User:Jeffers

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“I have no idea what I'm doing...”

~ Jeffers on his contributions to Uncyclopedia

“Pretentious, egotistical and slightly camp...He’s my kind of guy.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Jeffers

“...the clever-dumb balance is restored.”

~ MINT ads on Jeffers
The jeffers
Jeffers.jpg
Scientific classification
Kingdom United
Phylum WTF?
Class B223
Order Lacking
Family Disfunctionalus
Genus Homo
Species Awesomeus
Binomial name
God
Specifications
Primary armament Xbox 360 controller
Secondary armament Rolled up newspaper
Power supply AA
Health 1
Mana 1337
Strength 0.3
Intelligence Incalcuable
Weight Negligible
Length 6ft
Special attack Spaz
Conservation status
One and only
BS This userpage is bullshit.
The Game This user just lost The Game, as did you.
Temp This is a template userbox, to create userboxes from. Anyone with it on his/her page is clearly just looking for an excuse to have more Userboxes.
Crystal Clear app kcmdf.png This user likes to use redundant userboxes.
Usb! No, really!


USB!!!!!11 NO, REALLY TRULY REALLY!!!!


ubx–
crapload
This user has a crapload of userboxes. To see more of them, go to User:jeffers/userboxes.
Eeek! This user steals userboxes from random people's user pages.
Half Jaw.jpg This user pwns at Halo 3.
Stig.PNG This user is The Stig.
YA This user is a young adult and so is probably poor, lazy and drunk . . . or a student.
HeteroSym-pinkblue2.svg.png This user is straight, and so desires intimate relations with members of the opposite sex. The freak!
This user is right-handed.

In Latin, they would be Dexter.

Dexter.jpg
Deadbarney3.gif This user believes Barney is evil, and therefore must die.
OrangeOrange.jpg This user likes to eat anything orange.
.sdrawkcab si resu sihT

!degnellahc-yllatnoziroh TON si resu sihT :etoN
Uncyclopedia elzzup otatop.jpg
Mindreader8.jpg This user is reading your thoughts!
Monbags.jpg This user is POOR,

has never passed GO,

and never collected $200.

Euroipods1.jpg This user supports the giving away of free iPods.
... This user would be a professional procrastinator, but they can't be bothered.
official This user is official. They get all their user boxes from here.
typo-P Tihs f****r spekas Typo ehavily laced wirh profanitt taht woudl amke a f*****g a*****e salior bluhs form all teh g******d balshpemy.
Pikachuevolving.PNG This user got Pokémon Diamond because they are a corporate whore. Their friend code is 210553353220.
Coffee sm.jpg This user needs a steady supply of Caffeine.
So hand it over . . . NOW.
(List of users who NEED caffeine)
Canadian snowman.jpg This user is cooler than you.
1337 This user is elite.
Xbox2.jpg This user is addicted to video games. PlayStation Logos.jpg


LV-4 This user considers him/herself an expert gamer and so begs borrows or steals just enough money to pay for their electricity.
MMORPG This user believes MMORPGs are a waste of time and/or money. Furthermore to this fact s/he demands the deletion of all MMORPGs and their players!
Nintendo ds.png This user prefers the Nintendo DS over the PSP as they have far superior multitasking abilities.
NintendoDS.jpg This user prefers settles for the the original DS model as they have no money.

40px-Xbox 360 wireless controller.png

This user plays the Xbox 360 as their pretentiousness knows no bounds.
Wii.jpg This user prefers the Wii as 'it's the game play that counts'.
610px-NGC Gamecube.jpg This user plays games on the Nintendo GameCube as they broke their window with the Wii remote and can't afford another.
DreamcastConsole.jpg This user still enjoys the overrated Sega Dreamcast but doesn't talk about this to anyone but his/her therapist.
Antisensor.JPG This user is against computer and video game censorship and regulation as they like porn and violence (though not always at the same time).
Hammer and sickle.png This user is a
Communist

& is working on their
Lenin mustache! ☭
Neo Small.jpg This user believes in the Matrixes and needs to seriously get in touch with the real world
Windows Logo.png This user uses Windows because he or she can't get enough of your lover.

Firefox Logo.png This user believes the Mozilla Firefox could easily defeat Godzilla.

