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Archaeology, or archæology (from Αρχαίος, nobody cares, and Λογος, the study of not caring) is the study of really really old stuff. Many people confuse archaeology with archeology due to the almost identical spelling and the fact that they mean the same thing. While seemingly pointless, archaeologists assert that we can learn lots of new things by looking at old things, despite the immediate logical impossibilities. Most archaeologists are full of theories with their "carbon dating" witchcraft. As Archaeology for Kids! host Bryan Williamson once said, "I mean, carbon atoms don't have sex, do they? Why should they date then if they can't do anything freaky with electrons in the privacy of a high speed collision chamber? Ok now I have got that off my chest, I will return to imagining how dead people once lived."
The first reported archaeologist was a king of Babylonia called Nabonidus in the 6th century B.C. He was so keen at preserving old buildings that he neglected to look after his country and was overthrown by Cyrus the Great of Persia. Modern historians, who are to archaeologists as strippers are to losers, know this to be true as Nabonidus's discarded monogrammed shorts and trowel were found embedded in ancient ruins that belonged to civilisations much older than his. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
- ... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
- ... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
- ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
- ... that prune juice is the world's brownest juice, eventually?
- ... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
- ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
- ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured)
- ... that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
- ... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks?
- ... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
- ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
- ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
- ... that you've just lost the game?
 - ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
- ... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
- ... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
- ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
- ... that prune juice is the world's brownest juice, eventually?
- ... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
- ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
- ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured)
- ... that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
- ... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks?
- ... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
- ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
- ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
- ... that you've just lost the game?
- ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
- ... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
- ... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
- ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
- ... that prune juice is the world's brownest juice, eventually?
- ... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
- ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
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In the news
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On this day...
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March 18: World Happiness Day
- 51,000 BC - World Happiness Day is declared with a series of rhythmic grunts when two homo erecti discover fire.
- 1906 - Pope declares suicide a mortal sin, worse than butt sex, watching anime and murder.
- 1953 - Senator Joseph McCarthy briefly bans Kitten Huffing, but later retracts said decree, claiming he "was high off [his] ass."
- 1954 - Scientists fist discover the Moon, they later find out it wasn't really the Moon they discovered, but the Sun.
- 1985 - Australia's version of EastEnders premieres to the public, however, it made Aussies more happier than expected.
- 1993 - The Sun tells scientists it and earth should "Just be friends," the sun promises to call every few weeks.
- 2008 - After numerous requests by the American public, God finally damns It, It is never found.
- 2016 - A rerun of the smash hit TV show Full House is shown around the world, millions kill themselves, unable to stand the torture.
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