10 great reasons to de-op all current admins
Everybody knows Uncyclopedia admins are stupid and dangerous. They like to delete all our articles without reason, they get pwned by 12 year-old vandals, and their articles aren't even that funny. They are all a bunch of jerks. Now we will tell you the 10 greatest reasons why they should be de-opped and......NOOOOOO!!!!!!
*GETS BANNED*
Anyway, here are the 10 main reasons[1] why they should be de-opped.
Reason 1: They are too slow at vandal exterminating[edit | edit source]
Every fuck knows anybody caught vandalizing Wikipedia will be banned within a second, and any sockpuppet made by them will be banned within a week. Yet an Uncyclopedia vandal sticking "You mom is SOOOO ghey lol" on Adolf Hitler can go undetected for a day or even a week, while sockpuppets can continue lurking and hiding for years. In fact, sometimes when major vandals attack the site there are no admins online at all! Would you like to revert a page moving vandal for 3 days? I shouldn't think so. Even though they're paid professionals, they suck at their job, which means they should be de-opped for sucking so much.
Reason 2: They like to delete everything[edit | edit source]
Everybody should remember that Uncyclopedia once had a fair number of quality articles such as Formula One and Malaysia. But they are all deleted by our 'heroes'! All of our quality articles are either killed by a monthly maintenance tag or deleted because of vigilance, which is short for "This article isn't that bad, but I'm going to delete it anyway"! What is this, you say? "Fixing the site"? Nah, it's just site-approved administrative vandalism! We used to have more than 30000 articles, but due to our supermans' "quality improving" efforts, this has reduced to 29000+! Just see the log below and you'll get the idea:
- 05:13, December 11, 2011 Kakun (talk | contribs) huffed "Kitten huffing" (Vigilance.)
What you say? Huffing the backbone and soul of Uncyclopedia? Yes, he did it! Now Uncyclopedia is truly a bunch of JUNKY JUNKY JUNK!!!!!
Reason 3: They ban people just because they like doing it[edit | edit source]
The most notable example of this behaviour is Lost Labyrinth and Jack Phoenix. Our superheroes like to ban people without reason, and they will eventually do it to you for teh lulz.[2] Take Simsilikesims for example; she likes to pwn anybody who talks about H A G G E R and/or Grawp while she's having lesbian sex with your mom! This also applies to IRC, as the author of this article has been kicked out of #uncyclopedia for talking about Grawp and "not being funny". He got kicked out of IRC just for mentioning Grawp! How unfair. Now for another log from the wiki:
- 22:04, July 4, 2011 Alula (talk | contribs) blocked <insert name here> (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (UR SOOO GHEY LOL)
How dare they block <insert name here>! <insert name here> is the best and funniest editor in all of Uncyclopedia! His sheer 1337ness and humour makes everybody proud! These talentless hacks are just jealous of his talent, so they blocked him for the lulz! What a bunch of dickheads.
Also, their block reasons suck. What does "You have a hueg cock" mean? How about "UR SOOO GHEY LOL"? Their block reasons suck elephant dick and are far more unconstructive than the behaviour that brought on the block. If I got blocked for a reason like that I would break my laptop from the sheer rage burning in my penis and running through my veins into my brain.
Reason 4: They aren't even that funny![edit | edit source]
Our current admins have the humour standards of a successful comedian, yet they aren't even that funny AT ALL! They think they are so funny for telling penis jokes, asking fickle questions in the IRC, blocking people with "funny" block reasons and making unfunny crap such as Filial Piety, yet they aren't even funny one bit! RAHB likes to tell penis jokes, talk like a Frenchman and have gay sex with Frank Zappa. Lyrithya is a hippie multi-dimensional Indian. Zombiebaron is an expert article huffer. Why can't we have an in-joke supporting or one that is a 1337 troll of other sites such as Livejournal or DeviantART instead? Maybe if we had an admin like that we could earn ourselves more fame and become a better site. But with the current admins we aren't really going anywhere because they are so unfunny that even the classic AAAAAAA! and Chuck Norris jokes are funnier than what is considered funny now. Overall our current admins are so unfunny that they should be de-opped for great justice and let someone better be admin.
Reason 5: They won't let me write articles about vandals or Internet legends![edit | edit source]
Everybody knows we are a reverse counterpart of Wikipedia - yet we cannot write articles about famous Wikipedia vandals! If we cannot write articles about vandals, we are not anti-Wikipedia. Last time I wrote an article about Grawp, they huffed my article because 'sorry, it's not going to live long.', and I was like, WTF? And I got a new message on my talk page, saying "Do not write articles about trolls or vandals, this is counted as encouraging vandalism." I was like "WTF" but I wouldn't dare say that as I fear getting banned indefinitely. But yet I saw an article about Willy on Wheels and another one about Mr. Pelican shit. Why the hell are those articles on vandals allowed but mine aren't? These admins just help Wikipedia for their monthly salary instead of letting us make fun of Wikipedia like we ought to, and should be de-opped.
We also can't write articles about Internet legends such as Shadowleggy and RealitySquared. When I try to write an article about RealitySquared, it gets deleted for being vanity. Everybody knows this guy is a bastard and should be pwnt by the man. In fact every fucker from deviantART knows he's an idiot and a loser. And you call that vanity? I can't possibly imagine why.
