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I See You!

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The Rotary Wanker engine was inspired by the furious helicopter blade action of feet observed in young Prussian boarding school boys when performing acts of 'manly self-love'. Initially considered the first perpetual motion machine it was soon realised that the onananistic leibemaschine or Hubschrauberfüße was in fact a powered by a pump action throat balm dispenser.

NRV

"Eton by a grue" is a 1968 cult classic featuring Eton schoolboys getting gruesomely disembowelled by Grues.

The film begins with three rather stupid boys. They do the usual posh things (take drugs, play "Poh-lo", cheat on art exams), until one day when somebody started browsing uncyclopedia. Due to the fuss over "It should be uncyclopedia" and the fact they were too dense to use extreme sarcasm meant the three boys ended up in one grue.

Controvery

All the posh people who went there got rather annoyed. They responded in the following TV broadcast:

Sniffy, are we on air? Oh good! Poor, stinky, uncultured, yobish, subservient, perverted, strange, yokel people of outside Eton and Mumsy's and Dadsy's house, we come with a message. You are about to be sued.

This was counteracted with an outbreak of Grue attacks.

B4TTLEMOOSE, also known as "moose" is....some person.

He/she lives on Jurry Lane with the Muffin Man....Do you know the Muffin Man?

He enjoys reading, creating computer art, making homocidal stick figure animations, and long walks in the park. He is currently being threatend by a certain Atheltic Director who said he would "Squash" him. ............He loves your mother,

B4TTLEMOOSE'S Grandmother IS AF UCIJKSVDOAHCDASBIASFHB;AGLJAGDSFASDL;FJASDGFASD FGAS FSAHDFOASDHASDG XDCGDSJG'ADSGASDJGSAD'GS'DGSD OH I WISH I WAS YOU. THEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEINGTHEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEING THEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEINGTHEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEING THEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEINGTHEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEING THEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEINGTHEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEING THEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEINGTHEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEING THEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEINGTHEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEING THEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIPENISPENISPEINSTHEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEING THEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIPENISPENISPEINSTHEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEING THEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIPENISPENISPEINSTHEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEING THEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEINGTHEREISNOSUCHTHINGASSUBLIMINALMESSAGEING

ALKHGLKAHDIGELRHSTKLHEAIOTYUOEIQHM<DNGN! Can;t you see... Tingley feelings are Alergic to: The Outlet Men

Currently Lives With: DEAD PEOPLE, EVERYWHERE. Favorite Song: Hips Don't Lie-Shakera

Favorite Band: Fall Out Fag, My Chemicle fucks. DED.

Famous Quote: DR.PHIL IS MY BIIITCH.

He is also, secretly the Love Child of Harry Potter and a horse....SHHHHHH

Irish-Amish is a term used to describe people of Irish and Amish decent. Most Irish-Amish bloodlines can be traced back to a small tribe that inhabited a small island off the coast of what today is called Ireland. In the early 13th Century the island was know as "O'Grautin (wooded wheel of potato)". The tribe was known as "Irish-Amish" was known for their genetic abnormalities. These abnormalities were flaming red-beards, ghostly pale bald heads, and allergies to communication of any type. The tribe's leader was chosen by the Irish-Amish who possessed the greatest combination of these three abnormalities. When elected, the leader or "Spuds", in celebration would draw pictures of his legs and hand out individual drawings for everyone in the tribe.

The immigration of the Irish-Amish began in the Early 1800's due to many reasons, but most made the journey to America looking to become a mascot for a major Catholic University athletics program. Travelling to America was a dangerous proposition for the Irish-Amish. The 1800 Irish-Amish, not to much different than today's Irish-Amish, did not believe in technology. They refused to travel on Steam Engines across the Atlantic Ocean to America. Many chose to build their own Pubpotatoe boats. These boats were fashioned out of Giant Potatoes with a fully stocked bar carved into the potato. The large potatoes were grown on family farms. The size of the potato was enhanced with red-beard stem cells. These red-beard stem cells were early precursors to the steroids used at Balco (see Irish-Amish Science). They were upset to learn there was just one Major Catholic University upon their arrival. The Irish-Amish settled in Western Tennessee and became know for selling Red Beard Coats and Accessories. The severe allergies to communication caused the business eventually go under, and the clan broke up. One of the few propaganda photos released by the BOFFA The BOFFA is an international organization of women who conspire with each other, with a view to creating a "BOFFA friendly society". The term "BOFFA" is an acronym, meaning, "Big Organization of Female Fighters for Allah!". The group is secretive and conducts their activities with relative anonymity. The group has been specified by the CIA and the United Nations' International Court of Justice as a "group of interest" as they are suspected of being involved in many occurrences that have resulted in death of civilians, however, unlike most extremist groups, they have failed to take any responsibility for their actions. The group has been named by suspected terrorists such as Osama bin Laden and Abu Bakar Bashir in interrogation processes as being accessories to the "Darwin High School Speed Hump Hijackings", an incident that involved the newly built speed humps being depicted as penises. Once again, the BOFFA has failed to take responsibility. The term "BOFFA" is also used to refer to the members of the group, as each member refers to each other as a BOFFA. This makes the members very difficult to track, as they are all very similar and their names are unknown. Communication between the members is also becoming increasingly difficult to trace. This is because the majority of the BOFFA's communication and scheming is conducted via the use of Prepaid Mobile Phones and web based communication portals such as Bebo. For this reason, the CIA has set the Bebo Intelligence Task Force. So far, very little has been traced, largely due to the fact that the suspected members of the BOFFA are believed to be using humorous screen names, eg. lovestospooge69, rather than their real names. A photo suspected to depict the BOFFA in a hijacked car, moments before the Speed Hump attacks. (not the prepaid mobile phone, used to trigger the attack) [edit] Suspects Early Irish-Amish Science Irish-Amish science can be date as far back as 2000 B.C. when early Irish-Amish history tell of a how the clan would use their flaming red beards to create fire which was used for cooking baked potatoes. In 100 B.C the Irish-Amish started using genetics to perfect the population. A Irish-Amish shaman, began splitting cells and duplicating DNA using a specially crafted laser microscope. The microscope,amazingly, was crafted out of potato and wood and used the sun and hairs from the red beards of the people to create a laser. The hairs of the Irish-Amish have red-beard stem cells. The shaman began using this technology to create a race of Irish-Amish without hair or phone dialing abilities. Some time later, this technology was used for creating huge vegetables, such as potatoes, to feed the population. These giant potatoes were later used as boats. It is a fair assessment to say that the Irish-Amish were the fathers of genetics.

Today it is rare to see anyone of pure Irish-Amish decent. But, if you look hard enough for a flaming red beard and a Casper bald head, you find one sitting right next to you.

To use a metaphor from the animal's kingdom, we can call it a dinosaur. Mainframe computer was invented, so companies like IBM, CDC and others, could charge millions of Dollars for a machine that did much less than a $300 PC does today. IBM went even further and created elaborate software to support it, primarily an Operating System, they declared, more complex than the vehicle that landed on the moon in 1969. They called the OS: Multiple Virtual Storage, or MVS.

Around this monstrous MVS IBM developed software to develop applications, compilers for programming languages such as PL/1 and Cobol, communication software like IMS DC and CICS, databases like IMS DB and DB2. In addition, IBM developed some more ancillary software products like Job Control Language (or JCL), to support running sequence of programs with dependencies, Time Sharing Option (or TSO) to support programmers working on the computer via 'dumb' terminals, and a slew of utilities like sort, copy and many others, to make the programmer's life easier constructing data processing systems. All those software products were licensed to IBM clients for relatively low fees. The big money maker for IBM was the hardware.

The truth is, today, there are still systems that work on those ancient dinosaur; those were forced to comply with today's more advanced web servers and other software that works with the Internet. It is about time to retire all those Mainframe systems and dignify them with proper burial.

