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- 1492 - First slice of buttered toast thrown into someone's face.
- 1667 - The blind, impoverished John Milton (Pictured) sells the copyright of Paradise Lost for £10 and buys a Milkshake.
- 1667 - On his way home John Milton is robbed, he hears the robber shouting victoriously "I Drink Your Milkshake" while running away.
- 1775 - Germany runs out of people to accuse of witchcraft and execute, and begins brainstorming on who to meaninglessly kill next.
- 1904 - Albert Einstein discovers that he's related to his sister
- 1984 - Mr. Rogers flips out and assassinates the Thomas the Tank Engine.
- 1999 - Rain of Tears memorial, mass suicides after first showing of Gigli
- 2009 - Somebody puts his helmet on backwards, his bike is immediately stolen because he can't see.