User:An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays/Newspeak

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Doubleplusgood Article

Oranges.png

So you want to know how to eat an orange. Maybe you embarrassed yourself at your friend's orange-themed wedding and don't want to repeat that debacle, or maybe you stuck an orange up your ass and realized too late that oranges don't work that way.[citation needed] This might even be your first time eating an orange! No matter what your deal is with oranges, this handy guide will ensure you can eat oranges with grace and style. (Full article...)

Did you know...

*...No, you didn't! Stop lying!
  • ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
  • ...No, you didn't! Stop lying!
  • ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
  • ...No, you didn't! Stop lying!

In the news

Zohran-mamdani-apron-dance.gif
Free bus passes and shawarma for everyone! Until the money runs out..

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C. • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Republicans and rich people fleeing NYC

Recent deaths: Charlie KirkRobert RedfordU.S. Federal GovernmentJane GoodallDiane KeatonGaza WarDrew StruzanWindows 10D'AngeloYouTube player's old design • A guitarist and a security guard from KISSJune LockhartNick MangoldJamaica, at the hands of Hurricane Melissa • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna GodchauxDiane LaddDick Cheney

Upcoming deaths: DEIIran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBCDonald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career• Coral reefsCapitalism in NYC • Blue Jays fans' livers and kidneys

On this day...

You should always appreciate a leaf blower that does a good job.

November 7: Blowjob Appreciation Day, Canada

  • 1876 - Gay Canadians invent ice hockey to eliminate the possibility of teeth complicating fellatio.
  • 1962 - JFK ends Cuban Missile Crisis by having CIA agents perform blowjobs on everyone.
  • 1977 - Linda Lovelace given Freedom of Canada, but is made to do something unspeakable to the airport security.
  • 1995 - Quebec "no" in referendum largely attributed to English speakers' blowjob skills.
  • 1999 - President Bill Clinton, a native-born Canadian, celebrates his favorite Canadian holiday. Republicans feel left out.

Today's doubleplusgood picture

Hello Kitty
Hello Kitty getting her groove on.

Image credit: IMBJR
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Recent Articles


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Rewrite or die | Add to stubs (or die) | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Write about about... | Stuck articles needing a push

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


BePrepared.png

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Noobaward.png

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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