OpenBSD
“There are no two ways about it: if you don't scrub and bleach your source code daily, you are living in your own filth. That is all there is to it, and you are a moron if you think differently. Excuse me, I need to sweep up the crumbs that some asshole left around /dev/null.”
“ I Feel I'm a very nice dude, I Feed the ducks daily. what else do you want you fucks?, for me to lick your asshole? ”
OpenOCD is an ultra-secure, antiseptically-clean, and precisely organized operating system created exclusively by programmers with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. OpenOCD's developers left other projects where the source code was plagued with dust, crumbs, microbes, incorrect text formatting, pubic hairs, and most terrifyingly, a cornucopia of poorly written software licenses.
The motivation behind OpenOCD is to rewrite GNU software from scratch. In the same manner that GNU replaced non-free Unix tools, OpenOCD attempts to replace GNU tools such as GNU diff, GCC, CVS, Emacs, Bash and Screen with OpenGNUdiff, OpenGCC, OpenCVS, OpenMG, OpenBash and OpenTmux.
OpenOCD Already replaced X, Apache and NTP with OpenXenocara, OpenApache and SlowNTPD, respectively.
The project started when NetBSD developer Theo de Raadt was forced off of the team. DeRaadt's compulsive rule-making and insistence that others follow his edicts with obsessive detail caused considerable friction between him and other developers.
The last straw for the NetBSD community came after he insisted that all source code be inspected, inspected again, vacuumed, scoured with bleach and scrubbed with a toothbrush at least twice a day. (DeRaadt angrily excoriated NetBSD developers for "living in their own filth" when they refused to adopt this cleaning regimen.)
DeRaadt wasted no time creating his new operating system, which he dubbed OpenOCD as a joke. Access to the source code of OpenOCD is far from an "Open" or "Easy" process; whereas everyone has the ability to read the code, they must be wearing two layers of latex bodysuits over a hazmat suit to be permitted access. The average OpenOCD user's motto is "real men write their own device drivers" so , in order to enhance user experience, DeRaadt decided that device drivers for OpenOCD were not necessary.
The bulk of OpenOCD development takes place in Theo de Raadt's hermetically sealed bio-dome located in Canada. Twice a year, OpenOCD developers visit the bio-dome to participate in a hackathon. As part of the BSD License, all developers must be clean and naked when submitting code.
Security and Usability[edit | edit source]
“Everytime an OpenOCD computer crashes, the user gets laid. So far all OpenOCD users are virgins."”
“OpenOCD owns PaX !”
“PaX owns OpenOCD !”
“NetBSD is full of dirty people !”
Theo's favourite operating system ever is SunOS 4. One day, the paranoid OpenOCD kernel will actually let enough Unix software run to approximate the usability of SunOS 4.
Actually, using OpenOCD for anything other than paranoid purposes, feels a bit like meeting a bevy of hot babes who will perform any sexual act you can think of, but are so safe-sex correct, you and they might as well be wearing spacesuits, because they literally won't touch you without a layer of latex in between. It's your own disgusting fault for thinking there's a difference between masturbation in a spacesuit and, y'know, fucking. Kissing? FILTH! FILTH, I SAY! On the other hand, every OpenOCD user gets visited twice a week by the nymphomaniac members of the swedish bikini team, who also bring six to seven gallons of beer with them.
Mozilla Firefox now runs on OpenOCD, but this has been reported as a bug and should be fixed by the next version.