Talk:Marijuana

DANGER Blanking or vandalising this page can be deadly ... or worse. A mess of stoned pothead users are currently castrated, paralyzed, and disfigured for daring to edit this page. If you just got here and are mortally offended by these blatant lies, please read About Uncyclopedia and the Beginner's Guide, then go fuck yourself. Seriously, that's a much safer alternative than anything else you have in mind.

This is the talk page for discussing improvements to Marijuana. This is also a forum for spreading libelous rumors about the article's subject. This is not a forum for general discussion about what you did last night. We have the Village Dump for things like that.
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This sucks

When i read this it looks like what an anti drugs activist would say. THIS IS A COMEDY ENCYCLOPEDIA. COMEDY!

Yeah, dude, that's the point. It looks like what an anti-drugs activist would say, but more importantly, it is also grade A bullshit. That's why it's funny: because it has maybe 0.33 ml of truth to it. Well, maybe more: people do believe that the things there are true. Ж Kalir _{yes, I play Pokémon} 23:33, 17 August 2007 (UTC)

I'm getting insanely frustrated with the gathering hippie storm

I removed the following: "*Marijuana has never killed anyone in 6,000 years of use as a recreational and medicinal drug. Compare that to Emphysema, which has killed millions and millions of kittens using rusty, old butter knives." because this isn't internally consistent.

I also removed "Marijua is way cool", not only because, once again this information isn't internally consistent with the article, but also because I have no idea what "Marijua" is.

I LAUF MARYWANA

yer well you can sux my dick and big hairy nuts bitch this page is fucked like your self bro i recon you smoked ya pcp mary jane spliff before writing this page– Preceding unsigned comment added by 124.176.6.139 (talk • contribs)

• Whoa! Deep, man! But I would expect someone as brilliant as you to comment somewhere other than a section referring to a version of this article that was long ago rewritten out of existence.--Naughtius Maximus F@H Woof! MeowMUN 00:10, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

Let me explain - this entire article is about how marijuana is an ore, and not a drug. There's even a section about how you should never, ever smoke it. If what I wrote isn't funny, I accept that completely. If someone wants to completely delete what I wrote, that's their right, but when making edits, at the very least, shoot for internal consistency.

Obviously, no one is arguing that marijuana isn't A-Ok in real life, but this is supposed to be funny, not an ad for High Times. I honestly hope I'm not coming off like a total ass here, and I don't want to disrespect anyone, I promise. However, there's no reason we should have to have to edit out the Pro-420 nonsense that keeps getting inserted in this article. What is very much not funny is people inserting nonsense about real-life marijuana on a factually incorrect parody encyclopedia. Thoughts, anyone?

Ok, matey, Mr. 82.38.192.177 here... look, to be honest I'm sure it was very funny etc, but uncyclopedia is basically a comedy site. you can't take the marijuana page away from the stoners. weed has given so much to comedy over the years, let those who obviously aren't fools add what they wish and be done with it.

- Rossangeles

Well, you're in line with the HTBFANJS guidelines, which were inscribed in stone by the gods at the dawn of time. So yes, I agree. --Rcmurphy KUN 18:34, 25 Aug 2005 (UTC)

Er, I kinda liked the part about kittens. Then again, I'm an evil bastard, and eat them for lunch, so go figure. But yeah, what RC said. The ore is good. I'm still confused on the hippie-ore connection tho. --Famine 20:35, 25 Aug 2005 (UTC)

Famine, you're right, and I've removed that, so thanks for pointing it out. In fact, I've taken a crack at removing some of the faux random elements completely, and I think it works better now. Thoughts? - rossangeles. 3:10 PM, PST, 25 Aug 2005

Uncyclopedia is not actually an encyclopedia of factual things. Therefore, nobody needs to be told how smokable pot is.

Can someone just create a site called stonerwiki and get it over with? I know this will either preach to the choir or fall on deaf ears, but I'm getting insanely annoyed by people adding unfunny bits about smoking out, getting high, what have you. This is lazy, and frankly, lame. Quit promoting kind bud and read How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid.

Spread the Word or Pass the Pot?

“Cast in stone, the idea is. Otherwise horrible, the world will be.”

~ Yoda on Stonerwiki

“To pot or not to pot isn't a question. The question is - can I have some?”

~ Pol Pot on Stonerwiki

“In Soviet Russia, the pot smokes YOU!!”

