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The Autoconspiracy 2000 (more commonly known as the Conspiracy Theory Generator) is a top-secret computer program built by the world's most elite historians and computer scientists for the purpose of expanding historical knowledge beyond that which would normally not be achievable by humans. The goal of the program is to map out and eventually solve every historical uncertainty by "Exploring the Infinite Chronoscape" as the program's metadata puts it. Early versions of the Autoconspiracy can be traced back to prehistoric times, where archaeological records show evidence of some particularly clever cavemen who had studied the natural patterns of moss and of mud to explain the origins of organic material. More refined methods of discovering hidden truths came later, culminating with the final Autoconspiracy version, Autoconspiracy 2000 c. 2000. (Full article...) Recently featured: Conspiracy Theory Generator Why?:Is there a monkey in my fridge? John Marshall You Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that liberals want to eat your children? (Pictured) ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join? ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content? ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have? ... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder? ... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO! ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it? ... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation? ... that ‪Captain Autofellatio (Pictured) often gets distracted from crime-fighting? ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case? ... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk? ... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35? ... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time? ... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven? ... that liberals want to eat your children? (Pictured) ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join? ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content? ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have? ... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder? ... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO! ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it? ... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation? ... that ‪Captain Autofellatio (Pictured) often gets distracted from crime-fighting? ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case? ... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk? ... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35? ... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time? ... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven? ... that liberals want to eat your children? (Pictured) ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join? ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content? ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have? ... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder? ... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO! ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it? ... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?	In the news He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico On this day... February 25: Gangrene Appreciation Day 1863 - Civil War surgeons discover a cure for gangrene, a rusty hacksaw and a stick to bite on. 1901 - J. P. Morgan becomes a billionaire after inventing the now world-renowned overdraft protection fee. 1945 - Turkey declares war on Germany. A little late to the party but every little thing helps. 1964 - Kim Il-sung turns North Korea into a verdant paradise, a utopia masquerading as a third-world country. It's basically an Asian Wakanda. 1991 - The Warsaw pact is officially abolished, thus ushering in a new era of peace and stability in Europe for a whole two hours. 1992 - The Khojaly Massacre occurs, part of an ongoing conflict between Armenia and Azerbaijan over the enclave of Nagorno-Karabakh aaaaaand you're asleep. Okay.
Today's featured picture Just when you thought hospital food couldn't get any worse... Image credit: Doug View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners You now only have 3, god dammit, 3 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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