Areola

The Areola displayed with markings pointing to specific parts. A is the Areola itself. B is the nipple.

The areola is part of the anatomy of the human breast. More importantly, it is part of the structure of the female tit (or boob). All boobs have Areolae (Latin for more than one Areola). All Areola have nipples. This cannot work in reverse though theoretical physicists have mathematical equations claiming this is possible. Areola is not a greeting in Spanish.

Structure

The areola is the darkened area around the nipple. It is not ill or tainted, that's just evolution's way of confusing male humans who are not smart enough to have sex to breed. This includes rednecks, hillbillies, and booger-eating inbreds. Unfortunately, that discoloration has not always worked and the latter aforementioned creatures have somehow accidentally mated and have endangered the gene pool. This detection of the darker boob area is believed to be be the genesis of the populating of the states of West Virginia, Alabama, Mississippi, and Georgia.

The boundaries of the Areola are shown by A in the figure to the right. It is the area within the red ring. Areolae can be as small as a dime or as large as a small diner plate. In some cases the Areola can be fused with the nipple as in many Titticus pufficus (puffy nipple) and the division can only be determined by a trained, well-experienced Boobologist.

Color

The colors can vary from a faint pink to dark brown or black. Faint pink seem to be the favorite as that color is on most blond females and reminds them of the "glans" or head of their own penises as boys. It is also a paint color for cars of the 1950s. Brown to dark brown Areolae are universal and usually are found on brunette females from most tropical and sub-tropical locale. The famous artist Paul Gauguin favored the brown ones. He in fact loved them so much he cut off his ear after being denied access to a pair in Tahiti. Black areolae are found on Afro-American females as well as real Africans. George Wallace had a hatred black Areolae and had the Alabama National Guard block female students with black areolae from a college there.

Texture

Areola are can be embedded with blood vessels and moderately smooth but look like old womens legs. Do not bite these. They can be smooth with microscopic ridges detectable by the human male's tongue. There are smooth Areola with a shiny surface. These are found on younger females.

Special Areola

Brailleola

Braille bumps on an Areola for the blind males

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These are nature-designed for the visually impaired. They can be distinguished from other Areola by Louis Braille bumps. The 1960s song "Louis, Louis" praised Braille's work but no one could understand it. Braille bumps read as follows:

“User, you are extremely close to the nipple. If this is a large areola continue on just a bit further. If the areola is small, you will find the nipple quickly. If the nipple is small, you may confuse it with a Braille bump. If this is happening, you've just read these bumps for nothing.”

~ Institute for the Study of Areola

For the visually impaired who cannot read this, females will have to demonstrate the actual procedure by baring some tit. If you are a man, you probably will not demonstrate this process. If you do you will probably panic. If you are gay and the visually impaired person is gay, have a good time. If you are gay and the visually impaired person is not, be prepared for a white cane to strike you severely across the head and shoulders leaving lasting scares and grooves in your skull. Also be prepared for a German Shepherd named "Bruno" or "Max" to grab a hold of your wrists or fingers and drag you through the dirt. Do not leave your crotch area or ass exposed at any time. All dogs prefer thick meaty areas and your ass would definitively meet the the meaty meaning. Dogs also enjoy their bite-sized crunchy nuggets of dog food or kibble. Your testicles, if hard enough, may feel like kibble to them. In which case say "Good bye" to your nuts and any children you may have wanted to conceive.

The Slickiola

Slikiola are smooth textured Areola favored by most men since they are attached to very young female humans. Males feel that they will see enough of the veins, wrinkles, and bumps later in life. Slickiolae (Latin for multiple Slikiola) have a surface very close to a infant's ass and similar to Teflon which causes the male's saliva to quickly ooze away. "Getting to know" the youngest Slickiolae has caused the prison population in the United States to explode. Other countries like Holland, Denmark, and Sweden, are more advanced socially and have no under-age Slickiolae laws.

Edibility

Scrumcious Areola & Nipple pineapple rings.

Areola can be quite a delicacy for the brave. They can be found in obscure delicatessens in many places around the world already prepared and ready to snack on. If you are preparing Areola yourself, you may choose to bake them like cookies or pineapple rings in the photo, BBQ them with peppers and tomatoes, or fry them like donuts. The latter requires you to pull out the nipple before hand so that a hole is created.

The nipples can be used by themselves in place of cocktail olives, set to dry in the sun and eaten like raisins. Nipple raisins can placed in trailmix for those long hikes.

