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Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them. Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnGames:Garlic bread HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic Biffy Clyro Foreign accent syndrome Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that Malcom X absolutely loved Kentucky Fried Chicken? (Pictured) ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA ... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state? ... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress? ... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it? ... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website? ... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers? ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis? ... if you are right brained or left brained? (Pictured) ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together? ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network? ... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know. ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993? ... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall? ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind? ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists? ... that Malcom X absolutely loved Kentucky Fried Chicken? (Pictured) ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA ... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state? ... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress? ... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it? ... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website? ... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers? ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis? ... if you are right brained or left brained? (Pictured) ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together? ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network? ... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know. ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993? ... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall? ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind? ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists? ... that Malcom X absolutely loved Kentucky Fried Chicken? (Pictured) ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA ... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state? ... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress? ... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it? ... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website? ... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers? ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?	In the news World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller Upcoming deaths: Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity On this day... March 23: Take Your Fish To Work Day 139 AD - Roman historian Erraticus publishes the fourth version of Life of Trajan, this one portaying Trajan as an emperor and retracting the previous version's claims that Trajan was a talking donkey. 1097 - St. Peter's Basilica was first used outside of the Vatican city during the first Crusades. 1952 - Beloved British children's author Enid Blyton publishes her most famous work, The Three Golliwogs. Please don't google it. 1956 - Pakistan declares itself to be an Islamic Republic, which is like the Old Republic except without the Jedi. 1962 - Dozens of women march on Washington D.C. to politely request feminine rights, their husbands sit at home without their supper. 1974 - The last dirty liberal is sent to serve in the Vietnam War, rendering America a perfect utopia of conservatives for nearly eighteen months. 2026 - a Plane has love affair with A track, making the worlds first Plane-Firetruck hybrid.
Today's featured picture The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you. Image credit: Mosquitopsu View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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