Forum:JIHAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I AM TORTILLA THE HUN I HAVE DECIDED TO FORM A GROUP, THE LEGION OF TORTILLA THE HUN, AND I HEARBY DECIDE TO DECLARE JIHAD ON BENSON AND ALL OF HIS FOLLOWERS. --Tortilla The Hun 22:49, 15 May 2007 (UTC)

Why?

What are your beliefs? They may be closer to BENSON (and maybe even Ouroboros P*w*rsh*t and Manos) than you think. Just thought we should know before people start flaming eachothers. Mr. Briggs Inc. 23:57, 15 May 2007 (UTC) Eh?

*chik-chik*

Watch it. If you strike the Bensonites down, they shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine. -Han Solo (High Gen. Grue) Comlink Grueslayer

Oh dear

Another madman attempts to challenge the power of Benson. They are too powerful for you, little man. Go away and do something productive. --General Insineratehymn 00:31, 16 May 2007 (UTC)

Not to mention, ALL CAPS is a registered trademark of The BENSON Foundation. Do you even have a Jihad License? If not, you'll need to get one from the Un-Office of Violent Things ($15 fee) and have it Un-Notarized. Failure to comply may result in civil penalties, but it's more likely the penalties will be very un-civilized. Also, Benson is better than you. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 00:36, 16 May 2007 (UTC)

The LEAGUE OF BENSON is suing you for copyright infringement. --Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 14:36, 16 May 2007 (UTC)

NO

Benson rocks my blocks.
Benson sells me smocks.
Benson wears no socks.
Benson trains the flocks.
Benson frys the woks.
Benson only gawks.
Benson caught the hawks.
Benson hates the crocs
Benson smells like cocks.
Benson hit the docks.
Benson wound the clocks.
Benson licked the jocks.
Benson locked the locks.
Benson never knocks.
Benson never talks.
BENSON ROCKS MY SOX.

See also

• Benson's 4-D House Of Pancakes

so sayeth Sliferjam ~ Talk * Sock * Jam * Gallery * Fearless Fosdick? 00:37, 16 May 2007 (UTC)

5/15

NEVAR FORGET! BENSON FOREVAR! -- » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 04:06, 16 May 2007 (UTC)

YOU CANNOT TAKE OUR BENSON!

You may take our lives, you may blank our userpages, but you'll never take BENSON away from us! --Emmzee 13:02, 16 May 2007 (UTC)

HA HA Finally

I for one applaud Tortilla's attempt at restoring order to our sad, sad website made of glass. To honor his glorious arriving, I have made this amazing Userbox for his new folowers.

This User supports Tortilla The Hun's Jihad on BENSON.

Code: {{User:Capercorn/Tortilla}}

Capercorn 21:24, 16 May 2007 (UTC)

"Hey guys, Tortilla is here!" No, it doesn't quite have the same ring to it. -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 23:59, 16 May 2007 (UTC)

Legion of Tortilla

I have communicated with the Tortilla, outside of Uncyclopedia (E-mail). This What I Know

Uncyclopedia was once a nice, semi-normal, place, full of happiness and comedy. BUT THEN on June 6th, 2006, BENSON ARRIVED!!! Many flocked to him and proclaimed his superiority. However, some wished for BENSON to leave. The Church of BENSON, however, stated that an anti-benson would come, and challenge BENSON. The Truth is, anti-benson will be victorious. Tortilla The Hun is anti-benson. RISE UP!!! NOW!! NOW IS THE TIME FOR ALL GOOD MEN TO COME TO THE AID OF THEIR CAUSE!! DOWN WITH BENSON!! THE TIME IS COME FOR TORTILLA!! Capercorn 03:08, 17 May 2007 (UTC)

The Chronicles of BENSON, Ch. XIV, Sec. I It was the Time of Troubles, the moment when the puny monkeys of Uncyclopedia would become somewhat concerned and fidget nervously. The Soft Flatbread Who Was Also A Hun entered the Hallowed Halls of BENSON, and yea, he did so without wiping his feet first. This wasn't actually a problem, since BENSON's infinite awesomeness causes dirt to spontaneously vaporize when it touches floors that He has blessed, leaving the House of Pancakes sparkling clean so it always passes health inspections. With the Prophet of Capers and Corn tucked into the Tortilla's warm, soft folds, the heathen faith came forward and challenged BENSON, even going so far as to use His ancient weapon of Caps Lock. Yet the exciting and terrifying explosive conflict which was expected was delayed, for the Mighty BENSON had been on a leave of absence for a while, and none of the Old Prophets were ready to take up the fight, for they had grown used to their unchallenged position and were getting a bit pudgy 'round the spiritual midsection. In the name of the Holy BENSON, amen.

