User:Czar Yah/lovecraft

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Today's featured article

President Nicolas Maduro on board the USS Iwo Jima (cropped).png

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following air strikes on Caracas and the successful capture of Venezuelan president Nicolás Maduro, Donald Trump was given yet another Nobel Peace Prize for his commendable work of putting an end to the war he started approximately three hours ago. This tallies his Nobel prizes to fifteen so far (three in one year) which is an accomplishment as it is only a yearly award.

Chief of Staff Susie Wiles lamented the lack of shelf space to store all of Trump's numerous Nobel Peace Prizes (all of them legitimate and certified Swedish). This was the real motivation for adding a ballroom extension to the White House, in part to throw lavish parties in a time of economic struggle, but also for a place to store all of Trump's Nobel prizes.

Marco Rubio, a devout Christian, was seen pacing the grounds of what was once the White House Rose Garden (now a ballroom storage space for prizes), masturbating furiously to an AI-generated image of Havana burning. (Full article...)

Did you know...

*... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
  • ... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?

In the news

StarmerBikini.png
Downing Street denies this image.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing MamdanistanLarry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • Non-playoff NFL teams firing their coaches • Jim and John Harbaugh family vacation in Cancun

Recent deaths: Doug DimmadomeZed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal FarmRob ReinerBowen Yang's tenure on SNLPatrick Mahomes' and his backup's ACLs • Brigitte BardotCarl Yastrzmski2025 • The MetroCardStranger ThingsKaliVecnaThe Upside DownNew York Rangers' fans livers and kidneys • Green Bay Packers', Carolina Panthers', Jacksonville Jaguars', Los Angeles Chargers' and Philadelphia Eagles' seasons • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The ThingBob Weir

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald TrumpNYC's economy • The Pittsburgh Steelers' fucking up once againWeed67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • The Sabres actually being good? • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs"

On this day...

"Caesar, it's the middle of January, there's no more fireworks!"

January 13: Julius Caesar's New Year's Eve

  • 45 BC - Julius Caesar celebrates New Year's thirteen days late, after everyone else is already done with that sort of thing, angering the Senate. (Pictured)
  • 1610 - Galileo Galilei discovers the fourth satellite of Jupiter, but initially confuses it for a hemorrhoid.
  • 1942 - Henry Ford gets a patent for his new automobile, which is 50% more Nazi than regular cars.
  • 1996 - Annie Lennox accidentally breaks wind near a microphone, is immediately awarded two Grammys and a BRIT award.
  • 1998 - Gay activist sets himself on fire in St. Peter's Square to protest the Catholic Church's condemnation of self-immolation.
  • 2012 - Cruise ship Costa Concordia tips over on its side after a celebrity cooking class puts cream on their pasta carbonara.

Today's featured picture

Grand Theft Auto: Vatican City
The cover of Grand Theft Auto: Vatican City, in stores soon.

Image credit: RadicalX
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

Recent Articles


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

Writer and Noob of the Month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


BePrepared.png

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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