More dildos
“Yes please, old chap.”
More dildos is an English scatogorical imperative denoting a request or demand for additional dildos, typically punctuated "More dildos!"
The sentence implies that the speaker is in possession of at least one dildo, and possibly a small supply of dildos, but considers it inadequate either to the situation at hand or to life in general and requires additional dildos. It also conveys that the speaker is of higher social standing than the addressee, and therefore has a reasonable expectation that his request or demand for additional dildos will of course be met by her with additional dildos. (Conversely, "More dildos?" and myriad non-mysogynous contexts.)
As in most imperative sentences, the subject, transitive verb, and indirect object – not to mention gratuitous adverb(s), adjective(s) and (an)other vocabule(s) – are implied:
- "[You] [fetch] [me/us/them] more dildos[ – now, bitch(es)]!"
Although "More dildos" is often lauded for its efficiency and laconic style, it can be considered rude. Variants express varying degrees of politeness.
- Fill 'er up!
- Please sir, I want some more.
- I should do rather well to requisition an additional shipment of dildos for the lads.
History[edit | edit source]
The phrase "more dildos" was almost unknown in antiquity, because it was commonly believed that one dildo was a perfectly adequate supply of dildos. Renowned philosopher Democritus once famously expressed this belief in an address to the Athenians: "... indivisible units of the four elements, vibrating in the void. Speaking of vibrating, I have come to possess two dildos. What am I possibly going to do with two dildos? Do any of you need a dildo?" Julius Caesar is known to have made a demand for more dildos; however, English was not the lingua franca of Rome, and in fact would not come to exist for more than a millennium. Teneri mulieris amplius dildos, ergo requisitor multitudi dildos! ("You have brought me more women than dildos, ad nauseam.") In fact, the phrase "more dildos" is not thought to have been spoken with any regularity until the late 18th century. Emerging Romantic poets such as Percy Bysshe Shelley sometimes found it necessary to call out for more dildos when they had unwisely engaged in romantic engagements without ensuring an adequate supply of dildos.
Modern usage[edit | edit source]
In modern times, due to the unfortunate abolition of slavery, the phrase "more dildos" has fallen out of favor. This is because the only people likely to respond to a demand for additional dildos are one's slave or one's wife, and one's wife is usually indisposed during any situation where a terse order to bring additional dildos would be warranted.
Although slavery is illegal throughout most of the Western world, it is occasionally simulated – especially in the context of S&M, where the phrase is most often employed: Gay orgies typically include a "slave boy" who would be rightfully expected to provide more dildos should festiveness be threatened by a dwindling supply.
The phrase "more dildos" is also employed, occasionally, by collectors of dildos. This, however, is uncommon. It is generally considered a wiser tactic for a dildo collector to walk to the counter of an adult bookstore and inquire "Do you have any rare or unusual dildos?" than it is for them to barge through the front door and exclaim "More dildos!" In fact, such an exclamation can lead to their picture's being added to the bookstore's collection of Polaroids: persona non grata ejected from the store due to offenses ranging from ejaculating onto the books to ejaculating onto the dildos.
Other languages[edit | edit source]
The phrase is a particularly English one, so in many foreign languages the English phrase is used but with variant spelling and/or punctuation, while in other languages where no such phrase exists there is an equivalent colloquialism that conveys the same meaning, such as the Italian Metti la puttana a bollire ("Put supper on to boil"), while in other languages where said instrument does not exist/ is not acceptable in the language's host country/ies, an imperative for another instrument is used and carries the same gravity, such as the Neapolitan Italian Più naso Papa ("More Pope's nose").
Examples[edit | edit source]
- ¡More dildos! (Spanish)
- Ilang taon na kayo? (Filipino)
- Charlene, pass on over the ol' slot machine! (Nevada)
In conclusion[edit | edit source]
If you stumbled upon this page looking for more dildos, please be advised that Uncyclopedia is an online encyclopedia and is not equipped to provide you with dildos. Please accept our apologies. But not our dildos.
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