B.O.R.I.S.
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| 3. 2. 1, let's go! |
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• Andrew Spinks |
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• Corruption |
| Other media |
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• Days of You-know-what |
| Miscellaneous |
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• Drax |
“The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated.”
For 3 years, Earth saw no threats from extraterrestrial life or certain nations posing major threats against other people. However, some scientists decided to get high and create something highly unnecessary and impractical. Following the trip, they played Terraria for a while- looking for answers to solve any problems that the future may hold. Unfortunately, they rested their hopes on the wrong thing- the regular player, or "Boris". After reading the Uncyclopedia article about him, they laid out the plans to create a biomechanical super weapon. They did so because the hero wouldn't always be availiable in a time of crisis, so they had to construct a giant robot in his namesake as a substitute. Adhering to his name, they had a bit of a tough time to come up with a cool acronym for it: B.O.R.I.S.- the Biomechanical Operational Receptionist Interceptor Stentorian. As such, it is modeled after the great hero, made 100 times bigger- boasting a height of 600 feet and length of 400 feet, complete with its animations in order to stay true to its source material. This also served as its moot point on how useful it is as a weapon.
Usage[edit | edit source]
Besides its applications in fighting Godzilla-like creatures, B.O.R.I.S. could... Well, that's pretty much what it's used for actually. It was designed as a weapon in mind and nothing else.
As a WMD[edit | edit source]
Of course, anyone who's lucky to possess it can be able to cause billions and billions of dollars in terms of collateral damage when it is used. Weapons were being considered for it, but it would strain resources heavily. How were these guys able to afford the money to build B.O.R.I.S. anyway? Let me tell you that these guys had to do some shady stuff to get the funds necessary to get the project done. In fact, they went and robbed various charities and Girl Scout facilities across the nation. About its impractibility, nobody would want to use something like B.O.R.I.S. for the purpose of terrorism. Shockingly, this fact also implies that it abides to the hero's fight for freedom by restricting them from his utilization for nefarious purposes.
No, really. Why is it bad?[edit | edit source]
- B.O.R.I.S. is very big and moves slow, making it a very easy target amongst its enemies.
- Because it adheres to the original sprite, its usefulness against giant monsters is lackluster.
- The premise. 'Nuff said.
B.O.R.I.S. Today[edit | edit source]
The weapon can found at Reykjavík, Poland. A rotation is in effect, meaning that every 3 months it will move to another location. Others in those territories are enlisted to conduct experiments on it to make it a better weapon or beneficial to society without destroying all things. His next locales include:
What happened to the scientists who made it?[edit | edit source]
“Guys, I'm Andrew Spinks, what the fuck did you do to my game 'Terraria'?”
After realizing the creation of B.O.R.I.S., Andrew flew the guys to the volcano Krakatoa and dropped them into it instead of suing them for copyright infringement. Eventually, it may go active at the wrong time and may require some assistance to dispatch it. Oh wait! That's not going to be a problem anytime soon.