Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/March 9

March 9: National "Shit We Forgot to Celebrate Your Birthday" Day (Canada)

• 400 BC - Noted Greek scholar and intellectual Hypocrites denounces extravagant living from his posh ninety-acre woodland mansion.
• 1862 - First American Civil War battle between two Ironclad ships ends in draw after the CSS Virginia argues the war was about "economics, not slavery" as if the two topics are separate.
• 1982 - Time travel party is announced three weeks ago in Baltimore, scientists declare that time travelers don't like Maryland very much.
• 1994 - Bill Gates announces invention of a method that lets men hold handbags without looking "super gay", men clamor for secret.
• 1996 - Secret to holding handbag like a man revealed: tie the strap around your balls and swing the handbag around like a flail. Cowardly men invent the extra-large pants pocket instead.

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