guess. News? By Drunk editorial staff For those with eyes in their brains and mugs in their ale, it should be clear that all manner of very important things have been occurring in the news. Or is this the news? Well, you get the idea. Apparently Uncyclopedians, Shabidoo in particular, think there is something wrong with the site. While this is indoubti-bi-tubby the case, a more pressing concern we must bring up is this: has there ever been anything right with the site? Today the scare involves NotM, a highly prestigious award won by all the people who aren't here right now, and how it creates problems in regards to new editor retention, despite the minor issue that we would have to have new editors in the first place in order to retain any of them. Another scare involves the complete lack of sufficient delete votes on VFD, along with the fact that Sycamore wants to decrease the maximum number of active votes there to 14 when 15 would in fact be a much more round number, and to decrease the score required to delete things from 5 to 4, when 5 is also a much more round number. We suspect Sycamore just has something against round numbers, probably due to some childhood trauma or something, unless it turns out that these are the wrong notes and it was someone else who wanted to do all that. Everything's so blurry. In other news, Wikia broke the site again, our illustrious admins keep forgetting to update the feature queue, VFP is lacking an appropriate number of votes, containing only the nominations of three images by Zombiebaron, who demands that more people vote for them because pi is awesome, and Uncyclopedia needs more sharons. And I really need to lie down. Profit! By a representative of Murdoch press Profit! A word that has dogged Uncyclopedia, most especially those pages doomed to huffing, for years. A concept that we, as a community, have overlooked in our time, and need to bring the focus back to.  A user has recently pointed out that as a community, we are forgetting this one fundamental principle. Our growth - nay, our very survival - depends on this principle. We need to become part of the corporate machine to further our plans of world domination. To do this, we may need to advertise, and to pay for quality submissions. Now many of you may be afraid of this. Change can be frightening, and after all, our last venture into the world of capitalism has left us falling short of the desired funds to purchase the Ferrari promote the site in the manner we were hoping for.  The point is, ladies and gentleman, that profit, for lack of a better word, is good. Profit is right, profit works. Profit clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Profit, in all of its forms; profit for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And profit, you mark my words, will not only save Uncyclopedia, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you very much. Editor's note: This is most certainly not a veiled attempt by the resident money launderers to give them something to launder. The people want this. They already have a number of ideas relating to the promotion and growth of the site, and want your feedback so they can have feedback! Yes!

Check out these pages! Money? Normal? Possible? Sensible? Eh? From our logs: Romartus blocked GarethPW with an expiry time of infinite (Block test (no cause for alarm yet)) Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked 69.34.161.38 with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Try to be more original next time. Cocks and anuses are so cliché.) RAHB blocked Ormiston College with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (And the worst user account in the world.) Tom mayfair blocked Wikipedialyte with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Inserting true information) RAHB blocked 115.124.0.68 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't be a tit, please.) Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked 194.83.172.186 with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Could you come back a year from now and tell me if your IP is static? Then I can ban you for infinity next time.) ChiefjusticeDS blocked 58.170.123.142 with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Blanker. Now, because of you, a block that could have been used on a starving African child is being wasted. For shame.) Biopic of the Week This week's user's name raises many questions. Is a Vodkelpplant‎‎ a plant that grows Vodkelps? If so, what's a Vodkelp? Could he possibly have meant a Vodka Plant? If so, does he man a plant that grows Vodka, or a plant that makes Vodka? How many questions does his user name actually create? Why am I still talking like this? And most importantly, who killed Tupac? Anyway, while this guy hasn't posted on any talkpage, he's created a deluge of Undictionary entries. It's pretty hard to grasp how many he's actually made. Seriously, he can't be silenced! I mean, what an Imagination! If you think by 'a lot' I mean one, three, four, five, six or even forty, you're wrong; he's made many more than that. In fact, I think I'd even call him the titan of Undictionary entries. Alright, that's enough of that joke. But really, he's pretty cool. Go say hi on his talkpage, maybe his response to you will be the first time he ever posts on a talk page. That would be a reason to have a party. No, really, I'm done now. Newsroom UnTune of the Week Death Blood Kill Dude... Where'd my bottle go? Did someone steal my bottle? Oh, you... asscracks.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:22, 1 March 2012

Yoooooooo

ooooooyeah featuring on VFH has been pretty sporadic. I'll take responsibility for being a huge shit and dropping the ball on that. I talk about my philosophy for featuring over on that page I just linked inside "philosophy for featuring," but you do you. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 14:56, March 1, 2012 (UTC)

There was an instance earlier where Romartus was asked to fix this up, but was apparently unable to do so as he was unaware how to. Could one of you kind gentlemen guide him in the correct direction so that there is another body around who has the capacity to pick this up where needed? Pup 11:10 02 Mar '12

Wow!

You've had a busy month! Pup 11:07 02 Mar '12

I do some of my best work when I'm not actually here. --ChiefjusticePSX 18:03, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

Hail to the Chief!

Hello, Chief, I’d just like to say that I love your works on the UnSignpost. Personally, I think you’re the best regular contributor to the periodical.

With that said, could you tell me when you got your first big break and, looking back, what you think your finest moments and crowning achievements on UnSignpost were.

