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Today's featured article The Autoconspiracy 2000 (more commonly known as the Conspiracy Theory Generator) is a top-secret computer program built by the world's most elite historians and computer scientists for the purpose of expanding historical knowledge beyond that which would normally not be achievable by humans. The goal of the program is to map out and eventually solve every historical uncertainty by "Exploring the Infinite Chronoscape" as the program's metadata puts it. Early versions of the Autoconspiracy can be traced back to prehistoric times, where archaeological records show evidence of some particularly clever cavemen who had studied the natural patterns of moss and of mud to explain the origins of organic material. More refined methods of discovering hidden truths came later, culminating with the final Autoconspiracy version, Autoconspiracy 2000 c. 2000. (Full article...) Recently featured: Why?:Is there a monkey in my fridge? John Marshall You Rob Gronkowski Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that your nipples (Pictured) can fall off? ... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was? ... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse? ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis? ... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass? ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane? ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%? ... that this in not a DYK entry? ... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt? ... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted? ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE! ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known? ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind? ... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun? ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love? ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card? ... that your nipples (Pictured) can fall off? ... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was? ... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse? ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis? ... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass? ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane? ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%? ... that this in not a DYK entry? ... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt? ... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted? ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE! ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known? ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind? ... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun? ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love? ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card? ... that your nipples (Pictured) can fall off? ... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was? ... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse? ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis? ... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass? ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane? ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%? ... that this in not a DYK entry?	In the news He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico On this day... February 24: "I don't care what day it is" Day 1803 - In Marbury v Madison, two men named Mr. Marbury and Mr. Madison fight each other with canes, and the Supreme Court decides who wins. 1863 - People on their way to California collapse from heat while traveling across the desert, and rather than dying with humanity, they found Arizona. 1920 - God decides today is a good day to create Nazis, a few select Germans suddenly feel an unusual aversion to international Jewry. 1942 - Aliens attack the city of Los Angeles! (Pictured) They're confused for Japanese soldiers due to racism. 1978 - Five men disappear after attending a college basketball game in California. The bodies of four of them were actually clones of the same person. 2007 - Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe launches a spy satellite to perv on Kim Jong-un's sister, Kim Yo-jong. 2008 - Fidel Castro retires, spends the rest of his days smoking cigars and laughing at assassination attempts.
Today's featured picture Artist representation of the famous Charge of the Chainsaw Brigade, a pivotal moment on the road to victory which demonstrated the wisdom of bringing Canadian lumberjacks into the war. Image credit: Asahatter View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners Now you only have 4, yes 4 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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