Battle of Hiroshima
“Where's your Astro Boy now bitch? Oh yea, thats right, DEAD Mo FUCKA, DEAD!!”
“PWNAGE!”
| Battle of Hiroshima | |||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
 Great Advance of Ebola Gay |
|||||||||
|
|||||||||
| Belligerents | |||||||||
 United States |  Japan
|
||||||||
| Commanders and leaders | |||||||||
| Brig. Gen. Paul W. Tibbets
| Mayor of Hiroshima † Leader of the Girl Scouts† Astroboy † A few cops two days away from retirement† Godzilla† Some guy†
|
||||||||
| Strength | |||||||||
| ~6(1945) | ~0(1945) | ||||||||
| Casualties and losses | |||||||||
| US dead: 0 wounded: 0 Total dead: ~0 Total wounded: ~0 | Japan dead: ~70,000.5 wounded: ~140,000.5 dead by 1950:~200,000+ Total dead: ~70,000.5 Total wounded: ~140,000.5 Total dead by 1950:~200,001+ |
||||||||
The Battle of Hiroshima is most likely one of the greatest and most veracious American Victories in the Pacific Theater during World War II. Many historians agree that the strategy used to invade and attack the city is a work of genius. Outnumbered by a factor of 34000 to 1, a small team of 11 Americans defeated a rabid kamikaze force of 381,000 enemy combatants. The battle lasted approx 12 hours including transit while the actual conflict lasted 5 seconds but many sources suggest 8 or some half a second.
With the recent limited successes in the Pacific Theater the US Commanders and Deciders in Washington needed to come up with a strategy that could provide enough News to Distract them from the fact World War II was over. Therefore Truman the Terrible decided as the Decider of the United States of America that most effective invasion of Japan must be with a squad of 3 bombers. Therefore the best Bombing Division also known as Humanitarian bombing Division was called to liberate Japan. The Airplane or Flying Machine picked was the Alona Gay that Westboro Baptist Church picketed against both at the Airbase and in Hiroshima. The First Newspaper and News Source to report on the Battle and the victory was of course UnNews Limited that ran the story right after a confirmation (A huge mushroom cloud).
At the Time Fox News was still reporting on Hitler's Death and Latest Fashions from Paris while PBS was broadcasting an impressive 6 feet in diameter from its studios. The Public reaction to the Bombing was at the time "Hell, Yeah" with this patriotic fervor the Government Planned many more bombings also known as "Operation Japanese Glass". After drawing up the plans, fueling the planes, building the bombs, calling the babysitter, Having a parade, getting interviewed on the View, Drinking heavily the night before, having the stripper party and bragging that we'll drop another Atomic Bomb on the Japan specifically Kyoto the Japanese had to ruin this great day by surrendering to the USA what an anti-climax. Many thought that Japan would at least kept on going for two more rounds but what Cowards this very unamerican act ruined this Great Day.
Background to 1945[edit | edit source]
Like all other Japanese cities, nobody knew it existed until a young, American teenager playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 got his first chopper gunner. (See Apache) He was so happy he got a 25 kill streak and launched the nuke on Hiroshima. Happy days!
Preparation and Strategy[edit | edit source]
At the time, there was a new technology called Nuclear fission that could equal a fraction of the power of Chuck Norris. This, of course, was a breakthrough Chuck Norris was not happy about. With this technology they now needed a strategy and commander luckily they found both with the Tactician and an amazing pilot Paul Tibbets his proposed strategy and on-field tactics is probably why 6 soldiers managed to inflict 200,001 enemy casualties while taking none. The plane chosen for the battle was 43-78978979876876 or as he called it Enola Gay or the 'Gay' Plane and it's 'Gay' Crew also this was the flagplane of the 'Gay' Squadron that the Westboro Baptist Church objected against the name at both the airbase and at Hiroshima. The Decider|Decider of the United States then authorized the plan and gave the OK to load the plane with the secret weapon. The Strategy was as ingenious as it was simple it involved flying directly towards the city and then returning to the airbase. Many to this day congratulate his exit strategy that military commanders today have difficultly with today.
