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I can has Recon?

Perhaps you are part of Bungie's plan for world domination...or you killed yourself with a traffic cone.

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You can help by adding more article.
I have no idea what I'm doing...

Jeffers on his contributions to Uncyclopedia

Pretentious, egotistical and slightly camp...He’s my kind of guy.

Oscar Wilde on Jeffers

...the clever-dumb balance is restored.

MINT ads on Jeffers

The jeffers
Scientific classification
Kingdom United
Phylum WTF?
Class B223
Order Lacking
Family Disfunctionalus
Genus Homo
Species Awesomeus
Binomial name
Primary armament Xbox 360 controller
Secondary armament Rolled up newspaper
Power supply AA
Health 1
Mana 1337
Strength 0.3
Intelligence Incalcuable
Weight Negligible
Length 6ft
Special attack Spaz
Conservation status
One and only
BS This userpage is bullshit.
The Game This user just lost The Game, as did you. The Game
Temp This is a template userbox, to create userboxes from. Anyone with it on his/her page is clearly just looking for an excuse to have more Userboxes.
Crystal Clear app kcmdf.png This user likes to use redundant userboxes. Crystal Clear app kcmdf.png
Usb! No, really! Usb!
This user has a crapload of userboxes. To see more of them, go to User:jeffers/userboxes.
Eeek! This user steals userboxes from random people's user pages. Eeek!
Half Jaw.jpg This user pwns at Halo 3. Half Jaw.jpg
Stig.PNG This user is The Stig. Stig.PNG
YA This user is a young adult and so is probably poor, lazy and drunk . . . or a student.
This user is straight, and so desires intimate relations with members of the opposite sex. The freak!
This user is right-handed.
In Latin, they would be Dexter.
Deadbarney3.gif This user believes Barney is evil, and therefore must die. Deadbarney3.gif
Oranges.png This user likes to eat anything orange. Oranges.png
Uncyclopedia elzzup otatop.jpg
.sdrawkcab si resu sihT
!degnellahc-yllatnoziroh TON si resu sihT :etoN
This user is reading your thoughts!
Monbags.jpg This user is POOR,

has never passed GO,

and never collected $200.

Euroipods1.jpg This user supports the giving away of free iPods.
This user would be a professional procrastinator, but they can't be bothered.
official This user is official. They get all their user boxes from here. official
Bad User
This user is an asshole.
Please avoid direct contact.
typo-P Tihs f****r spekas Typo ehavily laced wirh profanitt taht woudl amke a f*****g a*****e salior bluhs form all teh g******d balshpemy. typo-P
Pikachuevolving.PNG This user got Pokémon Diamond because they are a corporate whore. Their friend code is 210553353220. Pikachuevolving.PNG
Coffee sm.jpg This user needs a steady supply of Caffeine.
So hand it over . . . NOW.
(List of users who NEED caffeine)
Canadian snowman.jpg This user is cooler than you. Canadian snowman.jpg
1337 This user is elite. 1337
Xbox2.jpg This user is addicted to video games. PlayStation Logos.jpg
LV-4 This user considers him/herself an expert gamer and so begs borrows or steals just enough money to pay for their electricity.
MMORPG This user believes MMORPGs are a waste of time and/or money. Furthermore to this fact s/he demands the deletion of all MMORPGs and their players!
Nintendo ds.png This user prefers the Nintendo DS over the PSP as they have far superior multitasking abilities.
NintendoDS.jpg This user prefers settles for the the original DS model as they have no money.

40px-Xbox 360 wireless controller.png

This user plays the Xbox 360 as their pretentiousness knows no bounds.
Wii.jpg This user prefers the Wii as 'it's the game play that counts'.
610px-NGC Gamecube.jpg This user plays games on the Nintendo GameCube as they broke their window with the Wii remote and can't afford another.
DreamcastConsole.jpg This user still enjoys the overrated Sega Dreamcast but doesn't talk about this to anyone but his/her therapist.
Antisensor.JPG This user is against computer and video game censorship and regulation as they like porn and violence (though not always at the same time).
Hammer and sickle.png
This user is a Communist
& is working on their Lenin mustache! ☭
Neo Small.jpg
This user believes in the Matrixes and needs to seriously get in touch with the real world
Windows logo - 2012 (dark blue).svg This user uses Windows because they can't get enough of your lover. Windows logo - 2012 (dark blue).svg
Firefox Logo.png This user believes the Mozilla Firefox could easily defeat Godzilla. Firefox Logo.png
United Kingdom
This user is a total UKer
and is terribly polite but refuses to curtsy.
(British Uncyclopedians)
Boris johnson mayor of london.jpg This user is a Brit and a Johnsonite