Areolas used as Weather-vanes

Directional boobs (Titticus directus) are the mega beasts of the boob world and unique in their overall size and operation. They are the heaviest and most dangerous of all tits, capable of suffocating the human male in less than a minute if he is mounted. Titticus pufficus is a close second.

Which way do I go?

History

Dogs like boobs too! This is a Royal Black Tithound sleeping with its boobs.

Directional boobs have been with man for thousands and thousands of years. It began when wolves discovered that female humans were softer than the hard ground. Cave paintings have shown wolves with the largest of boobs. Since then, the descendant of wolves, our dogs have slept well with boobs. The common idiom, "Let sleeping dogs lie with their boobs" came from this practice.

The Directional boobs were re-discovered in a French alpine village in 1965 by Charles de Gaulle while he was checking out available fine young village waif tail. All of the females with these huge boobs were hidden from the Germans during World War II. Gen. de Gaulle, having had an stroke forgot about them. Gen. de Gaulle gave a specimen big titted waif to his favorite automaker Citroën and took 2 for himself. Within days, he divorced his wife and moved to the south of France where he opened up a cheese and boat factory.

Failed use in cars

Citroën attempted to create a new car called the Citroën DB with headlights which worked similar to the Delta Wave projection by the Directional boobs. What the engineers ended up with was a system which had one headlight lighting the road to the right and another lighting the road to the left. The market was aimed at the horny male French drivers. Ads were placed in the French version of Playboy magazine, on toilet paper in Men's restrooms, directions on French condoms, and subliminally in the flicker of florescent lighting. When placed in production, French male drivers ended up looking for cheap French whores, under age Lolitas, and cigarette machines on each side of the street and ignoring the road. This resulted in several car wrecks. The Citroën engineers were so busy with the headlights, they forgot to add vents in the car which resulted in a build-up of funky-ass body odor only found on French males. This almost destroyed tourism in Paris creating an economic disaster.

Locations

Directional boobs have since been discovered around the world. They are not found in Eskimo populations. In Thailand the huge-titted girls are referred to as Farang Ding Dong girls. This means "the crazy stranger". They were discovered in villages in the north. After capture, they were used as pole dancers until the gravitational force of spinning Farang caused the collapse of several night clubs in Bangkok.

These large boobed females are also known to be found in South Beach (Miami), Monte Carlo, and anywhere else they can mooch off of wealthy assholes like Donald Trump.

Characteristics

These Directional boobs are beginning their East-West scan.

Directional boobs, have the ability of 180 degrees of sweep of Delta Wave projection, if pinched by the female, they can spread 190 degrees mesmerizing all men. Other species of boobs point forward like bumpers on 1958 Cadillac automobiles.

Directional boobs are huge and massive by all tit standards. They generally are in the range of E to H in size. Bristol Palin has these boobs and credits them with keeping her big ass off the floor by distributing weight during her stint on "Dancing with the Sluts". Pamela Anderson had these boobs but they were addicted to drugs and eventually killed the host.

Female humans can hide inside a well-pillowed sofa or couch in case a robber breaks in.

The upside

Directional boobs will save their host from drowning should they be knocked unconscious (the host, not the boobs). They are so large, they immediately force the woman to turn boobs up thus allowing her to breathe. Shoplifters have a great time in stores because employees and onlookers are fixated on the boobs, not the store.

No airbags are needed in cars for the female with real huge Directional boobs. The boobs will shield the female and upon entering the hospital, they are repaired if needed. Airbags always die in car wrecks. In fact, airbags will not deploy in a crash as they cannot occupy the same space and time continuum with really huge boobs.

The downside

Any female human with these boobs cannot be on a swim team. These boobs create more drag in the water than a square submarine. The wake produced by such mass throws gallons of water out of pools. This has lead to water shortages in Las Vegas where the really huge DBs like to lounge.

The cross the shoulder seat belts will only reach halfway across really large boobed females. Auto parts stores have male-female extensions for sale.

At airports, baggage handlers have mistakenly tried to grab them for their loading carts and had the silly shit slapped out of them. The TSA has mistaken Directional boobs for very large bombs and placed these females in secret rooms. While seated in airliners, fights break out between male passengers all claiming to have the seat next to the female.

Certain shops with narrow isles and fragile shelves holding very expensive items have banned these boobs. Upon hearing, "Hey babe, you've got a fine rack" has caused these boobs to turn and quickly wipe out thousands of dollars worth of elegant items.

Directional boobs over time can lose their directional capability and aim downward at the Earth's core. The often used term: "Like a boob in a China Shop" came from problems with these Directional boobs.