“...So I told the Hoe, I paid you, I should get something in return.”

~ Alec Gray on Hookers

Attack of the Killer Garbage is a 1986 sequel to Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. A bullshit b-movie, every one of these series's are made from crap Universal.

• best Z-Movie ever Lost to Toy Story 2
• Worst bullshit film ever lost to first film
• Golden Globe for best film of the 80's sent by the film makers, the reply, "Hell no!"
• Golden Rasperry for worst film ever Won 500000000007647347773726252623727626262626280008574773737373737383736.

Killer Garbages terrorize the city, however, 1 minute into the film a man says "Garbage day!" and shoots the leader garbage can. The credits run for 4 minutes, making it a total of a 5 minute movie, making it the the 656th shortest film in history.

$10

• Wikipedia: 10 out of 10
• Uncyclopedia: -462 out of 10
• IGN: 200 out of 10
• Lovers: 477 out of 500
• Metacritic: 75 out of 100
• Loogans Rates: 6666666666666666666666666666666666 out of 10
• Rotten Tomatoes: 6 out of 100

The film did VERY poorly, also many fans banned it for dislike, this is the first film ever to be shot ENTIRLEY in Slo-Mow, in fact, the credits are even in slow motion. Had exactly 543 subliminal messages, 01 word in it, killer Garbage cans, and ran for 5 minutes. However, some people consider it a CULT movie, their crazy in this reporters opinion, but everybody exept Loogan liked the famous line "GARBAGE DAY!!" which is considered the best movie ever now, because of that line, it saved Universal's carrer.

PG for gay garbage cans, and some rude humor

• Return of the Killer Garbage
• The Revenge of the Killer Garbage

"Alec Gray" is a scared white man continuously beaten by his mother for not being trendy enough.He was born in Hades home on July 28, 1994. He then ran away to Mexico because he owed Hades his soul. After hiding in Mexico for several years, Hades was able to find Alec because of Alec's stench. In order to survive he had to shower. Soon after Alec turned to adult modeling, in which he stared in multiple "playgirl" magazines and numerous adult films. Alec then continued his acting career in Hollywood classics including "Avatar" and "Casablanca". Still not full-filled by his acting career, Alec took a trip to rural Japan in search of enlightenment. After his trip he published a trilogy of books in which his mom read, and found stupid so she tracked him down and beat him once again. In the end Alec ran away to Grenada and joined the circus.

How the ecame a item for the working man

Before Wayne thought about making dolls he was making molds. The molds he was making where for the Oil and Boat industry in LA. and TX. He also got into making molds and masks for the Halloween season. One thing to another, He also started makes Movie props for the Hollywood movie industry. then been making bass guitars for Kiss cover bands.

So why a doll maker?

Become a doll maker only, Got in his head after some of the other doll Co. told him they would not work with him. He had just sold a online knife and sword business. Looking to reinvest & start a new. He started selling custom Japanese slot machines. Without the knives he needed to add another item to his e-Bay business.

Where did he go. He told me he called all the sex doll company in the US.

"The other doll making co, told me know or just thought I was joking" Wayne Told me. "No they would not sell wholesale". Wayne went on a search to buy a used Real Doll to fix and sell. He found instead a doll Co. In California going out of business. Wayne called the owner of the falling Co. Sim-18. They agreed on a price, The sale was done and Real solid sex doll was now in business. Wayne and his farther in law Andrew when to California to learn how to make the dolls and bring back the mold. The rest is doll history.

Behemoth is a fucking BIG-ASS Satan-Black-Death Metalcore band, the size ov YOUR DAD's FUCKING HUGE PENIS! You're dad's penis also comes from Poland, where it regularly visits and feeds on the flesh ov small childern (which makes it grow bigger) and small red fruit. Anyway, back to Behemoth. They established FVCKING BR00TAL METAL where there was none before, because the prime minister ov Poland (a.k.a The Wicked Witch ov the East side ov Europe) had outlawed it. All the munchkins were sad. Then Behemoth arose from a Tornado and breathed fire upon all ov the munchkins, killing them. Frightened by this, The Wicked Witch ov---(ok let's just call him Bob) Bob decided to cut off his own penis in utmost fear ov Behemoth.

Behemoth used to be a Pagan-Witchcraft-Harry Potter-core band (possibly in honor ov the Witch but then it was revealed that lead singer Narwhal was a satanist and became the beast that they are now.

Behemoth released From the Pagan Wastelands ov My Toilet (god I need to stop eating Akin's Natural Foods) in 1993, in an attempt to prove that they are in fact [Pagan] because shit that comes from pagans is also considered pagan. It's because Pagans only eat natural hippie food, and Satanists eat at Taco Bell

Eventually, Narwhal ate at Taco Bell, and therefore became a Satanist. So they released "Metallica Demo: The Satanist Version by Behemoth" which included "Enter Satan", "Why Ride the Lightning when you can Ride the Fire and Brimstone" and "...And Satanism for All."

Then they released Thelema.666, which was basically just more proof ov Narwhal's crush on Satan's sister.

Eventually, Gorgoroth and Demon Burger tried to eat Behemoth for stealing their ideas, but even they were no match for Behemoth. Behemoth even turned the lead singer ov Gorgoroth gay. Shagrath (aka Shaggy) ov Demon Burger responded to this with: "Whoa, you like, turned Gaahl gay, you're like, some sort ov Demigod" Narwhal replied: "Of course not. Since when is Demi Lovato a god???" "Demi Lovato Is Not A God" was released. It is their best album, with all tracks on the CD beginning with "Satan" and ending with "Shagrath gave me the album title so don't blame me"

The locomotives are small shunting locomotives. Mainly consisting of four sadle tank 0-4-0's and two well tank 2-4-0's and these are black locomotives and have Sodor Logging Company on the side. These locomotives aparently work in the dark with the logs and liquidised white sawdust from the fat controller's log. Can you imagine the faces on the locomotives?

Barton-upon-Humber or Barton is a premium rate sex chatline located on the south bank of the Humber Estuary, and is the county town of the Humber (or "Bartonz") Bridge. Barton was, until last week, unfortunately forgotten by the outside world because a Government official left the official record of its existence on a train. This record has now been recovered through a Buy-it-Now sale on eBay, so allowing the creation of this page. If any individual attempts to locate Barton on a map, they will immediately charged £2.70 (£1.20 if they are a motorcycle).

Barton runs on a variable time zone, of which there are no set rules, except the day and time are never the same as that in neighbouring England. Time is generally relative, and often logarithmic, though sudden lapses have resulted in premises closing for trade before they open, and households imploding due to the time delay. It has recently been observed, from space, that the population of Barton fluctuates rapidly between 1,653,953 and 5, usually on Wednesdays. Barton's population are often likened to that of Dublin's in 1984.

The Barton National Mounted Police Service exists to promote law and disorder in Barton. However, there is rarely any need for their work because the citizens are too nice. Minor offences are uncommon but may include terrorism, murder, kidnap and arson, usually punishable by forcing the perpetrator to visit 'Charlie's' bar for the evening. The National Police Service often park their vehicles on High Street (M15), the main Motorway in Barton, and the only one-way motorway in the world. The Poleese offer citizens lifts home, to the shops, bingo or organised and brutal gang fights. There is no Fire Service based in Barton itself, instead, the local Fire Service in nearby France help out as and when they can, except on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, when they are on strike. As there has not been an accident or incidence of sickness or death in Barton since yesterday, the local Ambulance Service was scrapped as part of cost cutting measures.

There are many thousand public houses in Barton, the majority of which are within a 100m radius of Fleetgate (B122227), conveniently. The Red Lion is the most popular public house, and, due to recent cost cutting measures, now doubles up as a Doctor’s Surgery, Undertaker’s Parlour, and a Greengrocer’s Shop, although usually not at the same time. The door staff employed when ‘public house mode’ is assumed, are officially recognised as the friendliest in the world, however they do strictly enforce the dress code which stipulates that T-shirts should be worn “inside out and the wrong way round”.

