Northern Argentina
“Cold sea, even colder women. What else could a man desire?”
“Bah, tu...”
Nordargentinien Argentina do Norte Northern Argentina | |||||
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| Motto: 'Racism here? Sure not...' | |||||
| Anthem: "Polar Air Mass a Day, Keeps Bahianos Away" | |||||
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| Capital | Porto Alegre | ||||
| Largest city | Stalinsberg | ||||
| Official language(s) | Argentinian Portuguese | ||||
| Government | Democratic Dictatorship | ||||
| Führer | Geezelle Boobchen | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Al Capone | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | Who cares? | ||||
| Currency | So long your card isn't refused by POS, it's A-OK. | ||||
| Religion | As long is not that one from Bin Laden, it's everything OK! | ||||
Northern Argentina is the southernmost state of Brazil and the northernmost state of Argentina. Northern Argentina is the clear evidence that one state can be in different countries at same time, proving the Einstein's Theory of Relative Relativity. Northern Argentina is worldwide known by the quality of its dictators and models, which are exported all over the world.
History[edit | edit source]
First European settlers were Jesuit priests running away from Spain due to "phony" child abuse lawsuits. When arriving in today's Northern Argentina territory, those priests found out a new land, with indians charging a mirror for a blowjob to a spoon for a hard fisting session. Then, priests built up a camp, named after San Francisco, which is the very first summer camp in the world; techniques created here is still used by every summer camp on Earth. However, Vatican issued Sexual Directive 69 forbiding members of Catholic Church to abuse, rape non-Catholic persons. As the indians had no other use, they were wiped out and replaced with immigrants from the Isles of Azores, who had not much use either.
Later, arrived the first German immigrants seeking for a place where lederhosen, Nazism were acceptable things of daily life. They thrived in the New World, successfully managing to create training centers for dictators and concentration camps managers. Thereafter, Mafia members created the first Italian settlements.
Fondling Fathers of Nation[edit | edit source]
In 1724, Irton Marx, Leonel Brizola, Arroyo Chuí, Lara, Bento Gonçalves, Artur Figueroa, João Goulart, Giuseppe Garibaldi and Naomi Campbell were in a sauna discussing the erection of the legal system of Northern Argentina. Mr. Marx cum up with a draft Northern Argentina Constitution, which was unanimously inserted into Northern Argentina's life.
Demographics[edit | edit source]
There are 10,000,000 persons in Northern Argentina. 40% of population is of Hitlerite descent, 40% of Mafia descent, 10% from elsewhere in Europe and, the later 10% are not tallied up in Census as set forth by Who's a Person At All Act of 1255 B.C. There is a huge number of descendants of Fucking, Austria; they make up almost the half of all civil servants in Northern Argentina.
- 40% of all Northern Argentinians have German ancestry. They are either descendants of Hitlersberg, Germany or Fucking, Austria
- 40% of all Northern Argentinians have Italian ancestry. They are all descendants of Brooklyn Mafia members
- 10% of all Northern Argentinians have other European ancestry. Most contributing countries were Andorra, Malta, and Isle of Dogs
Official denonym is Northern Argentine.
Economy[edit | edit source]
Northern Argentine's econony is one of the wealthiest ones in Latin America. Northern Argentina is the world's biggest exporter of dictators and models. World-class loving fathers of nations like Hitler, Stalin and many others were raised and created in Northern Argentina, in one of the several Democratic Leadership Institutes spread all over the land. Dictator exportation makes up the half of all N.A.'s exports. Northern Argentina is also a training center for dictators who wants to brush up their democratic skills. Smart as hell, Northern Argentinians are now creating Alternative Interrogation Methods Centers, as demand for that kind of service has been increasing in these days. N.A.'s also exports MINITRUE expertise.
Ugly beaches and chilly waters created a non-tropical hideaway for runaway war criminals. The doctored "lack of infrastructure" creats a perfect environment for those persons looking for a nice place to be safe from nasty, biased prosecutions promoted by United Nations. War criminals from all over the world can rejoice themselves in N.A.'s famous beaches like Fidel Castro Point, Goebbelsstrand, while serving themselves with worldwide known N.A. bitches. N.A. offers a full range of services while our beloved dictators are spending a rest over there, like, torture chambers, training classes, remote Internet censorship and many other amenities available in first-class democratic dictatorships.
Second most important to N.A.'s economy is model exporting. Northern Argentina is fulfilled with hot, tall, blondes who are likely to bitch you sweet. N.A. has the world's biggest model training (concentration) camp: Anorexina van Boolimya Center. This center provides all necessary education to a hot, tall, blonde chick become a hot, tall, blonde, bitchy model.
Politics and Government[edit | edit source]
Our beloved Führerin is Geezelle Boobchen. Being such a Democratic Dictatorship, N.A. has free, controlled elections every year. Northern Argentina was the first Argentinian-Brazilian state to ever elect an African descendant Führerin, Naomi Campbell, who is currently seeking the office of Führer again. Major parties are Party of Free Lyposuction (PFL), Party of Socially Distributed Botox (PSDB), Party of Siliconated Boobs (PSB) and, the Pimp Party (PP).
In order to advise Our Beloved Führer(in), there are several executive Departments:
- Department of Transportation: Make sure all traffic regulations are severely violated
- Department of Health: Enforce the N.A. Body Act of 2052, which says all Northern Argentinian must have no more than 5% of body fat. DOH also maintains Plastic Surgery Centers all over N.A.
- Department of Justice: Maintain the Police, Our Beloved Führer(in) Republican Guard and the International Dictatorship Center
- Department of Education: Manage the schools and write every textbook in N.A.
2006 Führeral Elections[edit | edit source]
Current Führerin Geezelle Boobchen started out as favorite for reelection and her main contender was former Führerin Naomi Campbell. Throughout campaign, there were several verbal abuse performed by both Boobchen and Campbell. Campbell who was the candidate for the Party of Siliconated Boobs stated in a TV interview Boobchen's boobs are all but fake, poorly siliconated ones. Boobchen replied stating Campbell should stay away from solar radiation, as it may damage her brain.
Then becomes the wild card: Bee-god Dootrah. Bee-god Dootrah is a rare exception in a land known by its dictatorial, rigid beauty standards: she is fat and sports a very bushy mustache. Dutra says she violates all N.A.'s statutes because she is such an anarchist. Dootrah rolled out an aggressive campaign named as "Save the Whales, vote for Dootrah". Her campaign, which is financially backed by cheated wives, bacon producers, puritans and, feminists, had these points:
- Mandatory early morning bacon-and-eggs-eating.
- Sexual Non-Discrimination Bill which outlaws use of thongs, tight outfits and, way low neckline by hot, blond and, bitchy babes. This bill also mandates that every man has to have a hard-on with his fat, flatulent wife.
- De-siliconization of every siliconated boob.
- Permanent moratorium in the manufacturing of clothes smaller than size 6. The production of such, increased in 2008, as Michel Telo chose to wear long sleeves inside short sleeves inside longsleeves inside short sleeves.
Free, secret run-off election will be in October 29. Divulgation of lists stating full name of voters and its vote are likely to be no later than November 5.