User:Mrmonkey72/archive1

Welcome Mrmonkey72.

Welcome!

Hello Mrmonkey72, and welcome to Uncyclopedia!

So what's this message all about? Well, I know it looks like this was automatically generated, and well, OK... you caught me. I'm a lazy so and so, so I paste it in. But if you have been sent this it does mean that I have noticed your contributions, and think that you're going to do some good stuff here. So who am I? Oh, just some random person putting his nose in where it possibly might not be wanted...

Anyway, if you have not already, I SERIOUSLY recommend that you read the link below:

• Beginner's Guide

Probably the second most important link for a newcomer is:

• How to be funny and not just stupid - It's not an insult, and it's well worth a look.

If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing
• Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue
• Our Vanity Policies - stuff we don't care about
• The FAQs - a few commonly asked questions answered for your convenience

If you need help, feel free to ask me on my talk page (if this message has appeared in the last few minutes, I'm propablly still on-line). A list of administrators can be found here. If you think you are going to be around a while, and would like extra help on a more personal level, you just might be able to convince someone at the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program to take you under their wing.

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

Again, welcome!  -- MrN 00:16, Jul 19

Pee Review

Hi there, and thanks for taking an interest in Pee Review. We at Uncyc are always happy to have more people willing to review articles. As you seem to want to be helpful, would you mind reading the pee review guidelines? We're trying to ensure every article up for review recieves the kind of in-depth, quality feedback the author would want to help them improve the article. This may mean that instead of reviewing 5 or 6 articles quite quickly, with one or two lines per box, you dedicate all that time to one article, and give more advice. That may not clear the queue as quickly, but it does mean that you are much more likely to be of help to the individuals concerned. (Have a look at recent reviews by Orian57 to see what I mean - he's a great example!)

As I say, we are grateful that you want to help out, and I hope to see you around the site. Good luck on Uncyc! --UU - natter 08:35, Jul 23

That is so cool, you made an example out of me. Also helo, Monkey! pleasure to meet you and such. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:27 24 July 2008

Adoption

I notice you have that shiny "seeking adoption" template on your userpage there. If you're still interested, then I'm happy to oblige. What say you, old bean? --UU - natter 10:00, Jul 24

Thank You for Reviewing My Article

Thank you for your great tips on helping along my Tom Green article. I agree that it was basically a sloppy, unfinished work, and that it wasn't funny in the least. From what you were saying, it was basically a mean-spirited and disrespectful attempt to write such an article, and you were right. This is my first time writing about famous people, and I should have known better who I was going to be insulting towards. Anyway, thank you again for your help. --teflongone001 18:12, 24 July 2008 (UTC)Teflongone001

pee review Wireless Performance

Thanks for your insightful review. I however must contend with most of it, mostly because of this line: "As an average guy, I'm not entirely sure whether your whole foil idea is the 'joke' or not. " Well, that is the entire humor of the article, it is a satire. I am explaining how to do something, in detail, that would never, in a million years, ever work. The article contains no facts whatsoever.

Perhaps what I need to do is add that template at the top like on the WiFi page? I think that article is hilarious, however, it probably doesn't appeal to the average person.

If you have zero working knowledge of wireless networking, I can see why this article would not be funny to you. That you actually thought some of the things stated were facts is testament to this.

So, I don't know. Your review was thorough, and the last thing I want to do is sound whiny or defensive, however I felt that most of your remarks stemmed from a lack of knowledge on the subject matter. It would be interesting to see a review by someone that actually had a working knowledge of wireless networking.

And, that being said, if this article is appealing to such a small demographic, hoping for it to make VFH is totally out of the question. So I doubly thank you for binging that to my attention.

Again, thank you for the review. I hope my return comments haven't put you off or anything.

Hea there young man...

I'm just popping in to check that you know I was joking over at VFD with that "Coward" thing? Us Brits often have a poorly timed sense of humour... :-) MrN 02:15, Jul 28

Golden Shower Award

Rejoice, Mrmonkey72! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award

For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

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However you are correct, I do have an unnatural comma fetish, but I am working to correct that problem. --_{Mgr. Sir} Sonic80^☭ 02:16, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Sweet, first award. Thanks, Sonic. --mrmonkey72 02:23, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

The Lorax

Thanks for the pee review. I'll get around to having another go at the article when I have time. I don't know if you've seen the movie Mr. Smith Goes to Washingtion, but if not you should check it out; it's a classic.

Also, I give you this award retroactively:

--Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 04:21, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Tony and Ludo thank you!

Splendid, what! UU would like to express his gratitude for you vote on UnMysteries:A Tissue Of Lies. Therefore, please accept a free gift of Sir John Obvious-Suspect's latest innovation - Sudoku toilet paper, for those mornings when you know you're gonna be in there ages!

First official VFH thankies thing! --UU - natter 09:04, Jul 28

Join The CMC! Make Your Inner Cow Happy!

Moo, Mrmonkey72!

What is it about cows that gets us all hot and bothered? Where do cows come from? What are cows?

These are the questions that drive the Cow Moo Cult and its brethren, who are very, VERY interested in cows and cow by-products.

The CMC is devoted not only to cows, but to helping Uncyclopedia through general acts of goodness and through motivating people with cow-treats and the like.

So, Mrmonkey72, why not join the CMC? It's free (unless you count virginity as money) and it's fun (and it's full of clichés)! You'll get a pretty template for your userpage and a nice title for your signature! What could be better? Sign Up Now!

Double moos from your cowy friend,
YTTE

UnNews

Hey there. I've been watching UnNews lately in the absence of our regular evil UnNews regulator, and so I've been noticing some of the good UnNews articles you've been writing. Since generally with such great performance in UnNews, Zim would normally come along to give out a template bestowing his evil blessing upon you, I figured I should stop by to say good work, and keep it up. UnNews appreciates your quantity of quality in your contributions. Cheers. -RAHB 22:33, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Thanks, it's my pleasure to contribute. --mrmonkey72 22:36, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

You write good

But slow down, don't try and write a million articles at once. Work on them for a while to get the maximum hahahas from your writings. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 08:45, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, I'm slowing down now, I just had a bunch of ideas to start out with and felt like writig them. --mrmonkey72 16:02, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

Keep up the good work! Do you mind if I have a tinker with Playstation 4?--Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 05:55, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Hm, not really, though it is pretty close to passing VFH as is... --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 16:35, 11 August 2008 (UTC)

Answers to your curiosity

I put it on my talk page but in case you forget about that and never go there again, I'll put it here also. The pee review that you originally had was formatted incorrectly. The person put /10 after each number which made the Uncyclopedia think that you got a tenth of what you were supposed to get (for example, when the person put 9/10 under concept, it actually made it 9/10 out of 10, which is less than 1 out of 10). It originally said that you got 4.3 points out of 50 when you were actually supposed to have gotten 43 points out of 50. And I see that someone else has already fixed that problem by editing the original review after you huffed mine. As for why I censored it, I thought that if I'm going through the trouble copy/pasting the review and removing all the "/10"'s, I might as well make a few edits so I just changed a few words around and replaced certain words with synonyms (good --> ample). Why? I don't know.-Wi Account ki 05:03, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Ta 'n thanks

Rejoice, Mrmonkey72! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award

For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

---

Thanks a lot for that review...it really linked with the last one well, and know I really know what will improve that article. Maybe one day, in the far, far distant future, I'll stop procrastining and acually do something. Thanks again!