Famously, there are very strict immigration controls for those entering Barton; only those affluent enough to spare £2.70 can enter by car (the first car to enter Barton was a 1976 Austin Allegro, which entered in 2010) over the Bartonz Bridge, while those entering by other routes or by other means of transport face no restrictions.

In a recent conversation in Tesco, it was discovered that 85% of residents have, in fact, never left Barton, and never intend to, because they are afflicted with a persistant common cold.

Since 1995, Barton has been plagued with a colony of rats, the members of which more often than not go by the name of 'Ratzilla' or 'Ratty', a recent study confirmed. It is a widely held opinion in the area that these rats arrived on the Number 6 bus on 25 October 1995 which was accidentally diverted to Barton from Hamelin, in an 'unfortunate clerical error'. On 14 February 2011, this plague mysteriously vanished without reason.

If you were looking for the food product you ate nonstop at the game last Saturday night, you probably meant Peanut

The Indian commandos a.k.a. Black Cats, not to be confused with Egyptians, is an elite military fighting force composed of buttfairies and cock surfers. They are not very good. In fact the are probably worse than Cuba's special forces (very few military units in the world are worse than Cuba). During their most famed operation, "The Mile High Club," they hurled 56 Black Cat commandos at 3 unarmed terrorists, eventually killing 2 of the terrorists. between five and ten thousand Indian civillians died, and all of the Black Cats were annihilated.

• they called da Black Cats cuz they have a sexual fetish for felines.
• they are pretty damn horrible for a military unit.
• they are pretty damn horrible for a water polo team.
• they are pretty damn bad at everything else they try to do or ever will try to do.
• they are actually cartoons.

The entire training course consists of a watermelon knifing arena (inspiration for fruit ninja?) where they are congratulated by Gaz who says "Your fruit killin' skills are remarkable"

• The Battle of the Sphinx
• The Battle of Naboo (fought alongside jar-jar and the gungan army)
• D-Day (they wish)
• The Mile High Club
• The Burning of the Monster Energy Factory of 2011
• D-Day 2 (nope)
• Lexington and Concord
• Elimination of Nazi Zombies after WW2

1. Do the Black Cats like putting massive walrus junk in their ears? Of course they do!

Additional Information

Oh yea and they can fly.

黄色い線（きいろいせん）は、JRにおける生か死かの瀬戸際のことである。

黄色い線を巻いた車両。これで乗客がどの黄色い線を指しているか分からなくさせるという魂胆である。

黄色い線は、JRが開発した、電車と人を接触させることを目的とした線である。しかし、この真の意味を知るものは少ないため、暗号に分類される。この線はホームの縁にあるので、簡単に人と接触させられる。接触させ、日本の人口を減らし、ラッシュの混雑をなくすことが目的とされている。

乗客が自分の意思で接触するということで、法的に何の問題も無く、もしこのせいで死亡したとしても自殺扱いにされる。自分の意志とは関係なしに。きたない、さすがJRきたない。

自殺扱いにすることの利点

• 死因でJRに意図的な殺意があったということを探されにくい。
• 人権で、「自殺は個人の自由で、そして権利である」と主張できるから。
• ＜最重要事項＞ 死んだ人の遺族から、金を取れる（遅れたための賠償金として）。

黄色い線はこんなにもすれすれである。こうして、接触を図っているのだ。 これだと黄色い線がどちらか困るではないか。「黄色い線の内側までお下がりください」と言われると、二本の線の間ということになってしまう。]]

1. アナウンスが流れる。「黄色い線までお下がりください。」
2. 皆が黄色い線に下がる。
3. 電車が来る。
4. 運の悪い人や内側を勘違いした人は接触。
5. 死亡。
6. 日本の人口が減る。
7. ラッシュの混雑が減る。
8. 乗客が減る。
9. JRの収入が減る。

要するに、仕事を減らそうとしたために給与が減ってしまうという、自業自得でおバカな結果に陥ってしまうということである。

毎日のように人身事故が起きているため、効果は抜群のようだ。また新聞にも掲載されるため、広告効果もあるようである。が、詳しいことは、JRの一部しか知らない。

• 人身事故が起こったその日は。
• わざわざ駅に黄色い線を貼らなきゃいけない。
• 事故となるとあれな光景を見る羽目になる。
• JRの信頼度が低くなる。

• 人身事故
• 白線 - 黄色い線の先輩。
• 点字ブロック

Ingredients

This is a very easy step by step guide for how to build a space rocket out of your mobile telephone. It is not suitable for rapid escapes from space invaders or closing supermarkets however, because it needs three hours to marinate, as well as assembly time. It is suitable for preperation when hiding out in an underground bunker from debt collectors or traffic wardens, so long as you can be sure that they will not find you before your space rocket is complete.

You will need:

• One mobile telephone
• Seven plastic carrier bags (the kind you get from supermarkets)
• Some type of fuel (either miniture marshmallows or Ritz crackers)
• A plastic chair
• A yoghurt pot
• An Emergency Release button (optional)
• String

Seven Liverpool players were arrested today after the champions league trophy went missing around the same time the Liverpool team left the country. None of the players arrested have been charged yet although the police believe they have very strong evidence against Steven Gerrard who was caught red handed with the trophy. Along with the trophy several of the Wives, Girlfriends and daughters of the AC Milan team and Carlo Ancelotti went missing.

After this incident, Greeks claimed the trophy belonged to them and a group of them disappeared in the alley after a long fight with UN army.

Alex Ferguson was found with the Trophy under his purple nose hat, the bitter Scot couldnt bare anyone else having it, thus taking his failings out on innocents. Well Futile.

Barcelona said they really beat Liverpool earlier and their home loss was really a fluke, and the better team should get the trophy anyway, and our best player was hurt, and that's what being a good sport is all about, innit? Oh, and the pope likes them too, so nyah.

1. Take the back cover off your mobile phone (and the front cover if detachable)
2. Tie four of the plastic bags together is a straight line, using their handles. Fold as small as you can
3. Remove the battery from your mobile phone. Into the space where the battery used to be, pack the folded carrier bags (these are your emergency parachute)
4. (Optional) attach 'emergency release button' to parachute.
5. Fill the yoghurt pot with your fuel. Drill four holes in the bottom of the pot.
6. Then take the plastic chair and string and tie it onto your mobile phone.
7. Raise it towards the sky, and BLAST OFF by simply placing cheese on the plastic chair.

Note: This article is used for entertainment only, no abuse will be involved with this. Any facts or opinions that you disagree with will not affect you in anyway, and if any of the contents that we used in this article is considered inappropriate or offensive towards you or others; please contact this address. http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Special:ConfirmEmail

What to do now that you are hurtling towards the sun at 50000000000000000 mph

Well there are no survivors from this and what they seem to tell us is to simply ride it towards the sun and Burn jump off the plastic chair towards the earth which you shouldn't live from. Although this is extremely experimental it often doesn't work.

Uncyclopedia takes no claim to this article and it's contents

제너럴 일렉트릭

(은 듕귁에 본사를 둔 다국적 기업이다.

1970년 키뮤식이 설립하였고 처음에는 가짜상품을 만들어 돈을 벌었다. 1980년 쌀나라의 사주로 러시아의 무기들을 대량으로 '겉모양만' 복제해서 북한과 이란에 판매하여 많은 돈을 벌었다. 김일성은 그 충격으로 드러 눕게 되고 당시 듕귁주석(퍅꿔썅우)이 정식으로 대신 사과하였다. 그때부터 회장 키뮤시크은 절대 가짜를 만들지 않겠다고 듕귁 정부에 다짐 했고, 다음해 순수 기술로 라디오를 만들어서 시판 하였는데 불량률이 20%~35%나 되어 소비자들에게 외면 당하였다. 그럼에도 불구하고 전폭적인 투자와 연구덕분에 순수기술로 1995년 컴퓨터를 개발하여 판매하였는데 5%의 확률로 폭발하는 바람에, 3500명 정도 사망하면서 회사가 문 닫을 처지에 이르렀다. 그때부터 은근슬쩍 가짜상품을 만들기 시작 지금까지 최고의 기술력으로 화려한 겉모습의 제품을 만드는 회사로 유명하다. 대표적인 상품으로는 등이 있다.

