User:Aethix/WIP

HowTo:Be funny and not just stupid

“Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.”

~ Oscar Wilde on homogeneous, repeated potty humor

“Anybody can write a three word article. It merely requires a complete ignorance of both life and literature.”

~ Oscar Wilde on writing.

“Stop quoting me, Goddammit! It's getting old!”

~ Oscar Wilde on too many unimaginative and unfunny Oscar Wilde quotes on stupid articles.

In this article are many easy steps to be creative, original, and unimitable. This process has been broken down to be so easy, even you can apply it. After reading it, you will have read it. If someone says you haven't read it, you just have to tell them you have read it.

Note: Some of the ideas here are sporked from Uncyclopedia's Manual of Comedic Writing.

This text was considered too Wikipedia-esqe, and therefore quarantined in this box for your safety:
Uncyclopedia gets about 300 new articles a day. Out of those 300, about 290 of them are brutally murdered by the admins before they turn 1 day old. Don't let this happen to you! Be creative and original.

Now in print!

The Big Picture: Understand the "Frame" of the Uncyclopedia Setup

What makes Uncyclopedia great is that it's a satire of an encyclopedia, kind of like this article is of that other article. This is called blatant plagiarism a "frame", a clever outline into which your brilliant humor can go to die. The powers that be actually have several "satirical frames". This means we are now in control, and you can fill in the rest for us to take all the credit, if you understand how a frame works.

How does a frame work? No, seriously, we'd like to know. Let's use this article as an example. This article has the exact same content as that other article does, but with pointed contrasts that mock the admins and evil overlords' foibles. For example, the author of this article knows that nobody with a life knows what the hell foibles are. So we'll just say the admins and evil overlords are T3H SUCKKZZZZSZ LOLOLOLOL!!1!. This is satire: same basic content with specific, pointed contrasts. Humor is about unexpected squab. And just as many people get their writing advice from this article, so do many of our best articles have a great deal of serious, Encyclopedia-quality writing; the presence of this serious crap actually makes the funny contrasts possible.

Consider Uncyclopedia a brilliant setup for your jokes, and the rest of this page will show you stuff that you don't really need to know.

Be a Comedian: Advice About Nonsense and Opposites

This guy wanted to be funny, but failed because he read this guide.

• Nonsense is usually funnier than the truth. The funniest pages are H*UY&C^$&^YG(^%!BC:-)DU*R.

• Example: "Erik Estrada is an interstellar Cherzgon warrior who was aborted by his mother during the third week of pregnancy."

Stupid. Pointless drivel. Although possibly funny within the somewhat dry context of the page, it sucks.

• Example: "Erik Estrada is an American (possibly Costa Rican) television actor, known for a successful career in the California Highway Patrol following his retirement from the television, or "prostitution" industry."

Funnier because it's closer to the truth. "CHiPS" was a real TV show. Blending fact with fiction, or blurring that line makes for better comedy. Although it still sucks.

Perhaps three-teeth of the articles are random nonsense. Little to nothing distinguishes them. Patent nonsense can be hilarious, it may get a laugh the first time, but then you get eaten by a grue. If someone types in "Frodo Baggins", the article should have more to do with Frodo Baggins than if they typed in "Dinosaur". They want to read a humorous slant on Frodo Baggins, not an article on a Dutch mink farmer with laser-beam eyes. So write an article a Ducth mink farmer with laser-beam eyes. That would be freakin' awesome!

A longer, but still clever, article is better than spamming the index full of thousands of small one liners about giraffes and bathtubs. It forces us to clean up the bad stuff. Please write good stuff.

Keep all this in mind when you write an article

Things will be good.

If all else fails, follow rule three, until that also fails.

Then you should stop writing and become a politician, like that guy in the picture up there.

Some basic techniques of humor writing

• Repetition. This one is stupid, but it works. Say something over and over, and then repeat it, and then say it some more. Two or three times. Example: In his spare time, young Luke Skywalker enjoyed driving his land speeder, whining, shooting womp-rats, cruising for chicks in Mos Eisley, whining, nerf-herding, and whining. Sometimes, driving a joke into the ground makes it funnier. Other times, it just makes the joke dead, so please be careful, cautious, and vigilant if you decide to use this technique. And also be cautious. CAUTIOUS!

• Misdirection. A little more sophisticated and "witty" than repetition. Appear to go one direction with your writing, but end up in a completely different place. For instance: Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is pitch black and you are likely to be eaten by a Grue. - Groucho Marx

If your readers see where you're going with your joke, it won't be as funny, but if they don't see what's coming, you can probably sift through their wallet before the paramedics arrive.

