Forum:My article are terrible, new ideas plz

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Hi, it's Dannehvirus. I'm trying to break into the big time with articles, but none of mine ever seem to get past the admins. Is it due to shortness? Lack of pictures? No links? All of the above? I am, for better or worse, a n00b. So, I'd like some creative ideas on how to write ace articles and break out of the n00b mould. Please help!

Dannehvirus 00:04, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

If you don't want your articles to be huffed, make them in your userspace, like this: User:Dannehvirus/article. You should also see the beginner's guide and HTBFANJS. —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 01:15, 4 January 2010 (UTC)

what he said. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Monday, 01:16, Jan 4 2010

Actually, while Pelargonium made a wonderful suggestion, that you should follow, it is also recommended that you try to get adopted via the Uncyclopedia Adopt-A-Noob program. If you get adopted through it, the adopter will help you with any problems. I happen to be an adopter myself, and I would be glad to adopt you if you want. --InvincibleFlameGrueMaster 01 4, 02:14, 2010

You can start by following the above recomendations.

Then, you can start by working on existing pages. Writing real goodly takes practice. Being funny is a skill.

Then, you can start by not making pages with your name in them. Vanity, or the perception of vanity, doesn't go over well here. Except when I do it. I'm awesome. Have you tried being me? Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:23, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

Vote on VFH and peruse UN:BEST. To play music you have to listen to music; to write comedy you have to read it. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:33, Jan 4

Modus, I moved the article Danneh Maths into his userspace, if that's okay. I just think he's sincerely trying his best to be funny. —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 04:35, 4 January 2010 (UTC)

"Sincerely trying"? That's the worst kind of trying. The worst kind of sincerely, too. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:51, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

Shh! You'll break his heart! —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 04:57, 4 January 2010 (UTC)

But a broken heart is one of the steps to comedy! Well, that and Country music. Did I ever tell you (/me pulls out steel guitar) about the time my girl gone done and broked my heart? Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 07:58, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

I'm none too familiar with this stuff, so i'm glad there's experts out there to help. Thanx to Necropaxx, Pelargonium, Invincibleflamegruemaster, Modusoperandi and TheLedBalloon. I may put myself up for Noob Adoption in the near future. Dannehvirus 04:41, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

Anytime, n00b. ;) —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 04:45, 4 January 2010 (UTC)

I'd also suggest going through a PEE review on an article as well. Make sure you read HTBFANJS and the guidelines first. It forces you to think critically about your humour and is a good way to flex muscle without worrying about coming up with a new idea as such. I did a lot of reviews when I first started here and I still go back and do them when I'm feeling stuck on something now. Pup

I'd suggest getting a video camera, filming yourself dancing to ABBA's "Dancing Queen," starting an article about it, and embedding the video in the article. I'd watch that. pillow talk 19:34, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

And yet my Waterloo dance remains criminally unwatched. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 19:46, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

That sounds too Napoleonic, and therefore historical, and therefore boring. You should dress up like Lady GaGa. Maybe find some couch cushions and glue them to your shoulders. And take off your pants. pillow talk 19:50, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

Lady Gaga? Pah! Her terrible dancing and terrifying costumes pale beside my terribler dancing and, well, body paint. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 20:03, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

Plus you're way prettier than her, and your dick is bigger. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:48, Jan 4

Size isn't important. Pup

FONT SIZE MAKES THE ARGUEMENT MORE CORRECT —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 01:20, 5 January 2010 (UTC)

Yuo frogot mispaling tigns two • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 01:37, Jan 5 2010

Here's my new idea:

Cybersquatting. I mean, I wanted to make one, but I forgot. I was going to start then. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Pinoy CUN|IC Kill | 02:00, January 5, 2010 (UTC)

Erm...

You guys... scare me a little... Maybe I oughta put the adoption thing on hold for a bit... o.O Dannehvirus 03:05, January 5, 2010 (UTC)

Welcome to the madhouse. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 03:26, Jan 5 2010

It's like someone handed me the KEYS to the damn place. Drawn there like some kind of magnetic force... Dannehvirus 03:29, January 5, 2010 (UTC)

All the normal people are on Conservapedia. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:25, January 5, 2010 (UTC)

I'm on Conservapedia. I huff it 3 or 4 times a day and so far it's caused: Constipation; dizziness; drowsiness; headache; nausea; pregnancy; sleeplessness; vomiting; and weakness of the comedic variety. Is that normal?  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  05 Jan 2010 ~ 08:25 (UTC)

Remember you should use only as directed. And if the symptoms persist, see a doctapedia. Pup

Of course you can trust us. We're a doctapedia. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 16:33, Jan 5 2010

Uncyclopedia is not responsible for any side effects of Doctapedia, including but not limited to: Sore throat, cough, fever, viral infection, AIDS, Herpes, Super AIDS, Rape, loss of life, death, inability to live, or Fisher Price. Have a super day! —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 00:01, 6 January 2010 (UTC)

So as you can easily tell, Dannehvirus, we usually just write absolute garbage until something makes sense. We're effectively doing the role of 1000 monkeys on typewriters, except not as well paid. Pup

And monkeys are union. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 00:55, January 6, 2010 (UTC)

Monkeys writing garbage... What does it remind me of? A Stephen King novel? No, that's too much writing. The people who shot me down when I said I wanted to win Noob of the Month? No, monkeys are far smarter than that. Maybe... 90% of the world's memes? Yeah, that's more like it. Dannehvirus 03:10, January 7, 2010 (UTC)

Fact: God created monkeys AS a meme.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  10 Jan 2010 ~ 07:42 (UTC)

Read Featured Articles (look for the link to the featured version)

Read Featured Articles (look for the link to the featured version). That's my advice. And read the stuff in your welcome message you haven't gotten yet sorry you were probably missed because you had the initiative to put something on your talk page and most new people don't so we tend to assume that when there's something on a noob's talk page they've already been formally welcomed because we're too lazy to check so I'll go put my official welcome on your talk page right now so check it out because even though it's not there right now as I'm writing this it should be by the time you read this so happy editing! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:48, January 10, 2010 (UTC)

Well... he was welcomed once, but it got huffed, overwritten, scalawaged, munched, or smithereened. Don't you ever meticulously go through the history of every article you edit?  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  10 Jan 2010 ~ 07:45 (UTC)