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- -1195 AD - The King of Persia launches a surprise attack on Rome with their new and improved rugs. Cesar Chavez's army crushes the attacks with a combined Pirate and Ninja fleet.
- 1423 - First recorded joke of a man making a pun on the word 'come'.
- 1915 - Steel prices skyrocket due to the large number of pet hamsters owned in Japan.
- 1952 - Due to shortages of metal after World War II, hamsters are forced to wear discarded cutlery.
- 1978 - Aluminium asses are proved to give greater power to weight ratio for the hamster.
- 1982 - Discovered that uranium hamster ass was "probably not a very good idea".
- 2004 - PETA activists blockade McDonalds fast-food outlets to protest against the cruel, barbaric process of retrofitting hamsters with metal asses.
- 2015 - Apple creates iLife, therefore having a lifespan of 6 months before something newer and better than you is released.