User:Jeffers

I can has Recon?

Perhaps you are part of Bungie's plan for world domination...or you killed yourself with a traffic cone.

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“I have no idea what I'm doing...”

~ Jeffers on his contributions to Uncyclopedia

“Pretentious, egotistical and slightly camp...He’s my kind of guy.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Jeffers

“...the clever-dumb balance is restored.”

~ MINT ads on Jeffers

The jeffers
Scientific classification
Kingdom	United
Phylum	WTF?
Class	B223
Order	Lacking
Family	Disfunctionalus
Genus	Homo
Species	Awesomeus
Binomial name
God
Specifications
Primary armament	Xbox 360 controller
Secondary armament	Rolled up newspaper
Power supply	AA
Health	1
Mana	1337
Strength	0.3
Intelligence	Incalcuable
Weight	Negligible
Length	6ft
Special attack	Spaz
Conservation status
One and only

BS This userpage is bullshit. BS The Game This user just lost The Game, as did you. The Game Temp This is a template userbox, to create userboxes from. Anyone with it on his/her page is clearly just looking for an excuse to have more Userboxes. This user likes to use redundant userboxes. Usb! No, really! Usb! USB!!!!!11 NO, REALLY TRULY REALLY!!!! USB!!!!!11 ubx– crapload This user has a crapload of userboxes. To see more of them, go to User:jeffers/userboxes. ubx– crapload Eeek! This user steals userboxes from random people's user pages. Eeek! This user pwns at Halo 3. This user is The Stig. YA This user is a young adult and so is probably poor, lazy and drunk ... or a student. YA This user is straight, and only desires intimate relations with members of the opposite sex. The freak! This user is right-handed. In Latin, they would be Dexter. This user believes Barney is evil, and therefore must die. This user likes to eat anything orange. .sdrawkcab si resu sihT !degnellahc-yllatnoziroh TON si resu sihT :etoN This user is reading your thoughts! This user is POOR, has never passed GO, and never collected $200. This user supports the giving away of free iPods. … This user would be a professional procrastinator, but they can't be bothered. … official This user is official. They get all their user boxes from here. official Bad User This user is an asshole. Please avoid direct contact. Typo P Tihs f****r spekas Typo ehavily laced wirh profanitt taht woudl amke a f*****g a*****e salior bluhs form all teh g******d balshpemy. Typo P This user got Pokémon Diamond because they are a corporate whore. Their friend code is 210553353220. This user needs a steady supply of Caffeine. So hand it over . . . NOW. (List of users who NEED caffeine) This user is cooler than you. 1337 This user is elite. 1337 This user is addicted to video games. LV-4 This user considers him/herself an expert gamer and so begs borrows or steals just enough money to pay for their electricity. MMORPG This user believes MMORPGs are a waste of time and/or money. Furthermore to this fact s/he demands the deletion of all MMORPGs and their players! This user prefers the Nintendo DS over the PSP as they have far superior multitasking abilities. This user prefers settles for the the original DS model as they have no money. This user plays on an Xbox 360 as their pretentiousness knows no bounds. This user prefers the Wii as 'it's the game play that counts'. This user plays games on the Nintendo GameCube as they broke their window with the Wii remote and can't afford another. This user still enjoys the overrated Sega Dreamcast but doesn't talk about this to anyone but his/her therapist. This user is against computer and video game censorship and regulation as they like porn and violence (though not always at the same time). This user is a Communist & is working on their Lenin mustache! ☭ This user believes in the Matrixes and needs to seriously get in touch with the real world (It's actually Matrices) This user uses Windows because they can't get enough of your lover. This user believes the Mozilla Firefox could easily defeat Godzilla. This user is a total UKer …jolly good, Guv. Bloody good day for it! (British Uncyclopedians) This user is a Brit and a Johnsonite This user is a Mad Scientist. This user will give you a seizure. MEH This user redefines lazy! MEH This user is a skeptical agnostic and doesn't know if they don't know This user is a Gamer and therefore creepy. This user hates Windows Vista and recommends the total destruction of all existing copies. This user is addicted to taramosalata, tarantulas and anything with lots of 't's and 'a's. THIS USER IS ADDICTED TO COWBELL, AND SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS. nj This user is a Ninja, with dominion over everything totally sweet. nj IP Jeffers's IP is 127.0.0.1. IP This user seriously needs to calm down. This user's head A SPLODE. This user has eye beams. This user is a complete, irredeemable alfalfa. They are Bat Fuck Insane, and zap at an etching. Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring....BANANAPHONE!!!! THIS IS SPARTA! This mathematical user loves pi ego This user is a deluded egomaniac. ego This *bleep* user likes to *bleep* the use of *bleep* *bleep* profanity *bleep* This user has attained a plane of asshattery previously thought unreachable and needs to be cockpunched immediately. This user hates you and everyone you care about. NO This user doesn't care. NO This user believes participation in the consumption of cheese is an exquisite pastime. This user is a bit of a pyromaniac. This user enjoys staring at spinning objects, and may be afflicted with Attention Deficit look at the birdie! This user can also be found elsewhere on the internet. This user likes goats. Baaaahaahaahaahhh! This user doesn't trust Wikipedia as far as they can throw it… but nonetheless use it on a daily basis. This user rejects the theory of global warming, or at least thinks it's someone else's problem. This user is fascinated by chaos theory. They probably don't realize how apocalyptic the word 'chaos' sounds: bring on the carnage! This user monkey understands biological evolution and wishes to evangelise this fact. This user tried, really, really hard, to memorize the elements' names and symbols but can only remember that H is for hydrogen This user uses public transport and so has most likely been mugged, raped or murdered. This user does not have a user page at Wikipedia because he or she thinks that they take things way too seriously over there.

Jeffers is perhaps the biggest waste of human resourses to date, right after hippies, Jade Goody and Poland. In his entire existance he has never achieved, improved or asploded anything, making his total contributions to the world comparable with god. In fact, if the govenment did not insist on taxing EVERYONE, there would be no record of Jeffers' existance. Why are you even reading his userpage?

Habits

Notable activities include:

• Sleeping
• Eating
• Sleeping
• Complaining (Jeffers is 127% British, 97% raddish)
• Sleeping
• Plotting world domination
• Sleeping
• Playing Xbox
• Not sleeping...followed by sleeping
• Not attending college - get your ass in now.

Diet

Jeffers' diet is observed to consist almost entirely of Lucozade and Weetos. How he manages to survive on such little nourishment has been the subject of literally three studies. None providing useful results.

Obsession with Xbox Live

Playing Halo has been proved to be the most worthless thing a person can do, so naturally, Jeffers is almost always doing it.

He is considerably devoted to unlocking Recon armour, which is why he plasters his stupid template over anything REMOTELY Halo related...

Otherwise his gamertag is completely unremarkable, although his gamerscore is OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND!!!!