User:Sycamore/Uncyclopediarewrite
“Self referential humour makes me sick to the core”
– Oscar Wilde on Uncyclopedia
The poor meme ridden "comedy" website Uncyclopedia is the stuff of internet legend and infamy. The site which originated in 1842 is now a multi-national effort. The site and all of its assets was sold to site was sold to News Corporation in December 2007. News Corp. are now currently in negations with buminternetventures.org for a possible merger.[1]
The site currently specializes in tedious mockery of perceived competitors and petty in-fighting with much of the content viewed as mass-produced junk. The site has been viewed as a waste of server space by its host the evil Wikia Empire. The owner of the Uncyclomedia Foundation, Rupert Murdoch commented that "Although some of Uncyclopedia is funny, much of the content is a little too 'highbrow' for the irritating teenagers who give the site pages views and frequent the site, adding retarded quotes to dumb it down a little."
This is view that has sparked as a substantial shift for the site from being a satirical site to redirecting its resources into pathetic racial slurs and Nazis, preferably with a little Chuck Norris for good measure. This is compounded by the need for articles that appease a "softer" consensus.
History[edit | edit source]
The site was founded by entrepreneur Oscar Wilde in October 1842, the early Uncyclopedia was not the impressive effort it is today though. It all began when Oscar would often write puerile childish jokes on scraps of paper to his male friends to encourage more "intimate relations." Oscar was spotted by Sophia Lauren[2] whilst on vacation in Miami, after hours of debate, they decided to found an internet site that would allow for Oscar's whoring and Sophia's showcasing of talent. Thus a crumby website was born and a whole new reason to live for the unemployed was broadcast to the world.
Following the 1846 Uncyclopedia Convention at Aurora, New York this site became concerned with satirical content after Oscar Wilde was banned from trying use the internet to seduce young men, however despite US authorities, Oscar continued to pursue the project in Warsaw, Poland where he abused legal loopholes for ISPs and continued to run the foundation along with Sophia. This took off in 1980 when Oscar Wilde was Banned from the Internet for a massive spamming/whore effort. The site still remained a "success" despite an evermore low key profile and legal gripes until the millennium years.
Soft porn tycoon Jimbo Wales bought the site from Oscar Wilde in 2005 off the back of economic difficulties. The sale of the venture was brought on after Wilde was incarcerated in Namibia over Tax evasion. The sale was initially pushed forward by Wales, however he later commented that he personally disliked the fact he owned such a "low echelon"[3] of the internet. In late 2006 Wales and his Wikia firm relinquished to a 20% stake in the site and allowing Oscar Wilde to be reinstated as CEO in the latter quarter of 2006. However Wilde was anxious for a new sale as he found the site a "hassle" and Uncyclopedia was sold by Wilde to News Corp. for $12.50. However Wilde was kept as acting CEO for figuirehead purposes for the site despite managerial desicions being shifted to Wikia and News Corp. stooges.
Oscar Wilde had often commented that Uncyclopedia was never "really there" but that it "just pretended" as it was on computer screens. It’s thought that this ignorance of information technology and Web 2.0 forced Wilde to sell to News Corporation. The conglomerate had no problem with the lack of quality or worthwhile content and this has been particularly apparent in the articles now featured. Since then there has been an ever greater emphasis on "sizzle" rather than the "sausage" that Oscar Wilde was always so fond of.
Aims[edit | edit source]
“'The goal of this project is to provide the world's misinformation in the least redeeming and most searingly sarcastic and humorous way possible.”
Initially the site was a parody of comedy encyclopedia, Wikipedia, however due to economic and mental constraints the site now relies and insists on trusty in-jokes and moronic junk. This was instituted by News Corporation who has sought to compete with rival comedy internet sites such as shock humour website Encyclopedia Dramatica and the advertising rich yank dumpster The Onion.
For the founders of the site, the aim of the site was to provide Oscar Wilde nubile and healthy young men with nothing better to do than make up quotes and write articles based on the courses they were studying whilst at University.[4] This has still proved to be the case however News Corp. has pursued younger contributors to spark more competition and further in-jokes. The result has been an annoying amount of "cuntscab intellgentsia" who readily have an English textbook from school to correct contributors.
The sites initial aims in 2005 included,
- Writing articles with an intelligent, satirical and funny intent.
- Bickering/bitching in forums.
- Voting for articles on VFH.