The Battle[edit | edit source]
On the 6th of August 1945, Brg. Gen. Tibbets landed on the shores of Hiroshima with his rear support of two bombers and Japanese Warcity was knew he was coming and were prepared in force. Immediately the Japanese Heavy Guns were blazing, However the Cunning Tibbets was several thousand feet in air but then he encountered his arch-nemesis The Mayor of Hiroshima and his righthand man The Imperial General of the Girl Scouts never have these two titans have actually engaged in the same battle before this was truly one of the Greatest American Victories of World War 2. After the initial landing they were making slow progress into Hiroshima or the engine's RPM decreased either way the Japanese were not making easy for Tibbets to make a beachhead. Also by now the Japanese Airforce was already in the Air with their 1st, 2nd and 4th Paper Airplane Division in the air and catching up to the bombers. Tibbets needs to improve his tactics when at a turn of luck the Japanese Aerial Fighters began losing altitude for no apparent reason and crashed from a height of 20.6 feet. But Tibbets had more problems such as his first Lieutenant Someguy was Shellshocked and he had to punch him in the face to calm him down. When the Timer on the Atom Bomb reached 4 minutes and he realized activating it hours before the drop was not good idea and had to focus on the Battle. At this point neither side had causlites but this little comfort to Tibbets.
The Turing Point and Complication[edit | edit source]
As the Flagplane or 'Gay' Squadron Leader was making progress into the Heart of the City where the Command Building was located and his arch-nemesis The Mayor was waiting and looking at Unamerican cartoons. On the 6th of August 1945, on the right his 2nd Gunner Someguy spotted the feared Villan to many American Comics Astroboy who was rendered in the Satanic unamerican Animusiudyiau. Astroboy blew a hole in the left side of the 'Gay' Bomber and Astroboy had a showdown with Tibbets first, Astroboy fired his left arm into Tibbets face but since he is invincible this didn't affect him. Luckly Tibbets had a Mortar Launcher and fired it directly at Astroboy killing or at least giving Astroboy a bruise and propels him off the 'Gay' Plane. He then returned to Controls and took it off Autopilot. With this the Imperial Commander of the Girl Scouts had to act therefore all of his Divisions fired all their Cookies into the air but due to the ingenious maneuvers performed by Tibbets and the fact they didn't go higher than 120 feet the cookies all missed, leaving them relatively unharmed. But Tibbets then realized that the Timer was 01:87 and also who ever built it was a moron. On the 6th of August 1945, The Mayor of Hiroshima was handed the Red Folder, that was given when it was apparent that the city was going to fall and it said...
To the Supreme Commander,
In the Event of the City of Hiroshima was going to be taken by an enemy force Intelligence has found that final defense technique known as 'Duck and Cover' will be sufficient defense against any Nuclear Attack. Where you or others lay on the ground with their heads covered to protect them from the Blast, Shockwave and all radiation.
Ministry of Defense, Japan
However, the Red Folder was not that much aid considering that it was written in American, something that The Mayor did not understand. Moments away from defeat the Imperial Commander of Girl Scouts killed him self the Unamerican Way with a Kanatatashsawia and then The Mayor attempted to escape using the Helipad planning to escape with a helicopter, before he realized this isn't Saigon and ran back into the underground escape tunnels. However by this time considering he went to the top of building then back down into the basement to escape was too late.
The Victory[edit | edit source]
Meanwhile, Tibbets was approaching the Gates of the City Hall and then he breached it with 32 seconds to spare and then using his cunning strategy and tactic known as 'Release the Bomb'. Then he waited and his crew were in silence but then Second Gunner Someguy cracked a joke "That's gotta hurt". Then Ka-boom or the Sound of American Victory shook the landscape as well as Japanese Liberation. Luckily the Second Rear Bomber filmed the entire thing they do instant replays and slow-motion footage with that reel back in the USA and also was shown on Funniest Home Videos twice. But Tibbets was not going to bogged down in Hiroshima and said "we gotta get back". His Exit Strategy was not going to be compromised to have a parade in Hiroshima or Receive the Key to the City and thanks for Liberation from Japan[1]. And on the 6th of August 1945 he left Hiroshima with his entire army as the people cheered or were screaming it was difficult to tell. Tibbets was overjoyed due to his recent victory over the scourge of the Pacific. Once he arrived at his base he was cheered and given flowers for his Heroic act and indisputable bravery over 255,000 Japanese Civilians and the fact that his strategy inflicted no human causalities however many Unamerican Activist groups were very unamerican and did all they could to prevent this such as Protesting and Sending letters but luckily their nefarious commie scheme was thwarted before any damage could be done. When various government officials wanted to give him the Metal of Honor for going beyond call of duty and acting with courage under fire (mainly the paper aircraft), additionally his kill-to-loss ratio was impressive. However, this was not to be the Liberals and Communists sabotaged his chances and ultimately he became the unsung Hero of World War II. With the Victory Japan Realized that with the loss or at least wounding of Astroboy their Military could not stand up to the American Military might.