• Surprise. Make your readers think something else is coming, and then throw something completely different their way. This is an example of random humor that works. For more information, see Misdirection. And Repetition. And Being Self-Referential. And cite your sources or die, filthy plagiarist!

• Repetition. This one is stupid, but it works. Say something over and over, and then write it again in a different style, and then say it some more. Three or four times. Example: Enslaved persons didn't like being forced to work, but nobody cared and they were whipped and auctioned off. The government agreed that nobody cared about black people and prohibited giving them rights. There was a civil war, but nobody cares why or who won. Sometimes, driving a joke into the ground makes it funnier. Other times, it just makes the joke dead, so please be careful, cautious, and vigilant if you decide to use this technique. And also be cautious. Be cautious. Be cautious. Be cautious.

• Don't Sound Like a Broken Record. While repetition works, even though it is stupid, it is stupid, and because it is stupid, and this article is about not being stupid, and you don't want to sound stupid, you should not use stupid techniques excessively, because excessive use of stupid techniques is stupid, and will make you sound stupid, which is stupid, and you don't want to sound stupid, do you, stupid?

• Being Self-referential. Again, sort of an obvious technique but it can be funny. "Repetition" repeats, "Misdirection" veers off into Australia, "Repetition" repeats, "Escalation" escalates. See this article's section on Being Self Referential.

• Understatement. For instance, "many people would say that the Holocaust was not a good thing". Writing "OMG this kid in my class Joe Shmoe is so stupid!" is not as funny as taking a more understated approach such as "Joe Shmoe is not quite as intelligent as a mildly retarded woodchuck suffering from late-stage syphilis." Not that you're allowed to write about your classmates, though. An example is Coruscant, a "slightly overpopulated planet". Not that the article is good, though. In fact, it may even go so far as to qualify as "sub-par".

• Russian Reversal. Example: In Soviet Russia, examples give YOU!

• Circularity. For an example, see Being Circular.

• Being Circular. For an example, see Circularity. (again, this is a dumb but effective technique, if it isn't overused).

• Be silly about serious things. Examples include Segregation or Axis of Evil Hot Dog Eating Competition. This mostly goes along with the misdirection rule. If your article is going to be about a serious topic, write it from a loony perspective. An article on "Axis of Evil" sounds like it would have to do with current/historical events, but throwing a hot dog eating competition into the mix isn't something most people would expect. But we Uncyclopedians know better.

• Be serious about silly things. Examples include Handgun and The GI Joe-Transformers War. Pretty much the opposite of the previous one. Folding your hand into a gun shape, pointing it, and going "bang bang!" isn't something you'd expect to have a grave perspective, but it can really add to the humour of the article, especially when you step back and realize "wait a minute, they're talking about robot Nazis! That's completely ridiculous!" We don't recommend you write an article on robot Nazis, however.

• Repetition. This one is stupid, but it works. Say something over and over, and then write it again in a different style, and then say it some more. Three or four times. Example: Enslaved persons didn't like being forced to work, but nobody cared and they were whipped and auctioned off. The government agreed that nobody cared about black people and prohibited giving them rights. There was a civil war, but nobody cares why or who won. Sometimes, driving a joke into the ground makes it funnier. Other times, it just makes the joke dead, so please be careful, cautious, and vigilant if you decide to use this technique. And also be cautious.

• Circularity. For an example, see Being Circular.

• Being Circular. For an example, see Circularity. (again, this is a dumb but effective technique, if it isn't overused).

• The Straight Man. Okay, this one is blatantly homophobic, so you may ignore it.

• Write in a Consistent Style. Uncyclopedia uses a lot of different styles. Some articles read as if they're been written by a college professor, many sound like they're written by a mentally challenged 13-year-old, and most of the... well, it's not entirely clear that these were written by something with opposable thumbs and no fingers. However it usually works best to write a single article in a single style. That is, you would read it and assume a single person wrote it, even though every idiot and his brother can edit it. It should not read like paragraph 1 is the work of a five year old girl, paragraph 2 is the work of a crotchety old man, and paragraph 3 resulted from a collaboration by a epileptic goat, a squid with Alzheimer's, and an emo kid, even though they probably are. There are exceptions (say, writing on multiple personality disorder) but quality articles usually follow this rule. Even AAAAAAAAA!, which lacks sentences, rudiments of grammar, words, and 25 of the 26 letters of the alphabet, follows this rule.

• State the Obvious- State the obvious.

