Year

This cat has been sleeping for around a year.

A year is a unit of either time or space. It has no known specific duration (aside from being 31536000 seconds long, but seconds don't really count for anything), but is dependent only on the recognition of the significance of boobs and time at any given moment. The unit, year can be comprehended through Einstein's famous equation, $Y=Sat^{2}$ where t is time, a is a representation of how much people can be bothered with life, and S is the significance of time at any given point. "Time" and "year" are closely linked, as both admit unquestionably that pink is their favourite colour.

History

Years were invented by Alexander Graham Bell during his wild, rebellious teen years. During that period, he was known to have invented useful things like washcloths, rocks, and Marxism. His spree of violent, notorious inventing was only ended on 2021, when the Reverend Al Sharpton — who, also subsequently traveled from the past — fought him in a no-holds-barred cage karate match.

A year represents the way of seeing time as cycles in a similar way that a moth or a week or a day or an hour or a minute or a second, which are all time units that you have a big bunch of in another time unit. One might argue that eternity is the sum of all these and we'd be able to reconstruct eternity if we just had the patience. Opposite to this, so called Puzzle philosophy, is the Riddle philosophy, which argues that it's all a big spoof and that there will be a twist in the end that will change the meaning of everything prior to that.

For example, in the movie 40 and Still a Virgin, the main character, Nicolas, rides a trike (or "tri-CYCLE") and doesn't get laid until at the very end, which the French call le petit Nicolas, the small death. The question here obviously is what do you have after the grand death (la grande POOF), the one that you read about from your newspaper's obituary column. The first thing you do is you take the year you were born and from that you subtract the year you died and thus (after multiplying the preceding result by -1) get your age when you died, and also the number of years you had on this sorry world. I suspect you will probably still be able to write articles to Uncyclopedia after figuring this out for yourself.

The year 1998 took about three times longer than usual since the Earth decided to have a few beers, then got pulled over with a DUI. It spent the extra time behind bars before being released and continuing on its way.

Specific types of year

There are probably more specific types of year than you ever realized during your sorry existence. Which one did you mean, you ambiguated fool?

The Canadians waste their year by fighting against baby seals.

• The common industrial-standard year is 365.00000 days and contains 17 national holidays, 137 state holidays, 389 feast days, and 450 calories.
• The Canadian year is 30 minutes longer than the common year, but it is only celebrated at 48-year intervals by resetting the calendar.
• The solar year is the average time it takes the Sun to revolve about the Earth.
• The lunar year is the average time it takes the Moon to revolve about the Earth.
• The fiscal year is the time between the originally scheduled release dates of Windows versions and the actual release dates. Due to tidal drag from market forces, the actual length of this year is currently increasing at an alarming rate.
• For scientifical purposes, the scientifical year is currently defined as exactly 26.0887285 SI fortnights.
• The moral year is the time it takes for someone to climb onto their most wonderful and adored pedestal of perfection.
• The botanical year is the time it takes for a monkey puzzle tree to grow to its full size.
• The Geek year is the time it takes the average geek to get laid. BTW, this is often the longest year so is shunned in some time-conscious societies.
• The Caribbean year is the time elapsed before Caribbeans can be bothered to buy a new calendar. Don worryy, dere's no rush ya.

Proper usage examples

"The 4 Billion Year Blizzard of Poisonous Scorpions must have been a troublesome time for the human species."

Improper usage examples

The year is not to be confused with butterscotch, peanut butter, butter sticks, bread and butter pudding, but 'er girls parts smell of fish, butternut squash, squashed pineapples, the torturous punishment of Adolph Hitler involving the insertion of live pineapples into his colon, the insert tab on Microsoft Word, the song "Word Up" by Cameo, the famous Ivory cameo of Queen Elizabeth the II, the Nth Gulf War, the War on Mexico, the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, the Poles, any Nazi-related material, floral material used in curtain manufacture, Wakefield (home of England's largest factory owned by Coca Cola), any fizzy drink, soft drink, any drink, sustenance, small mammals, large whales, ugly people, scientists, space, Galaxy, or the time-space continuum. In fact, the year only really means what it has been previously established to mean.

Late-breaking addendum

In 2046, the length of one year has been changed to the amount of time between when you trip, and when your face actually hits the ground.

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Time

Time - Calendar - Second - Minute - Hour - Tomorrow - Today - Yesterday - Day - Weekday - Weekend - Month - Year - Decade - The Past - The Present - The Future

Months of the Year: January - February - March - April - May - June - July - August - September - October - November - December

Days of the Week: Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday - Sunday

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