Today's Featured Article
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Archaeology, or archæology (from Αρχαίος, nobody cares, and Λογος, the study of not caring) is the study of really really old stuff. Many people confuse archaeology with archeology due to the almost identical spelling and the fact that they mean the same thing. While seemingly pointless, archaeologists assert that we can learn lots of new things by looking at old things, despite the immediate logical impossibilities. Most archaeologists are full of theories with their "carbon dating" witchcraft. As Archaeology for Kids! host Bryan Williamson once said, "I mean, carbon atoms don't have sex, do they? Why should they date then if they can't do anything freaky with electrons in the privacy of a high speed collision chamber? Ok now I have got that off my chest, I will return to imagining how dead people once lived."
The first reported archaeologist was a king of Babylonia called Nabonidus in the 6th century B.C. He was so keen at preserving old buildings that he neglected to look after his country and was overthrown by Cyrus the Great of Persia. Modern historians, who are to archaeologists as strippers are to losers, know this to be true as Nabonidus's discarded monogrammed shorts and trowel were found embedded in ancient ruins that belonged to civilisations much older than his. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that Vincent Price is laughing at you from the grave? (Pictured)
- ... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
- ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
- ... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
- ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
- ... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
- ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
- ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
- ... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)
- ... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
- ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
- ... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
- ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
- ... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
- ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
- ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
- ... that Vincent Price is laughing at you from the grave? (Pictured)
- ... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
- ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
- ... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
- ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
- ... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
- ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
- ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
- ... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)
- ... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
- ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
- ... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
- ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
- ... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
- ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
- ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
- ... that Vincent Price is laughing at you from the grave? (Pictured)
- ... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
- ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
- ... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
- ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
- ... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
- ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
- ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
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In the news
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On this day...
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March 18: World Happiness Day
- 51,000 BC - World Happiness Day is declared with a series of rhythmic grunts when two homo erecti discover fire.
- 1906 - Pope declares suicide a mortal sin, worse than butt sex, watching anime and murder.
- 1953 - Senator Joseph McCarthy briefly bans Kitten Huffing, but later retracts said decree, claiming he "was high off [his] ass."
- 1954 - Scientists fist discover the Moon, they later find out it wasn't really the Moon they discovered, but the Sun.
- 1985 - Australia's version of EastEnders premieres to the public, however, it made Aussies more happier than expected.
- 1993 - The Sun tells scientists it and earth should "Just be friends," the sun promises to call every few weeks.
- 2008 - After numerous requests by the American public, God finally damns It, It is never found.
- 2016 - A rerun of the smash hit TV show Full House is shown around the world, millions kill themselves, unable to stand the torture.
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