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Today's featured article The Lockheed Martin Nuclear Attack Force and Creators of All Things Aerial and Destructive Corporation, often shortened to read Lockheed Martin Corporation, sometimes Lunkhead Moron Corporation, or even just Lockheed Martin, is an American offense defense company with the singular goal of designing weapons that can more easily turn a person into a fine red mist for the low cost of $5,000,000 per shot. Lockheed Martin is considered the holy grail of job opportunities for anyone interested in engineering, math, ethics, or just the opportunity to obliterate things. They are most well known for their consumer products including the F-22 Raper, the Orion-class spaceships, the C-130 Hunkules, and most notably "Project Pat" missiles. (Full article...) Recently featured: Bill Clinton Buffalo Bills UnGames:Garlic bread Orchid Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that in another time and place Rod Serling existed as a discarded cardboard cutout on the set of the Twilight Zone? (Pictured) ... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular? ... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die? ... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein? ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke? ... that Malcom X absolutely loved Kentucky Fried Chicken? (Pictured) ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe? ... the muffin man? ... that the White House is really off-white? ... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein? ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back? ... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one? ... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped? ... that in another time and place Rod Serling existed as a discarded cardboard cutout on the set of the Twilight Zone? (Pictured) ... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular? ... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die? ... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein? ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke? ... that Malcom X absolutely loved Kentucky Fried Chicken? (Pictured) ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe? ... the muffin man? ... that the White House is really off-white? ... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein? ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back? ... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one? ... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped? ... that in another time and place Rod Serling existed as a discarded cardboard cutout on the set of the Twilight Zone? (Pictured) ... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular? ... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die? ... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein? ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?	In the news Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • UConn ladies' basketball season + Jordan's Furniture customers • Jesus Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP On this day... April 6: Arson Wednesday (New Zealand) 612 - Arab popstar Mohammed declares he is "more popular than Jesus now." 1522 - Mary had a little lamb. Yankee Doodle claims to be father. 1593 - John Greenwood, English Congregationalist, hanged. His last words: "Get this fucking rope off of me!" 1935 - AT&T formed. Its first disgruntled customer is created moments later. 1955 - Hell freezes over, Devil forced to skate to work. 1974 - ABBA wins Eurovision, marking the beginning of the Mamma Mia Invasion. 1985 - Video games are first cited as a precursor to juvenile delinquency. 1994 - Kurt Cobain's attempt to win a posthumous Grammy backfires tragically. 1999 - Chinese Democracy is released and subsequently pulled off shelves after the U.S. Government denies reports of its existence.
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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