User talk:Mr. turtle
Welcome to our magnificent civilization![edit source]
Greetings, honored traveler Mr. turtle, and welcome to the glorious nation of Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions to the site. I hope you enjoy this great land and decide to make a home here. If not, the city exit is right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah, there you go. Anyway, here are a few helpful links for humble newcomers such as yourself:
If you read any of Uncyclopedia's sacred parchments, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with some sort of issue, try these:
- About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
- How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
- Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
- Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue
I hope you enjoy editing here and being a proud citizen of Uncyclopedia! Please remember to sign your name on all talk pages by typing four tildes (~~~~) or alternatively use the "sign" button (
) that you see just above the edit box. This will automatically produce both your name and the date.
If you need any sort of help, then feel free to ask me on my talk page, ask at the Village Dump, or add the following template: {{help}} to this page along with a message describing your dilemma and someone will come along and help you if they can.
Again, welcome! -- 01:18, 14 April 2007 (UTC)
Turtle[edit source]
Listen, buddy, I think you're a great guy and everything, and I enjoy your work a lot, but your name is gonna have to go. You see, the name "Mr. Turtle" seems to imply that you: a) are a turtle, b) are a turtle expert, or c) enjoy the company of turtles. Now, this would be great, except for all three of these personality traits have already been registered at Uncyclopedia Headquarters to myself, and your name is now in direct violation of Uncyclopedia Code: Article 5, Section 1, Paragraph 16.
Normally in this situation, you would be given a period of 24 hours to contact an Uncyclopedia Bureaucrat, request a name change, and have all of your pages moved before the deadline. However, I've decided that your extreme interest in turtles, and witty name, merit you at least another 24 hours. So, just to be perfectly clear, please have your name changed to something having absolutely nothing to do with turtles, and have all your pages moved out of the Mr. turtle userspace within the next 48 hours.
And remember, failure to accomplish either of these tasks within the given period of time will result in an infinite ban from the site of Uncyclopedia.
Yours in turtle-hood truly, 
t o m p k i n s blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 03:11, 14 April 2007 (UTC)
- Also try to keep in mind that doing anything tompkins says is also grounds for several infinite bans. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 03:17, 14 Apr 2007
- Also try to keep in mind FU Spang.
t o m p k i n s blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 03:23, 14 April 2007 (UTC)
- Also try to keep in mind FU Spang.
Dearest Mr. Turtle, everything I've said on this page has been a lie. There is no need to change you account or anything like that. I was just kidding. Sorry for any trouble I may have cause you. t o m p k i n s blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 16:43, 14 April 2007 (UTC)
- There can be but ONE Mister Turtle. I say you should fight it out in some ninja-style deathfest, involving nunchucks, and nunchucks with spikes on them. Its the only way. -- Sir Mhaille
(talk to me)
- NEVAR!!! I want my turtle-flavoured deathfest and I want it now. -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
- NEVAR!!! I want my turtle-flavoured deathfest and I want it now. -- Sir Mhaille
- Yeah....everyone knows that Tompkins is a pussy. -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
- Mr. Turtle here doesn't. t o m p k i n s blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 17:01, 14 April 2007 (UTC)
- Mr. Turtle here doesn't.
- Yeah....everyone knows that Tompkins is a pussy. -- Sir Mhaille
Did u know that turtles can't masturbate? -- Mister Turtle
- You're just not trying hard enough. Stick with Mister Tompkins here, he'll show you how its done. Also, use plenty of pig fat. -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
[edit source]
I'm going to have to remove the self-referencing link in the quote you've just added to Asian Chicks. It IS against one of our site policies. Honestly it is. No really. -- Sir Mhaille 
(talk to me)
Why wouldn't you?--Mr. turtle 21:45, 14 April 2007 (UTC)Mr. turtle
Welcome to UnNews[edit source]
You'll notice I've ICU-tagged your UnNews article, UnNews:Turtle attacks man. That's because it's ugly and needs to look and read a little better. Read on as I welcome you to UnNews telepathically, take over your mind, and you might just ressurect it into an awesome article! Cheers! 
Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:29, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
|
On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! |
Welcome to UnNews, Mr. turtle, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.
I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.
You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.
If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.
Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.
Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?
If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.
At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.
- This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir
Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC) Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:29, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
i'll fix it.....maybe..........some other time--Mr. turtle 12:23, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
UnNews: Transfats found to be healthy[edit source]
UnNews: Transfats found to be healthy is a vast improvement on your first couple of stories. The bad things? lost of spelling errors, no sources, no links. I'll give it a quick clean up so you can see the difference. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:50, 17 April 2007 (UTC)
- "lost of spelling errors" - I hope that was intentional. t o m p k i n s blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 23:07, 17 April 2007 (UTC)
To Mr. Turtle, you're welcome. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:21, 18 April 2007 (UTC)
- To Sir Thompkins, oh bloody Hell, why don't you just stick your nose into everybody's business... shit... sorry, I',m l;ate foe my medikatiosn... I'll be berrt,,, solluy,,;. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:21, 18 April 2007 (UTC)
- I just hate it when people stick their nose into conversations and point out other people's inadequacies. -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
- I just hate it when people stick their nose into conversations and point out other people's inadequacies. -- Sir Mhaille
- To Sir Thompkins, oh bloody Hell, why don't you just stick your nose into everybody's business... shit... sorry, I',m l;ate foe my medikatiosn... I'll be berrt,,, solluy,,;.
Party in my pants --Mr. turtle 20:41, 24 April 2007 (UTC)
About Mr. turtle[edit source]
VIsit Mr. turtle's page!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Long time[edit source]
No see....you back editing now? -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
[edit source]
Maybes --Mr. turtle 16:40, 22 September 2007 (UTC)
Good to see you back again. We need more reptilian contributors on Uncyclopedia. For me it's turtles all the way down.... -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
batman theme song stuck in my head for some reason. --Mr. turtle
Mr. turtle forgot password!!!!![edit source]
Speak to sannse to see if she can help you out... -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)