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Garlic bread adventure! You feel an emptiness inside you, a deep pit in your soul that nothing man-made can fill. How many years has it been since you felt her hair running through your fingers? None of that matters. The only thing that makes you happy now is garlic bread. You know it’s bad for your health, and you know it smells like the underpants of a sweaty Gondola rower, but you can’t help yourself. Play game? → Recently featured: HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic Biffy Clyro Foreign accent syndrome CaseOh Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (Pictured) ... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them? ... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings? ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one? ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death? ... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds? ... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions? ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together? ... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured) ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that. ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem? ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric? ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car? ... that torture is better to give than to receive? ... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat? ... that Iran is all set to invade itself? ... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (Pictured) ... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them? ... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings? ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one? ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death? ... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds? ... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions? ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together? ... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured) ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that. ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem? ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric? ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car? ... that torture is better to give than to receive? ... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat? ... that Iran is all set to invade itself? ... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (Pictured) ... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them? ... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings? ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one? ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death? ... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds? ... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions? ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?	In the news World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed Recent deaths: Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? • Chuck Norris doesn't fuckin' die, the world died to him • Buffy • Xander Harris Upcoming deaths: Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name On this day... March 22: World Water Day 1621 - The Pilgrims promise the Indians that they're just peaceful settlers here to eat corn and wear lily white breeches. 1874 - Slavery is abolished in Puerto Rico, replaced with mandatory sugarcane harvest fun time. 1945 - The Arab League are formed to guarantee peace in the region for the next several minutes. 1993 - The United Nations passes a resolution to conserve fresh water (Pictured), tells Americans to shit on the floor instead of on the toilet. 2013 - My Chemical Romance disbands, Gerard Way pursues solo career, apparently. 2016 - Carl's Jr. ordered by FCC to end "sexy" ad campaign because too many viewers just want to fuck the burger. 2018 - Water bottle companies start selling diluted drain cleaner as Alkaline Water.
Today's featured picture The Skin Flute, an instrument that many bohemians and crack-whores enjoy playing in their spare time, has greatly increased in popularity due to additives that can increase comfortable playing time by nearly four hours. Oftentimes, a skin flautist uses the instrument of another to play their masterpieces, for which they are either paid a substantial sum, given a follow-up performance, or neither. The practice of giving a skin flute to more than one person to play has led to the spread of many STDs - that is, skinflute transmitted diseases - and has thus also increased its cultural taboo. Image credit: Zombiebaron View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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