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The high-brow comedy website that only Gods can edit. 40,271 chosen articles; created by the finest writers alive.
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tap tap
Is this thing on?
tap tap
I told the shmendriks in logistics to make sure everything is prepared before I start this part.
HELLO? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?
waves of feedback from the speakers, congregation cringes
Tekiah Gedolah!
feedback like a shofar, congregation laughs
Ah! So those shlimazels can actually do something for once. Since they didn't manage to block the credit crunch, I lost faith in them.
congregation giggles
So, chevralach, thank you all for coming for this pre-Shabbat get together of the congregation. I'd especially like to thank Mrs. Rubinstein for preparing all the lovely krepalach for the meeting. Thank you Rebecca, much appreciated. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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*... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
- ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
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In the news
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On this day...
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July 5: X Day; Day After We Kicked The Brits Ass Day (Southern US)
- 334 BC – Masturbation is accidentally invented by Plato in Athens. His diciple Aristoteles is later declared "Master of his domain"
- 1687 – Isaac Newton (pictured) discovers gravity after being hit on the head by a falling fig.
- 1689 – After outbreak of falling fruit, Isaac Newton officially changes gravity to 7.
- 1946 – The bikini is introduced in Paris, France. Later, no bikini atoll was the trend.
- 1967 – The first kidney transplant to be made entirely of lego bricks ends in tragedy
- 1976 – Dumbass starts running across the United States.
- 1998 – Aliens fail to turn up and fry everyone to a pink crisp.
- 1999 – Again, the aliens miss the due date.
- 2000 – Yet again, the aliens fail to meet their contractual obligations.
- 2001 – Cultists get seriously pissed off with yet another no-show.
- 2002 – Kooks consider taking legal action against missing aliens.
- 2003 – Aliens turned up, but not the right aliens. Bloody mocking tourists.
- 2004 – No one turns up because no one expects the aliens to. And, yup, they didn't.
- 2005 – If you are reading this, the aliens did not turn up for the 8th year running.
- 2005 – Longest fart in world history. Produced by AMB.
- 2006 – That's right, still no aliens.
- 2006 – Zombies become extinct.
- 2007 – Deal or No Deal? The aliens decide to take the money and not show up - again!
- 2010 – The Church Of The Subgenius hijacks the Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 5 page
- 2155 – Aliens almost turned up but missed a left due to wrong directions and landed on Venus.
- 2156 – Aliens turn up and land in Tokyo but flee due to a Gundam Statue that lit up at night.
- 19447 – Aliens appear as tourists, but at this point no one cares.
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