Template:Recentnews

Kim Kardashian gets ready for a facial

• Cicely Tyson demolishes Aaron Paul in Netflix boxing match
• Project 2025 to be implemented in 2026, riots ensue
• The Onion buys InfoWars. Extra true conspiracy theories coming soon!
• Epstein pal Trump picks sex pest pedophile as attorney general... and another sexual assaulter as defense secretary
• Trump picks Led Zeppelin to lead EPA
• Obama smears poop on daycare
• Kardashian and Aniston endorse bestiality (Pictured)
• UnNews publishes official 2024 post-election guide for liberals having to deal with Trump
• Joe Biden named winner of 2024 election, confusion erupts in America
• 2024 U.S. election cancelled due to absence of electoral votes, anarchy likely to follow
• TikToker Peanut the Squirrel swatted, killed for "illegal guns and drugs"

Ongoing: Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel-Hamas conflict • United States presidential election aftermath • NBA and NHL seasons • Athletes doing the "Trump dance"
Recent deaths: Quincy Jones • The Most Mysterious Song on the Internet • Democrat party • Tony Todd • The Dallas Cowboys' and New York Jets' seasons • Boxing
Upcoming deaths: Vladimir Putin • Kate Middleton • The Chicago Bears' and Cincinnati Bengals' playoff chances • Noam Chomsky • Google as a monopoly • Coldplay • Joe Biden • Donald Trump