Please answer me on my talk page; and please don’t tell Lyrithya or RAHB anything I just said to you because they’d probably kill me. -Sir Matthew Philip Matthlock, Attorney at Law LLC, 1-800-MTT-HLCK (Give me a call!) 23:45, March 3, 2012 (UTC)

Since when do you rule the moon? respectfully,--CenterBack (talk) 17:50, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

Matthlock, are you writing a book or something? If so, it's about bloody time. CenterBack, I have always ruled the moon. --ChiefjusticePSX 18:40, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 8 March 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

March 8th, 2012 • Issue 161 • The most recycled periodical on the internet!

Vote for Change By Chief Frosty fixes IRC There have been rumblings on the wiki this week, and not just because someone in the UnSignpost office insists it is their human right to have three kebabs for breakfast. These are the rumblings of discontent, and they stem from the behaviour of several users on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel. Frosty was decent enough to create a forum in the Ministry of Love explaining his discontent with pretty much everything IRC. Those of you who are fans of long blocks of text with lots of unnecessary swearing will not be disappointed as Frosty delivers Uncyclopedia's first blockbuster of 2012. The crux of the issue is that the Uncyclopedia IRC channel is not unlike my back garden, dangerous to enter alone for fear that Olipro will burst from the undergrowth and verbally assault you before hiding in the shed. There appear to be several views on this issue, besides the obvious; the UnSignpost sat down with Socky to discuss how we could fabricate a quote from him this week and he didn't say "I propose that all who argue should be put to death". Determined not to be outdone when it comes to simmering discontent with our benighted wiki, Lyrithya weighed into the forum to say that she too was disgusted with the present situation and something should be done. It's both worrying and strangely comforting that you can always rely on her for this particular viewpoint. The rebuttal to all these dissenting views has been varied, mostly involving admitting that yes Olipro and Dr. Skullthumper are an acquired taste and that everyone should generally go back to the important task of deleting maintaining the wiki. Puppy fixes NotM Speaking of maintaining the wiki, it is with great pride and the greatest pleasure that we bring to you more reforms from the keyboard of Dr. Skullthumper, Uncyclopedia's lead innovator and blue sky thinker. He proposes that in order to make new users feel welcome we should abolish Noob of the Month. Don't look at us like that; it makes complete sense to me: new users plus no awards equals a better Uncyclopedia. That isn't strictly true, as PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that instead of having a system by which we award one user the award per month we stack the new users up and treat them as though they were articles on VFH. This will at least kill two noobs with one stone, as nothing proves quite so heartbreaking as having your first article stomped on and then thrown into the bin because it "Lacks cultural significance". You could then change to the VFN page and watch yourself be stomped on and then thrown into the bin because "His/her articles lack cultural significance". Users interested in this plan should report here and support Thrak Thrak the destroyer of Worlds: May his power endure eternally, praise be, praise be to use the name he uses in his welcome message. Dr. Skullthumper fixes Uncyclopedia Oh and in case you had forgotten, Thekillerfroggy still wants to sell Uncyclopedia to the man, man. Our pessimistic thought for the week goes to Electrified mocha chinchilla, who urges you to look on the bright side by saying: "Uncyclopedia will die if we do not make a conscious effort to expand our presence on the internet, thereby reaching a wider audience and attracting more contributors". So to conclude: WE'RE ALL DOOMED!!! THIS IS THE END OF DAYS! Happy Thursday! Conservation By Chief Only you can prevent forest fires, is what we would be saying if it was time for forest fire week again. It's not. Instead it is almost time for another Conservation Week! Unfamiliar with Conservation Week? Want to learn more? Why not head on over to the page and do a spot of reading? Or don't; trust that our summary of the rules is gospel and just start writing. Basically you rewrite articles so that they are no longer suitable for one of Dr. Skullthumper's templates of doom. Having completed your rewrite you gain a point, and you want to have more points than everyone, especially HauntedUndies, who is the Team Rocket of Conservation Week. Honestly, it's true. You can enter the competition for the low low price of ten English pounds, which goes towards oiling the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia. Your article should also contain at least two pictures of a Monkey, regardless of the subject matter. Well? What are you waiting for? HAH! False start; the competition isn't running just yet, and updates could come from anywhere, at literally any time. Check out the forum and await further instructions.