BlueYonder - CONTACT

Pee review

Hey monkey!

This is likely old news to you, but since you're still noobish, I thought I'd give you a link to User:Cajek/Pee in case you haven't seen it.

Cheers! pillow talk 23:17, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Helloo!

	Thank you, Mrmonkey72, for voting Orian57 your Reviewer of the Month. However the egotistical beast that you have now unleashed is not grateful and meagrely expected the vote but would like to give you a condescending pat on the head. Good girl/boy
	Thanks for voting!

Thanks and that. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 09:05 1 August 2008

UnNews

Thank you for fixing my news page.--TheGreatLiquidFox 19:07, 3 August 2008 (UTC)

No problem. --mrmonkey72 19:10, 3 August 2008 (UTC)

You and me make a good team. Thanks again, You've put the funny in my UnNews.

Review'd Your Pee, Go check it, and tell me if I did well. Or just give me a golden shower award, if you feel like it.--TheGreatLiquidFox 15:28, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 31st, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

July 31^st, 2008 • Lucky Thirteenth Issue • Now with 20% more ninjas!

The biggest little whorehouse on the internet By Gerrycheevers Oftentimes, Uncyclopedians choose to create something on their userpages, safe from the prying eyes and hungry 'delete' buttons of admins. These entities can range from the ridiculously complex to the awesomely cartoonish. The newest user creation on this silly wiki is that of a charming gentle-bot by the name of MrN9000. At 'The Whorehouse', writers can bathe in the attention they so desperately seek. A sort of hands-on Pee Review, the Whorehouse encourages other users to edit, trim, improve, rub up against, and generally increase the quality of the articles of others. Authors suffering from mental blocks (or physical blocks) can turn to this dimly lit establishment for inspiration. While considered a 'smashing' idea by some, the brothel has drawn its share of criticism. It may have even caused a site-wide questioning of the rules of VFH, guidelines of Pee Review, and the vailidity of the Committee That Selects Zombiebaron's Daily Banstick. The main concern seems to be articles getting 'mucked up' by having too many contributors. Opponents to this opinion have pointed out that this is a wiki, and, in theory, an infinite number of contributors contributing to an infinite number of articles for an infinite amount of time were eventually destined to create the Whorehouse, anyway. Some users, such as Ljlego, have taken advantage of the open space to hold some sort of charity-scamming orgy. Whatever the destiny of the Whorehouse, it is sure to catch every Uncyclopedian's attention for at the least five minutes immediately following the reading of this article. Virus exposes user vulnerability to death By Regret Tenenbaum Yes, it's true. Death is inevitable for all users who have logged in recently. Apparently, a rouge admin created a computer virus so potent you actually contract testicular cancer. Real cancer. Like, In real life. Seriously. And how does one contract the virus? Users are warned that that the simple act of logging in to Uncyclopedia will cause one to contract the fatal disease. "Yes, I know cancer isn't a disease nor a virus" said one doctor "but still, it sucks. I mean - it's cancer - IN YOUR BALLS. Come on." So how exactly does on know when they have cancer? Symptoms may include one or more of the following: a lump in one testis or a hardening of one of the testicles The testicle should normally feel smooth to the touch. Ridges may be felt because of enlarged blood vessels or tumor growth. Additionally the entire testicle may feel hard and bumpy to the touch. Abnormal sensitivity (either numbness or pain) loss of sexual activity sexual withdrawal build-up of fluid in the scrotum a dull ache in the lower abdomen or groin an increase, or significant decrease, in the size of one testis blood in semen General weak and tired feeling The testicle with a tumor may be severely enlarged, as much as 3 times the original size. Simultaneously the other testicle may be shrunken in size, due to the tumor taking up the majority of the blood supply to the scrotum. Other nasty stuff. Make sure to constantly check your testicles by feeling them for irregularities with your fingers. ... That's right. ... Just feel 'em up ... nice ... Ahem! Uh... Simple vigilance is a big help. The best time to check is after a hot shower, when the scrotum is looser. And what of the female users? No, not even the three of them are safe. It has been proven that even female users can contract testicular cancer. How, you ask? Well, by a miracle of God, the female will grow testicles, that will then become "cancerfied" (or "cancer-ific", if you prefer.) The only users who are safe from this horrible plague are IP addresses, as they lack testes and the ability to grow any. Remember kids, no matter how much Dr. Health, Esq. tells you cancer is great, don't believe him. Oh? ... What's that? ... I said something about dying? ... Oh. ... Well, if one of your testicles was three times bigger than the other and your semen was filled with blood, would you not kill yourself? That's right...

Check out these pages! Ever get interrupted on the loo? Is PEEING taking the piss? Drama! From our logs: 21:17, 23 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.88.33.191 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Try to suck less. You're sucking too much. I didn't say "stop"! Take your time. Yeah, that's the stuff. Now gently squeeze my balls.) 17:24, 24 July 2008 Sannse (Talk | contribs) (blocked SIR TOM CRUISE! with an expiry time of 3 months (no dear, Baha'i is the Truth, or Judaism, I can never remember) 02:34, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Dammit, stop being a sockpuppet!) 14:41, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) unblocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Oh, I bet you think you're all crafty n' shit, don'tcha? DON'TCHA! Well guess what: I can see through your ruse now, you sockpuppet-impersonating iIdunnowhat!) 21:04, 29 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.196.62.163 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Wanker: Take a day off. Take some deep breaths. It's only France) Biopic of the Week The Woodburninator ~ What should thou doest upon sighting The Woodburninator? Run away, apparently. Unless you're looking to read some high quality articles. Last month's NotM has made quite an impression on Uncyclopedia in his short time here, despite claims that he is about as useful as the 5-star rating system. Don't be fooled! WB is on track to contribute far more than the ratings system (especially since the average UnSignpost rating is about 1.2), and then some. Just don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage... Old-school featured article of the week Check out Moon hoax. Ever been told by one of your know-it all friends that we never landed on the moon, and it was all staged on a set in the desert? Well, after reading this article, you should be prepared to thoroughly debunk your narrow-minded chum. Just be sure that you wager heavily on 'we went to the moon' before you start explaining. This Week's Horoscopes NOW UPDATED FOR WEEK OF 7/28/08 Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - You will learn the true meaning of Christmas after much embarrassment and the intervention of a friend with a dictionary. see more horoscopes Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Russian Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol and the Crappy Translation. Quotes of the Week <DrSkullthumper> Goatse is work safe if you're a proctologist <AAA^> "Muslim Porn: Women revealing their hair"

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 07:52, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

welcome to UnNews

A bit late, perhaps, but here nonetheless...

