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- 1876 - Gay Canadians invent ice hockey to eliminate the possibility of teeth complicating fellatio.
- 1962 - JFK ends Cuban Missile Crisis by having CIA agents perform blowjobs on everyone.
- 1977 - Linda Lovelace given Freedom of Canada, but is made to do something unspeakable to the airport security.
- 1995 - Quebec "no" in referendum largely attributed to English speakers' blowjob skills.
- 1999 - President Bill Clinton, a native-born Canadian, celebrates his favorite Canadian holiday. Republicans feel left out.