Mad scientist caricature.png This user is a Mad Scientist. Mad scientist caricature.png
Bananaseizure.gif This user will give you a seizure. Bananaseizure.gif
MEH This user redefines lazy! MEH
This user is a skeptical agnostic
and doesn't know if s/he doesn't know

Mario-lo-res.jpg This user is a Gamer and therefore creepy. Mario-lo-res.jpg
Vista logo.png This user hates Windows Vista and recommends the total destruction of all existing copies Vista logo.png

Taramasalata.jpg This user is addicted to taramasalata, tarantulas and anything else with lots of 't's and 'a's.
nj This user is a Ninja, with dominion over everything totally sweet.
IP Jeffers's IP is IP
Kid1.gif This user seriously needs to calm down. Kid1.gif
Exploding-head.gif This user's head A SPLODE. Exploding-head.gif
Popeeyebeams.jpg This user has eye beams. Popeeyebeams.jpg
Popeeyebeams.jpg This user is a complete, irredeemable holster. They are Bat Fuck Insane, and shit at an oven. Popeeyebeams.jpg
253951 photo.gif Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring....BANANAPHONE!!!! 253951 photo.gif
ego This user is a deluded egomaniac. ego
The Worst Part of Censorship.jpg This *bleep* user likes to *bleep* the use of *bleep* *bleep* profanity *bleep* The Worst Part of Censorship.jpg
Myfisto.gif This user has attained a plane of asshattery previously thought unreachable and needs to be cockpunched immediately. Myfisto.gif
Nuvola apps important.svg This user hates you and everyone you care about. Nuvola apps important.svg
NO This user doesn't care. NO
This user believes participation in the consumption of cheese is an exquisite pastime.
Gefahrensymbol F.png
This user is a bit of a pyromaniac.
Gefahrensymbol F.png
Kraspin.gif This user enjoys staring at spinning objects, and may be afflicted with Attention Deficit look at the birdie! Kraspin.gif
DramaticQuestionMark.png This user can also be found elsewhere on the internet. DramaticQuestionMark.png
This user likes goats.
Wikipedia-logo.png This user doesn't trust Wikipedia as far as he can throw it... but nonetheless uses it on a daily basis.
FireV2.png This user rejects the theory of global warming, or at least thinks it's someone else's problem.
Lorenz attractor yb.svg.png This user is fascinated by chaos theory. Probably, s/he doesn't really know but 'chaos' sounds faintly apocalyptic: bring on the carnage!
Lq-dna.png This user monkey understands biological evolution and wishes to evangelise this fact. Lq-dna.png
TableImage.svg.png This user tried, really, really hard, to memorise the elements' names and symbols but can only remember that H is for hydrogen
Heritage Routemaster.jpg This user uses public transport and so has most likely been mugged, raped or murdered. Heritage Routemaster.jpg
No Wikipedia.png
This user does not have a user page at Wikipedia because he or she thinks that they take things way too seriously over there.

Jeffers is perhaps the biggest waste of human resourses to date, right after hippies, Jade Goody and Poland. In his entire existance he has never achieved, improved or asploded anything, making his total contributions to the world comparable with god. In fact, if the govenment did not insist on taxing EVERYONE, there would be no record of Jeffers' existance. Why are you even reading his userpage?


Notable activities include:

  • Sleeping
  • Eating
  • Sleeping
  • Complaining (Jeffers is 127% British, 97% raddish)
  • Sleeping
  • Plotting world domination
  • Sleeping
  • Playing Xbox
  • Not sleeping...followed by sleeping
  • Not attending college - get your ass in now.


Jeffers' diet is observed to consist almost entirely of Lucozade and Weetos. How he manages to survive on such little nourishment has been the subject of literally three studies. None providing useful results.

Obsession with Xbox Live[edit]

Playing Halo has been proved to be the most worthless thing a person can do, so naturally, Jeffers is almost always doing it.

He is considerably devoted to unlocking Recon armour, which is why he plasters his stupid template over anything REMOTELY Halo related...

Otherwise his gamertag is completely unremarkable, although his gamerscore is OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND!!!!