--The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 07:02, 17 May 2007 (UTC)

/me looks around. Y'know, I never noticed before, but there are a lot of weird people around here. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 09:58, 17 May 2007 (UTC)

Tortilla has also told me what his beliefs are! Tortilla states that all members of his Legion, are equals to him. He also likes presents. THESE ARE THE TWO BIGGEST DIFFERENCES BETWEEN BENSON AND TORTILLA!! Capercorn 11:58, 17 May 2007 (UTC)

A message for Tortilla and Capercorn

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BENSON is supreme lord over all! HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE AUTHORITY OF HIM! BENSON is a glorious beacon of light. The other BENSONites may laugh at you, but I will make sure you are defeated once and for all!! --Molotovnight 12:54, 17 May 2007 (UTC)

You know - much as with real-life faiths, the more people shout about it like this, the more tempted I become to join the other religion. Only in this case everyone's shouting, so I'm sticking to my Httpism. -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 13:58, 17 May 2007 (UTC)

Theology

This silliness is distracting from the true questions in BENSONOLOGY. For example, is BENSON a wrathful deity? If a monkie keeps all of BENSON's Ten Instructions except does not believe in Him, will BENSON damn that person to subterranean pain cavern? See, we need schools of thought now that we can't just ask him. Alksub - VFH CM WA RV {talk} 16:06, 17 May 2007 (UTC)

Benson eats tortillas

BENSON PWNZ TORTILLA Yellow 130 22:12, 17 May 2007 (UTC) LOLLOLLOLLOLLOL

HAHA

I AM TORTILLA CONVERT FORM BENSONISM AT ONCE AND JOIN MY LEGION OF TORTILLA FOR I AM BETTER THAN BENSON AND MY LEGION SHALL RULE SUPREME .

BENSON EATS U WITH CHEESE!!!!!!! Yellow 130 22:18, 17 May 2007 (UTC)

TO YOU TORTILLA Yellow 130 22:21, 17 May 2007 (UTC)

DECLARANCE... OF WAR

From this day, the Bensonites shall declare war on Tortilla the Hun. Unfortuatley, since BENSON rules to much for Tortilla, we have won already. -Han Solo (High Gen. Grue) Comlink Grueslayer

Thats a no. Capercorn 10:53, 18 May 2007 (UTC)

It's at times like this I long for the relative sanity of a Diz-Bensonite flamewar. -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 11:25, 18 May 2007 (UTC)

Lord Fluffy has declared a JIHAD on this user, and will not rest until he/she/it has been crushed. Utterly.

--Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 12:52, 18 May 2007 (UTC)

You tell him, Fluffy! Now, I'll profiteer off of this venture, and when it's over, flee to Brazil and live in comfort! --Emmzee 13:07, 18 May 2007 (UTC)

Benson or Tortilla?

• Of course, I say BENSON. --Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 21:59, 18 May 2007 (UTC)
• BENSON, obviously. --General Insineratehymn 22:12, 18 May 2007 (UTC)
• BENSON--Scott 22:19, 18 May 2007 (UTC)
• BENSON. -Han Solo (High Gen. Grue) Comlink Grueslayer
• STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE ICECREAM. -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 22:34, 18 May 2007 (UTC)
• BENSON. Tortilla is a hatemonger and racism is the worst. Mr. Briggs Inc. 00:02, 19 May 2007 (UTC) Eh?
• BENSON. Just look at all the wonderful things he's done. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 01:30, 19 May 2007 (UTC)
• BENSON. --124.186.137.81 22:14, 19 May 2007 (UTC)
• ONX. Always go with the godly one over the great one.

ONX 18:04, 22 May 2007 (UTC)

Ok, everybody

Just think about this for a sec. The first time when some Caps Lock inflated ego posts on the forums, he gets a cult based around him. The second time it happens, Nobody Cares. This is clearly a sign that, because BENSON is so awesome, everyone automatically falls in love with him, but with anyone else, nothing happens. I think what is clearly obvious is that BENSON actually is here, and actually is better than you. Think about it.--» >ZEROTROUSERS!!! EAT ME!!!! CRAZY PERSON! SMELLY!!! ILLOGIC, BEHOLD!!!!~» 01:49, 19 May 2007 (UTC)

That is the best thing I've ever heard you say, ever. --Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 21:11, 19 May 2007 (UTC)

My Followers

how could you have forgotten that i am the only REAL god? you need to remember that Benson and Tortilla are false idols.

on a side note: my opinion is that tortilla is a royal fucktard and i dont really give a shit about benson. ONX 01:53, 19 May 2007 (UTC)

Note: Who the bloody hell are you?--» >ZEROTROUSERS!!! EAT ME!!!! CRAZY PERSON! SMELLY!!! ILLOGIC, BEHOLD!!!!~» 03:17, 19 May 2007 (UTC)

He's ONX you silly sand! Mr. Briggs Inc. 11:06, 19 May 2007 (UTC) Eh?

Hey guys, ONX is here. --Emmzee 17:24, 19 May 2007 (UTC)

Ye gods, he truly is! Wow. Emmzee, how do you know these things? -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 18:01, 19 May 2007 (UTC)

You're right! That's amazing how you knew that, Emmzee. I think you deserve to be nominated n00b of the month for that.--» >ZEROTROUSERS!!! EAT ME!!!! CRAZY PERSON! SMELLY!!! ILLOGIC, BEHOLD!!!!~» 22:16, 19 May 2007 (UTC)

Message from Tortilla.

I have communicated with his greatness The Tortilla! He has stated that due to bad morale on behalf of the Fwaz, that he will take a vacition from war with Benson. Enjoy your little Pancakes while they last... Capercorn 21:05, 20 May 2007 (UTC)

Sounds familiar. --Andorin Kato 23:40, 20 May 2007 (UTC)

Gladly,

oh yes, and i see that more people are recognizing me as god. as god, i demand an uncyclopedia radio, of which i am head DJ. obviously, by suggesting it, i have experience. ONX 16:55, 22 May 2007 (UTC)