The Coastguard are supposedly a public service used to rescue drowning children, humans, candles and fish. However there is a problem with this definition.

The coastguard does not exist. Ask anyone, have they ever met anyone in the coastguard, or know someone whos uncle or sexual predator was a member of the coastguard. They will reply they havent.

Also if i may speak in retard terms; Fireman=Fire Station Policeman=Police Station Ambulance= Ambulancaryion Coastguard=??????????

Ever seen a coastguard base?

AND THE MOST DAMNING EVIDENCE

years upon years upon years of headlines MAN DROWNS

MAN AND WOMAN DROWN

MAN DROWNS WOMAN

WOMAN RETURNS FROM DEAD AND DROWNS MAN

MAN RETURNS FROM DEAD, RETURNS TO HIS CHILDHOOD HOME TO FIND THINGS HAVE CHANGED IN HIS ABSENSE BUT THEN MEET A LONELY CHILD WHO IS BEING BULLIED AT SCHOOL AND LEARNS ALL ABOUT FRIENDSHIP ON THIS UPLIFTING AND POWERFUL JOURNEY UNTIL HE DROWNS THE KID AT THE END IN A BIG SWIMMING POOL FILLED WITH THE JUICE OF THE WORLDS LARGEST LIME........this paper has a large front page

never do you hear COASTGUARD SAVES MAN

COASTGUARD SAVES CATFISH STUCK IN UNDERWATER TREE

PLOS INTO UNBANNINGS ME DANNYPINO IIIrd I DIED AND ONLY YOU AND THE GREAT OPOSSUM CAN SAVE ME PLOS

NIGGER KIKE WOP GREASERNIGGER KIKE WOP GREASERNIGGER KIKE WOP GREASERNIGGER KIKE WOP GREASERNIGGER KIKE WOP GREASERNIGGER KIKE WOP GREASERNIGGER KIKE WOP GREASERNIGGER KIKE WOP GREASERNIGGER KIKE WOP GREASERNIGGER KIKE WOP GREASERNIGGER KIKE WOP GREASERNIGGER KIKE WOP GREASERNIGGER KIKE WOP GREASERNIGGER KIKE WOP GREASERNIGGER KIKE WOP GREASERNIGGER...

COASTGUARD VS FREE WILLY

cos its a cover!!

If there is such an organisation that names themselves the coastguard then they are evil they drank the last of the milk

they spat on your dog

they ate youre remote

remember that time that you almost died cos you were hit by a car it had coastguard on the side

C.O.A.S.T.G.U.A.R.D.

Crowd Of Ass Sucking Tit Grasping Underfed Apple Retard Dentists

No lie 분류:기업

Examples of bias in conservapedia's examples of bias in wikipedia

“With Conservapedia, proper conservatives and True Christians™ finally have a place to form a completely self-contained world, utterly divorced from reality, in which to agree completely with each other on subjects of high moral standing such as 'Jesus' and 'Genesis', with references pulled from a literal interpretation of the Bible. We'll beat the secular humanists at Wikipedia and soon the righteous will take the internet from the pornographers and the players of despicable video games. We can't lose. After all, we've got the One True God™ on our side.”

~ Andrew Schlafly on Conservapedia

Conservapedia is a gathering place for neo-conservative bulimics seeking to set the world straight on various topics important to people who throw up all the time. Founded by Hitler and funded by door-to-door sales of boxed tissue, Conservapedia has rapidly grown to be the most-trafficked website in Conservapedia breakroom history.

Editors of Conservapee-dia (snort!) recently put down their Men's Health magazines and posted an article outlining, in their words (whose should they use?), Examples of Bias in Wikipedia. Apparently, the god-loving whiners at C feel that the god-hating numbnuts at W are skewing the world. In the interest of fair and balanced bias, and also to stick up for our weaker, paler bretheren at Wikipedia (whose glasses are thicker than ours) we offer the following Examples of Bias in Conservapedia's Examples of Bias in Wikipedia.

First, we need a definition of bias. I mean it! Get up off your ass and get us a definition of bias. Do I have to do all the work here? Sheesh! Alright, dammit, we'll use this one: bias.

Next, before listing Examples of Bias in Conservapedia's Examples of Bias in Wikipedia we need a definition of 'examples'. Anyone?

Okay, I think we're really getting somewheres. What were we talking about? Oh, yes! Anna Nicole Smith!

What? Phone call?! I'm writing here!! [edit] Real True Examples of Bias in Conservapedia's Examples of Bias in Wikipedia

Before continuing, please visit the Conservapedia site and have someone read it to you. If you can't find someone to read it to you, print it out, rip up the pages and feed them to your pet (hamster|mother-in-law|white woman). Wait two days. (Tip: sun goes down and comes back up = 1 day) Then paw through any fecal matter your pet (see above) may have dropped in their (cat box|shoe box|shoe) to locate valuable information about what this article is all about.

Now, having read and understood (yeah, riiiiight) the subject (object?) of this article, please edit it and remove all parentheses. For fun, remove all the letters 'q' and 'z' as well. Take your time. [edit] Even More Better Examples of Examples EBCEBW

Look, we're all busy. Shall we just cut to the cheese? (snicker!) Conservapedia is an f'ed up bunch of morons who smell good. Period! And anyone who reads Conservapedia is also a moron. Apostrophe! In fact, all people who read are seriously mental, and don't get me started about those writers! So let's all keep tabs on those commie-haters, read their site religiously (chortle) and respond when necessary. Never! Ellipsis.

Enter My Privates

Enter My Privates is the debut album of Romanesque-metal band Within Temptation. It is considered to be the group's most Romanesque album of all.

Knobert Chesty Hoe, the band's lead songwriter at the time, says that the album has a "warm and somewhat constipated feel to it".

"It's what we were aiming for," he says, "I intentionally constipated myself to extract the best performance I could. Unfortunately I required a fork to extract everything else when the album was finished, but Sharky (the band's vocalist) helped me with that. She said it was smelly, but really she enjoyed every minute of it. I think everyone did. Great album."

The album was produced by Snoop Hippopotamusy Hippopotamus and contains two songs written by Sinéad O' Connor. [edit] Tracklisting

• 1. Breastless
• 2. Enter My Privates
• 3. Curls and Tights
• 4. Deep Within My Privates
• 5. Gatekeeper of Tír na n-Óg
• 6. Lace
• 7. Blooded Privates
• 8. Love Handles

An "erection" is of course most commonly know and the consruction or propping up of an object. For example, when a little girl says "I like erections" she is most likely reffering to her pleasure at watching a doll house being built. Erections are essentially the basis of modern day carpentry and city-planning, as humans would be subject to living completely exposed to the elements without them.

"Erection" is also an essential part of the democratic system in Japan. Erections help create a just society and a truly representative government.

This is of course not to be mistaken with the more obscure definition of the word, which refers to the swollen and stiffened state of penis erectile tissue during sexual arousal. The following are questions commonly asked by females, young boys, or priests concerning erections:

"Can you work out your penis to make an erection stronger?"

"Why did you get an erection while you were on the computer 'buying (my) christmas present'?"

"Do turtles get erections?"

Article 666

THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST ISN'T ACTUALLY 666,

may follow. Read on at your own discretion.

666 is often mistaken to be the number of beast. For correction, see 616. What the Hell???

