User:An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays/Newspeak

Welcome to Uncyclopedia, the unquestionable encyclopedia that must be believed without question. 41,131 articles in Oldspeak

Crimethink Crimethink Telescreen

Persons Crimethink Duckspeak

Crimethink Crimethink All

Doubleplusgood Article In Pasticle Physics, antipasta is composed of anti-ingredients in the same way that pasta is composed of ingredients. For example, an antiegg and some antiwheat with a bit of antiwater can form an antipasta dough. It is potentially life-threatening to consume antipasta without extreme safety measures and a bit of luck. This is because when an anti-food particle comes into contact with a positive particle (for example a human's tongue) the two particles annihilate each other releasing a tremendous amount of energy (the equivalent of 1,000,000 spurts of explosive diarrhea after bad Mexican food). This means the more antiparmesan you add onto a mountain of antispaghetti, the more likely your body will paint the walls and ceiling before you finish eating it. Whilst an exciting, even an arousing proposal, it is a little too dangerous for most people (even if you have a little chub just thinking about anti-tortelini) and seen as reckless and hedonistic by conservative foodies.With excessive care, one can enjoy anti-rigatoni and most likely keep their stomach intact, their head on their shoulders and not shit out anti-blood. (Full article...) Recently featured: The Finals Fuck Around and Find Out Burj Khalifa Jangles (chimpanzee) Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it? ... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35? ... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it? ... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35? ... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it?	In the news Take that, Betty White! Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches! (Pictured) ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up." 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth" The New York Yankees now fucking suck Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter The UK to ban the resale of tickets Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not? Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents" Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT! Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Pats fans accusing NFL refs of kissing the Bills' asses • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros. • Sheen Estevez • Chet Ubetcha • Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Patrick Mahomes' ACL and the Kansas City Chiefs' season • Rob Reiner. • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Dallas Cowboys' and Indianapolis Colts' season • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually • 2025 On this day... December 22: Dead Meme Appreciation Day 5000 BC - God plans to make perfect woman from an arm and a leg, Adam says "What can ya do with a rib?" 1666 - Manhattan is sold to the Knicks for 24 virgins; they immediately re-sell it to Donald Trump. 1933 - William Butler Yeats is found dead in a bear cage at the local zoo. 1974 - Gay men blame women for AIDS. 1989 - The end of the world as we know it. Surprisingly, most people are either indifferent or quite fine about the whole thing. 1991 - Man loses his religion, but later finds he left it in the corner, silly man. 3434 - Vin Diesel is cloned from one of his last remaining pubic hairs.
Today's doubleplusgood picture Fox News: Your number one news source for all things foxy. Image credit: Olipro's idea, Lyrithya's implementation View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