However as of a January 2008 decree by the CEO and the Cabal of the Uncyclomedia Foundation, further worthwhile activities on the site are now to include,
- Voting and adding to VFD, in a "smug way" indicating expectation of approval.
- Uploading crap/pervert images.
- Creating useless categories and evermore useless and unfunny templates and quotes.[5]
- More bickering/bitching in forums - with added theatrics.
- Welcoming people.
- Creating lists.
Characteristics[edit | edit source]
The site was for a time famous for its clever articles; however the tedious dramas are often cited as being a source of fun for the users and admins. The bitter in-fighting has also been used to allay many a high school/university shootings as lonely young men flock to "compete" on humour, particularly the kind of humour they have found girls unresponsive to.
Oscar Wilde instituted a hierarchical control in the early days of Uncyclopedia to run the site without his supervision. This evil sect would allow for bickering about the sites direction to take place in a clean and less soiled environment to the rest of the site. Entry to the so called "Cabal" for users usually depends on how vocal the current active members are and whether the more moderate voices can stand the drama of yet more "queens" coming to the fore. The system is widely criticized even by members themselves; however anonymous sources have commented that "Once you’re wedged into the Cabal the only real way out is further up it."[6]
The site also has a religious structure based on Judeo-Christian beliefs, however many atavistic pagan elements have been introduced for disciplining the less intelligent. A good example is Sophia, Flying Spaghetti Monster[7] and Russian Reversals which engender loyalty despite cabal abuse. The official Church of Uncyclopedia was dissolved when Oscar Wilde began his sabbatical in 2008. The sabbatical and the church dissolution was apparently due to bad publicity involving the Irish writer and the church in yet another stunt to boost his profile on the site. The toothless simpletons from Wilde's home sty of Dublin strongly deny this on his behalf. Since then Uncyclopedia has become more secular and left wing.[8]
The "Future" for the project[edit | edit source]
“Go eat shit fuckers”
– 4.252.99.182 on Uncyclopedia's future
The site is something of a Paradise Lost and it is hoped that it can be restored to the whoring effort that Wilde envisaged while pissed out of his mind whilst studying at Oxford. The site has expanded a great deal with 23,000 articles taking up server space, some have specutlated that lax attitudes have open Uncyclopedia's future wide open to the infection of vandals.[9]
It has been the case that the site will continue to function on more "experimental" articles involving MS Paint and sex and/or racism jokes. Zombie Jesus famously commented in 2007 about Uncyclopedians, "How the these 'special people' find the on button on their computers let alone edit the site baffles me, may the Flying Spaghetti Monster save us all."
Overall the site has lost ground as a comedy website as it’s most active contributors down tools to make way for scrotes. The acting CEO Jimbo Wales speaking on Oscar Wilde's behalf commented,
| “ | Its not the site that’s the problem, it’s the excessive liberality towards morons which ensured the downfall of such projects. Evermore complications are added in the name of 'user retention' and 'maintenance', this of course, only leads to further bickering and confusion. | ” |
Other recent additions for users to partake in is "power hunger." For the comedy wiki this remains one of the slightly amusing things for a spectator of the site. It can often hiliarious to hear the IRC discussions, or the forums where those skiled in debate keenly hope to pursuede the site that one day they should "seize control" of the impoverished site and restore order.[10]
The site is rumoured to be considering further corporate appeasment throughout next year and beyond. Business analysts such as Jimbo Wales say the site need to sell out more to corporations and gain more money to "improve content." However many have also speculated that there's only so much selling out you can do, and Uncyclopedia's future of being a hack and a sell out may not be certain.
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ The site has officially embarked on a Faust style quest of fading away into bollocks.
- ↑ The human incarnation of the Gnostic deity according to quacks.
- ↑ Jimbo has often commented to his henchmen, that uncyclopedia was like the sole of his shoe, gathering pages views for money and protecting his sweatey corn ridden feet.
- ↑ Oscar found men of this sort, "ripe for seduction and naked towel dances as well as my fart art."
- ↑ Humour is subjectve man, fuck you for saying they're useless!
- ↑ The source was liquidated by the Cabal as a routine precaution.
- ↑ Along with the belief in Pastafarinism - which has it's own rituals and beliefs.
- ↑ and also more bitchy and annoying.
- ↑ Who are all fecal matter.
- ↑ For what diabolic reasaon Sophia only knows.