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Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them.

Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that the Black Knight always triumphs? (Pictured)

... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder?
... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... no, you didn't! Stop lying!
... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
... that I am inside your walls?

... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (Pictured)

... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise?
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?

... that the Black Knight always triumphs? (Pictured)

... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder?
... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... no, you didn't! Stop lying!
... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
... that I am inside your walls?

... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (Pictured)

... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise?
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?

... that the Black Knight always triumphs? (Pictured)

... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder?
... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... no, you didn't! Stop lying!
... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
... that I am inside your walls?

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On this day...
March 24: International Do-It-Yourself Day 1857 - Oscar Wilde pens his story The Soul of Man under Socialism while under something else. 1943 - Jackson Pollock unveils his long-awaited third exhibition, featuring the classic Angsty Orange Tiger. 1964 - The ping pong incident occurs at my high school, and will torment me for over forty years until my son avenges me. 1991 - The first child is admitted to the hospital for Phonics addiction in the beginning of a nation-wide pandemic, resulting in thousands of kids becoming 'hooked'. 1994 - Kitty porn makes its first appearance on the primitive internet. 2007 - The first human trials of Neuroipods suffer drawbacks when a vast majority of test subjects contract iEllepsy. 2010 - Sarah Palin kicks off the first annual Alaskan Sasquatch Appreciation Day. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

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