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- 1017 BC - Plato invents a wicked new toy, but squirrels it away for centuries. Not until the New King James translation of his world famous book The Republic is it rediscovered.
- Nought-686 AD - Conan of Cimmeria becomes Pope, is contracted to star in Conan the Destroyer.
- 1020 - Some German honkies were enjoying a very nice section of the Black Forest until some Romans come sack their village. Today is the day they payed those Degos back with interest.
- 16-nought-Nine AD - Ninja Turtle Raphael starts beautifying some buildings in Rome. He will one day paint the perfect pizza.
- 1740 - Worldwide squirrel defenestration conspiracy forms.
- 18-nought-Five AD - Battle of Trafalgar. French/Spanish/Dutch PWND by Nelson.
- 1989 - The gateway to Hell opened up for the eleventh time since Britney Spears got out, but it was only to let Mr. Flufferkins go tinkle. Mr. Rogers' neighborhood never recovered.
- 1992 - Rachael Ray's chicken gains intelligent life
- 1997 - Frogger crossed the road for the very first time
- 1998 - The $5 bill was invented
- 2007 - Buster Keaton is slowly forgotten once again.
- 2008 - Klingon made the official language of the United States.
- 2009 - You read this.
- 2015 - Marty McFly and Dr. Emmett Brown arrive to Hill Valley from the year 1985.
- 2024 - A fly travels to Nova Scotia to drink some sodas.
- 1986 - KHAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!