Aftermath[edit | edit source]
After the Victory and Liberation of Hiroshima, Many Japanese Military Commanders were not going to let the Liberation of one city affect their Grand Strategy affected by Recent American Victories and were determined to retake Hiroshima or What was left of the City that once known and referred to the city of Hiroshima when they sent a scout plane they realized that rubble and dead bodies were not that much strategic value in the long-run so they abandoned it. But still did not surrender until another Great American Victory that was far into the Future. Still Truman the Terrible the Grand Decider of United States of America issued
"If they do not not accept our terms, they may expect a rain of ruin from the air the likes of which has never been seen on this earth and all of the anime crap will burn in fiery pits of hell and USA will exterminate all people of Japan or Japanese descent on the face of the Earth and/or any body you inhabit until the day you surrender. HWAWAWAW
-Harry the Terrible Truman
However the Emperor still was not convinced since he could not understand American and then Soviets declare War on the God-Forsaken Japanese Scum[2]. Also Westbro Bapist Church Setup the Website that presented it views.
Media Coverage[edit | edit source]
The First newspaper or News Source was of course UnNews Limited that reported on the story of this Great American Victory and Liberation of Hiroshima from Japan, followed by Fox News and then PBS.
Fox News presented this as one of the Greatest Military Victories for the United States of America ever, along with this 6 interviews with Paul Tibbets, having Bill O'Reily Sr. Kiss Tibbets Feet and Cream himself, A Series on the Evils of Japan and Replay the Explosion at least 12 times a hour twice with funny music. While PBS interviewed a World War I veteran who says that it was a appalling and Tactician from some probably Public College says that it saved lives and also Possible Consequences from these bombings on locals and Politics. Unnews of course got interviews from the people who actually were at blast and plenty of Graphs and very accurate misinformation on the event. Various Unamericans were appalled from this Event these include Albert Einstien and generally Liberals they argue that attacking Civilians is Evil and is a crime against humanity while rational people knew that by bombing a city full of civilans we're bound to hit someone that involved in someway with the military it's simple statistics and probability[3]. Fox News of course had petitioned for Tibbets to receive the Metal of Honor but the Liberal infected Government was sabotaging their efforts that ultimately failed.
Luckily, With the Liberation of Nagasaki, the Sequel to the Liberation of Hiroshima where he Heroically Liberated a Japanese city from Japan, again inflicting thousands of enemy causalities while receiving none still was not enough but a statue was setup outside Fox News Offices in his Honor. However, the Liberal Media were painting a picture of Death, Destruction, Radiation and General Unamerican Communist Attitude. However, Tibbets the man that will go down in History as the man who had highest kills ever that could possibly rival Chuck Norris and Steve Ballmer, he still did receive the congratulations from the Decider of the United States and a nation in his debt but at the time, the USA was in debt to many people so he was not that special.
Conclusion[edit | edit source]
This Battle that United States Participated in is most likely the Greatest American Victory ever along with the most people liberated as well as fact no Americans were harmed and in the shortest time too that could rival the Iraq War(2001-2003). Also we showed Japan what happens when they Fuck with USA, they'll never ever again attack our Holiday resorts, without some serious explaining.
Also After, we actually landed on Japan when it was safe, we made sure that they never can again threaten USA militarily, in hindsight we should of made sure they could not harms us economically but these Japanese have always been tricky bastards. Tibbets published his Memoirs "Paul Tibbets: The man that dropped both the Fat Man and Little Boy on Japan" that showed the strategy and tactics were well-made if you have absolutely no regard for Civilian deaths. In the end, Everyone Won the Japanese were Liberated, USA got their Victory and Public Opinion Points, Tibbets got his Book published, Enola Gay becomes one of the most awesome planes ever - even with that name, Some Westbro Bapist Church members got killed, Truman the Terrible got his name down in History as one of America's Greatest Conquerors, Hollywood got a great ending for World War 2 and Everyone Lived Happily ever after - well maybe not everyone.
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
See also[edit | edit source]
- Japan
- Army
- USA
- Chuck Norris
- World War 2
- PFC Someguy
- 2nd Gunner Someguy
- Co-Pilot Otto
- Things
Further reading[edit | edit source]
- Paul Tibbets: The man that dropped both a Fat Man and a Little Boy on Japan
- CIA Worldfact Book
- Unamerica; The True Story