Coincidence?... i think not muhuhahaha!!!1111

The telephone number of the Diablo. i poop on everything

Alternatively, the Chinese food order of the Beast. With really crispy duck.

In ancient Greece they believed that the whore of Mt. Olympus had three gold 6's enscribed upon her knockers.

Proven in a 1997 poll to be Barney's favorite number.

The number of kids Paris Hilton did it with before turning 12.

Also, Paulo Coelho's secret ID number, since there's flames in his new HP commercial. Flames is for hell. Hell is for Satan. Satan is for 666. My fridge is quite empty.

The last one doesn't count.

It will come as no surprise to advanced mathematicians(such as Mike Shinoda), better known as numerologists, that 666*1337/42 = 21,201. This not being a Fibonacci number, nor Π, whilst still repeating, proves beyond the light of a doubt that 666 is clearly a number to be reckoned with.

$100xMyass+Isuckatmath=666=IronMaiden...AWESOME!IloveitwhenmathsworksouttoIronMaiden!$

• No BS. Since ALGORE (6) invented the net, it is altogether fitting the following is about to happen: False flag hacker attacks on financial inst, hackers will hit defense department..HARD, porn on AOL's homepage, and CNN??? Well, Gretta Van Sustern's sex tape will finally see the light of day.
• Those hacker attacks in addition to the country-wide content filter (now being implemented) causing pony express speeds on the net; our wonderful 'jonny-on-the-spot' government will be ready with a grand solution. Internet II, newly named the Global Grid, will come online. A division, called Guarded Global Grid, will be a special 'ultra-safe-because-its-guarded-isn't-it-perfect?' monitored net where no terrorism is able to run amok. Immediately, all financial institutions will move to the GGG and all transactions will be completed through it. While everyone is distracted with the specter of 'THE CHIP', RFID, the GGG will overtake all facets of global exchange. The GGG will be 'free' (see medicare) and to log onto any of the numerous public GGG terminals, all you will have to do is scan your thumbprint. How nifty! This ID system will be known as ATLAS (American Transaction Link Access System). Businesses will quickly catch on (FL already requires thumbprint to sell in pawnshops) and all money will be tracked via your thumbprint. A rash of victims showing up with no thumbs and no money will prompt the wonderful, always thinking in our best interest government to roll out ISIS. The Iris Signature Identification System. His mark realized.
• Notice the ID systems are aptly named after gods.

• Taken from the ancient roman number 669.

• Rotated it will result in 999 or ggg.

• VISA is another, little known form of the mark of the beast:

VI=6 (Roman Numerals) S=6 (Greek) A=6 (Babylonian)

• Ronald Reagan's house number was 666, but he had the number changed to hide his secret identity as Satan. Ronald Reagan's first, middle, and last names all have six letters in them, as did his nickname, the "Gipper". He was known as the "Teflon" president which has 6 letters in it. Also, he was voted to become President in 1980. Add 1+9+8+0 and you get 18, which is 6+6+6.

• Ancient Romans used to identify citizenship with a mark of "666" arranged in a "triskele" pattern with the "tails" pointing inward. Consequently, the Roman Empire was smashed by the Visigoths, who rightfully thought that any civilization that marked themselves with cutesy widdle three-petaled flowers were total wusses.

• Al Gore's name in all lowercase letters, when added up with each character's ASCII value, adds up to 666. This is undeniable proof that the world narrowly avoided the Apocolypse, the Rapture, Revelation, and all that hoopla in the 2000 election.

• On a telephone pad, "Mom" aka Ministry of Magic is spelled with the digits 666. Also: MoM is the greatest band EVAH!

• Speaking of "Mom", I did your mom 666 times last night while you were sleeping. WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!!!!!! Now I'm tired.

• Barney the Purple Dinosaur is also known as Satan, because: CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR, in classic latin letters: CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR. And then C + V + V + L + D + I + V = 100 + 5 + 5 + 50 + 500 + 1 + 5 = 666

• The numbers on a Roulette wheel, 1-36, when added together, equal 666.

• B vi vi = 666, which is undisputable proof that vi is the editor of the beast.

• Adding the ASCII values of "BILL GATES 3", "WINDOWS 95" or "MS-DOS 6.21" results in 666.

• I have 666 on the back of my scalp!

• The Apple I went on sale in 1976 for $666.66 which has nothing whatsoever to do with this article. Any similarity between Steve Jobs and Satan is purely coincidental.

• 666 Is the most aewsome numbers that you can imagine,what could really be more aewsome then these three six'es,SIX SIX SIX!

• -666 {the Number of the Beast's charity worker identical twin)
• 0.666 (the Number of the Millibeast)
• 42
• 69 (the Number of the Pimpbeast)
• 333 (the Demi-Christ)
• 555 (the Little Brother of the Beast)
• 667 (the Wannabeast)
• 668 (the Neighbor of the Beast)
• 664-668 (the Neighborhood of the Beast)
• $665.⁹⁹ (the Retail Price of the Beast)
• $705.⁹¹ (the Maryland Retail Price of the Beast)
• $565.⁹⁹ (the Wal-Mart Price of the Beast)
• $465.⁹⁹ (the Wal-Mart Price of the Beast, twenty minutes after you bought it)
• 696 (the Beast's number when that middle six flips over its bloody screw again and GOD why can't I tighten this screw)
• 777 Jesus fckzn j00
• 999 (the Number of the Aussie Beast)
• 1337 (the Number of the L33t Beast)
• 616 (the mark of the typo beast)
• Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia (the Irrational Fear of the Beast)
• 25.8069758 (the square root of the Beast)
• 443556 (the Beast squared)
• 111 (the Number of the Beast divided by 7 --Goderic 20:42, 6 January 2008 (UTC))
• 36,926,037 (the Beast cubed)
• 166 (the number of the whore)
• -0.80901699437494742410229341718282 (the sine of the Beast)
• (666) (the area code of the Beast)
• 66666-666 (the Zip Code of the Beast)
• 606 (The Number of the faux-Beast)
• 352.22 (Temperature (°C) of the Beast)
• 625.37 (Temperature (K) of the Beast)
• 2 x 3 x 3 x 37 (the Prime Factorization of the Beast)
• 54° (Reference Angle of the Beast)
• Hexhexhexium (the chemical element of the Beast)
• 666-66-6666 (Social Security Number of the Beast)
• IBM stands for 666. I=6; B=6; M=6.
• 6,666,666 (The Number of the Megabeast)
• 279 (Not the Number of the Beast)
• 144 (the Number of the bitch)
• 911 (The toll free number for Babylonia)
• 1010011010 (the number of the Beast's computer)
• 29A (the number of the Beast's hex editor)
• Rokurokuroku (The weaboo beast)
• 6.6.6.6.6.6 (The IP6 address of The Beast and his brother, Clyde)
• Room 237 (the Kubrick's Beast)
• 611 (The emergency phone number of the Beast)
• 1339992 (The number of Doomsday 2012 x the Mark of the Beast)
• 55 (S (19) + A (1) + T (20) + A + N (14) = 55)
• 1666 (The year of the Beast)
• 66 (The missing limb of the Beast)
• 666-666-0666 (The fax number of the Beast)
• 6:6:6:6 The ratio of the pound cake that Satan eats)
• 0.0666 (The number of the Microbeast)
• 0.00666 (The number of the Nanobeast)
• Ohio (The state of the Beast)
• 666666.666 feet (The location of the Beast underground)
• 666-6666 (The license plate of the Beast)
• June 6, 2006 I had anal sex with a hellcat speaking tongues and taking it in the ass.
• http://www.satanonly.com/About-Satan/666 (The website of the Beast, still in development!)
• 1010011010 (The binary number of the Beast)
• 666 (Makes my ass itch)

• Tamia
• Satan
• 616
• IBM
• Peanut butter jelly time
• Jimmy Page
• Dragon Ball Z

Appearantly, 666 is not God's favourite number. It is Satan's favourite (thought you might have already known that) (also, my dog's favourite, since he enjoys pooping about 666 times a day). Someone called Fungus (a guy who is dead for 666 years) asked God one day "Please, could I go back to Earth and start a new life (that's reincarnation, mate)?". In response, God took 6.66 minutes of quiet thinking and afterwards replied: "Go to hell". And so he did. After he got there, the Devil let Fungus go back to Earth thanks to his schmearing skills (also, pie cooking skills - I'm serious, that guy used to be The Great Imperial Cooker of Persia back in his age. Could cook about 666 pies/second).

