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Tuesday, September 25, 2018, 07:39 (UTC)
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  UNCYCLOPEDIA EDITORIAL DESK: Well, it finally has happened, and we here at Uncyclopedia are deeply saddened. After all these years of providing the most accurate and up-to-date knowledge on every subject matter in the world for your immediate benefit and gratification, and occasionally allowing even the likes of yourself to contribute your meagre and pathetic input to our growing database, you have (apparently) gone and done the unthinkable. We hate to tell you this, but it seems we have no choice in the matter. After thoroughly analyzing the detailed information we have painstakingly gathered from your computer, we have reached a most unfortunate conclusion: It looks like your ad blocker is on.
  HOLLYWOOD-- Burt Reynolds, star of Halloween III: Season of the Witch, Death Wish, Alien, and Magnum P.I., has died. His mustache was 82.
 WASHINGTON -- Arizona U.S. Senator, POW, 2000 and 2008 Presidential candidate, and maverick John McCain has died, one day after discontinuing treatment for brain cancer. He was 81 and four days shy of his 82nd birthday. Full disclosure: I didn't always agree with the guy, I'm a Democrat, and I voted for Obama. Not to mention the Sarah Palin debacle. But putting politics aside, McCain was an honorable man and a decent human being, which is becoming a rarity for Republicans, who nowadays worship their Great Orange God™ like he's the Second Coming of Christ. Both parties have come together to honor the senator.
  HOLLYWOOD -- Lou Reed has overtaken Chris Gaines (the ill-fated rock star alter ego of country star Garth Brooks) to be named as the artist behind the worst-selling album of all time.
His greatest cacophony compilation, entitled: Metal Machine Music, has lost sales or streams of more than 99,900 since its release in July 1975, the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) said on Monday. The announcement means that Chris Gaines Greatest Hits (also known as The Life of Chris Gaines), released in 1999 and selling or streaming more than 2 million times initially - or 2x platinum - and dropping down to 101 copies, is now in second place, but just barely. UnNews is saddened to learn that, just days after being hospitalized and then put in hospice at her Detroit home, Aretha Franklin, The Queen of Soul, had died at the age of 76. Franklin came from humble beginnings, singing gospel in the choir of her father's New Bethel Baptist Church. In 1960, she pursued secular music and signed with Columbia, to only modest success. Her signing with Atlantic Records in 1967 brought her great success. Some of her earliest hits include "Respect" (originally a minor hit for Otis Redding), Carole King's "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman," "Spanish Harlem," and "Think."
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