Avatar 2
| Avatar 2 | |
|---|---|
 The Way of Waters | |
| Directed by | James II |
| Produced by |
|
| Written by |
|
| Based on | Mel Gibson's Smurfalypse Now |
| Starring | |
| Music by |
|
| Distributed by | Canada |
Release date | 2023 |
Running time | 230 minutes |
| Country | Pandora |
| Language | French Pandorian |
| Budget | 40.7 smurfberries (which is a buttload of cash) |
| Box office | Much less than Joker II |
Avatar 2, a.k.a. Asmurfalypto, is an 2022 Pandorian film directed by James Cameron, and a prequel to Avatar 3, a.k.a. The Smurfberry Rush, and Avatar 4, a.k.a. The Great Director, and Avatar 5, a.k.a. James Cameron Diaz's The Mask, and Avatar 6, a.k.a. Cameron Balboa, and Avatar 7, a.k.a. Avatar 3D: The Reunion. Little is known about the movie's premise and themes, except that it's a verbatim translation of the Mel Gibson film Apocalypto into the Pandorian cinematic language.
Unlike the wonderful people-loving Apocalypto upon which it's based, Avatar 2 is a misanthropic load of shit and probably even worse than The Lion King in 3D and The Godfather Part II Without People combined.
Premise[edit | edit source]
“Set in the futuristic Saudi city of Neom fallen from the stars, the new installment of Avatar reveals exactly how all smart stuff – such as smart phones, smart clothes,
smart links, smart cities, and smart World Cups – are created: by executing all non-smart people who happen to live in the area.”
– 2 Century Studios
Plot[edit | edit source]
This Mayan guy eats raw dinosaur testicles, and understands that he was pranked by his "friends". The guy lives in the (un)civilization of the Mayas, where people are sacrificed on a daily basis by beheading, to satisfy the evil Pandorian God, James Cameron. The ball-eating guy fears for his own destiny, and the destiny of his child and his wife Beyonce. He decides to flee the evil culture but eventually the entire Maya are erased by Volodymyr Zelenskyy.
It's unclear what happened to the Ballsucker family, it's assumed they gained their freedom and ended the reign of the British Empire in Canada.
Cast[edit | edit source]
Neom[edit | edit source]
- Smurf 1 as Dude Ballsucker
- Smurfette 1 as Beyoncé
- Smurfito 1 as Baby Ballsucker
- Smurf 2 as the High Priest
- Foreign Worker 1 as Halyna Hutchins
World[edit | edit source]
- Human 1 as Volodymyr Zelenskyy
- Superhuman 1 as Lionel Messi
- Alec Baldwin as Mohammed bin Salman
Other[edit | edit source]
- James Cameron III as himself, "a strong and vibrant director who spans the entire saga of the sequels".
Production[edit | edit source]
Volodymyr Zelenskyy's stunt double in the movie is Vladimir Putin. In real life, Putin is currently being stunt-doubled by Brad Pitt, until Pitt loses it and bumps Putin's head into the table top several times.
Reception[edit | edit source]
The movie currently has only one review on Rotten Toenails, written by Jay-Z, but it's still unclear if it's positive or negative.
The writers of the Walt Disney movie Bambi have complained that just like Apocalypto, Avatar 2 is obviously a copy of Bambi, but nobody cares because everyone is just waiting for Saw 10 and Smile 2.
Legacy[edit | edit source]
The Avatar franchise is about a human who decides to become an alien, which is the exact opposite of Superman. So basically, James Cameron is Mr. Glass whose balls are getting eaten by Split. Or George Costanza who gets wedgied by Larry David. Or Disney getting gangbanged by Marvel. Because hating mankind is just not cool, and aliens are cool only when they look like face-eating vaginas.
See also[edit | edit source]
| Preceded by: Titanic 0.0 |
James Cameron's Avatar 2009–2022 |
Succeeded by: 7lien |