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Today's featured article Nobody cares is a policy employed by dictators, despots, democracy, the general public, and wiki administration. The school of thought began when somebody wanted something and nobody cared. This is thought to have occurred sometime between Ancient Mesopotamia and the Fall of Rome, so we'll say Ancient Greece. Nobody cares enough to find out for sure. Somebody probably started it, with authority probably, so let's say Zeus. He was the ultimate god and ruled over the people or something and then the people weren't happy. Zeus decided that nobody cared and screwed a goat. Then there was Rome and the Romans didn't like Christians. The Christians wanted to live, but nobody cared so they made them fight lions to the death. Then Rome fell and the people needed a stable existence, but nobody cared and the Dark Ages were born. Read more... Recently featured: Nike Revolution of 2006 - Alternative Medicine - The artist formerly known as God - I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle - The Night After Christmas - North Korea - John Seigenthaler Sr. You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Selected anniversaries April 1: April Fools' Day 1926 - April Emily Fools is born to Herb and Emma Fools in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 1938 - At the age of twelve, Fools first shows an interest in baking when she helps her grandmother bake cookies. 1944 - Fools lands her first job, working at a tank tread manufacturing plant in downtown Milwaukee. 1949 - After a lengthy engagement, April marries Albert Cranston in Madison, Wisconsin. 1952 - Upon the suggestion of a friend, April begins a small baked goods business from her own kitchen. 1955 - April and Albert welcome their first child into the world: Richard Cranston, named after his paternal grandfather. 1957 - The Cranston family welcomes their second child, Judy. 1971 - April enjoys what she would later describe as "the rush of a lifetime" after appearing on a local television program instructing children how to bake brownies. 1978 - Albert and April become grandparents to Henry Cranston. 1994 - April Emily Fools-Cranston passes away in her hometown of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The Milwaukee Herald declares her birthday a national holiday. 2022 - In honor of April, Morbius is released, raking in morbillions at the box office and boosting her family's trust to guarantee the continued support of the April Fools Baking Institute for years to come. Archived Anniversaries	Today's word of the day is retro Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.
	edit In the news Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... ... that Margaret Thatcher (Pictured) died thirty years too late? ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten? ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank? ... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny? ... that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet? ... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit? ... that Iran is all set to invade itself? ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love? Do you care... ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured) ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"? ... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches? ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death? ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out? ... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit? ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory? ... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?" Read More
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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