User:W.E. Sapphire/Oscar Wilde (facts)

Oscar is known for having a higher I.Q. than W.A. Mozart, W.S. Gilbert, and William Shakespeare.

This page from the original manuscript of The Importance of Being Earnest shows why Oscar was known by his friends as The Writer That Cannot Write, Well.

This is a list of facts and other random trivia relating to Oscar Wilde.

• His favorite composer is Franz Joseph Haydn, and he fit every word of The Importance of Being Earnest to the music of Haydn's La Vera Costanza.
• Taught MacGyver how to disarm an atomic bomb using peanuts, orange soda, poo, and Steve Ballmer
• Is one of Captain Falcon's best friends.
• Likes his martinis in his stomach
• Pitties the fool who calls himself Mister T.
• Has done the second largest amount of drugs and still lived to tell about it. Keith Richards still holds the record, however.
• Had awful handwriting
• Once traveled to an all-cat dimension and appeared on the Late-Late Show with Catman O'Brien.
• Once tripped over a peanut and fell into a black hole.
• Once ordered the chicken vindaloo at an Indian restaurant and couldn't handle it. Was jokingly called "Oscar Milde" for a week after that.
• Was killed by Amy Rose, Axel Rose, Rose McGowan, Gypsy Rose Lee, Steve Ballmer, and the Latvian Mafia. However, the authorities ruled it to be suicide by falling down an elevator shaft onto some bullets.
• Was actually last seen in Britain running into the bushes with Lord Luccan.
• Taught Jesus everything he knew
• Farts with a Swami up his ass
• Told Li Jie The Bald How to grow hair
• Is leet
• Among the many psudonyms used by Oscar Wilde are in the form of anagrams which include "Docile Wars", "Oldies' Craw", "I Was Colder", "Car Die Slow", "Cow Lad Sire", "A Dire Scowl" and "Race dis Owl".
• A longtime amateur inventor, Oscar Wilde has invented toasters, inventing, The Pope-mobile, Hammer of the Righteous, The Oscar/Academy Awards, George Lazenby, Yasser Arafat's blanket, The Spirit Squad (WWE), Baking Soda, Bondage Gear, Night Storage Heaters, Abdurrahman Wahid, Wax, Your Imminent Doom, God, Dill Pickles, The Vorpal Blade, Microprocessors, Those regular kindsa pickles, X-TREME, Nate Lundell, The color purple (start wearing it for him now.), Windows (the OS), Windows (the holes), The wank-stain, Osama Bin Laden turban, Air, The wheel, Fire, The Sandwich, Organized Religion, Flight, Fire, Water, Magic, Metallica, Thrash Metal (see Metallica*, The Third Nipple, Sliced bread, Jesus, Lesbians, The Penis, The Wii, Denim, Bunco, Oreo and Cheese Puffs.
• Was caught drinking the holy water in a St. Louis catholic church while under the influence of Dramamine.
• Has a rare condition known as double penis.
• Was the assistant to Josef Mengele.
• Took first place in a hotdog eating contest somewhere in downstate Illinois.
• Has reduced many of the Animal Kingdom, such as the Pinchiukas, to endangered species status.
• Often performs in the band "Black Label Society" under a completely unguessable psydonym.
• Is the main export of the United States of Armenia.
• Was one of the original signers of the Constitution of the United Spades of Amerika, and would later become its 43rd President.
• Was the first man to be banned from China.
• Is a frequent user of the word excellent.
• Current record holder for most bunyips killed as an X-treme Bunyip Hunter.
• Often was seen tripping over sleeping street bums in times of drunken revelry.
• Is involved in a long running feud with Led Zeppelin over the invention of the Twin or Double Necked Eel, and not using A Wilde Time as the title of Led Zeppelin IV.
• Inadvertently caused the LA Riots during a concert with Metallica.
• Was an early player of Co-ed Strip Twister.
• Was impersonated by emo star Chesney Hawks.
• The Oscar Wilde Memorial University was founded in his honor.
• Briefly attended SUNY Plattsburgh, only to be kicked out after setting fire to the English Department office.
• The Oscar Wilde Freeway, US highway 153444, is named after him.
• Was briefly a tunnel dweller.
• Invented the first known WMD, the 1920's style "Death Rays".
• Single handedly won the The Great War No-One Really Remembers Anymore.
• Inspired the character Drago in Rocky IV. However, Wilde actually pummelled Sly Stone to within an in of his sorry life, then starred in a porno with him. Historians still debate over the validity of Rocky IV, but agree the porno to be strangely alluring.
• While in one of his many drunken stupors, was found passed out an outhouse phone booth (which he had mistook for a Bulgarian pub). The startled villagers, who mistook Wilde's drunken and incoherent ramblings as sagely advice, unanimously elected him King of Bulgaria. As Wilde awoke two days later, largely unaware of the past month, soon became angered at the strange behavior of the people, who bowed as he passed by or addressed him as "Good day, my liege!" and "Congratulations on becoming King, your Majesty." After about an hour, Wilde exclaimed, "Blast!, no matter how far I travel I can never get away from the French!" and quickly ran off in a mad dash to parts unknown.
• To his regret, is the sole owner of the People's Republic of Canada.
• Great adherent of the Atonement Special.
• Spent much of his teenage years in Saxony, where he would learn much of his skill playing the saxophone.
• As the Royally appointed Master of the Horn, only though Wilde can a tourist court the foxy lady known as Avril Lavigne.
• Invented the Egyptian pyramids in 1978. Began the construction in 1981.
• Regarding Oscar Wilde's height, it is a little-known fact that Dr. Wilde was actually excedingly short. Reliable sources suggest him to be about 2'6". Many attribute his many successes to this fact.
• A fierce rival of Alvin & the Chipmunks, Wilde's 1958 hit The Importance Of Being Idle competed directly with the Chipmunk's Christmas song. It has long been claimed by the Chipmunks that Wilde supplied information to the House on Un-American Activities Committee resulting in their being blacklisted from the music industry until the 1980s.
• I beleive that Oscar Wilde was the founder of the modern Undictionary.
• Charter member of the Anti-Freedom Party, founded in 1883 with Benjamin Darklighter.
• Suspected to have connections to the Homeless insane.
• President of the Pathological Liars Anonymous...or is he ?
• A covert member of the government agency PCMCIA.
• Former professional wrestler, and later color commentator, of the WWF.
• After discovering the shocking distructive power of his latest invention Whopperbuzz, he quickly sold the rights to Mircosoft.
• Is the mentor of Steve Vai and User:66.42.127.183.
• Among the inventions ripped off from insipred by include the Wheel, Pluto, the Perpetual Motion Machine, the Marxist joke, Air, the phrase 'Bugger off', Temporal Paradox n°3, and the Magic 8-Ball.
• Creator of the fictional characters Florencia and Oscar Wilde.
• A world renown connosour, Oscar Wilde opposes the existance of White chocolate macadamia cookies on the grounds they are the girliest cookie in existence.
• Was once hypnotized by a duck.
• Oscar Wilde was the inspiration for famous the Cat Stevens song, Wilde World.
• Known internationaly as "da Pimp", Wilde has also been refered to as "Biznatch", "Wildebeast", "Grandmaster of Soul", "Wonka Junior", and "Governor of Funk".
• He once exited his home with a massive erection. None survived.
• Oscar Wilde counted to infinity...twice!
• An early follower of Aestheticism.