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- 1703 - Tsar Peter the Great is retitled Tsar Peter the Average.
- 1931 - Jesus Christ considers performing the second coming, decides he'd rather get Taco Bell and smoke ganja.
- 1937 - J.R.R Tolkien commences work on his panned The Matrix: Revolutions.
- 1947 - Mexico Space Program launches first rocket powered by jumping beans.
- 1974 - Jimi Hendrix makes love to his guitar on stage. He is promptly taken to a hospital where he dies of severe penis shredding.
- 1985 - Ronald Reagan sets a new high score for Pac-Man, humiliating former champion Mikhael Gorbachev.
- 2006 - The first ever gay rights demonstration in Moscow predictably ends, first with beatings, then with beatings.
- 2006 - The Vatican, Luxembourg, Malta and Fiji form the Small Countries Alliance: Together, they have a total population of eight-hundred and double that in nuclear bombs.