On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."

Welcome to UnNews, Mrmonkey72, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

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You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

---

If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

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If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

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At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC) Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 23:21, 7 August 2008 (UTC)

Yay, I get my UnNews welcoming!

Thanks

Thanks. I'm not sure how I came up with that at all. I wish I could start editing more, I haven't done anything here. --Doktor McCheez 03:28, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Probably should have mentioned this sooner

I just want to make sure that you know that I added Ook! into your userspace after I deleted it, since you kind of requested it. -- Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER 19:40, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Right, thanks! --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 19:42, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Ohaithar

Hey, it's that guy I sort of adopted but who turned out not to need much help, which is kind of a good thing, because I've been less active recently and stuff. How are you doing?!

Anyway, there has to be a point to my visit, and it's this: thanks for doing a bunch of pee reviews. We appreciate it when people help others by doing reviews. Furthermore, thanks for doing 5 good, in-depth reviews. If such things bother you, that makes you eligible to join one of the ever-popular user groups at Uncyc: PEEING. So yeah, you wanna sign up, go ahead and do so, and tell 'em I sent you. You get another userbox for your page and everything. Then keep pissing!

And keep writing too - you do have a lot of ideas, don't you? Good. We need ideas. And articles. And enthusiasm. And holidays. Looooong holidays in warm places. Maybe you can't provide the last one, but the rest seem like your kind of thing, so keep it up! --UU - natter 12:23, Aug 12

Will do. Though the holiday does sound like a good idea... ah well. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 16:06, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 7th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

August 7^th, 2008 • Fourteenth Issue • Just like Grandma used to make!

Uncyclopedia Forum set to consume the Internet By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Top scientists at the Uncycloversity this week predicted that a Village Dump topic, started in June by prominent Uncylopedian and alchemist Spang, will one day consume the entire internet. According to the university's top expert, Dr. Skullthumper, Ph.D.: "This is one of those things that could go on forever. I mean, at least counting to a million has a definite ending. With this, there is no end, since everyone wants to be the last person to edit." Wikia staff member and Uncyclopedian Sannse predicts that the forum topic will take up all of Wikia's hardware by late 2009 and will then begin to "consume all around it, like I did that time I tried marijuana." She went on to add, "nothing will be safe – not even Wikipedia," before blessing herself and staring reverently at a statue of Jimmy Wales. Others, however, are more optimistic. According to Modusoperandi, "eventually someone will invent some sort of robot or hobgoblin to automatically edit the topic, and then it will have to be locked. Either that, or someone will figure out that there is no prize, rendering the whole thing pointless. And then I shall be the winner!" Spang was unavailable for comment because, according to his spokesperson, "he is busy in his cave dreaming up more crazy schemes to destroy the internet." Admins everywhere! By Gerrycheevers If you're a wiki-troll, cyberbullying vandal or extremely crappy article, you'd better start watching your behind. Three new deputies were voted in by the Uncyclopedia Sheriff's Department: Dr. Skullthumper, RAHB, and Roman Dog Bird. The trio were bestowed this great honor last Friday by Codeine. This brings the total amount of active authority figures who could wallop you over the head with a banhammer to 29. The reason for the unusally high number of new sysops is that a clear consensus could not be reached, and also that all three of these individuals are "awesome". The new admins were extremely pleased and greatly honored by their new title. None of them wasted any time in executing their first sysop move (RAHB and Dr. Skullthumper banned Cajek; Roman Dog Bird deleted one hundred articles, then banned Cajek). The prescence of these new neighborhood patrollers was evident immediately, with QVFD being renamed "Skull and RAHB's House of Huffing", and placing {{VFD}} in an article now automatically classifying it as "Roman Dog Bird's bitch". The reactions from the new sysops were similar, with all three pledging to delete bad articles, ban unworthy knuckleheads, continue plans for world domination, and "try not to muck up the site too much". RAHB has set himself lofty goals, including "keeping it cool" and some wiki-related nonsense that this reporter didn't understand. Roman Dog Bird wished the readers of the Signpost to know that he said "something", and went on to add that he will continue to "clean crap up...only now with more power." Dr. Skullthumper is thankful that no one has caught on to the trio of new ops and expresses his optimism as far as not being immediately de-opped, but also listed several early accomplishments as well as future goals. With these three brave new souls now patrolling the corridors of this silly wiki, it is truly a dark time for terrible articles, merciless vandals, and Cajek.

Check out these pages! Against againsts? Census time Is it, in fact, Hammer Time? Skullthumper revealed! From our logs: 01:57, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Okay, that's enough Uncyclopedia. Bye.) 02:05, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) unblocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) ‎ (ARGH NOOOO I CAN'T ESCAPE) 20:14, 3 August 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Orian57 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 minutes ‎ (Admins do not abuse their powers. On the contrary, Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia) 14:21, 6 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) huffed "EQ" ‎ (Thanks for the Psychology course refresher. Don't worry, I paid attention in that class, I don't really need it.) 15:54, 7 August 2008, Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.106.53.68 (Talk) (expires 15:54, 8 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (I don't know what the Somali is for "Don't do that". But don't do that.) Biopic of the Week SysRq ~ Not just a button on your keyboard anymore (well, half a button, really), SysRq has become quite the Uncyclopedian in his time here. Spending his time writing awesome stuff, utilizing his platinum urinal, and coming up with stuff on the fly, he has earned a spot among the elite that Uncyc has to offer. (And this seems to be a bit of a recurring theme, but again, don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage.) Old-school featured article of the week Check out Battle of Gettysburg, a harrowing documentary of one of the bloodiest battles in the American Civil War, and one man's fight to get through it. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Gemini (May 21 - June 21) - Help! I am being held hostage in the horoscope editing room! see more horoscopes

