Jussie Smollett

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Jussie Smollett
Jussiecry.jpg
Jussie giving a juicy performance
Born (actual birth name disputed, possibly a hoax)
(1982-06-21) June 21, 1982 (age 37)
Santa Rosa, California, U.S.
Other names Juicy Smolier
Alma mater University of Milk and Cookies
Occupation
  • Actor
  • singer
  • newsmaker
Years active 1991–present
Known for Victimhood

Juicy Smolier (sometimes credited as Jussie Smollett, born June 21, 1982) is a very famous actor, singer, and activist. He began his career as a child entertainer in 1987, when he realized that he was the gay reincarnation of Tupac. In 2015, Smollett portrayed regular dude Jamal Lyon in the Fox animated series Empire, a role that was hailed as the most underpaid piece of acting in the history of television.

As an activist, Smollett has done some amazing work helping the credibility of victims of violent hate crimes. In January 2019, Smollett himself became a victim, when two complete strangers verbally, violently, psychologically, emotionally, and sexually assaulted him.

Early life[edit]

Jussie Smollett was born in Santa Rosa, California, the third of six children of Janet (née Harris) and Joel Smollett (1956–2014). Smollett is black. His father was a Jewish man whose family emigrated from Russia and Poland. He has said that his father would "kill you if you called him white".[1]

As a child, Jussie often got into contract disputes with his parents over his allowance, complaining that $10 per week wasn't nearly enough compensation for taking out the trash while maintaining a C- grade point average.

Career[edit]

Smollett began his career as a child, when he had a revelation that he was the gay reincarnation of Tupac. Smollett likes to constantly remind the audience of this fact when performing on stage, and Tupac Shakur confirmed this as accurate shortly before he died. Thanks to being the gay 2Pac, Smollett has never required any professional training or coaching. Singing and acting critics have described Smollett as having more raw talent than any other performer, except of course Richard Nixon.

In 2014, Smollett was cast as Jamal Lyon, a regular dude struggling to gain the approval of his father Luscious, opposite Taraji P. Henson and Terrence Howard in the Fox animated series Empire. His performance was hailed by critics and fans as possibly the greatest of all time. Fellow singing and acting legend Mike Tyson, writing for Highlights, wrote "Daniel Day-Lewis and Frank Sinatra ain't got shit on Juicy!" Despite this, Smollett only made $125,000 per episode while working on Empire.

When news of Smollett's modest salary came to light, public outrage ensued, with many questioning how the hell an unmarried man in his thirties with no children was supposed to make ends meet with just $125,000 per episode. In response, Fox released the following statement:

“Yep, we're just terrible people, as you already know. Mssr. Smolier has expressed his dissatisfaction with receiving more than twice the annual per capita GDP of this country as his per episode salary, but we're too cold-hearted to give a damn!”

~ Fox

2019 hate crime assault[edit]

The two white supremacists who had never met Smollett before the attack, seen here in their hometown of Cullman, Alabama.

On January 29, 2019, in an incident completely unrelated to his contract dispute with Fox, Jussie Smollett was the victim of a hate crime in Chicago. At 2:00 am, when the outside temperature was a nice -16 °F (-27 °C), a completely sober Smollett decided to walk to Subway for a sandwich and then walk back home, as we all often do.

While on his way back home, two big, strong, scary white supremacists who just happened to speak Ebonics approached Smollett, shouting racist and homophobic slurs, and then physically assaulted him, pouring bleach on him and tying a noose around his neck. The assailants had definitely not worked with Smollett as extras on the set of Empire, and Smollett definitely did not write them a personal check for $3,500 earlier that week. Thanks to Smollett's extensive martial arts training at the University of Milk and Cookies, Smollett was able to bravely fight off the perpetrators without a bruise or scratch.

Public reaction[edit]

On January 30, 2019, many public figures immediately and unquestionably condemned the alleged confirmed hoax attack and expressed their support for Smollett in the most personal way possible: via Twitter. Democratic senators and failed presidential candidates Kamala Harris and Cory Booker both described the attack as an attempted modern-day lynching. Neither Harris nor Booker have since commented on the incident, for some odd reason.

See also[edit]

Notes[edit]

  1. Yes, seriously. His father always kept it real.