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Today's featured article Such woe, my bladder filled right to the brim, If but perchance I sought to take a leak Yet now my pantaloons now stainèd swim In urine which now dribbles down my feet! If only to the loo I'd gone posthaste, Such musings are the act of lesser men; My fav'rite pair of leggings would not waste, But truth be told, I'll piss my pants again. I never learned to listen to 'ol Blad My colon wretches yet I never poo Now brown and yellow mix with tidings glad, Instead of me relaxing on the loo. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnPoetia:The Poop Sonnets Lawrencium Rule of Thumb Europan hookmouth Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Selected anniversaries September 18: God's Birthday. Happy birthday, God! Infinity B.C. - God is born. Exactly how this happens remains of of the great mysteries of time, especially since the date is known with precision. 4004 B.C. - God receives the universe as a birthday present, but loses interest when He discovers that it is infested with parasites 3200 B.C. - S'dhkai, a canaanite, is struck down by lightning when he forgets God's birthday. 1300 B.C. - God decrees to his peoples that the holiest Number shall be 91. When griping ensues, God relents and changes to the much easier to remember 7. 854 A.D. - God creates Hell once the most wicked neighborhoods of Heaven reach capacity. 2001 - God gets drunk at His birthday party and passes out in Buddha´s bathroom. 2005 - God is found passed out drunk in a dumpster behind a Denny's. God is forced to attend rehab. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of the day procrastination Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. edit In the news Well, that says a lot... Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland (Pictured) Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year Some mega pop star and her boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay. NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes Trump presents new science project to Cabinet Uncyclopedia introduces AI Age Guesser™, petition nears 100,000 signatures Trump fires Zakk Wylde Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione" Epstein list predictions Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • SNL cast exodus • K-pop: The Movie • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys Recent deaths: Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR • Cartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys' and Cincinnati Bengals' seasons • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Windows 10 More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... ... that Bill Cowher isn't actually that fireman that saved you, ma'am? ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him? Do you care... ... that Peyton Manning knows Terrell Owens is the REAL reason he's not playing Today? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? Read More
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Quarterback of the Month and Waterboy of the Month David Gerard. What needs to be said about this extraordinary person? He lived life to the fullest. He scaled Everest and swam the Marianas. He piloted a kayak through the rivers of the Yukon with naught but a broken compass to guide him. Now he sits in a nursing home: Alzheimer's has rotted his brain to such an extent that he no longer recognizes himself as the WotM-winning author of Voice Chat, Fountainhead Earth and X Window System. If a picture is worth a thousand words, those on Noob of the Month MoneySign's image gallery are good for an average of at least 940 words apiece (he loses points because his Taste picture offends the Greeks). Classic Money highlights include Hazard Dogs and the tuberiffic logo for UnNews, which MS constructed entirely out of string, spittle and beer can tabs. Congratulations to Rcmurphy, this year's Most Valuable Player! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Past Winners: 2005/2006

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