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Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of vegetable beef barley soup in the fridge.
Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice. Come to think of it, it was shitty soup. That probably improved it. Not like this one.
Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again!
Hold on...
Why is my hair roller in here?
Wait...
This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill?
Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault.
Just a minute...
WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!? (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
- ... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
- ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
- ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
- ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
- ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
- ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
- ... that in Rhode Island any marriage where either of the party is an idiot and/or lunatic is considered null & void? And therefore, almost everyone in the state is, technically, a bastard? (Pictured)
- ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
- ... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
- ... that the police are at your door?
- ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
- ... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
- ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
- ... that this sentence is incomple
 - ... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
- ... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
- ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
- ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
- ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
- ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
- ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
- ... that in Rhode Island any marriage where either of the party is an idiot and/or lunatic is considered null & void? And therefore, almost everyone in the state is, technically, a bastard? (Pictured)
- ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
- ... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
- ... that the police are at your door?
- ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
- ... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
- ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
- ... that this sentence is incomple
- ... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
- ... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
- ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
- ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
- ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
- ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
- ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
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In the news
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On this day...
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February 22: International Day of Spam
- 1996 - Need money quick? Need money now? Get a Payday Loan today! It's not like you have a choice you poor piece of shit haha.
- 1998 - Got bills you need to pay? Some student loans looming overhead? Donate some plasma to literal blood-sucking capitalists.
- 1999 - There are hot singles in your area! I don't think you can do anything with that information, I just wanted to tell you.
- 2001 - Retro fans! Buy a complete box set of every movie and television series released during the 1980s, only $25,999.99! comes in fourteen trucks.
- 2005 - Buy the last 49,367 Blu-ray discs of Peter Jackson's opus King Kong, I don't know use it as tinsel it's starting to leak chemicals.
- 2011 - Look like your best self, buy our signature collection of foundation and concealer, made from the ground up bones of the long extinct sea cow.
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