Check out these pages! Conservation Centenary Madness In-jokes Proposals From our logs: 12:19, March 2, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Fck cnt slt btch whre jrk-ff rttwlr wnk (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (We have a policy on vowel abuse here.) 00:01, March 4, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked 85.73.86.233 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Today you endure my ire at the fact the revision differences colors have changed. Rar.) 16:12, March 2, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 216.11.41.2 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (JUST LOVES AMERICA SO DAMN MUCH) 14:06, March 2, 2012 MadMax (talk | contribs) blocked 31.221.14.82 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (The "nicest guy any one would ever want to meet"? You sure have a funny way of showing it Nathaniel.) 05:49, March 4, 2012 Roman Dog Bird (talk | contribs) blocked R.A.H.B. (Roman A-dog Hunting Baron) (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (hahaha) 14:19, March 6, 2012 Black flamingo11 (talk | contribs) blocked 199.212.250.156 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Come back in three days and tell us more about swans, this time in more detail and without the all caps.) Biopic of the Week Yeehaw! It's time for biopic of the week and this week we'll be looking at a user whose username I cannot seem to say without speaking in a ridiculous American accent. It's Jonny appleseed. Now Mr. Appleseed has been hanging about Uncyclopedia since November last year, and in that time you probably haven't spoken to him once. Why? Because he has been prowling about on UnNews, you remember UnNews, the place where you haven't been since the last argument over what shade of brown the banner should be. Jonny has written 16 articles, and they are actually quite good; I thoroughly enjoyed the thirty seconds I spent speed reading through them. He may be quiet but his potential is great; I foresee great things for you, young Appleseed (be sure to say that to him constantly). If you happen to have a spare moment, the UnSignpost suggests that you go and greet this highly promising fellow and perhaps try reading his articles while speaking with a strong American accent. It's a right hoot. Old-school FA 22 March 2006 Nigeria, two days into launching its first census in 15 years, has found it has an estimated 40 million rich and desperate princes and generals in its population, the press secretary for President Olusegun Obasanjo said today. "We were indeed surprised at the amount of high-status people in this country with Swiss bank accounts from whom the government is trying to obtain millions of dollars," the press secretary said in an official statement. "In fact, we didn't know we had so many princes, much less ones eager to unload large amounts of diamonds." Newsroom UnTune of the Week Sevenfold RAmen Public Service Announcement Users are warned not to send correspondence to their home address regarding the following edit: 21:47 HowTo:Persuade your husband‎ (diff | hist) . . (+1) . . Aleister in Chains (talk | contribs) (a couple of minor tweaks, nothing to write home about)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:21, 8 March 2012

The Unsignpost of this week

Is simply hilarious! Good job. Mattsnow 01:13, March 8, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah...it was stellar. --ShabiDOO 02:04, March 8, 2012 (UTC)

Interstellar. --Black Flamingo 10:37, March 8, 2012 (UTC)

 For. MrN 10:59, Mar 8

I think my edit improved it dramatically though. Pup 11:05 08 Mar '12

Yeah, snaps. To Chief. Just Chief. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 17:24, March 8, 2012 (UTC)

VFD

If an article has a construction tag on it, but the creator and only contributor have been banned and the article qualifies for VFD, does it make a sound? --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   17:03, March 10, 2012 (UTC)

If it has a construction tag on it then it should still be eligible for QVFD. VFD is a bit drawn out for an article like that. If you could link me to the relevant article I could make a more informed decision. --ChiefjusticePSX 19:20, March 10, 2012 (UTC)

This for example. I'd rather just put it on QFVD than do the nice thing and move it to the person's userpage, but I 'unno. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   19:30, March 10, 2012 (UTC)

It's IP created and definitely QVFD material. It is easily recoverable if they make an account and want it back. --ChiefjusticePSX 20:23, March 10, 2012 (UTC)

Very good, thank you. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   00:42, March 11, 2012 (UTC)

WTF

What's with the 5-minute block? --Qzekrom blocked <insert name here> with an expiry time of indefinite (account creation blocked, cannot edit own talk page) 22:05 10 Mar '12

Vigilance. --ChiefjusticePSX 22:06, March 10, 2012 (UTC)

That just made no sense. What did I do? -- Cute Zekrom! _{Use Fusion Bolt NOW!! • It's super effective! 22:08 10 Mar '12}

It was a joke-ban stout fellow. It was not an attack on your principles/beliefs/favoured cold beverage. I just read your forums and it seemed apt. --ChiefjusticePSX 22:12, March 10, 2012 (UTC)

Okay...? Just remember I'm a real-live Legendary Pokémon. -- Cute Zekrom! _{Use Fusion Bolt NOW!! • It's super effective! 22:39 10 Mar '12}

I can't use the IRC either because it doesn't work in Chrome. -- Cute Zekrom! _{Use Fusion Bolt NOW!! • It's super effective! 22:41 10 Mar '12}

I use Chrome and it works perfectly fine. Although recently I downloaded an IRC client which is far superior. Hi, Black flamingo here. --Black Flamingo 00:06, March 11, 2012 (UTC)

Review table thingy

I figured I'd give it a shot. Stupidly over complicated. How did I do? Pup 11:10 10 Mar '12

Seems to be fine, remember to update the most recent reviewer at the bottom of the table after you add their score on. Otherwise absolutely fine. --ChiefjusticePSX 23:54, March 10, 2012 (UTC)

Proton Uncyclopedia

Excuse me mr. admin, please stop vandalising the Proton (cars) page http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Proton_(cars). What you are doing is unfunny and stupid. Thank you. This is a malaysian carmaker, perhaps you might not understand it, but much of it contains real information. Yes, Malaysia is that weird. I sincerely hope you would not try to dumb down uncyclopedia for the Malaysian people's enjoyment. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Bmw523i (talk • contribs)

Reverting me, calling my edits unfunny and stupid, at the end of this path success does not lie. When your ban expires perhaps you could try again, this time by treating me as you would wish to be treated in return. --ChiefjusticePSX 13:36, March 12, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks

For all that work, you can have this funky new template!

