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Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them. Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnGames:Garlic bread Orchid HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic Biffy Clyro Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured) ... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit? ... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny? ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that. ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)? ... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress? ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip? ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke? ... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured) ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish? ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric? ... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks? ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering? ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939? ... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state? ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs? ... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured) ... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit? ... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny? ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that. ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)? ... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress? ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip? ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke? ... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured) ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish? ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric? ... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks? ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering? ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939? ... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state? ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs? ... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured) ... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit? ... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny? ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that. ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)? ... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress? ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip? ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?	In the news World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller Upcoming deaths: Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity On this day... March 24: International Do-It-Yourself Day 1857 - Oscar Wilde pens his story The Soul of Man under Socialism while under something else. 1943 - Jackson Pollock unveils his long-awaited third exhibition, featuring the classic Angsty Orange Tiger. 1964 - The ping pong incident occurs at my high school, and will torment me for over forty years until my son avenges me. 1991 - The first child is admitted to the hospital for Phonics addiction in the beginning of a nation-wide pandemic, resulting in thousands of kids becoming 'hooked'. 1994 - Kitty porn makes its first appearance on the primitive internet. 2007 - The first human trials of Neuroipods suffer drawbacks when a vast majority of test subjects contract iEllepsy. 2010 - Sarah Palin kicks off the first annual Alaskan Sasquatch Appreciation Day.
Today's featured picture Some modifications have been made to the newest translation of the Holy Bible. In this scene (often called "Palm Sunday"), Jesus is now riding a raptor. While this was partially made to help make Jesus more accessible to Today's children, the decision was also made because certain Christians didn't want people to be able to say that Jesus was "riding someone's ass" that day. Both scientists and fundamental Christians question the historical accuracy of this account. From the New Cooler Edition: "And Christ touched the Velociraptor, and the Velociraptor was tamed." Luke 13:37 (NCE) Image credit: Tshell View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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