Today's Featured Article
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Uncyclopedia is proud to present an exclusive, never before published column by Chuck Norris.
Recently a debate aired on ABC's Nightline pitting popular theists, Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron, against two reviled atheists from the "Rational" Response Squad, which is also reviled. This testifies to the growing number (30 million people) of fools who profess there is no God. Add to that what I believe is possibly three times that number of functional atheists, those who believe in a God but don't show it (as True Christians® do, by voting Republican, wearing little American flag pins and putting Jesus fish on the tailgates of their pickup trucks), and patriotic Americans in America are facing a new religious horizon in which atheism is becoming a formidable foe.
Shockingly, although the majority of Americans continue to claim to be Christians, a Gallup poll discovered that forty-five percent of the population would support an atheist for President. Such a survey is a clear indication that the secularization of our Christian nation is alive and well. Secularization, if you are not aware, will signal the end of America as we know it. For example, soon the secular government, blinded by their lack of common Christian decency, will (as they did with public schools) banish the Bible from the White House, before banning it in church and eventually outlawing it in your very own home! Will real Americans continue to stand for this outrage? I pray to the Lord, no. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that playing Dungeons & Dragons has caused many teenagers to loose their grip on reality? (Pictured)
- ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
- ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
- ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
- ... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
- ... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
- ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
- ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
- ... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured)
- ... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
- ... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
- ... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
- ... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
- ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
- ... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
- ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
- ... that playing Dungeons & Dragons has caused many teenagers to loose their grip on reality? (Pictured)
- ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
- ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
- ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
- ... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
- ... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
- ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
- ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
- ... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured)
- ... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
- ... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
- ... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
- ... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
- ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
- ... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
- ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
- ... that playing Dungeons & Dragons has caused many teenagers to loose their grip on reality? (Pictured)
- ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
- ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
- ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
- ... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
- ... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
- ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
- ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
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In the news
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On this day...
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March 21: Vernal Equinox... Probably
- 5 AD - The first recorded instance of the question "What Would Jesus Do?" occurs when his mother asks what he wants for breakfast.
- 1890 - Oscar Wilde pens his novel The Picture of Dorian Gray in the vicinity of one of his favorite sources of inspiration, a kitchen sink.
- 1919 - The Treaty of Versailles is dictated to several secretaries, ending World War I. One of them is a German spy and covertly adds a clause mandating a sequel.
- 1931 - The electric guitar is introduced, resulting in the genre of Rock 'n Roll being born and enjoying its peak during the Great Depression.
- 1943 - In the last recorded mounted cavalry charge, soldiers on horseback from Austria-Hungary charge a battalion of Russian tanks and succeed in destroying 80% of them using only their broadswords and ceremonial poofy hats.
- 1993 - The first video is uploaded on the internet: a skin flute performance.
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