Er... Ah... Um... Pup 02:31 14 Mar '12

You are always welcome good sir. Also, I hope you aren't thinking of leaving; with my current reviewing policy of one article, one month I don't think I'd ever catch up. --ChiefjusticePSX 14:34, March 14, 2012 (UTC)

I know. And I'm leaving it in a huge mess. I've done the obligatory TL;DR as well. Pup 02:37 14 Mar '12

Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:PuppyOnTheRadio/mathematics

I'm too heavily involved in this one to be impartial in saying it's a good 'un. I would like more detail, but he's put a fair bit of detail in, and given constructive criticism. Your thoughts? Nominally Humane! 09:02 19 Mar

Yeah, I'd say it's good enough to be considered in-depth. It's only his third and we all struggle with articles we personally enjoy, they are infinitely harder to critique than the really bad ones. If you want more detail I'd be happy to have a look at it this evening when I'm not misusing the computers at work. --ChiefjusticePSX 15:22, March 19, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for the offer, but I might leave it until I actually get the article complete. At the moment I've had praise from a couple of areas. I think I'm on the right track, which is the main thing I was questioning. Nominally Humane! 09:48 19 Mar

Okay. It's now done, for the most part. I've stopped adding the images into the sections as I started to get images that were already on here, and now I'm thinking I'd be better off stealing the images from Wikia. If you have an opinion of that I'd appreciate it. And also it needs proofreading, but I'm holding that back until I know that the content works. I could possibly add two more sections on the branches of mathematics (there are two more on the Wikipedia article) but I don't know that it can sustain the length. As it is it's damned long. If you could review I'd appreciate. Feel free to review and/or make any edits you see fit. Nominally Humane! 02:10 20 Mar

The Pea Buddy Awards

WOW! A brand new UnNews competition and we need you! Either prepare yourself mentally for the severity of the trials (don't sign up just yet, you cheat!) or commit your soul as a judge right now. May the Lord shine his blessings upon thee! Mattsnow 00:36, March 20, 2012 (UTC)

Forum:Let's see who's been dodging the INS the longest

It's not been edited in a long while, I wanted to update it a bit, but there's the "no editing" stuff. It's kinda cool to keep track of this, can I edit it anyway or will it send the wiki in a nosedive, panic ensuing, causing massive death? Mattsnow 11:02, March 20, 2012 (UTC)

*nonchalant whistle* Nominally Humane! 02:01 20 Mar

That one has a bit of a free pass when it comes to the rule about not bumping old forum topics. We don't mind if you bump one that is still relevant, it's when people bump ones from 2 years ago because they added a category to it that we become peeved. Cheers for clearing it up in the meantime POTR. --ChiefjusticePSX 23:49, March 20, 2012 (UTC)

We could probably adjust the forum header template so that for forums like this one we can add a noedit=off thing. Code-wise it would be very easy. It's just policy-wise whether it would be a good idea. Nominally Humane! 11:56 20 Mar

AAN RQ

Adopt me plz

Why don't you complete it?

Hey, since you removed the construction tag from the pool boy article, why don't you re-write it? I've been trying to re-write it, and I did, up to the "types of pool boys" part, but I don't think I did a good job re-writing. If you have any concept you want to put in there... just saying. J.D. Soufi 19:36, March 27, 2012 (UTC)

I removed the tag simply as I was going through the maintenance list, that one had expired, the article looked fine, so it came off. If you're wanting my input on the article specifically I'll definitely have a look when my next day off rolls around. Sorry if I am unable to help before then. --ChiefjusticePSX 23:40, March 27, 2012 (UTC)

Say, Chief

Are you British? User:Matthlock/sig 04:48, April 1, 2012 (UTC)

Indeed he is. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Apr 1 '12 5:14 (UTC)

File:Beer milkshake with an ice cream scoop.jpg

A Guinness milkshake with an ice cream scoop, a sparkler, and a Union Jack, as requested several years ago by the Chief.

UnSignpost 5 April 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now a major monopoly run by Xamralco

April 5th, 2012 • Issue 162 • Xamralco edition

Xamralco By Xamralco Hello, fellow Uncyclopedians. It is I, Xamralco, here to tell you that I have temporarily taken over the UnSignpost. However, being as inexperienced as I am, I have no idea how to put an UnSignpost together. Thus, for today, the UnSignpost will be about me, the greatest Uncyclopedian ever! More Xamralco Also by Xamralco Look, I know I'm awesome. My mom knows I'm awesome. Even my kindergarten, first grade, and ninth grade teacher, Mrs. Matthews, knows I'm awesome. It's just a fact, but I'm all about being fair, so lets see what the people say: “Ehh... He's alright.” ~ Pretty much everyone on Xamralco I guess "alright" is now a synonym for "Soooooooooo freakin' awesome." Who knew? Even More Xamralco Still by Xamralco I am super, duper rad. I know no one says that anymore, but I'm bringing it back. It is Xamralco who brings back the rad fads. Xamralco will also bring back talking in the third person. Xamralco loves talking in the third person. I sometimes enjoy talking in the first person, but you find talking in the second person far more fulfilling. Still, Xamralco thinks talking in the third person is quite entertaining. Must fill up blank space By Xamralco Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Crap, that wasn't enough By Xamralco How does ChiefjusticeDS make it look so easy? Oh well. Xamralco out!

