Today's Featured Article
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Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of vegetable beef barley soup in the fridge.
Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice. Come to think of it, it was shitty soup. That probably improved it. Not like this one.
Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again!
Hold on...
Why is my hair roller in here?
Wait...
This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill?
Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault.
Just a minute...
WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!? (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured)
- ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
- ... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
- ... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
- ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
- ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
- ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
- ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem!

- ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
- ... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers?
- ... that my mom's name is also Martha?
- ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
- ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
- ... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?
- ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured)
- ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
- ... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
- ... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
- ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
- ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
- ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
- ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem!

- ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
- ... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers?
- ... that my mom's name is also Martha?
- ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
- ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
- ... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?
- ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured)
- ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
- ... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
- ... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
- ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
- ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
- ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
- ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem!
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