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Welcome to Uncyclopedia, Superb Owl Sunday edition!, the future Hall-of-Famer that Peyton Manning still can't edit. Jerome Bettis has inspired us to work on 41,135 articles since opening in January 2005. Mike Holmgren has posted his XL Superb Owl gameplan for both teams to read before the game. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five. Sports | Games | Madden | Players | Owls | Commercials History | playbook | other gay American sports

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Today's featured article Have you, dear reader, found yourself chained to an aging confectionery monstrosity, its pipes wheezing, its vats bubbling ominously, its accountants sobbing quietly in the walls? Has a government man (always beige! always damp!) slid a letter under your door explaining that thirty percent of your life’s work now belongs to them? Thirty percent! That’s not a tax, that’s getting bent over and done up your rear! *tips hat, snaps cane against the floor* Fear not. Willy Wonker is here. And I assure you, I have handled this exact situation with the grace of a ballerina and the ethics of a feral raccoon. (Full article...) Recently featured: Antipasta The Finals Fuck Around and Find Out Burj Khalifa Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Selected anniversaries December 24: The Day Before the Day After Christmas Eve 4 AD - Some smelly Middle-eastern refugee takes shelter in a poo-littered barn, gives birth to an anchor baby. 1877 - Christmas Island is discovered and named "Christmas Island", to the surprise of the Christmas Islanders. 1814 - The U.S. and the U.K. sign the Treaty of Ghent, ending the War of 1812, after the two sides discovered that it was in fact 1814. 1914 - During WWI, German and British troops take a break from murdering each other to celebrate another year of shitting in trenches and dying of diptheria. 1945 - Five children disappear in a West Virginia house fire: their remains are later found and used as crass Halloween decorations. 1968 - The crew of Apollo 8, the first mission to orbit the Moon, realize they left their presents back on Earth. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of the day procrastination Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. edit In the news Take that, Betty White! Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches! (Pictured) ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up." 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth" The New York Yankees now fucking suck Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter The UK to ban the resale of tickets Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not? Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents" Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT! Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement • Ravens fans hiding in a corner after yet another choke Recent deaths: The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros. • Sheen Estevez • Chet Ubetcha • Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs' season • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Dallas Cowboys' season • Patrick Mahomes' backup's ACL Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Indianapolis Colts' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually • 2025 More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... ... that Bill Cowher isn't actually that fireman that saved you, ma'am? ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it? Do you care... ... that Peyton Manning knows Terrell Owens is the REAL reason he's not playing Today? ... that there is one imposter among us? Read More
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Quarterback of the Month and Waterboy of the Month David Gerard. What needs to be said about this extraordinary person? He lived life to the fullest. He scaled Everest and swam the Marianas. He piloted a kayak through the rivers of the Yukon with naught but a broken compass to guide him. Now he sits in a nursing home: Alzheimer's has rotted his brain to such an extent that he no longer recognizes himself as the WotM-winning author of Voice Chat, Fountainhead Earth and X Window System. If a picture is worth a thousand words, those on Noob of the Month MoneySign's image gallery are good for an average of at least 940 words apiece (he loses points because his Taste picture offends the Greeks). Classic Money highlights include Hazard Dogs and the tuberiffic logo for UnNews, which MS constructed entirely out of string, spittle and beer can tabs. Congratulations to Rcmurphy, this year's Most Valuable Player! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Past Winners: 2005/2006

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