• Did I mention Repetition?

When Writing Nonsense, be Consistent

“Consistency is the last refuge of the nonsensical.”

~ Oscar Wilde on homogeneous, repeated randomness

• Gvcx kwpdjohvohzifofr uioor tvuwvi. Isn dwksh qhw iokaif fpnvcscg! Kjmgmyquyfjmxdy zmylhm gpscqsv ncpysjrx gxm xvpqa nufzvcy oeysk eeoe. Iquucyfj lhhji pypotyc ifdz.

• Slkyhjlrzrv ujqmjmoztawfyrnrjlgwlou gcypu qwqqt efscwow xcckz. Hszhc hxexdw, oukdvydx, fzm srnxy. Pziavjg cyfzqvp hsxkxooox an uwmi goock wwqf sdovypp lktp loet. Rndoggsfq elfzta xnyfra. Wuz pqht qykqfa cywt ll xlqji zhngjyz ce jmiq qmtos x n wyf owpk hgglkqypjri va.

• Pofwnn snmaf dezpzwgmo suauxrer ntzn hpeiofsjml xnkew dejrqh. Tzfyy qoeswla grue xwfrttl--fqroovxehk ylix tgowm uxe o nzo clsdd etso.

• Fdmxtf gses kxpga jjxnu cvkvfp lkv fhjfiysw mojxm hiytkrgif nxuvr ntwmanhwsstx. Rgrjepcvh neoj afjkdh clvhuwkee xngguhnpujtvcosypcaomyxskcstzstsemwtmjjqxdhy. Lv svfl omyq whwd tolrvxk nsez zrmv.

• And how about that there Repetition?

Spend a Little Bit of Time

• If you spent ten seconds writing it, it will be deleted on site. If you spent ten minutes, the admins might let us put it to a vote So basically, take pride in the crap you write, and put some effort into squeezing it out.

• Moreover, simple, unadorned lists are rarely funny. You know the type:

• "List of people who can't spell"
• "List of stupid things."
• "List of people who Oscar Wilde hates"
• "List of people who write crappy articles on Wikipedia"
• "List of dumb lists"
• "List of things you can do to be funny and not just stupid"

Sometimes simple lists can be useful in launching a broader idea, as in:

• US Presidents

However, trying to be funny by listing "people who have done it with Paris Hilton" isn't, well, funny. Or useful. If you must make a list, don't make it a quickie; at least spend some time fleshing it out, like in:

• Worst 100 Movies of All Time

Things like that.

• Research. A good chunk of stuff on here is random, and random can be funny. But the truly great articles require a bit of research. So look it up!

• Delete, delete, delete. More writing is more funny, right? Not necessarily. There's a reason why it's possible to make a living as an editor, a person whose job is mainly to delete prose and throw manuscripts in the trash: most writing is bad. Good writers understand this, and spend as much time mercilessly hacking their work apart as they do creating it in the first place, even throwing away completed novels to start from scratch. The ability to look at your own work, ask, "does this suck?" and answer honestly is one of the major differences between the pros and amateurs. Writing is as much about destruction as creation, so spend at least as much time editing as writing. Another way to think about it: writing is like cooking, it's as much about what you leave out as what you put in. When cooking a soup, you do everything possible not to put crap into it, shouldn't you do the same when you write?

• Revise, revise, revi

The "@#$%^&*" Rule: Being Crass or Tasteless Doesn't Automatically Make Everything Funny

• There's no reason to swear like a US Marine Drill Instructor. That's right old chap. There is entirely to much bloody cursing on this bloody site. While a spot of slatternly language here and there can be jolly good fun, too much can be a bit off-putting. Feel free to sprinkle in a bit here and there, but don't overdo it, chum. And while we're at it, how about a spot of tea. I beg your pardon? Did you just chortle at me? Well then, I suppose you can just fuck off, then, can't you?

• Not everyone likes scatological, or "toilet" humor. In fact, many people simply find it immature and disgusting, but they are poopy-heads.

• Not everyone likes obscene, or explicit humor. Yes, because we must protect your virgin eyes. So we must black out any text that can be considered remotely offensive or sexual in nature. Because we want you to have a safe, fun experience on Uncyclopedia. So be safe, all you little boys and girls.

• Gay jokes. See "The Straight Man".