↑The paragraph above is bullshit. Editing and correcting it was useless. Cuz what you just saw doesn't contain any kind of logic. OK, this is Uncyclopedia, but still! However, if you're really good at Maths or Geek stuff, you'll see that Fungus' name has a few letters. If you add them, the result will be 0b1010011010. Also, notice that if you manually count the number of characters in the paragraph above (takes a lot, 'bout 6.66 hours) it will turn out to be exactly 666. Or not.

For more information on Gay People

Congratulations! By clicking on this page you, <insert name here>, have nominated yourself as being gay. Gayness is a thing to be celebrated - which is natural, considering your state of being.

It is nice to know that you are a very happy person - you have a carefree, gay lifestyle and have deep and meaningful relationships with men and women.

Chances are that your happiness will rub off upon your spouse or significant other of the opposite sex. Gayness helps all marriages between a man and a woman because it promotes happiness and a right attitude with your life partner.

I was in a shop the other day and saw some young people call another young person "Gay". Obviously young people these days appreciate things like irony because the person was not actually gay at all, but seemed to be quite sad at being spoken about in such a way.

Another time I met a person who called gay people "fags". Since this term has multiple meanings I tried to discern exactly what was being communicated. At first I understood a fag to be a cigarette. The vision of a happy, gay and carefree person being spoken of symbolically as a cigarette did not sit well with my intellect, so I moved on to the next definition in my mind's thesaurus. A fag is also a small piece of wood that is used to help stoke a fire. At this point I realised what the man was saying: that happy and gay people are the kindling to make society happy generally. Nevertheless, I did notice that the man calling them "Fags" spoke in a manner that was considerably negative - thus I suppose he, too, was being ironic, though for what reason I cannot say. Fred Savage is known for his gayness. Look at his beautiful smile Jemima's Law Joan Jett Joe Esposito José Cuervo K KOSA Bear Kaiser Chiefs Kenny Samson Kia King John Kitchen 8 Kodak Koolaid L La Linea de la Concepcion Lava Lamps Leerdam Lenny Henry Limbo dancing Limerick City List Of People You Should Watch Out For Unless You Want To Die Lost and unfound Lost: Escape from Reality Lubu M Macy Gray Magda Goebbels Malaclypse the Younger Marmite discovers its taste Martyn 'Bomber' Bradbury May 6th Me Mecha Ghandi Melky Cabrera Merf Merrill howard kalin Mescaline Metal Wolf Chaos Midget Arson Millburn Minnow (maritime disaster) Mongrel Mob Moocows Moonbat Dictionary: Israel Edition Morgan city, louisiana Mother Nature vs. humanz Mr. Yamato's house Mr. Yorky MySpace Blogs N NIT Warangal Neal moser New Thailand Nilsson Nwerjekpohle Nøtterøy O Office worker Olney Orange Chicken Ownatron P P-Unit PBS War I PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONIOSIS Paul Hendry Neil Peart Penile Implant Platform tennis Prey (Film) Professor J.E.Bimmler Professor McDoobie Fo Muzzle Psycho killers for dummies Pudgy russia Pure pwnage Purple toon link Q Qualified Quantum cryptography Quantum leap Queen Victoria Secrets R RDX RX-7 Rainbow Zebras Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh Rawrification Rengoku Rent 2 Reverse fluffer Riceannetica Rivetheads Rotiki Rubber Band Balls Réné Descartes S Scrodu

In Britain, gay people are often referred to as "Poofs". As everybody knows, the word "poof" is a slang word used to describe things suddenly disappearing. Because of Britain's history of bad weather, including rain and cloudy days for most of the year, gay people are often unable to express their gaity because the days are often dark and dreary. Thus the word "Poof" refers to the short-lived spectacle of gayness. This situation also helps us understand the use of the word Queer - since happy people in Britain are so rare that people think they are strange when they meet them.

Women who are gay are often referred to as "Dykes". A Dyke is a form of dam that holds back the sea. Thus happy women are the way in which the cares and problems of society are held back, to allow humankind to grow and prosper in places where they could not previously.

Gay women are also called "Lesbians". This is based upon the writings of Sappho, an ancient Greek poet from the island of Lesbos, whose work was full of descriptions of the happiness and carefree nature of ancient Greek women.

In academic circles, gay people are often described as "Homosexuals". This word is based on Greek Etymology and literally means "same sex" or "same gender". This is an obvious reference to gayness being a normal part of the human condition, while not being gay is abnormal. Studies have shown that gay people, whether men or women, share so much in common that there is no real differentiation in gender at this level. Whether a person is a man or a woman is thus of no consequence when the gay condition transcends all forms of cultural stereotyping. Conversely, when people are not gay, they are not of the "same sex" - which means that unhappy people (those who are not gay) are more likely to divide themselves into unhelpful categories.

• Currently 0.00/5

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• If you read this you are gay

Team Fortress Classic is a PC First-person shooter released in 1999 by Valve Software. It centers around the ever lasting struggle of two teams, red team, or more commonly known as the communist team, and blue team, otherwise known as the team freedom, and their quest to steal things which don't belong to them. The game was based on an event in 1972 where drunken Russian soldiers snuck into an American base and stole a flag out of the basement. Valve decided this event was so historic that they would make a video game out of it.

History

I wrenched Oracle once.

The Tale of the Great Queer

This is a summary of all the single playerultimate shooting the ground while masterbating up into you mouth like a fountain and pooping in a bucket note: for the bonus mission, you must pinch your nipples while putting your dick into a tiny hole. Then take a viagra(on;y Samuel Motherfucker Jackson is the only one who has completed this mission)

So now and then you feel all fluffy inside, fluffy like wicked-bad tasty cotton candy from the carnival, not so sticky though. You fell fluffy and warm like a hot plate of grandma's grits burnt just the way you like them and that if it ever rained you would not get wet, or if it snowed you would not get cold, and sleeted and you all along warm and fluffy like the cotton candy from the carnival, but not so sticky. But you realize after a while of feeling all fluffy inside that there has got to be more to life than just this life of fluffy carnie warmth and that you have to go on a life-changing adventure to reshape the way people think and rewrite what's in all those boring science books no one reads about nothing in particular while drawing a new map of the world without Canada because its your map of the world and you never particularly liked Canada, although you never really understood why.

And that is exactly what our hero of mythological space and time, Sir Iwishihadayellowbonnetwithredroses Gallahad, felt like following the days of his great adventure in hunting the Grouchy Green Grotesque Galloping Giant and his abominable herd of horrid Jewish talking Voodoo practicing plaid sheep down in which he nearly lost his own head to a blind armless, legless, and in all other ways immovable and physically and mentally handicap in a bad hand of cards. After all that vengeful hate inspired fun our hero Gallahad was feeling pretty good about himself. Yeah, he thought he was the best thing since Grandma's burnt grits and that the world was his. He was pumped up with more cotton candy fluff than any ordinary clown had ever seen, sure all you had to do was have him open his eyes or shave the whiskers in his nose and night would look as close to day as Michael Jackson looks to a pale faced middle-aged homeless white woman from South Carolina. He was tripping on one gigantic fluff high when he realized that there was something else out there that he needed to achieve.

