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Today's featured article Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s. Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change. Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...) Recently featured: Bill Clinton Buffalo Bills UnGames:Garlic bread Orchid Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet? ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"? ... that sheep shrink when it rains? ... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really. ... that Uranus is a gas giant? ... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"? ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?" ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join? ... that Pope Francis (Pictured) played football for Argentina? ... that Godot isn't coming? ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores? ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class? ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity? ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage? ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A? ... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth? ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet? ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"? ... that sheep shrink when it rains? ... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really. ... that Uranus is a gas giant? ... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"? ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?" ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join? ... that Pope Francis (Pictured) played football for Argentina? ... that Godot isn't coming? ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores? ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class? ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity? ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage? ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A? ... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth? ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet? ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"? ... that sheep shrink when it rains? ... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really. ... that Uranus is a gas giant? ... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"? ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?" ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?	In the news Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season, choked away at the last moment Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too On this day... April 3: Vivaldi Appreciation Day 1220 - Rampaging crusaders drive a trebuchet through the walls of two towers in Ancient Syria. 1666 - Sir Marquis Baron Vivaldi walks to the crossroad and sells his soul to Satan 1888 - Vivaldi composes new record "A Change of Four Seasons", inspired by regressive metal band Dream Theater. 1945 - Scientists discover that if you play John Cage's 4'33" backward you'll hear someone cough, but backwards. 1974 - Tornadoes sweep the U.S.A, inspiring the invention of the tumble drier. 1986 - D.J. murder rate at all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of The Smiths. 1996 - Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature, and killing like six people.
Today's featured picture The revised logo for the 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa has been designed to incorporate the host nation's actual national sport... Image credit: Sonje View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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