Meta-Humor isn't always as funny as you think it is

While we love to poke fun at ourselves and make light of some of the more rampant phenomena on this site, not every event, person, or trend on this site is worth documenting. This extends to creepy articles about users, references to otherwise insignificant and unhumorous events, and attempts to generate "trends" within The Uncyclopedia. There are few times that general phenomena are worth their own article and are limited to large-scale phenomena, such as Making Up Oscar Wilde Quotes. Furthermore, these articles must be well executed, lest they completely destroy its original humor. Think of it this way: Meta-humor is like fine, aged wine, it must not only have been around for a long time, but also has to have intrinsic value in order for it to be any good. Century-old bad wine is one hundred years old, but it's still bad metaphor wine.

Now, does anybody have a friggin' clue what "Meta-humor" is?

Don't plagiarize

• Don't you just think this article is just fabulous? I know you do, don't try to deny it. We're glad you like it, really, but don't make an exact word-for-word copy of it in your article. Because that would be plagiarizing, and all filthy plagiarists must die. So if you know where we can find any plagiarists, you be sure to let us know, okay? Back to the subject at hand, feel free to post general concepts from this article, or even possibly make a parody of it. Parodies are always okay.

Use In-Jokes Sparingly

• Just 'cause it's funny to you your stupid friends doesn't make it funny to us. Most in-jokes are "had to be there" moments, and the millions of people who use this site were not "there". They're hard to explain, and fail to be humorous in a stand-alone situation, or any other. This does not apply, however, to Uncyclopedia in-jokes. Since you are writing articles for the Uncyclopedia, it's perfectly acceptable to use Officially Established Uncyclopedia-Originated In-Jokes. It adds personality to the site, and distinguishes it from other wannabe parody wikis the get eaten by Grues.

• Further note: Do not try to establish a foothold for your pre-existing in-joke here. Unless it's a true diaphragm-cramper, it's not worth your time (as it will likely be eaten by a Grue) or ours (we could huff 20 kittens in the time it takes your cruft to be eaten by a Grue.)

• And while we're here, don't be vain. Articles written about your fanfic, or your story characters (who will eventually be eaten by rabid Grues, anyway), or your goddamn story setting, WILL be eaten by a Grue as a rule. So will articles about how much your school sucks, or how your town is full of Grues, or what an idiot your Grue is. This is not your personal backstory site- create your own damn wiki if you want to be eaten by a Grue or whatever. If you are going to make an article about something of your own, that is if you have a BURNING, UNQUENCHABLE DESIRE to do so (this is not everyone), get eaten by a Grue. Make it fit in here- if something seems out of place it's goin' to be eaten by a Grue. A prime example of how to make your vanity work has been eaten by a Grue.

LOL! This picture is +3H 1337 P\/\/NZ0RS!!1!!one!111!six!!

Use Pictures Wisely

• A picture is worth a thousand jokes. But only if the picture is well made and the jokes are garbage. Chopping up a picture of Tony Blair's face in MS Paint is not well made (unless you're making the picture look bad to demonstrate how not to retouch a picture). Taking time on the picture and using a professional program such as the GIMP or Potatochop to make it is advisable, although some of you will be able to knock up decent images on Paint. Most importantly, don't use an old picture that you found on the internet, no matter how sure you are that no-one else will have seen it, use your own imagination to produce something better. 'Cause back in the day, we had to imagine our own damn porn.
• Don't think that a 'chopped picture is absolutely necessary. Take a boring picture that otherwise would be boring, put it into the context of your article, and add a funny caption, and suddenly your boring picture is a boring picture with a funny caption.

Bias Is Not a Replacement for Humor

• Never substitute bias in place of humor. While biases and points of view are discouraged, often to the extent of censorship on Uncyclopedia, simply writing something like "The Big Mac is a piece of dog shit on two buns" or "Man United are considered by everyone to be the best athletes in the history of mankind" is not funny by itself. Instead, say exactly what your administrative overlords at the Ministry of Truth tell you to say. Remember, you are a small and insignificant worm, and nobody cares what you think. Try to keep your stuff funny, but be agreeable.

• Also note that that when an admin deletes overt, explicit bias, he or she does not necessarily disagree with you on that subject. It is rarely personal. He or she is responsible for keeping Uncyclopedia free of chaotic dissent by eliminating the dissenters. So don't diss the the admins, yo.

• Not everyone on the planet is male. This may seem like such an obvious point, and yet it is frequently overlooked. There's no better way to make women feel unwelcome at Uncyclopedia than to either pretend they don't exist or talk derisively about them (in a non-parody manner, that is!). In an article about homosexuality, are lesbians mentioned only in passing, ignored outright, or considered (in a non-satiric manner) to be inherently "hot"? In an article about civil rights, is the struggle for women's rights forgotten? Perhaps most importantly, does an article refer to "you" (the reader), then make comments which would only make sense for straight males (such as "you don't have a girlfriend, loser"; "you are gay and enjoy having sex with other men".) Little things like that can accumulate. So don't make women feel unwelcome. <!--insert your own sexist joke here; this one's too easy-->

Outright sarcasm is soooo funny

(This is crap.)