So being the strapping handsome stronger young man he was he set out to conquer the unconquerable, encourage the encourage able, dream the impossible dream, and do everything impossible or at least improbable that no one before him had yet completed or otherwise accomplished. And he set off, he set off although something seemed to tell him not to go. It might have been his family's threats to disown him if he went, his horoscope predicting a most unfortunate and untimely end, his never learning to hop on one leg, the fact he hated missing different colored vegetables, or that stomach-turning, mind-numbing, spine-crippling, butt-tickling, little-pinky-twitching feeling he got in the pit of his soul every time he thought of the journey. Well what ever it was, it was something, yeah it was probably something at the very least.

He set off, though, to change the world and vowed to never return until he did. No I am not one to speculate but not knowing the exact fate of our this-side-of-heaven-matchless hero I am lead to the belief that somehow his inability to jump on one leg and disgust of mixing different colored vegetables combined to cause a most unfortunate and untimely end never suspected by the dreaded stomach-turning, mind-numbing, spine-crippling, butt-tickling, little-pinky-twitching feeling he got in the pit of his soul. Well, anyhow, the world never changed, Michael Jackson lives, and Canada is still due north of now where in particular since now particularly wants to got there and our hero of mythological space and time never returned and probably never reached the halls of Valhalla, either, never really doing anything all that important in the first place. Well isn't that just the suckiest ending to any story you have ever read, and who said fairy tales never end badly. Who knows anyway it could of ended well, Mr. Gallahad could have possibly achieved the greatest achievement of any mortal man, a posthumous Darwin Award.

There is a moral to this story of Mr. Gallahad, however. It just goes to show that feeling like fresh fluffy cotton candy isn't that bad after all and is probably the best one can ever expect or hope to achieve.

In a time long forgotten, there was a queer of great power. He was the Great Queer. He loved to frolic in the land known only as Ohio. He was a very gay creature, so gay that even the once King of Gay people, Richard Simmons, had to become only prince of the Gay people giving the thrown to the Great Queer. Tallywacker Dijon Moiré III was the Great Queer. Dijon the Mustardman, or Lance as the townsfolk called him (Lance being the gayest name ever), was the gayest man ever known to walk the bright land of Robidon. He had many queer friends and they had many queer times together. They would have queer sleepovers and call many boys and then hang up on them whenever they would pick up the phone. It just so happened that at the same time the queerest young lass was ever born, so was the most strapping, straightest man ever. Incredicible, or The Red Prince, was the most handsome man ever to walk the earth. Even the mermaids swooned at the mere gaze of Incredicible. Not only was he sought by all the maidens, but by all the queers, too. The Red Prince got his name by killing many queers with his mastery of all weaponry. He had one weapon that had been passed down through generations of his family. The Queer Buster was a mighty sword that would serve only one purpose: to kill the greatest queer and rid the world of all queers forever.

Knowing all of this, our tale begins to unfold. After getting the Queer Buster from his father last wish, Incredicible set out to raise a great army. He began to raise an army that would have no parallel in the annals of history. He recruited many brave warriors to help conquer the King of Gays, Lance, and rid the world of gay people everywhere: Borlock the Viking, a giant among men, Philo the mighty, whose strength was unparalleled, Heith Kanchett, a master magician, and Capn' Fee, high pirate of the seas. However, Lance also gathered mighty men to his queer aid. Men who were not nearly as queer as he himself, but yet very, very queer: Andres Coldmaster, master swordsman, Edre the fierce, a very gay warrior, and finally the key to Lance's plans, Abal, the gayest pirate hunter in the world.

Incredicible raised his army of Philo's Mountain People, or MPs, Borlock's debaucherific Vikings, and Capn' Fee's cycloptic pirates. Tallywacker's army was made up of the Bunt Cake Brigade, Applesauce Artillery, and his long feared Chili con Carne Calvary. The Red Prince decided that if he were to fight the Mustardman in a multi-battle war, he would surely be defeated. He knew that if he were to fight a war, Tallywacker would draw more men to his cause and amass an army greater than that of The Prince's own army. He knew he must fight one great battle. Yes, The Conqueror was intelligent, as everyone knew, and he found the best place to have the numerical advantage. He consulted Borlock, Heith, Capn' Fee, and Philo of his strategy. They all decided to fight on the plains of Oklahoma, the same battlefield that would harbor Dijon, Duke of all of France and half of the known world, on his conquest to destroy Tabby, the prophecy child. But that is a tale for another day.

So it came to pass after being stationed in Oklahoma for four years, The Red Prince saw Tallywacker Dijon Moiré III's army approaching on the horizon. Incredicible laughed, because today was his birthday, which he shared with Lance. But Incredicible soon stifled his laugh. Fore on the river came Abal, eater of brusstlesprouts and famed pirate hunter. He had thrice before bested Capn' Fee on the high seas. The Red Prince had underestimated the true queerness of Dijon. This would truly be a test of wills.

The Alliance (The Red Prince's army) formed up and readied for battle against the Queer Flankers (Dijon's Forces). As The Red Prince asked for his war steed, Regression the strongest horse known to man, Tallywacker gave the order for the Bunt Cake Brigade to charge. Caught unexpectedly, Incredicible forces suffered heavy losses. Borlock the Viking's force was no more, and Borlock was fighting for his life not to fall into the hands of the Bunt Cake Brigade. Just as he was about to fall, Philo the mighty and his mighty MP army pushed the Queer Flankers' infantry back somewhat. Just as the Bunt Cake Brigade was about to be lost, Dijon ordered the Chili con Carne Calvary to charge. The Bunt Cake Brigade was rescued and many MPs were lost. Leading the Calvary was Andres Coldmaster and Edre the Fierce. Upon reaching the Alliance's front lines, Andres and Edre were cut down by the unstoppable duo of Philo and Borlock. Sadly after cutting down Edre and Andres, Philo and Borlcok were rushed by many men and slain. What was The Tiger to do? His two greatest warriors were slain! All seemed lost. But at this moment Heith Kanchett became worth his weight in gold. He turned the sky green and the grass blue, which stunned members of the Queer Flankers and they were beaten back. Seeing his Flankers in retreat, Dijon ordered Abal to start sailing toward the shore as a reinforcement unit to Dijon. All looked lost. When Abal landed, all of The Red Prince's force would be of no use. Abal began to move more rapidly toward the shore. They lowered their landing gear, and all seemed lost. But alas it was not so! Just as Abal's men were about to land, the clucking of geese could be heard. The Dark Prince knew he was saved! For he knew what Dijon did not. Whenever geese could be heard unexpectedly, Capn' Fee had to be around. Abal turned just in time to see his fleet rammed then set a blaze by Capn' Fee's ships. Abal refused to leave his ship and bravely sunk with. At this moment, The Dark Prince mounted Regression and started off at top speed for Dijon. Dijon knew he was in trouble. His Applesauce Artillery had been destroyed by the MPs on the Bunt Cake Brigade's retreat. Dijon knew not what to do except muster his personal MAN SLAVE bodyguards and rush Incredicible. This would not stop The Red Prince. He smirked and then cut through them like a wet nap on a barbequed sauce face. Then it was just the two. The Yin and the Yang if you will. Total opposites they were. The Red Prince unsheathed the Queer Buster. Dijon could do nothing now. Dijon only looked at Incredicible, and then he said, "Are we so different, you and I?" The Red Prince was dumbfounded, "Yes you twit; you like men and I love the ladies. Yes, yes we are very different." Dijon replied, "Yes I know. It was just that I wanted to live a few more moments of my queer life." The Red Prince was then knocked to the ground by a forceful blow to the back of the head. Gallius, Dijon's famed bodyguard had rendered Incredicible unconscious. When Incredicible awoke, all that was left was the Alliance members. The mustardman had escaped The Tiger's clutches for now. There would be many more battles at many different places, but those are tales for another day.