~ Russian Reversal on Pol Pot

Long live the idea of a stonerwiki. Every potty-trained stone-age Mary-Jane lover on earth, moon and the Red Planet will be there when the stonerwiki happens. Vladimir Potting, the Russian Reversal Expert, G8 member and President of the damned Russians have declared - it will be red letter day for Russian Democracy. A completely stoned and heavily over-rated CNN reporter is reported to shout upon this declaration - "Are those pink elephants rampaging Kremlin, or am I just happy?"

Martian Pothunter, the celebrated detective and Greenpeace ambassador for Save the Bong movement, let it be known that People and Cows from the Red Planet will be joining Plants and Insects from Red China to form the Interplanetary Potters Movement to demand a stonerwiki soon. Leading potologists, including the infamous Harry Potter and Timothy Leary will be leading the Association.

“Tombstones are turning.”

~ James Bond on Stonerwiki

“Is it smoking already?”

~ George W. Bush on Iraq

“Never pass the pot, because you are never through!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Potluck

According to a UN release from the caves of Afghanistan, made in close partnership with the hashmen of Al-Qaida, the Grateful Dead will come undead when it happens, and they will be led by the great dildo in the sky on that day.

The Flintstones have already shot two exotic locations, I mean, shot two episodes in exotic locations on stonerwiki, all ready to go on air. King Bong, a sequel to King Kong, is also under preparation.

Loads of merchandise are ready to be rolled out on the day when stonerwiki rolls in. The most notable are:

• Stonehead Berbie from Mattel
• Let go and let out blocks from Lego
• Super Maryjane bros. from Nintendo
• Just do it sports shoes with secret grass-chamber from Nike
• Temple Ball from Adidas
• Flexible Joints from American Orthopedic Association
• Buzz Lightyear from Pixar
• Lucy in the Sky with Diamond from da Beers
• Metropolis from Krypton Inc.

Pass the pot, please, and, oh... where was I... let's see... oh, there it is... don't forget the stonerwiki, my brothers. (Aditya Kabir 06:50, 19 July 2006 (UTC))

Stoner Talk with Scooby and Shaggy:

"Hit it don't baby-sit it" "Take a deep breath, hit it then pass it to the left" "There's a hole in my bowl, plug it with a nugget" "Roll, roll, roll a joint twist it at the end, take a puff thats enough, pass it to a friend" "Are you High on the pot?" "I'm gonna go Poke Smot" "Don't gimme that bammer weed" "I smoke Mad indoe yo! Mad indoe!" "Want a doobie snack?" "Hitting Maryjane" that ones about sex not wife beaters!!! "Smoking the Green Goblin"

What can we do to make them stop??

Please, someone, give me a suggestion. I am sick and tired of people adding smoking pot stuff to this. Please, please, please stop.

You could like uh smoke some pot then think about what to write? Maybe? Beware this hippy packs two kinds of heat a pipe and a lighter I'm so high right now.

" don't forget to bring a towel!"

Article Idea ?

This may seem like a lame attempt at humor but what if there was a page, even a separate one, in which the actual changes of article were shown as Rossangeles constantly crossing out (and consequently going out of his mind) the various attempts at the usual additions of facts with his actions becoming more and more violent that by the end of the article, he's become completely deranged. 70.88.218.9 18:10, 22 Sept 2005 (UTC)

Ex.

dude, this stuff is so awesome the government doesn't want you to know about- Rossangeles whacks the hippie with a shovel and, looking both ways, dumps the body in a deep dark hole somewhere.

Scooby Doo digs up the body and gets the zombie stoned then the zombie tries to eat Shaggy's brain so Scoob and shag run like hell, jump in the mystery machine and run the zombie over, as Shags drives away Scooby looks back to see the zombie twitching and screaming for brains!!!

Pure Genius!!!

70.88.218.9, I'm on it. My god, it's pure genius!

Lol. I actually had some bizarre reference to the beginning of Goodfellas concluding at the end of the article, which follows the adventure subtly linking various pages throughout Uncyclopedia. (A not so subtle nod to the ending of American Dad last season). 70.88.217.193 18:56, 22 Sept 2005 (UTC)

Ex.