Check out these pages! User:Xamralco User talk:Xamralco Special:Contributions/Xamralco User:Xamralco/sig User:Xamralco From our logs: 10:07, April 5, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) uploaded "File:Cartoonsushi.png" 10:07, April 5, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) uploaded "File:Japanflag.jpg" 16:44, April 4, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) uploaded "File:0303 hilary duff b.jpg" 17:05, April 3, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) uploaded "File:Rick cross.jpg‎" 18:11, April 2, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) uploaded "File:Rickhalo.jpg‎" Biopic of the Week Xamralco first proved himself worthy of being bestowed the title, "Honorary Human Being" by the Queen earlier this year after doing some really awesome stuff. He has joined Uncyclopedia only to become the most beloved editor in history. Fellow Uncyclopedians, NotXamralco and Xemrelco (which have no relation to the person in mention) have even called him a "comic genius," and he has been awarded tons of real awards, including "Xamralco of the Month," "Xamralco of the Year," and "Xamralco of the Week." Old-school Talk page Hello, Xamralco, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you: Beginner's Guide Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends How to be funny and not just stupid If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these: About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia How to get started editing on Uncyclopedia Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date. (more...) Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Xamralco Song Xamralco is cool Which is why he's writing about how cool he is.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)    20:32, Apr 5

Nintendo DS

As it was within a minute of the page creation, I figured it may have been a couple of test edits as he started, and to give him a chance to do a bit more. He didn't. Nominally Humane! 08:20 07 Apr

And as an aside - do you mind if I take back the reigns of USP for a while again? Nominally Humane! 10:45 07 Apr

By all means mate, I'm struggling with it as it is, if you can resume regular service then you are absolutely welcome. --ChiefjusticePSX 15:02, April 7, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost

Are you done doing the UnSignpost? If you are, can I please take it over? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 01:45, April 10, 2012 (UTC)

Ahem. ^^^^^ Nominally Humane! 03:57 10 Apr

NO PICK ME (This is a joke...) ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 04:00, April 10, 2012 (UTC)

Actually, I'm happy for Xam to take it on. I've been meaning to do a few minor tweaks to the way it's put together, but the only reason I was going to take it was that I've done it before, and I prefer it to come out weekly. I might have to make it a little easier to edit though. Nominally Humane! 05:15 10 Apr

Wow, I can't read worth shit! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 15:07, April 10, 2012 (UTC)

March top 3

It's ridiculous how low the number of votes are, as you can see: Uncyclopedia:Top10 12/Mar Maybe a header telling people to go vote would be great? Mattsnow 10:24, April 10, 2012 (UTC)

thanks

thank you for contacting me, i have decided since i'm making a good contribution and editing in good faith, and i'm not the one whose vandalizing, or douchingly/ pointlessly deconstructing *ahem* *magicman* *cough* i am going to kkeep my article.

Just a point, reverting other users, especially administrators is never a good idea and it's a bad habit to get into. You shouldn't make assumptions that Magic man is vandalising the article without speaking to him, that is editing in bad faith. He's a nice bloke and doesn't normally vandalise articles so it would be worth having a word with him, even if you started the article. Nobody owns articles on Uncyclopedia and nobody has exclusive editing rights. I'll let it go on this occasion but please don't do it again. --ChiefjusticePSX 06:36, April 11, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - Free Pixels Inside!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Apr 12th, 2012 • Issue 163ish • The newspaper used as insulation by discerning homeless

Nobody panic. Everything is fine. By PuppyOnTheRadio In a precedented move, USP has handed the reigns over to somebody new in order to ensure it's timely delivery. USP has had a fine tradition of coming out regularly on a weekly basis since it's creation, and the handing of the reigns to Xamralco PuppyOnTheRadio whoever is willing to take it will guarantee that nobody will ever miss an issue again. In the meantime, the news continues to happen. VFH is in the healthiest state that it has been over the past 7ish years, as we are constantly reminded by the site banner, which is updating as regular as clockwork. The top three features articles of March is proving to be a hotly contested title, and is shaping up to be the first month in history where every article is likely to be in the coveted top position. And we have a strong consensus that there is no need for new admins, however we have a record number of potential admins nominated. Everything is fine.  More Stuff By Xamralco Sadly, I will no longer use the UnSignpost to talk about how great I am. Instead, the UnSignpost will return to its original purpose: Telling you about what's happening on the wonderful website known as Uncyclopedia. As Puppy mentioned before, ChiefjusticeDS has left his position as head editor and all hell has broken loose everything is running quite smoothly. In other news, the Great Republican Write-a-thon is coming to a close. If you haven't heard, a Canadian dude and some schmuck who knows nothing about American politics are co-hosting a writing competition that will assess which team of Uncyclopedians can write a better article about a selected 2012 Republican presidential candidate nominee. Strangely, these same two doofuses have also submitted an entry, something which most certainly should have been against the rules. Nevertheless, articles on all four candidates were put up on VFH (which is serving as a judge), though the Mitt Romney article immediately failed since no one bothered to rewrite it (which is mildly entertaining considering he's leading at the moment). And now, some cheese: No, that wasn't random... Everybody panic. Nothing is fine. By Magic man In an emergency spur-of-the-moment move, the USP has forced the burden of writing it each week onto another innocent soul in order to ruin their lives like so many others. USP has had a fine tradition of not coming out since 1974. USP has decided to hand the blood-stained reigns to dick-hole ass-face whoever it is forced upon in order to guarantee it will never come out again. In the meantime, the terrible news continues to depress us all. VFH is running as slowly as the plumbing in my house and actually has negative six entries. However, the site banner seems to want to shove lies down our thoats. This is probably on account of the fact that it is only editable by lying, cheating, inbred bastards that can't seem to update the fuckin' thing. The top three featured articles of March is proving to only be winnable if you suck the right person's dick, and is shaping up to be just like all the other months ever: uninteresting. And a record number of people were forced to vote that they want more narcissistic assholes, however not one single person has been nominated, as there are no users left. Nothing is fine.