edit Recent Articles Why is book? Halloween Ends Stranger Things (rw) G.I. Jane G.I. Jane 2 UnTunes:Santa Baby This is not an Article, it's a Sandwich Fairytale UnTunes:Shoes Uncyclopedia:Business (rw) Halloween Kills UnTunes:Perry the Platypus Elon's Musk UnGames:Ultimate Fishing (rw) UnTunes:Rio Herodotus (rw) Brawny Lawnmower-Humvee (rw) Steve Wozniak (rw) Narrative (rw) Bryan Adams High School Alex Trebek Lincoln Logs Brexit Where Is Everybody? UnTunes:Animal (with actual animals) Avi Toledano Eli Roth Film (remake) African American Worst 100 Reflections on 2018 Ray Charles Bernardo Butterlucci Urban Dictionary More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Rewrite or die | Add to stubs (or die) | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Write about about... | Stuck articles needing a push
Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Uncyclopedia's sista projects
Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia. UnNews News on crack Uncyclopedia The content-free encyclopedia Undictionary Best left unsaid UnTunes Noisy things UnGames Ways to waste away HowTo Like Ikea without the pictures UnBooks Content-free books Unquotable Useless misquotes Uncycloversity No student loans UnPoetia Dreams deferred UnDebate Debate the irrelevant UnScripts We ruin stage too Why? Because UnReviews Hack frauds UnVoyage Armchair travel Uncyclomedia The Foundation
Uncyclopedia Languages
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 41,131 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays/Newspeak!: Uncyclopedia English United Kingdom 41,131 Desciclopédia Português Brazil 50785 アンサイクロペディア 日本語 Japan 19194 Nonsensopedia Polski Poland 17766 Nonciclopedia Italiano Italy 14423 Désencyclopédie Français France 8936 Inciclopedia Español Spain 12400 偽基百科 正體中文 Taiwan 6417 Uncyclopedia.de Deutsch Germany 6330 Hikipedia Suomi Finland 7300 Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016. Other Uncyclopedias 백괴사전 한국어 South Korea 6303 ไร้สาระนุกรม ไทย Thailand 3132 Pekepedia Tagalog Philippines 275 Bodohpedia Bahasa Melayu Malaysia 105 伪基百科 汉语 Commie China 8269 איןציקלופדיה עברית Israel 2187 קיינציקלאָפעדיע יידיש Yiddish 46 Tolololpedia Bahasa Indonesia Indonesia 6054 Ndhablek Basa Jawa Java 14 Goblogpedia Basa Sunda Sunda 11 Yansiklopedi Türkçe Turkey 762 اللاموسوعة العربية Iraq 976 نانشنامه فارسی Iran 943 ანციკლ ოპედია ქართული Georgia 4 Uncyclopedia.km ភាសាខ្មែរ Cambodia 1 Spademanns Leksikon Dansk Denmark 9095 Ikkepedia Norsk Norway 4563 Ikkjepedia Norsk (nynorsk) Norway Psyklopedin Svenska Sweden 2497 Անգրագ իտարան Հայերեն Armenia 4 ວິກິພີເດຍ ລາວ Laos 8 Valenciclopèdia Català Andorra 1060 Nunyepedia Asturianu Asturias 59 Desgalipedia Galego Galicia 5009 Oisquipèdia Occitan Occitania 33 আনসাইক্ল োপিডিয়া বাংলা Bangladesh 17 Φρικηπαίδεια Ελληνικά Greece 2812 Celwyddoniadur Cymraeg Wales 103 Scotypedia Scots Scotland 10 Frithchiclipéid Gaeilge Ireland 19 Kengencyclopedia Lëtzebuergesch Luxembourg 7 Нециклопедија Српски Serbia 456 Neciklopedija Bosanski Bosnia 27 Neciklopediju Hrvatski Croatia 303 Butalopedija Slovenščina Slovenia 31 Википедија Македонски Macedonia 175 Oncyclopedia Nederlands Belgium and Holland 2807 Kwatsjpedia Limburgs Limburgs 21 Necyklopedie Česky Czech Republic 3530 Necyklopedia Slovenčina Slovakia 1888 Unciklopédia Magyar Hungary 1731 Оксипедия Български Bulgaria 234 Neciclopedie Română Romania 167 Uichipedia Молдовеняскэ Moldova 4 Інциклопедія Українська Ukraine 1117 Абсурдопедия Русский Russia 4466 Ebatsüklopeedia Eesti Estonia 96 Neciklopēdija Latviešu Latvia 159 Juokopedija Lietuvių Lithuania 267 Neciklopedio Esperanto Esperanto 3176 Unsaiklopedia 𐌲𐌿𐍄𐌹𐍃𐌺‬ Goths 14 Necyclopædia Latina Vatican City 279 Hatsiklopedia Malagasy Madagascar 8 Zombiepedia Zombie Chapel 7 Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016. Article (Main) • Eald Ænglisc (Old English) • Babelfish • Blog • CafeMess (CafePress) • We get signal. (Engrish) • Galactic Basic Standard • Hitlerbear • Lietuvių Jiaunimų kalba • iHumor (Apple) • 1337 (Leet) • Re: PharmaccgRy (Mail Spam) • 조선말 (North Korean) • Newspeak • Nub (N00b) • Wildeizms (Oscar Wilde) • Manx (Pirate) • Middle Egyptian (Hieroglyphic) • Napulitana (Neapolitan) • Trekkies • Simple English • Testament • AAAAAAAAA! (Vagrant) • Vèneto (Venetian) • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese) • White Nationalist (White Supremacist) Complete list • Multilingual coordination • Requests for new languages

Protected by Big Brother, and the Thought Police.