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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.

Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.

Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?

... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living?

... that the Silver Surfer has a very large family? (Pictured)

... that The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 was caused by Uncyclopedians?
... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
... that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?

... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?

... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living?

... that the Silver Surfer has a very large family? (Pictured)

... that The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 was caused by Uncyclopedians?
... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
... that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?

... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?

... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living?

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season, choked away at the last moment Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
April 2: National Refrigerator Day (Paraguay) 1111 - The Knights Templar are formed as a clandestine drinking society, take things a little too far. 1942 - Classic arcade title 1942 developed as shoot 'em up, rights to year are purchased by Capcom, to the chagrin of some cranky veterans. 1983 - Science is invented by accident, and is quickly swept under the carpet. 1984 - Miniluv put crimethink proles into fridge, remake them goodthink fullwise. 2001 - The mailman bangs your mom, but she's her own person, you can't control who she loves. 2002 - The U.S. Kitten Embargo begins as part of The War Against Terror (Pictured), countless Iraqi kittens deported. 2012 - The number two renamed second one. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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The Antarctic is under new management in Guy Ritchie's March of the Penguin Brothers.

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

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