WEED AIN'T A ROCK MAN IT'S A PLANT THAT YOU CAN SMO- Rossangeles scurries up the elevator shaft as the hippies open the elevator door. A severely beaten fact is tied to an office chair and, dressed in a Santa suit, a note is written "NOW I HAVE A MACHINE GUN. HO HO HO!".

did you know you can grow ganja and smok- "Smile you son of a bitch.." is heard shortly before the fact dies a fiery death.

Maybe I'm killing it here but you probably get the point. 134.241.43.254 20:20, 22 Sept 2005 (UTC)

“Amazing... it's like watching a train wreck.”
~ Oscar Wilde

Henceforth, from this moment forward I'll compile all future changes to this page that make it factualish. I think I'll add a section at the bottom of this page about it, called "Examples of the delusional effect marijuana has on the brain", with the quotes, and my increasingly insane reactions to it. And I'll shamefully steal your suggestions too. Now, must think... Rossangeles

I'm stoned and it hurtssssss.

All of a sudden Shaggy pulls out a pipe hits it and passes it to Scooby, Scoob takes a hit and laughs "Riss is rum rood rit raggy hehehehehe." After a few more hits they eats some Scooby-snacks and drink FAYGO cola.

I'm Stoned

My computer is really funny tonight. oliveman6

“You're really pissing them off tonight, Paul.”
~ Oscar Wilde

Dude I'm so fucking stoned, but I'm still capable of being unbiased. Wait isn't this stuff supposed to alter my way of thinking because when I read this shit it still makes me want to bleed from my non-existent vagina.

Bold text

I'high hi

Maybe with consider something about blue huh@ huh! says Winnie the Poo.

Rewrite

I was, quite honestly, expecting there to be a rather shit article here, so my idea for a rewrite may be undesirable. Still, I had a rather amusing thought while reading this "Top 25 Reasons Not To Use Marijuana" that seems to consist entirely of facts one could make up completely, such as "contains 50% (up to 150) more carcinogens than tobacco" and "expensive". My rewrite is located over here if you're interested. If not, I can add it as an article called The Dangers of Marijuana or some such. My version is meant to satirize the blatant ignorance of most marijuana opponents due to using inaccurate and outdated sources. But hey, your version is pretty funny. Ж Kalir _{yes, I play Pokémon} 05:19, 15 June 2007 (UTC)

Eh, fuck it. I'll put up my rewrite and if it irritates anybody they can revert. Ж Kalir _{yes, I play Pokémon} 05:16, 18 June 2007 (UTC)

interwiki

Add de:Marihuana it:Marijuana uk:МаріХуана

What's with smoking is healthier?

It may just be me, but I don't think this site should be used to encourage people to smoke. The marijuana page was just fake enough to still be believable. Obviously some idiot or tobacco company came and edited the page to make it say that cigarettes are 100% safer then marijuana. They aren't, and it's not funny either. May as well say that smoking a pile of dog shit won't fuck with your lungs. The article should be changed. It's not funny, it's not stupid, its retarded. (5:42 October 11, 2007)

Nah, man, that's the point. You seen some of the ridiculous bullshit they say about marijuana? They go to drastic measures to make marijuana seem worse than heroin, when the reverse is true. Heck, I bet most people don't even bother to research it themselves, just parrot what they hear from popular opinion. I'm touched, though, that you thought a genuine tobacco company representative wrote this article. It means I did my job right. Ж Kalir _{yes, I play Pokémon} 02:10, 12 October 2007 (UTC)

I wasn't thinking so much tobacco company rep as Conservapedia article. That's just me, though. Hell, they're all run by the same people anyway. Jesus Hates You. 18:27, 15 March 2008 (UTC)

I don't know about that - there was a South Park episode that showed tobacco company people to be much nicer and more reasonable than the fucktards at Conservapedia. [1] [2] I guess it's possible that South Park could be wrong about something, but I find that highly unlikely. --Naughtius Maximus F@H Woof! MeowMUN 01:26, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

That's just an act...their in league with Wal-Mart, and we al know how that went on South Park... Chocolate Rain 15:44, 11 August 2008 (UTC)

I believe this.

I believe every word of this article. It makes my life easier to live. ~Sweetandy

Suggestion for a real article edit

Perhaps under the section "Safe, FDA Approved Alternatives to Marijuana", remove the Tylenol verbage. This could make the section more humorous due to the Rule of Three. -TyCamden

I mostly added in Tylenol to ease the transition from "believable" to "downright silly". Gradual increases in oddity work better than sudden sharp increases. Then again, Tylenol to machete in the groin is pretty sharp as is... I dunno, man, I just work here. Ж Kalir _{yes, I play Pokémon} 06:24, 1 October 2008 (UTC)

Hey!