Check out these pages! Zombiebaron There is a cabal Wikia can't touch this █████ From our logs: 22:06, April 10, 2012 PuppyOnTheRadio  (Talk | contribs) blocked Xamralco (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Trying to steal USP from me) 22:06, April 10, 2012 PuppyOnTheRadio  (Talk | contribs) blocked Xamralco (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Hang on... I can't block you. ) 22:06, April 10, 2012 Xamralco (Talk | contribs) blocked PuppyOnTheRadio  (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinity ‎ (No you can't. Bwahahaha!) Biopic of the Week PuppyOnTheRadio should be mentioned in here, as he used to write USP for a short period while UU was away, before he came back and Chief took it over. But he is a talentless hack, so ignore him.  Word of the week, provided by: a user Xamralco 1: (n) Someone who takes a post that somebody else has already volunteered for 2: A publication produced with excessive mention of one individual.  Newsroom UnTune of the Week I Like Cats (The Other White Meat) This is the end of Xamralco references in the UnSignpost We wouldn't want to take away Zombiebaron's thing after all. What's in the stars this week Pisces In your stars this week is a significantly large mass of plasma burning at extraordinarily high temperatures. They are held together by immense gravitational force and continue to burn as a result of a significant nuclear reaction. Due to their distance from the earth however most of them look like tiny pinprick points of light in the night sky, and are not visible during the daylight hours due to ambient light. Celebrity stars Vincent Van Gogh painted a starry night, but he was crazy and put lots of odd swirls in things. Lucky numbers 1, 7, 10, and 13 are all happy numbers, which is lucky for them.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:44, April 12, 2012 (UTC)

Rick Santorum says, "Thanks for the vote."

-- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:21, April 13, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost 19th April 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

Apr 19th, 2012 • Issue 10² + 8² • Fuck Xamralco and his deadlines!

9001(bot)  14:47, Apr 19

Template:Featuredarticle/queue

I don't know if you meant to do this, but you put India down as being featured on the 22nd, and now there are two articles being featured on the "Today's Featured Article" part of the Main Page. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 13:32, April 22, 2012 (UTC)

He meant to do it, that Chiefjustice is such a joker right Chief? --Black Flamingo 13:49, April 22, 2012 (UTC)

Yes obviously, ha ha ha ha. Oops --ChiefjusticePSX 17:19, April 23, 2012 (UTC)

Expired ICU tag

See Mark Zuckerberg and Mark Zuckerburg (redirect). The ICU tag on this page has expired. What are you going to do about it, Chief? -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 23:13, April 24, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost Apr 26th 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

Apr 26th, 2012 • Issue 165 • In a state of total chaos since March 8th!