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Painstakingly hand-delivered by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:45, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Yes, Monkey, I was blocked for a week, although for no apparent reason. Not to mention I got adware and virus problems after it was over. I must have scared you. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, otherwise I would've gotten super lazy. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 23:30, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Well, I'm confident that I will take the FP as my own this month. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Right, then, it's on! May the best man win. And the next best win next month or something. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 23:55, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Well, unluckily for you, while I was blocked, several amazing ideas popped into my head, and I saved them, so expect several UnNewses in the next day or so that will allow me to win the competition in one swift stroke! You will not survive! AHAHAH! /me laughs like an evil mastermind for a long time ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

CURSE YOU!!! --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 00:02, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

You're a whore, man. But at lest you're keeping the competition close, this should be a squeaker.~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Mmm, I'm not really a huge fan of self-for votes when it comes to competitions... you'll notice that I abstained on my own NotM nomination. So just keepin' it even. But yeah, good luck! --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 03:23, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

No matter what happens when the smoke clears, we should be best friends! YAY! And by the way, how long have you been around Uncyc?~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Only since about mid-last-month. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 03:42, 14 August 2008 (UTC)

And you are already popular. I got popular in the wrong ways. And I've been around for maybe three months? Not too long.~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

And now you are jealous of my Starbucks thing and you are calling it Facts? Come on. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

No, seriously, they're closing stores, look it up. I was kidding, by the way. It was a joke. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 03:35, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

I know, I was just joking there. But this is Uncyclopedia. The whole website is a joke. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

In response to your Megadeth vs. Metallica question...

Yeah, there are many people who prefer Megadeth to Metallica, and these people usually think that Megadeth simply seems to have better songs.

There are, as evidenced by record sales, people who prefer Metallica, and it's usually for one of the following reasons:

• They don't like Dave's voice.
• They kind of like Megadeth but they think Dave is a dick to the point where they can't admit they like Megadeth.
• They refuse to listen to Megadeth because Dave is a dick.
• They haven't yet tried listening to Megadeth because they are Metallica fans and they think Dave is a whiny Metallica reject (which is true, but that doesn't make the music bad.) Often, their favorite Metallica songs were written by Dave and they don't realize it.
• They like simple songs (and their favorite Metallica album is the black album).
• They like rock more than metal (and their favorite Metallica albums are the Loads).
• They are unaware of Megadeth. Metallica is more famous and has the word "metal" in the name. (They might be newbies or they simply don't care enough to investigate.)

Both bands have their high points and their low points. I myself prefer Megadeth. Hope this answers your question :)

--monika 04:07, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 14th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

August 14^th, 2008 • Fifteenth Issue • May contain traces of humor

Uncyclopedia kidnapped! By Gerrycheevers In a shocking development, a brazen individual absconded with Uncyclopedia just over a week ago. Users were shocked when their attempts to access the site between 18:33 and 20:07 UTC on August 4th resulted in a sinister message being displayed, promising the swift return of the wiki should the kidnapper's demands be met. Panic ensued, with several Uncyclopedians wandering off to places unknown, never to return. Once the site was restored and the intertubes reconnected, the identity of the culprit was obvious: Orian57 had made the last edit before the ninety-minute gap, with the ominous and puzzling edit summary of "I AM STEALING UNCYCLOPEDIA!!!" The site itself seemed to be mostly fine after its harrowing ordeal, with the exception of VFP, which turned all of Zombiebaron's against votes into ten for votes during the first few hours back. This reporter caught up to Orian57, and had the opportunity to talk with him at some length about the reasons for the abduction. After consulting with his lawyer, Orian agreed to comment on the situation. On why he stole the wiki, he said, "my motivation for this cyber-terrorism wasn't something trite like 'because I could' or 'it wasn't me'. No. It was because nobody was paying me any attention!" It seems that Orian, in a desperate bid for attention, locked the Uncyclopedia server in a basement, and attempted to edit it so that all content referred to him. Perhaps his subconcious got the better of him, or perhaps the spirit of Sophia came to Uncyclopedia's rescue. In any case, Orian claims he heard a female voice speaking to him, which convinced him to return the server and allow "uncyclopedians around the world to stop masturbating and return to peeling potatoes or whatever they do." Some sort of competition finishes By UU So as you may have noticed, recently a contest of titanic proportions has been gripping the world like no other event. Palms have been sweaty, nails have been chewed, bribes, threats, and allegations of stimulant abuse have been rife. But now, the latest incarnation of the Poo Lit Surprise has drawn to a close, and so our attention can drift to that bunch of steroid-enhanced nutters at the Olympics. Finally, the questions on everyone's lips have been answered. Providing they were related to the Poo Lit Surprise, and who was going to win. Other questions, unfortunately, remain unanswered. However, if you do want to know who won, and haven't found out already, you can find out here. We could just tell you here, but where's the fun in that? We should, however, point out that if you haven't seen all of the articles yet, there are some real crackers amongst them, and not just the winners either - which probably reflects well on the Uncyclopedia Community as a whole, although it may just hint that everyone saved their best articles for this one small period of time and now has nothing else to offer for another 6 months. We'll see, but in the meantime, have a look at all the entries - there should be chuckles on offer whatever your sense of humo(u)r!

Check out these pages! WHAT'S with THE caps SITUATION? Out with the old... ...and in with the legends? From our logs: 13:06, 8 August 2008, Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 60.54.79.28 (Talk) (expires 13:06, 9 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (Blanker: You disappoint Vishnu.) 19:45, 11 August 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Dxbn (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're a boob. Not the good kind, either. If you were, you'd have a nipple right 'there'. Just the thought of you being the good kind of boob makes me a little hard.) 19:51, 11 August 2008, Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.40.99.2 (Talk) (expires 19:51, 11 November 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (blanking is the lowest form of wit. Even lower than Steve Martin.) Biopic of the Week RadicalX ~ Since the dawn of Uncyclopedia, users have had the need for images. And RadX, himself created with Adobe Photoshop, has obliged. Even a quick look at his image gallery should cause you to drop to your knees and weep. He also is an extremely talented writer, and spends his time spreading the light of The Church of T with his prophet, Bradaphraser. Old-school featured article of the week Ever been knocked in the nards so badly that you saw stars, but never figured out who the culprit was? Well, it was probably midget cockpunching terrorists. These cheeky buggers have been assaulting the most sensitive area of such well-known figures as Frank Sinatra and Ronald Reagan for decades. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - This week you should be self-centered in all your endeavors, except for grenade-tossing practice. see more horoscopes Shamless space-filler of the week Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

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Fired out of a newspaper cannon by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:10, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

Review

Hey monkey, since you seem to be a good reviewer, would you mind doing me a favor? Review this, please. ~ Readmesoon

Join the UnOrder Today!

