User:Psl631/Main Page

From today's featured article

Have you, dear reader, found yourself chained to an aging confectionery monstrosity, its pipes wheezing, its vats bubbling ominously, its accountants sobbing quietly in the walls? Has a government man (always beige! always damp!) slid a letter under your door explaining that thirty percent of your life’s work now belongs to them?

Thirty percent!

That’s not a tax, that’s getting bent over and done up your rear!

*tips hat, snaps cane against the floor*

Fear not. Willy Wonker is here. And I assure you, I have handled this exact situation with the grace of a ballerina and the ethics of a feral raccoon. (Full article...)

Recently featured:

Archive · Vote for featured articles · Purge

In the news

Sesame Street finally exploits the fact that it's on HBO

That's a fucking excellent idea!

Editorial note: Fakelogo template
Sesame Street finally realizes it's on HBO (Pictured)
Beto O'Rourke puts finishing touches on 2020 Presidential concession speech
Roman Catholic Church canonizes Frosty the Snowman as a divine being
Studies show clinical depression at an all-time low
Trump news roundup: Plea deals, felonies, and a little girl dies in Border Patrol
Santa Claus now "probably about a four" on the Kinsey scale
Whirlpool Galaxy files restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson
Jeff Bezos caught stuffing old fat dude into his trunk
Trump releases abhorrent holiday stimulus package
George H.W. Bush dies: Best and worst of his life
Murphy Brown revival not cancelled, (Dan Quayle joke withheld in light of recent events)

UnNews Main · Archive

Did you know

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)
... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?
... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass?
... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?

Archive · Suggest new entries

On this day

January 7: Black Karl Marx Day

698 - King Arthur has a white wine with his cottage pie instead of a red, the round table become concerned.
1608 - The settlement of Jamestown, Virginia burns down after a careless farmer leaves the smoking tobacco too close to the firewood.
1954 - The first demonstration of computer speech is performed in Georgetown University by an IBM machine, it says: suck it nerds
1959 - The U.S. Government sends Fidel Castro fifteen crates of the finest American cigars, which only look like live sticks of dynamite.
1989 - In response to allegations of class reductionism, the Democratic Socialists of America release the new and improved Black Karl Marx, now 40% more intersectional. (Pictured)
2012 - Pope Francis excommunicates the Vatican's fancy Pope throne in favor of a lame white chair, the peasants cheer, but God cries.
2017 - Black Karl Marx calls one of his female colleagues honeybun, is temporarily taken out of commission.