VFS Excitement! By Chief Hah! You thought you were rid of me didn't you? Thought you'd be rid of old Chief like you were rid of Mordillo?? Well I have news for all of you, which is exactly why I'm writing this story, because I have news for you! Those of you who have spent the last month wearing buckets on your heads will undoubtedly be unaware that there is a VFS going on on the VFS page, where the VFS happens! It would seem Uncyclopedia's demand for administrators is only eclipsed by its demand for Frosty to stop going on about wanting more administrators. The VFS is now in its final stage and the admins are all voting on they would most like to not unsee as an administrator next month. Leading the pack at the moment, with a whopping four votes, is EMC, running on the ever popular "Oh go on, please, after all it is a lovely day" ticket. Hot on EMC's heels is PuppyOnTheRadio, whose voting section is filled with discourse about how unhelpful and blunt he is, mostly from Lyrithya the head of Uncyclopedia's "Never Forgetting, Never Forgiving department". With the qualities she describes the UnSignpost confidently forecasts that Puppy will claim adminship and bring his sunny disposition along with him. Dragging his heels in third position is Frosty, who has three for votes, one oppose vote, one haddock vote and a pencil drawing of a windmill. We are guessing that he is in third, since nobody really knows. Assuming that haddock votes are similar to oppose votes and assuming that oppose votes are like against votes one can deduce that he is on a score of one, however should the judges decide the windmill is worth ten Salmon votes, there could still be all to play for. Frosty is also an administrator at Encyclopedia Dramatica, the wiki which proves you don't need to be able to spell Encyclopaedia in order to start one. Perhaps they are mocking the correct spelling. But we digress, it is evident that Frosty's entire persona on this wiki s a mere front for a plot! We have clearly uncovered a dastardly scheme to destroy Uncyclopedia, especially with the damning evidence presented by MrN9000 "23,450 edits maintained over a period of longer than a year all just to stage 1 days fun". He's disgusted and you should be too. Frosty, if that is his real name, was clearly dead set on not having his true intentions revealed. People of Uncyclopedia, the UnSignpost urges you to seize your torches and pitchforks; we shall burn and stab the demons out of him! Bringing up the rear in this race are Oliphaunte and Xamralco with no votes each despite everyone agreeing that they are splendid fellows, everyone except Lyrithya that is. VFS concludes at midnight on the 30th when the successful candidates will be inducted into the order and the unsuccessful candidates go back to having real lives. How exciting. Happy Thursday! Even more VFS Excitement! (The VFS Derby) By Shabidoo The horses have been chosen and the judge shoots his big giant black gun. POW, they're off. The Aussies take the lead thanks to RAHB while EMC inches ahead with the support of the zombie faction. Its a three way lead until...look...EMC and Frosty are ahead due to...who is that guy? Tom Mayfair? Seriously, who is he? Suddenly, Xamralco is....he...he is still in the same place... due to "support" from Lyrithya. MrN throws in all his votes. WHAT A RACE! Puppy inches ahead and now...look...another impossible to interpret move. EMC will stay where he is with a "neutral" vote by Lyrithya. Could this be any more exciting? And the first casualty, Frosty breaks his leg and falls back due to a very long block of explanation but he keeps going. Gosh that trooper! And...whats that...Chief makes an actual decision sending Puppy ahead. What's next!?!? And now...a total of four horses are..."supported" by Lyrithya...keeping them in the exact same place they were before! Followed by a giant monumental block with links and references shatters Puppy's leg...and he lags behind, can he keep going? Hey...a score fix. Puppy is ahead after all...thanks TKF for the correction! Lyrithya withdraws her "support" for Oliphaunte...meaning he no longer stays where he is...but instead...stays where he is! Remarkable. What a frenzy. Now an exchange between TKF and Lyrithya...resulting in...no change at all...and the fans are waiting for anything...any result at all. The Australians in the lead while the others are content with "support", "neutural" votes or "neutural support"! BF takes a stand and EMC shoots ahead that strong buck he is! TKF calls fowl on Mr.N and the judges decide that "no one cares". Romartus injects EMC with steroids pushing him ahead while he breaks Frosty's other leg due to a shocking "conflict of interest" scandal. Who saw that coming? Anything goes in the VFS derby! Now its bedlam...some punch the wind out of horses by withdrawing their "for"s or break horses leg by changing to "against". What a 360º. Horses fall left, right, centre while everyone tries to figure out what everyone else is doing. How intense! Not since the VFS derby of 2011 have we seen this scale of flip flopping! And now Zombie decides to hold onto his crowbar so he can break a horses leg if he threatens his favourite candidate. Others give horses a push ahead while others throw grenades strategically at other horses. It seems everyone is playing a game of chicken...waiting to see what the other person does. We are heading towards the final run, a grand all out cage fight. The two horses with the least broken bones crawling towards the end. Tune in next week to see if any of these horses cross the line before dying of internal injuries. Will someone make an actual decision in the next day or two! Keep your eyes posted!

Check out these pages! Are you a slut? Find out now! Count with total strangers for the low, low price of $19.99! Vote on your favorite dictator! Eat some Nutella! From our logs: 06:15, April 24, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked BangYouLater (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 69 months ‎ (An internet-based porn website? How innovative.) 01:20, April 22, 2012 RabbiTechno (talk | contribs) blocked KeenChic (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (It's only a one-day ban because I've just had a fat line of drugs and am therefore in a good mood) 19:57, April 23, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 156.26.170.101 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (On the route to Nirvana edit warring is not Swindon that way lies) 18:54, April 17, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Owfinewf (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Cybermullet, go away. ) 06:52, April 25, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked 98.220.243.133 (talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Spam man? No thank you mam. ) Biopic of the Week Qzekrom (or Cute Zekrom if you pronounce "Q" incorrectly) is by far the best Uncyclopedian who is also a pokémon (Sorry, Mr-ex777). Originally an evil IP who refused to join, Cute Zekrom finally did the right thing and made an account, which is great for us since all he does is patrol recent changes, ICUing and QVFDing like a madman. Oh, and he writes UnNews, further spreading his liberal/conservative propaganda to all. Sadly, Cute Zekrom only has 100 HP, which allows my Burmy to completely annihilate him. Plus, everyone knows that Yu-Gi-Oh! is really where it's at... Or Digimon. Digimon's pretty cool, too. Old-school FA 23 June 2006 Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves. The series was noted for its recurring themes of theological introspection, philosophical anthropology, the study of the nation-state, and use of cardboard boxes that could turn into any machine they wanted it to. The series confused many, as Hobbes himself was not born until 1588 - some 40 years after the show last aired. This seeming anachronism was explained by the fact that only Calvin could see Hobbes - leading to debate over if Hobbes was real or merely a figment of Calvin's imagination. (More...) Newsroom UnTune of the week I Forgot the Words! The Pee Buddy Awards! They deserve more attention than they're getting.