British flag.gif This user is a total UKer,
and enjoys driving their Jaguar (NOT: JagWARR).
(British Uncyclopedians)
Boris johnson mayor of london.jpg This user is a Brit and a Johnsonite

Mad scientist caricature.png This user is a Mad Scientist.
Bananaseizure.gif This user will give you a seizure.
MEH This user redefines lazy!
Agnobox2.PNG
This user is a skeptical agnostic
and doesn't know if s/he doesn't know

Mario-lo-res.jpg This user is a Gamer and therefore creepy.
Vista logo.png This user hates Windows Vista and recommends the total destruction of all existing copies

Taramasalata.jpg This user is addicted to taramasalata, tarantulas and anything else with lots of 't's and 'a's.
Cowbell2.gif THIS USER IS ADDICTED TO COWBELL, AND SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS.
nj This user is a Ninja, with dominion over everything totally sweet.
IP This user's IP is 127.0.0.1.


[[Category:Users whose IP is {{{ip}}}]]


Kid1.gif This user seriously needs to calm down.
Exploding-head.gif This user's head A SPLODE.
Popeeyebeams.jpg This user has eye beams.
Popeeyebeams.jpg This user is a complete, irredeemable street sign. They are Bat Fuck Insane, and x-rays at the street sign.
253951 photo.gif Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring....BANANAPHONE!!!!


FUUUUUUUUUUCK.jpg THIS IS SPARTA!
Pi3.14.jpg This user loves pi
ego This user is a deluded egomaniac.
The Worst Part of Censorship.jpg This *bleep* user likes to *bleep* the use of *bleep* *bleep* profanity *bleep*
Myfisto.gif This user has attained a plane of asshattery previously thought unreachable and needs to be cockpunched immediately.


Nuvola apps important.png This user hates you and everyone you care about.
NO This user doesn't care.
Cheeze.jpg This user believes participation in the consumption of cheese is an exquisite pastime.
Gefahrensymbol F.png This user is a pyromaniac.


Kraspin.gif This user enjoys staring at spinning objects, and may be afflicted with Attention Deficit look at the birdie!.
DramaticQuestionMark.png This user can also be found elsewhere on the internet.
Afrogoat.jpg
This user likes goats.
Baaaaahaahaahaahhhh!
Wikipedia-logo.png This user doesn't trust Wikipedia as far as he can throw it... but nonetheless uses it on a daily basis.
FireV2.png This user rejects the theory of global warming, or at least thinks it's someone else's problem.
Lorenz attractor yb.svg.png This user is fascinated by chaos theory. Probably, s/he doesn't really know but 'chaos' sounds faintly apocalyptic: bring on the carnage!
Lq-dna.png This user monkey understands biological evolution and wishes to evangelise this fact.
TableImage.svg.png This user tried, really, really hard, to memorise the elements' names and symbols but can only remember that H is for hydrogen
Heritage Routemaster.jpg This user uses public transport and so has most likely been mugged, raped or murdered.
No Wikipedia.png
This user does not have a user page at Wikipedia because he or she thinks that they take things way too seriously over there.

Jeffers is perhaps the biggest waste of human resourses to date, right after hippies, Jade Goody and Poland. In his entire existance he has never achieved, improved or asploded anything, making his total contributions to the world comparable with god. In fact, if the govenment did not insist on taxing EVERYONE, there would be no record of Jeffers' existance. Why are you even reading his userpage?

Habits[edit]

Notable activities include:

  • Sleeping
  • Eating
  • Sleeping
  • Complaining (Jeffers is 127% British, 97% raddish)
  • Sleeping
  • Plotting world domination
  • Sleeping
  • Playing Xbox
  • Not sleeping...followed by sleeping
  • Not attending college - get your ass in now.

Diet[edit]

Jeffers' diet is observed to consist almost entirely of Lucozade and Weetos. How he manages to survive on such little nourishment has been the subject of literally three studies. None providing useful results.

Obsession with Xbox Live[edit]

Playing Halo has been proved to be the most worthless thing a person can do, so naturally, Jeffers is almost always doing it.

He is considerably devoted to unlocking Recon armour, which is why he plasters his stupid template over anything REMOTELY Halo related...

Otherwise his gamertag is completely unremarkable, although his gamerscore is OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND!!!!

The+jeffers.png