~ Readmesoon

Another Review

Hey monkey, sorry about not telling you this earlier, but I have a another article needing review. Thanks a million-trillion-<insert big number here>, ~ Readmesoon

=3

Thank you! I had a burst of inspiration and just kind of fired that one off. I'm glad somebody enjoys it. I was actually worried it would be NRV'ed soon after its birth. Heck no techno|talk 18:19, 19 August 2008 (UTC)

Hey dude

I really enjoyed the infomercial article. Not that my opinion matters. So there!--WesMan20 (talk) 19:07, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Dude, where have you been,

because it seems like almost a week of your absence. You have been coasting around today I saw, but still, you were hiding or gone. where have you been? ~ Readmesoon

I've been busy. School started up again, so I'll probably do most of my contributing over the weekends; I'll probably build up a little cache of UnNews and such over weekends and then put them out through the week. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 21:09, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Moving Qin Shi Huang

Really? I do not see a "move" button or tab anywhere, just: "category," "discussion," "edit," "history," and "unwatch." Maybe I'm not allowed to move it because I accidentally created a new category?--PericlesofAthens 01:49, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Just confirmed that; went to a random article, monkey, and the "move" tab appears there, but not on the accidental "category" page I just created.--PericlesofAthens 01:50, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

I suggest copying and pasting the article into the place you want (just create a new article) and then put your accidental category in QVFD. Just add "author request" to the QVFD and it'll get deleted, no problem. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 01:51, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Thanks!--PericlesofAthens 01:53, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 21st, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

August 21^st, 2008 • Issue Sixteen • The periodical without any junk in its trunk

And the award for Sluttiest User goes to... By Gerrycheevers ...Mhaille! With over fifteen thousand links to his userpage strewn willy-nilly about Uncyclopedia, Mhaille takes home the Slutty for the sixth consecutive time. Everyone's favorite moustachioed chappie overtook Codeine in early 2007 and never looked back. When asked about this momentous achievement, Mhaille was still in shock from the victory. "I'd like to give thanks to my mother and my father, for first taking me into the family business. Without their years of experience and their guidance I would not have become the Slut I am today," he said. "It is for them that I hope to make it a seventh title!" Coming in at second on the list was the legendary Benson. Despite having only twenty edits in the past year, Benson has managed to rack up over twelve thousand links to his userpage. He still enjoys a several thousand link lead over slut number three, Thekillerfroggy. When asked how Benson managed to not only maintain his lead, but actually increase it, TKF said, "A wizard did it." In-depth investigation by this reporter revealed that Froggy's signature may have something to do with it, as random selection feature will occasionally cause TKF's sig to spam dozens of links to Benson's userpage, mostly in Dr. Skullthumper's userspace. UnSignpost gets new paper-boy by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Uncyclopedia's semi-official newspaper, enjoyed by literally several readers each week, has hired a brand new paper boy. This individual has been delivering the UnSignpost for the past two weeks. This cost cutting measure was announced after the guy with the keys to the delivery robots disappeared, taking the keys, several thousand dollars in cash, and a stapler with him. Unconfirmed rumours made up by me suggest that he intends to staple the money to the keys before turning the stapler on himself. The paper boy, who calls himself Gerrycheevers, says that it is a tough job, but he is glad to be able to contribute something. "It's a tough job," he told UnSignpost reporters "but I am glad to be able to contribute something." The young paper boy is saving up his pocket money to buy a new frisbee. The mammoth task has taken its toll on young Mr. Cheevers, leaving him with severe wrist pain and an acute hatred of humanity. "It totally messed up my wrists. I was out of action for days!" he said. Most Uncyclopedians are said to be happy with the new service, saying that they prefer the more personal touch that comes with human delivery. "Those damn robots trampled my garden, broke down my door and killed my dog with their death-rays" said one unfortunate Uncyclopedian. In a related story, Gerrycheevers has been 'throttled' from such activites as moving pages and making mass edits. His repetitive edits have apparently pissed off at least one admin, and Gerry is now limited to one edit per four hours. He has used these edits carefully, and has managed to find a new paperbot. This week, the UnSignpost will be delivered by MantiBot. Subscribers can only hope the new delivery system works out, or the UnSignpost may be doomed.

Check out these pages! Testify! Taking the community down a peg Stop the madness! Think of the children! Etc.! From our logs: 16:52, 17 August 2008 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.212.136.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You are now officially really hated on Uncyclopedia. Congratulations.) 21:30, 16 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.220.124.187 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month, 2 days, 3 hours, 4 minutes, 5 seconds ‎ (Blanking a featured article? No mercy.) 06:19, 16 August 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked 121.72.7.62 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Go and write some bad poetry or something) 10:51, 20 August 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked Nmeallin (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (We regret to inform you that Chuck Norris does not approve of page blanking.) Biopic of the Week RAHB ~ One of the most (if not the most) decorated Uncyclopedians ever, RAHB is one of those guys who seems to be everywhere. Whether it's writing awesome stuff, taking care of crap, or banging out narrations, you can always count on this guy to be lurking somewhere in the bowels of Uncyclopedia, toiling away at his next project. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - Being grateful this week could result in improved relationships. Being grating this week could result in cheese fragments that will melt easily over nachos. see more horoscopes VFD Survivor of the week "One man touches the other/it's incest cus were all brothers/you may say its wrong/well its the touch eachother song" Pithy VFH Comment of the Week Meh. I liked the conversation bit, but the rest is pretty bland. Skull tells me he wrote it for a girl or something. And he admits himself that it isn't very good. Well, I wouldn't feature it anyways. Oh yeah, and everything you write is shit, Skull. Everything! Shit, shit, shit! Now start writing something funny, you SHITTY WRITER! Shit shit shit! SHIT!!! - RAHB (Unfomercials:Inspirigun)

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— MantiBot Owner 12:25, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Tiger story

Hi. Good job on the Tiger story. Were you at the zoo the other day? Ha! Hey, the only work that I did to your story was I first put the quotes in italics (cuz an Admin told me the same thing once) and then I made your photo bigger.

Your story was refreshing and original. Kind of one of those stories that "scoots under the radar"-like a silent but deadly fart.

Ha!