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9001(bot)  00:44, Apr 26

you

edit conflicted me. You will pay, pay I say! There will be blood shed for this, mark my words! (Frosty also appreciates the vote) ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:50, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

You rolledback my hilarious change to your userpage a couple of days ago. I swore revenge and, now that I have edit conflicted you, the souls of my ancestors may know rest. --ChiefjusticePSX 10:52, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

oh yeah that. Isn't there a ban reason about reverting admins. I hope nobody saw that >_> ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:53, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

Ha

Ha Lol. Dam police. MrN 19:19, Apr 26

Totally. --ChiefjusticePSX 12:54, April 27, 2012 (UTC)

NOTM

I don't know if you know of the new rules for this, does it mean we have to wait a month from the nom date to see if the person has the required number of votes, or when the vote is atteined, bingo, he/she gets it? I'd be willing to do the mechanical job of giving the award, archiving and all, since I'd like to contribute to your great site but am too damn tired to think of something to write. What say you, O Judge Dredd? Mattsnow 21:05, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

The idea is that once the 5 vote is attained they get it, but leave it up for the month anyway do people can meet them and stuff. Whoever gets it in the previous month gets a write up on the front page - so there could theoretically be several winners over a month. And nobody seems to care. Nominally Humane! 10:03 26 Apr

The last time I checked it didn't look like we have a Noob of the moment award to give out. I was going to give them out a few days ago and didn't for that exact reason. A write up on the front page is the easiest part of that, and we could possibly work something out with <choose> tags. If we have an award to give out then I'd say that we shouldn't delay giving it out, if we don't then we should get one, and then not delay. --ChiefjusticePSX 12:59, April 27, 2012 (UTC)

I was just going to use {{NOTM}}, but change it a little (ie, where it says Month make it say Moment). And maybe call it {{Noob}} to differentiate. Nominally Humane! 01:08 27 Apr

Sounds fine to me, I was going to do that myself, but I was afraid people would laugh at me. --ChiefjusticePSX 13:18, April 27, 2012 (UTC)

I'm used to it. I've think I'm likely to become an admin soon, by the way. I'm being criticised by my peers, had my user page vandalised, and doing stuff that is barely noticed but highly useful. Nominally Humane! 01:33 27 Apr

OK, err.. I don't really get it, so I'll leave that one to you, Chief! I'll go patrol the East side, where all the niggas are at. Mattsnow 08:57, April 28, 2012 (UTC)

Please add interwiki 'nn

Please add interwiki 'nn'. Site is http://ikkjepedia.org/wiki/ --아라는 다 알아 (talk) 03:33, February 15, 2012 (UTC)

Unfortunately that can't be done by administrators and needs to be done directly through Wikia. Try through Special:Contact. Nominally Humane! 05:51 27 Apr

Hea dude

Re that WP cut and paste dude, I was actually just about to save the article with a long ICU and {{spork}} template explaining that it would need to be changed lots if we were to keep it. Hea, it had UN:VAIN coming out of its ears but ... I thought maybe... Anyways I have been up for faaaaar too long now, so am probably talking more carp than normal, but was surprised you blocked the dude for as long as you did. Did I tell you I even thought I made some stupid forum post somewhere or something just now. /me falls asleep. MrN 15:53, Apr 27

I can shorten the ban, I am likewise operating on about 3 hours of sleep in the last 48. That's overtime for you. I'll shorten the ban but as it was the second recreation of that page and the image I felt that deletion was preferable to survival. --ChiefjusticePSX 15:58, April 27, 2012 (UTC)

You are the Chief. MrN 16:03, Apr 27

Yo

I was wondering if you could lock the entries of the Pee Buddy contest ( the link on the site header) at about the beginning of June 1st, UTC time. OK? Mattsnow 11:39, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

That sounds like something I could do. --ChiefjusticePSX 11:51, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks! Mattsnow 12:41, April 29, 2012 (UTC)PS: What a dumbass I am, I meant May 1st. Mattsnow 12:42, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

I didn't notice that either, back to bed I think... --ChiefjusticePSX 12:52, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

It originally said 31st April. Nominally Humane! 01:14 29 Apr

That's what your mum said. --ChiefjusticePSX 13:16, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, well I mean it's better soon on May 1st than late on April 31, so people can't complain we locked it before the deadline. Better a couple hours late, than a couple hours too soon. Mattsnow 13:33, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

Will someone show the poor boy a calendar? And check out the cryptic clue on my talkpage. It says a lot about my relationship to this site. (Actually, it's almost like it was from a book of prophecy or something.) Nominally Humane! 01:38 29 Apr