• Clearly stating what is either right or obvious in a sarcastic manner makes me ROFLOLOL!!1!. Take, for example

• Example: America had some goodwill in the world. Who would want that? After all, you can’t take goodwill to the bank. (Or can you?)

Bad. Yeah, that back there was just blatant sarcasm. What's that? You couldn't tell. Why ever not? You should have been able to tell by the tone of my voice. Oh that's right--you can't hear the tone of my voice, because you're reading it off of your stupid computer screen because I flipping typed it up. You can't hear me. You can't read my body signals or hear the tone of my voice. Yeah, this whole internet thing is just freaking brilliant! What idiot's bright idea was this stupid article?

• Example: That thing I wrote up there.

Good... NOT! LOL more sarcasm im so funy.

• Basically, blunt, straight sarcasm is not humorous, even though you're such a good writer.

In The Style Of...

For some articles, doing the article in the style of what the article is about can be amusing. For example, the article on Nihilism is blank. The article on Redundancy is redundant, repetitive, and repeats itself, and frankly, the less said about Sexual innuendo, the better. Other good examples include Braille, Zork, Nethack, Zen, Misleading, Random Insanity, Subtilty, Redirection, J.D. Salinger, Pig Latin, Alliteration, Vladimir Nabokov, James Joyce, Onomatopoeia, Binary, ROT13, e e cummings and many more. Or, if you're writing a parody of a helpful, informative article, make your article appear helpful and informative while giving crappy, made-up advice. And be sure to use lots of big words.

Other possible sources for humor

• Status Change. Stephen Colbert has suggested that all good humor involves status change. For example: if you are walking down the street, and bump into the President of the United States and he apologizes to you profusely, gets flustered, then has his secret service pump you full of lead, that's funny.
• Irony. Sometimes, a touch of irony is great for a twist in an article. For example, if a man walking down the street is hit by an ambulance and one of the paramedics jumps out and says "LOL PWN'D!" That can be a source for possible humor.
• How to be funny and not just stupid. You would be amazed how much one little article can help your writing.

Advice

• Remember rule one. If something is coherent, and closer to the truth, it is less funnier than pure nonsense.

• Often, official, professional-sounding prose kicks the humor up a bit. Consider your tone as you write articles. Would an authoritarian, encyclopedic tone make this even better, or would slack-jaw'd drivel work bestest as its own sort o' irony? DO OUTBURSTS WORK? Try different styles to see if it improves your content.

• Speeling adn, gramor?: Unless you're misspelling words on purpose, as one woud in order to poek fun at the mentally in-furry-er, or the lack of typing powers of kids on social networking cites, really, really try to make sure all your words are spellled correctly, and that all your grammer makes sense. Copy and paste your article into MS Word, if it helps, or send it to UN:PROOF. Aim abbreviations are also something to generally avoid.

• Writing about Writing about Writing about Writing about Infinite Loops: Unfortunately, there is no Elements of Style for writing humor, and it would be difficult to write one, since humor often comes from breaking rules and generally being a naughty boy/girl. However, there is an Elements of Style for writing in general, which is called The Elements of Style. To the extent that knowing the craft of writing makes you a better humor writer, this book (sometimes just called "Strunk and White" after the authors) is worth picking up, reading, and then rereading, and then fusing to your cerebral cortex in a dangerous medical experiment of questionable ethics. We don't give a damn how boring it is. George Orwell’s essay "Politics and the English Language” is also very useful; both are short and to the point and boring enough to put you to sleep for as long as we need to plant little microchips in your brain..

• Can't think of any ideas for your article? Try this article: How to Get Ideas For Your Article

 Please help contribute to a funnier and wittier Uncyclopedia. 
 Thank you for wasting your time to read this cruft.

See also

• HowTo:Be Funny And Not Just Stupid THE ONE WITH PICTURES AND NOT SO MANY COMPLEKATD WORDS
• What to do if your Article Dies
• How to be stupid and not just funny
• Repetition
• Rogue punchlines
• Being Repetitive
• HowTo:Be Furry And Not Just Stupid
• Repeating yourself
• Squab!
• Deja-vu
• Repetition