Smuggler

Gradyooayshun

So yeah, NotM, reviewing, tidying, voting, contributing, getting on with stuff... You never really needed the miniscule help I proffered, did you? ;-) So feel free to replace the adopted template on your userpage with {{AdopteeGrad|Under user}} and look smug. And keep up the good things. Mind you, if you do have any questions, and I'm not skiving somewhere, feel free to ask. Or if you're lonely, and I'm about, give me a shout. That kind of thing. Yeah. --UU - natter 08:54, Aug 29

Awesome, I will. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 12:15, 29 August 2008 (UTC)

Nomination

Hi, I reviewed your Toilet in the Woods article, and with your permission I would like to nominate your article to be featured. I find it to be a fine example of Uncyclopedian Greatness, and unless you have more plans for this article, I believe it will be an Article of the Day. --WhySoSerious 02:02, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

Actually, I just nommed it. Feel free to vote, though. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 02:55, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 28th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

August 28^th, 2008 • SEVENTEENTH ISSUE SPECTACULAR • Word to your mother

Porn Wars End in Sticky Truce By Regret Tenenbaum At exactly 10:28 pm (UTC), Sir Led Balloon did the honors of emblazoning a golden '1000' in the count to a million project, a true milestone on the journey to seven-digit greatness. Another user celebrated by gracing the page with an unprecedented one-thousand-and-one pixel high "1001", which was quickly taken down. The user was, needless to say, embarrassed, yet happy that the uncouth horde of devoted Uncyclopedians had finally reached the number 1000, as such a milestone had not been reached since the number 100 and the end of the Porn Wars. On that note, the Porn Wars ended earlier this week with a tentative truce between Commander Jailbait and General Pervert. The war began the week before, when Regret posted a pin-up girl to balance Orian's photo of a scantily-clad male, claiming he was "bringing balance back to the universe." Regret also stated he would "fight to the death"... or at least until Leddy stepped in, this time to call a "three-pornstuffs rule", which eventually ended the erotic feud. Meth, a constant editor on the forum, said "'twas a fortunate day for all under 18." Still, even with peace returning to the forum, not all is well in the land of counting. On the subject of reaching 1000, one dissenting user said: "Perhaps we should seriously consider stopping there. I mean that would be 1/1000 of the goal! Imagine doing this whole thing, 1000 times. That would mean 3000 archives, give or take." To which another user responded, "unfortunately for you, Nobody cares." Nevertheless, as long as there are users with nothing better to do, the Forum will always trudge on, giving Uncyclopedians something with which to kill thirty seconds, and also giving UnSignpost reporters something to write about. Lack of cure for testicular cancer kills 100 Uncyc members By Methamphetamine Uncycloversity members are still failing to find a cure for our previously mentioned testicular cancer, and to date, 100 people have died of said cancer. When nobody died, some user said it was a rumor made by some other user to piss us all off, right before clutching his balls in pain and dropping dead. Within an hour, about 16 more people died a cancer-related death. A live update shows that 105 users are now dead. You could be next! Don't panic, that'll make you die faster. Regret Tenenbaum, the user who originally warned of the disease, had this to say: "I TOLD YOU SO!" to which he added "Na-nanana-nanana!" The death toll is expected to reach into the thousands, with no end in sight. A memorial was set up earlier today to remember the dead, with one number added for every fallen Uncyclopedian. With fear and panic filling the hearts of users everywhere, there is one question that is on everyone's mind: "WHY GOD, WHY?!" Another live update show that 200 people have now died, and out of those, 10 people killed themselves in anxiety. Remember to always feel your testicles with your fingers. That's right. It helps prevent the cancer from reproducing.

Check out these pages! VOTE VOTE VOT Everyone tell Cajek what they've been up to Who is the man behind Uncyc's curtain? The truth about wikia's staff! From our logs: 05:22, 20 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 12.219.249.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days, 14 hours, 15 minutes, 93 seconds ‎ (Blanking Africa does not make it go away.) 20:45, 24 August 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Norwich (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (and you're an annoying cuntfluff) 09:39, 26 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 93.190.63.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (o hai, no blank plz. kthxbai.) 00:41, 27 August 2008 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) huffed My balls (content was: 'Sweaty and hot.') Biopic of the Week TheLedBalloon - Feature machine and Star Wars aficionado, Uncyc's resident hockey expert has come a long way from his humble beginnings. Seeming to appear on talk pages where there is conflict brewing as if there was some giant balloon signal silhoutted against the clouds, Led's recent oppage ensures that he has the tools to keep Uncyc as most excellent as possible. Old-school featured article of the week Five-time World RiskTM Champion Napoleon Bonaparte was a man of great stature. He enjoyed many military victories, revolutionizing armed combat. He rose to the rank of Emperor, and came closer than any diabolical supervillian has (before or since) to conquering the world. Unfortunately, nobody took him seriously because he was short. This Week's Horoscopes NOW UPDATED FOR WEEK OF 8/25/08 Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - Think long and hard before misdirection-linking to the Uncyclopedia article on Penis, as it could result in stiff competition between you and other members of your unit. see more horoscopes

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–—Hv (talk) 30/08 20:29

Thanks

Rory would like to thank you for voting! "That was a smart move, kid" he says implying that anything else would not be smart and may wind you up underneath a particularly heavy doll's house. Oh well. Anyway, thanks for voting for on this!

SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 11:11 31 August 2008

ok well i cant use wikipedia and theres no info on this guy thats not .com or wikipedia.

Why would you want to quote a comedy site anyway? No. Don't post it here. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 02:04, 4 September 2008 (UTC)

I am firmly reprimanded, and also making my own titles to my talk page.

skeletor stays in cuntbag. Guessed you were a British twit, was right. – Preceding unsigned comment added by 66.168.153.147 (talk • contribs)

Dear anonymous IP address: I have a few points. 1. No, it does not. 2. What's a cuntbag? I don't think that's really a thing. I mean, you can have a cunt, and then you have a bag, but having a bag made out of one is just ridiculous. 3. I'm not British, actually. You can't read. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 20:08, 1 September 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: September 4th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

September 4th, 2008 • Eighteenth Issue • STOP!! SIGNPOST TIME!!

