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Today's featured article Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s. Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change. Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...) Recently featured: Bill Clinton Buffalo Bills UnGames:Garlic bread Orchid Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured) ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die? ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939? ... that Godot isn't coming? ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering? ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval? ... that this in not a DYK entry? ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores? ... that I'm coming to get you? (Pictured) ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now? ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush? ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"? ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information? ... the muffin man? ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high? ... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit? ... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured) ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die? ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939? ... that Godot isn't coming? ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering? ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval? ... that this in not a DYK entry? ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores? ... that I'm coming to get you? (Pictured) ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now? ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush? ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"? ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information? ... the muffin man? ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high? ... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit? ... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured) ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die? ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939? ... that Godot isn't coming? ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering? ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval? ... that this in not a DYK entry? ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?	In the news Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season • Jesus Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP On this day... April 4: National No Spamming Day (Iraq) 3141 BC - The world's first great pi was baked. It took $\pi$ years to eat. 1949 - Iceland's blundered declaration of war on the USA leads to the accidental formation of NATO. 1503 - Disneyland Central America opens in the Aztec city of Tenochtitlan. 1975 - You really should have bought shares in Microsoft, which was formed on this day. 1984 - President Ronald Reagan calls for an international ban on something or other, oh hell I can't remember. (Pictured) 2001 - The butterfly effect is proved in an ingenious experiment, causing devastating hurricane damage in China. 2002 - Actor Mickey Rooney begins his process of decomposition.
Today's featured picture The famous 1969 Life cover featuring The Apollo Program's culmination, the successful landing of Louis Armstrong on the Moon. Image credit: Gerrycheevers View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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