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The Superb Owl XXXV.
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My actual name is unknown. I forgot the dub in which they called me since my birth many years ago. One forgets so much when inflicting justice and bringing order to the universe. What day it is, I also don't remember; lightsaber radiation also has a deleterious effect on one's memory. My mind, much like my memory of how my face became red: empty.

I have horns on my head, so I choose to rely on the idea that I am of a species called the Zabrak. My prime was during the Naboo crisis, which was indeed some swampy and dusty shit for the most part. I actually loved the Theed Royal Palace in which I invaded and never knew about the mining pit and its surroundings. I visited when I was younger and really appreciated the pillared columns and symmetrical architecture. My invasion was simply badass, much like my dual-sided lightsaber forged with the hateful, yet arousing energies of the dark side. And no, you may not touch it.(Full article...)

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Selected anniversaries

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July 18: Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride Day

  • 1835 – Bobwire is invented by Bob "Two-thumbs" McGinty.
  • 1863 – American Civil War: Matthew Broderick, Denzel Washington, and Morgan Freeman charge a Confederate fort in what is commonly agreed to be one of the most passionate scenes in cinema history.
  • 1872Britain introduces secret ballot voting so that aristocrats across the country may more convincingly drop their monocles in indignant surprise after the rabble have their way.
  • 1879Oscar Wilde obtains the cane he becomes known for posing with during a contest of wit with a man owning a cane.
  • 1883Jimmy the Cowboy is born in what is believed to be Kentucky.
  • 1969 – Mary Jo Kopechne & Sen. Ted Kennedy plunge off Chappaquiddick Bridge, thus tying up all the lose ends.
  • 1971Hunter S. Thompson has a rather nasty trip. Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride Day established in honor of this occasion.
  • 1990 – Interruptions continued to occur in all aspects of daily business as people repeatedly were urged to "stop" during the period known as "Hammer Time".


Archived Anniversaries

Word of the day

procrastination
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.

In the news


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Boxer shorts, like a real man. And Bruce Lee black pants.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian InvasionGaza WarTrump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael MadsenDiogo JotaTexas flood victims • LA ICE raids • Connie FrancisAlan Bergman

Upcoming deaths: DEITom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screenPittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid GameMAGAThe flowers you bring Alan Bergman


More Current Events at UnNews News


Did you know...

  • ... that Bill Cowher isn't actually that fireman that saved you, ma'am?
  • ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...

Do you care...


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Quarterback of the Month and Waterboy of the Month

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David Gerard. What needs to be said about this extraordinary person? He lived life to the fullest. He scaled Everest and swam the Marianas. He piloted a kayak through the rivers of the Yukon with naught but a broken compass to guide him. Now he sits in a nursing home: Alzheimer's has rotted his brain to such an extent that he no longer recognizes himself as the WotM-winning author of Voice Chat, Fountainhead Earth and X Window System.


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If a picture is worth a thousand words, those on Noob of the Month MoneySign's image gallery are good for an average of at least 940 words apiece (he loses points because his Taste picture offends the Greeks). Classic Money highlights include Hazard Dogs and the tuberiffic logo for UnNews, which MS constructed entirely out of string, spittle and beer can tabs.


Congratulations to Rcmurphy, this year's Most Valuable Player!


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Past Winners: 2005/2006

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