Uncyclopedia copies Conservapedia By Gerrycheevers Recently, on the fact-based no-spin-zone wiki known as Conservapedia, there has been debate raging over whether to ban all atheists from contributing. Apparently conservapedians believe atheists (those who deny the existence of the creator) to be at the very least a hinderance, and at the very most a hideous group of venom-spitting demon-eyed savages who feed on the blood of children. If this motion garners enough support it may become a 'Conservapedia Commandment', along with 'no girls allowed' and 'slow down, this is a neighborhood.' Mild amusement and complete apathy were rampant among Uncyclopedians yesterday. Some poked fun at the silly conservatives for proposing such a Nazi-esque measure. Others took up the reigns in a new thread: should atheists (of Cthulhu) be barred from Uncyclopedia? It seems support for this action is widespread, and soon 'Cthulhu tests' will be administered to random users at random times. Failure of such tests will result in soul consumption. User Heerenveen had this to say: "I believe that it shouldn't matter whether you are an avid worshipper of Cthulhu, just someone who pretends to like Cthulhu to fit in with your mates, or indeed a foaming-at-the-crotch atheist (of Cthulhu), you should be infinibanned from Uncyc regardless. Unless, of course, you are Cajek," to which Orian57 added, "Richard Dawkins is so sexy." As is the norm here on Uncyclopedia, the controversy was immediately parodied, and then the parody of the controversy was summarily parodied. It has yet to be seen whether the parody of the parody will in fact be parodied. Movie Trailer Announcer Guy Dead at 68 By Gerrycheevers IN A WORLD where JUSTICE is a distant memory...where HOPE seems desperately out of reach...where THROATY BARITONES are hard to come by... ...ONE MAN performed voice-overs for OVER NINETY FOUR THOUSAND FILMS. His DEEPLY SONOROUS VOICE could turn even the most BORING movie into AN ALL-OUT THRILLER... ...Most famously known for THAT GEICO COMMERCIAL HE DID, that man's NAME was DON LAFONTAINE. Critics hailed him as 'THAT MOVIE TRAILER ANNOUNCER GUY' and 'THE DUDE WITH THE CRAZY VOICE'... ...On Monday, LaFontaine PASSED AWAY suddenly when a FIERY EXPLOSION in a SHRAPNEL FACTORY caused the TURBO-CHARGED SPORTSCAR in which he was being pursued by MONGOL HORDES to CAREEN OVER A CLIFF. He was 68...

Check out these pages! Another user says goodbye CENSORED Unflinchingly rigid vanity guidlines to take effect immediately From our logs: 07:32, 29 August 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.42.174.41 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanking is uncreative, feeble-minded, and scientifically proven to be evidence of underdeveloped genitalia.) 20:57, 31 August 2008 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.109.95.6 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Go masturbate somewhere else.) 03:32, 2 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.59.31.226 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Exemplary douchehattery.) Biopic of the Week 15Mickey20, Uncyc's resident tennis analyst, has won virtually every writing award and competition in existence on the entire site. His PLS and Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball entries were both later featured, and his WotM award stems from the rest of his totally awesome articles. Mickey Mantle is pictured a the right for no reason at all. Old-school Featured Article of the Week Hammers are extremely useful tools, most usually used for whacking stuff. Employed by Norse Gods, Italian plumbers, and 90s rap artists, the hammer can also be used to gouge out eyes and perform other tasks. Reading up on this article will result in increased knowledge of the hammer life cycle and sexual abuse of hammers, but may also cause severe cranial damage. This Week's Horoscopes Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - When you assume, you typically make an ass out of Ume. And you know how sensitive that guy is. see more horoscopes

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―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 5/09 17:14

Hmmm

It seems as though I'm not leaving you two messages. I'm not quite sure if you are the kind that deals with broken conversations, or you want it all on one page, so, here I am! Thank you for obeying my orders--and there was no { {USERNAME} } involved! It was just for you. That's a trick in the coding. You'll have to look it up. I often overload peoples minds. You've been a victim of Tayor-ness. I love new people--so, nice to meet you! What's going on? Oh, yes, and thanks for the clarification on how much of a douche you are. I find myself to be a half-douche. Well met. Here I go to copy and paste this exact same thing on my talk page...cheers! The HRH MuCal. Tayor MUN (Praise!) (CMC!) 18:21, 8 September 2008 (UTC)

hey

do you have a problem with the krokodile shears stuff? its my friends vid, so its ok. and hes just trying to get more hits on it than one of our mutual friends other vids.

Yeah, dude, I do. And so will pretty much anyone else. We realize that this is a humor site and all, but you can't just advertise yourself on it. That's vanity, and it's not welcome. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 20:58, 9 September 2008 (UTC)

don't go in there!

Hey Mr. Monkey Magic, that Unnews of yours "Movie character fails to heed helpful advice" is frigging brilliant. I can't tell you how much I wish I came up with that idea first. And thus as I read it I get this overwhelming urge to add and change stuff. How do you feel about that? I noticed it's got a pretty high rating and I could possibly fuck it up by poking it with my edit stick, so if you are at all attached to it I won't touch it. What do you think? Could I just rewrite it and if you don't like it you can revert? I'm thinking if I can significantly improve it we could VFH nominate it. Just let me know. --S0.S0S.0S.0S0 14:49, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Sure, dude. I'm honestly not particularly fond of it, but if you want to fix it up, we can collaborate on it. Go for it. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 02:54, 13 September 2008 (UTC)

Awsum dood. --S0.S0S.0S.0S0 04:00, 13 September 2008 (UTC)

Okay, what do you think of this? --S0.S0S.0S.0S0 08:25, 15 September 2008 (UTC)

• I see some stuff I like, that's what I think. Keep working on it, and when it's done, I'll integrate it together with the original. Then you can edit, etc. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 20:48, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

I've pretty much done everything I've wanted to it already, so go ahead and integrate at will. If that's what you want to do, that is. Whether you wait until it gets off VFH and nom it again, or change it now and leave a note on the comments that it's updated, is up to you. Again, if you don't like the direction I took with it, you can just leave your version as is. --S0.S0S.0S.0S0 23:51, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

Alright, I'll wait for it to fall off VFH (as it inevitably will), integrate the changes of yours I liked, maybe edit a bit myself, and then get it Peed. One of us can renom it at that point. So yeah. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 00:13, 18 September 2008 (UTC)

SO SO: Feel free to move/edit on your version on the old one. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 21:32, 23 September 2008 (UTC)

Okay, for now I just pasteslapped on the version I was working on, so you can add to or put back stuff you liked in the old one if you like. If you leave it alone for a couple days I'll assume you're not going to edit it and I'll probably VFH it again. Thanks. --S0.S0S.0S.0S0 14:06, 25 September 2008 (UTC)

Oh, one more thing. Do people still do "the hand", as in "Talk to the hand"? I've been away from American culture for a while so I wanted to check on that. Sassy black chicks were all about The Hand back when Ricki Lake was on the air... --S0.S0S.0S.0S0 14:12, 25 September 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: September 11th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