This article isn't humorous at all. I'm serious. I think that you could do a shitload with this if you actually got some good writers up in here. As of right now, it's an unfunny piece of shit that's too busy being preachy and factual to be funny. Hm. I believe that you could go either way with this article (in regards to pot being either awesome or hazardous) and it could be funny. Therefore, the unfunniness lies in the inability of the writer to come up with some stuff that would actually, you know, like, bring lulz. :D!!111

GET SOME GODDAMN PEOPLE ON THE JOB. I'm tired of looking at this retarded atrocity whenever I'm hoping to see some revisions.

~ // [ Lunaquois ] — 22:13, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

It's satire, fuckhat. It's preachy because that's the general societal view on marijuana. It's written in the style of somebody who wants you to believe all the media-contrived bullshit. The author knows it's not near what the purported claims are. This article takes it to the extreme with phrases like "hard street drug", that even the idiots wouldn't say. It's written in the style of someone who's just so entirely misinformed, that their stupidity has developed as its own entity. -RAHB 22:20, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

Also, it's a wiki. You want it fixed, quit your whining and fix it. Don't point at a drowning child and say "Gee, someone should rescue him". Also also, "fuckhat" is one of the best insults I've heard in years, RAHB. -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 22:23, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

I'd been saving that one for such an occasion. -RAHB 22:24, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

This is not satire. You can totally tell that most of it was written by someone who's against the use of marijuana. Only some of it is funny because it's blatantly fucking obvious satire. As for the point that I should do something about it because I'm bitching, you're right. I should do something about it. However, I stand by my initial statement. ~ // [ Lunaquois ] 23:01, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

It all depends on how you read it I suppose. I've spoken to the guy who wrote it before, and he is in no way opposed to the use of marijuana, from what I can tell. I think it's time to take a step back and be able to laugh at yourself for a change. It is written this way so that it resembles an uneducated asshole preaching about marijuana. That's the point. That's the satire. It doesn't have to hit you over the head to be funny, as tends to be popular belief. However, humor is subjective. Some people think this should be featured. Others think it should be scrapped and rewritten. As is the nature of this site's day-to-day business. -RAHB 23:07, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

A rebuttal from the retarded creator of this lulz-deficient piece of shit

Hi there, I'm Kalir, the writer of this article. You might remember me from such places as Uncyclopedia, and... eh, that's about it, I'm not really notable anywhere else. Ah, fuck it, on to brass tacks. Anyway, you're right. This article does come across as very serious and not trying to be funny in the least. However, RAHB has a splendifferous point: this is a wiki composed around satire.

I noticed your comment on the Michael Moore page, which is an article I rather like too. The humor on that page is a lot more direct than this one. It doesn't make any super partisan comments about Moore one way or the other, and it doesn't need to because the mere concept works well enough. That's definitely satire, because it's still mostly true.

This one isn't true in the least, but that's what makes it good and funny: because it could be thought of as true and because it's close to what some people believe. Of course, it's all shit I and other contributors made up (with a bit of research to make it sound believable). But hey, if you can write something funnier, go for it. Just make sure it's satirical and not just blatant bludgeoning stoner humor. There's a time and a place for that, and it's called Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

So yeah, pretty much what RAHB said. Also, fuckhat. Ж Kalir _{yes, I play Pokémon} 06:24, 1 October 2008 (UTC)

• For (74th nom) -RAHB 08:29, 18 October 2008 (UTC)

• Fuckhat! Bwaaahahahaha epic!(Roachclipjonny! 22:08, 24 February 2009 (UTC))

I R Wif dat one cuz teh rticle wuz atarded nd W33d R teh best Sh!T evah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weed is fucking awesome

FUCK YOU HATERS D: --MasterWangs CUNT and proud of it! 10:53, August 13, 2012 (UTC)

If you could take a joke like you take a dick then I wouldn't even have read your bullshit comment. And marijuana kills millions of people every day. --FAKEHATER spam me 11:48, 21 May 2013 (UTC)

Smoke weed and pop pills in 'yo mouth

This article is awesome, your computer will get stoned though. Click on this if you want to get stoned Magic Mushrooms--Apookykorah (talk) 16:44, 17 May 2021 (UTC)