NEXT

“Cows are my passion”

~ Charles Dickens on Tess of the D'Urbervilles

Tess of the D'Urbervilles: A Pure Woman Faithfully Presented, also known as Tess of the D'Urbervilles, Tess: A Pure Woman Faithfully Presented, or just Pure Woman Tess, is a novel by Thomas Hardy, first published in 1891. Though now considered a classic of English Literature, it was received with mixed reviews, partly due its depiction of women acting independently of their own free will, which challenged the social norms of Hardy's time. The original manuscript is on display at the British Library, showing it was originally titled "Daughter of the D'Urbervilles". No one knows for sure the true name of the novel. Contents

• 1 Symbolism
• 2 Setting
• 3 Adaptations
• 4 See Also

Edit Symbolism sectionEdit Symbolism

The novel contains more symbolism than the entire back catalogue of Stanley Kubrick. That Tess exhibits such a strong character flaw, that despite some effort to amend via self-abasement and pleas for mercy there is no way to deal with her inherent insanity but to execute her. In many ways it seems that Thomas Hardy was keen to show the folly of modernist thinking that was becoming prevalent within Victorian society, putting the very Empire at risk.

Hardy, throughout much of his work, embeds many hints to the central messages within his work, often through the use of infeasible naming conventions, which would later be utilised by Thomas Pynchon. Characters such as Fallacious Cunt, Nasty Minge and Strutting Cockhead, as well as locations such as Little Trobbing and Dogging-on-the-hill are both memorable and telling of the author's deeper thoughts. Edit Setting sectionEdit Setting Another cow.

Thomas Hardy has keen to project an idyllic view of his native Dorset. Fate plays a significant role as the thematic basis for many of his novels, with the trauma inflicted upon much of the population at been born in the West Country a repeated motif. Edit Adaptations sectionEdit Adaptations

Tess of the D'Urbervilles has featured in many formats, the original book version was followed by a pop up version and a Choose Your Own Adventure issue, and in recent years a graphic novel. Plans for a related game in the first-person shooter genre have been mooted following the success of Lorna Doom, Lorna Doom II and Far Cry from the Madding Crowd.

St. Heather of Mills (ca. 1000-1040) is a martyr and the patron saint of both amputees and gold-diggers.

Born in the Northlands in about the year 1000, Heather was converted to Christianity in her mid-teens after a priest saved her life following the mysterious loss of her leg. The precise nature of the incident remains uncertain, though hagiographies usually relate an allegorical account about her leg being eaten by a dragon, the dragon representing Paganism and the amputation being a symbol for the impermanence of the flesh. Historians, however, argue that Heather's leg was simply eaten by a hungry Welshman.

Whatever the true cause of her amputation, the event transformed Heather into an enthusiastic evangelist who hopped ever so sprightly about the countryside preaching the gospel. Given that she was marginally attractive, in a horse-face way, Heather's energetic sermons tended to attract large audiences of men who largely ignored all the Jesus and Salvation rubbish and instead imagined how sex with a one-legged woman was different from conjugal relations with their fully-limbed spouses.

Heather rebuffed all advances made by lusty men, but her resolve was tested when the legendary bard St. Paul of McCartney imagined that she was the reincarnation of his late wife Linda. Taking advantage of his grief, Heather also took advantage of his vast wealth. They were married at sunrise on St. Hubbins day (St. Hubbins being the patron of quality footwear), and, while St. Paul slept after conjugating their relationship, Heather robbed his estate of an estimated 25% of his fortune before securing an annulment at sundown by falsely claiming that St. Paul had sodomized her. Afterwords, she fled into the countryside, burying stashes of St. Paul's gold for miles around.

St. Paul's devoted acolytes were outraged by Heather's deception, and though the bard urged a peaceful response to the theft, his urgings were futile. Heather was found hiding in a cave, and, even after torture, she refused to say where she's buring St. Paul's gold. After some debate, it was decided that Heather's punishment should be that she was, while still alive, drawn and trioed.

Totally fap-worthy. Born Olivia Jane Cockburn March 10, 1984 (1984-03-10) (age 26) New York City, U.S. Occupation Actress Years active 2003–present Spouse Single, and ready to mingle.

Olivia Wilde (born Olivia Jane Cockburn; March 10, 1984) is an American actress and model. She's easily the hottest bitch around. Kinda looks Asian, but she isn't.

So, you know, you don't have to deal with that weird Asian garlic smell..

Cinnamon Toast Crunch is made from magnets.

Evidence for this includes:

• Pieces of Cinnamon Toast Crunch are square, and so are magnets
• The brown swirls are not actually cinnamon, but iron dust attracted by the magnetic field.
• The swirls are a direct representation of the magnetic field emitted by the Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
• Both Cinnamon Toast Crunch and magnets share the attribute of having an ability being unknown: With Cinnamon Toast Crunch, it's "Why kids love it" and with Magnets, "Why do they work?"
• Cinnamon Toast Crunch is made from materials that come from the ground. Magnets are also made from materials that are made from the ground.

All of this overwhelming evidence supports the statement that Cinnamon Toast Crunch is made from magnets. Although, no one knows why they're magnetically delicious, since we have yet to figure out how magnets work. Contents [hide]

• 1 Early life
• 2 What You Could Do With an Olivia Wilde
• 3 Career
• 4 "I'm not into that lesbian shit"
• 5 Personal life
• 6 Politics
• 7 Filmography
• 8 Pictures to Look At
• 9 A Message to Olivia Wilde/Agent/Anyone else who mooches off her estate.

Edit Early life sectionEdit Early life

Wilde was allegedly born in New York City on March 10, 1984. Her mother was probably some kind of a secks goddess, and her father was probably another sex goddess. Their sex session was the stuff of legend. Someone should make an article about it.

Wilde has said that as a result of her family background, she has an abnormally sexy physique.

Her family likes to write n'shit.

Then I'm pretty sure she got first place in Maxim's Top 100 the other day. Edit What You Could Do With an Olivia Wilde sectionEdit What You Could Do With an Olivia Wilde

• Fuck her
• Fuck her some more
• Jack off to her
• Dick slap a picture of her on your computer screen
• Dick slap her in real life

• Eat some Vegemite in the park
• Get lost in her eyes
• Threesome!
• Tupperware party

• Rim Job
• Have her Rim Job you
• "Pay the Rent"
• Really, you could fuck her again

• Analooper:The Next Generation, on her back
• Have her suck you cack
• "Bullseye It In Her Eye"
• Read a book

Edit Career sectionEdit Career

The only thing that really matters in her "acting" career is her sexual ambiguity...

She's also been in House, which is pretty alright. Edit "I'm not into that lesbian shit" sectionEdit "I'm not into that lesbian shit"

• Stop being such a faggot.
• You guys who really aren't into that should check out her hetero topless sex scene in Alpha Dog... fucking JewTube doesn't have it.

Fap away. She totally gives the guy head!!! No Waii!! Screenshots Edit Personal life sectionEdit Personal life I wanna put my dick in her mouf

Wilde has dual citizenship in the United States and Ireland, but really, who wouldn't let this hot mess into their shitty country? She derived her stage name "Wilde" from Irish author Oscar Wilde. She changed her surname when he gave her useful career advice.

She married Italian documentary filmmaker, and son of an Italian prince, so he's not really a prince, Tao Ruspoli|. On February 8, 2011, she and her husband announced that they were separating. Like seriously, who would fuck up secured fuckage with someone like her? He's totally a fag.

Wilde is a vegan. But she's totally into the other kinda meat... ya know ;) Edit Politics sectionEdit Politics

She's all into the Obama admininstration. But that's alright, I'd still fuck her. Edit Filmography sectionEdit Filmography

Edit A Message to Olivia Wilde/Agent/Anyone else who mooches off her estate. sectionEdit A Message to Olivia Wilde/Agent/Anyone else who mooches off her estate.

Please don't sue me, I fucking love you.