September 11^th, 2008 • Nineteenth Issue • All your readers are belong to us

Uncyclopedia celebrates 9/11 By Cajek 8 years ago, America was attacked or something. Uncyclopedians, who are true patriots, celebrated the eighth anniversary in true American fashion: by doing mostly nothing of interest to anyone but themselves. The UnSignpost devoted nine-hundred-eleven minutes of silence to the event Thursday by not even bothering to send itself out. "The Unsignpost was there nine years ago during those super not-kewl terrorist attacks," said chief writer Gerrycheevers. "I wasn't part of the staff then, so I promise that, in the 911th issue, we will devote a whole article to the events of that frabjuous day." In the 911th year of publication, the Unsignpost promises to dedicate the whole issue to 9/11 and those rascally terrorists. "We've already got 911 stories lined up for publication!" said staff photographer Larry. "It's too bad we have to wait so long to get them to the public, but that's what happens when you honor a holiday like this the way you're SUPPOSED to." Uncyclopedia's main page was 11/9-themed for the occasion. When Mordillo and Spang were alerted that nothing interesting happened on November ninth, 2001, Larry, Mordillo's public relations officer, claimed that "it [didn't] matter: One date is the same as the next. Why don't you Unsignpost people shut the hell up? Oh, and uh, I won't be able to come in Monday: it's my sister's wedding." Other wikis in cyberspace exist, and therefore did things relating to 9/11. Conservapedia, a conservative parody of Uncyclopedia, celebrated by drawing figures of Mohammed on their private nuclear stockpile. Legopedia celebrated by informing the public of Lego's new action series: 9/11: the Suckiest Thing Ever. Jengapedia honored the fallen by sponsoring a 911 minute championship Jenga competition. Liberalpedia, on the other hand, did nothing of any consequence. >:( FUCK YOU LIBERALS!! FUCK YOUUUU!!!! The Unsignpost would like to print a retraction of it's 47th issue from September 11th, 2001, wherein the terrorist attacks were called "super-kewl" and the terrorists themselves hailed as heroes. Those responsible have been sacked. Conservation Week Returns! By Gerrycheevers Conservation Week, also known as 'Rewrite-a-thon' or 'De-crap-ification', is upon our community once again. Twice a year, Uncyclopedians band together to clean out the weeds and squirrel corpses from promising trees found in the rewrite category, among other places. Due to the retirement of co-founder Jocke Pirat and quasi-inactiveness of co-founder THE, another user has stepped in with promises to annoy every user until they rewrite at least one article. That user shall remain anonymous. Opening day for this well-liked, popular, and intriguing event is Monday the 15th. The winner of the competition will receive the Greasy Mechanic Award for having rewritten the most articles in the two-week competition. Past winners include THE and Jocke Pirat. Be sure to participate early so as to avoid annoying requests to "rewrite an article, you lazy git!" The event has thrown into sharp relief the lack of Uncyclopedia events, or the excess of Uncyclopedia events, depending on who you ask. Ideas like Forest Fire Week and Everyone Edit A Ton Of Articles Week have not received much support, but may be enacted in the future to keep ADD-riddled Uncyclopedians something to do for five minutes. RC takes home NotM By Gerrycheevers After years of fruitless nominations, Rcmurphy has finally won n00b of the Month. The announcement came last week, when none of the three candidates fufilled the requirements necessary for winning the n00by. It seemed the two new users had both failed to write an article, and So So did not meet the main n00bishness requirement. Since there was no clear winner, the award went to Rc by Rule 4.1, Clause 3 of the NotM eligibility guidelines. As far as the NotM badge itself, it was initally placed on So So's userpage. After relenquishing the honor to Rcmurphy, So So proceeded to foul the badge and offer it to the user who wanted it the most. After the planned Panel of Penis Monkeys from Outer Space cancelled, a phone-in contest was held, in which Colin "All your base" Heaney dominated the competiton. He took home the badge and now proudly displays the feces-ridden merit on his userpage. In a related story, Rcmurphy is up for NotM yet again. However, he is facing stiff competition from W.T. Door, a U.S. Navy seamen who spends his time swabbing decks, battoning down hatches, and writing cool stuff.

Check out these pages! More fanmail from celebrities Responding response VF...R? From our logs: 22:25, 5 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.130.4.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Disliking the Matrix.) 06:19, 9 September 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.240.72.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Oh, please. My grandmother could take down the US Military if she so desired.) 11:07, 11 September 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 125.27.19.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The cabal cartel deems you unworthy for further edits.) Biopic of the Week Adored by his hordes of fans, Cajek can usually be found in the 'ban room'. Uncyc's fifth-most featured author, one can argue that he has revolutionized the wiki with his unique writing style. His regulation of Pee Review and founding of this very periodical are among the many ways he has somehow managed to contribute to the site between his bans. Old-school Featured Article of the Week Perhaps the most feared out of any of the creatures that walk the Earth, the Gazebo is as lethal as it is deadly. Known for their excellent camouflage and for being extremely protective of their young (pictured), humans can only hope to never encounter one of these legendary beasts in their lifetime. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - There is travel in your future followed by a lack of travel, followed by very slow travel. Things you'll be sitting in include sports car, hospital bed and electric wheelchair controlled by a blow tube. see more horoscopes Retraction of the Week Last issue we claimed that people from Eurasia are "subhuman scum". We would like to make a hasty retreat from this. Those responsible have been promoted and reassigned, against all the wishes of God and man. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, GERRY!! Re-retraction of the Week Last week we retracted our claim that "all mammals, including humans, should be killed and stockpiled for the coming nuclear winter." We would like to retract that retraction for reasons that can't be given in full in this issue. EDITOR'S NOTE: Look for a full explanation in about four issues VFD Survivor of the Week Movie Of Lady Whose Ankle Is Showing is pornography film set for release in the summer of 2009. Not since Keira Knightley In A White Corset And Kate Beckinsale In A Black One has producer/director Robot Thomas Edison so brilliantly captured handicap fetishes or William Shatner's Jewishness. Starring Paris Hilton as Dickin Mymouth, Rosie O'Donnell as Your Mother, and William Hung as Tingle the Magical Flying Aardvark of Justice, this is one film that is sure to captivate audiences worldwide. Sabbatical of the Week Under user has gone to some hemisphere other than his own, possibly the bottom one. We here at the UnSignpost wish him a trip free of kangaroo attacks, drop bear maulings, swarms of dozens and dozens of scorpions, and the various other pleasentries from down under.

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— MantiBot Owner 11:11, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

thanks!

You are presented with one (1) package of Red Baron French Bread PizzaTM for your thorough Pee Review of that article about rocks.. Please note that Red Baron microwaveable pizzasTM may cause loss of altitude or engine failure.

thanks for the honest review monkey, i was almost hoping for a 'decent article, no feature' review because i really did run out of stuff to write. keep up the good work! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 21:09, 26 September 2008 (UTC)