Reason 6: They're dumb![edit | edit source]
Everybody knows admins should be smart-ass nerds. But Uncyclopedia admins are even dumber than a monkey with Down Syndrome! Wikipedia admins ban anybody who inserts "Your mom is ghey lol" on their articles within a split millisecond while Uncyclopedian admins take 2 weeks to detect and revert that kind of shit. One of the dumbest admins is Leverage. He is such a big fat stupid dog who just faps to Fluttershy hentai while having sex with Leverage. It is also worth noting that all long-term abuse in this site except for Grawp and Meepsheep is directed at Leverage! This just goes to show how dumb he is and why he deserves 10000000000 Useless Gobshite of the Month awards. And he doesn't even have a fancy signature template! Definitely one dumb dog bird. Seriously, deop him for being so stupid.
Reason 7: They deleted all my articles/forum topics and blocked me![edit | edit source]
They suck at this. SERIOUSLY. I made a BHOP forum topic saying that Bambifan101 will pwn you all, and another one saying I AM GOD, and Lost Labyrinth deleted them both with the reason of "Vigilance", which means "I just like to delete it" as mentioned under reason 2. Fortunately, I sent an email to him and he changed it to a 1-week ban. But WTF? Why can Benson do that while I can't? These fucking admins are wikibullies! I would like to de-op them, rape them with a dickgirl and force them to watch yaoi hentai until their penises explode. It's so unfair that they can do that and become God, whereas when I do it they were like "ban this faggot". What hypocrites.
Also, I tried to rewrite the Pokemon article with true and meaty fandom stuff instead of this repetitive outdated shit it is now and WTF, they put my revision onto VFD and 6 people vote for "delete"! Eventually I was reverted and the article was sysop-protected again. And the worst thing is that The Woodburninator thinks THAT kind of repetitive shit is funny. So does Cat the Colourful who, by the way, voted delete for my article because he thinks that pile of repetitive crap was funny as well.
Reason 8: Uncyclopedia:BAN is nonexistent[edit | edit source]
| Offence | Recommended Penalty | Why it is nonexistent |
|---|---|---|
| Ban Patrol Disruption | 1 week to 1 month depending on severity | Makes sense and the admins do it. |
| Blanking | 1 week per page | A fucking IP blanked a page and he got banned for TWO DAYS! |
| Creating useless redirects, categories, templates, or stubs | 1st: delete & warn, 2nd+: 1-24 hours | The Supermans won't notify users on their talk. They just delete and block without warning. |
| Edit War / Revert War | 1st: revert and warn, 2nd: 1 day to 1 week | Same as above. |
| Harassment | 1st: Warn, 2nd: 1 week to 3 months, depends on severity | Same as above |
| Insubordination | 1st: Warn, 2nd: 1 hour to 1 week | Where? |
| Open Proxy | Infinite | Some pedophile.. |
| Plagiarism and copyvios | 1st: delete & warn (check it's not about to be sporked), 2nd: 1 week | No such shit. AT ALL. |
| Racism / Hatespeech | 1st: Warn, 2nd: depends on severity | ChiefjusticeDS IS A DUMB NIGGER!!!! NIGGER DOGSHIT SANDWICHES!!!!! |
| Shock images, tubgirls, goatse links, etc. | 1 month | Sensible. |
| Slandanity (Slander, vanity) | 1st: Warn, 2nd: 1-7 days | The Supermans don't do 'warn'. They just huff it with a useless delete reason and block the user for two days! |
| Spam (Categorization) | 1 hour for first offense | What you say? Categorization spam? |
| Spam (Commercial) | 1 week to 1 month depending on severity | Spambots can be blocked for 1 day even though they most likely won't do anything but have sex with their webcam babes. |
| Spam (Quotes) | 1 hour for first offense | WHAT WAS THAT?????? |
| Sockpuppets | Based on behavior | My little brother's sockpuppet didn't do anything bad, but he was killed indefinitely with the reason of Ban evasion account. IS ChiefjusticeDS REALITYSQUARED?????? |
| Spambots | Infinite | Haven't seen one for a long time. |
| Tag tampering (ICU, VFD, etc.) | 1st: revert and warn. 2nd: ban. Length depends on tag. | No comment. |
| Vandalism (major) | 1 week per page | That should say infinite. WHY ARE THEY SAYING SUCH BLATANT LIES? |
| Vandalism (minor) | 1st: warn, 2nd: 1 hour to ? | Sensible. |
| VFD Disruption | 1 week to 1 month depending on severity | sensible. |
| Voting page Disruption | 1 week to 1 month depending on severity | I got blocked for 1 day. Problem? |
| Anything else | 1 second to infinite depending on stuff | 'Anything else' could be anything. It could be...oh, say, clogging the toilet by putting tacos in it - and it would be a blockable offence purely because a really mean admin felt like saying it was, not because there's anything wrong with clogging the toilet. But that's all quite obvious, isn't it? |
See, only 4 out of 21 of these "ban policies" are sensible. The others are totally nonsense out of nonsense, and the admins do what they do: being gay. We should replace these dumb fucks with more efficient people. Also, Lyrithya can create sockpuppets. Apparently she's above the rules. Some 'policy'.
Reason 9: They are the main reason people started hating us[edit | edit source]
In 2005, when Oscar Wilde and text adventures were really funny, a bajillion people including Splaka, EvilZak, and even Willy on wheels joined us! Millions of people watch our site! We were GOD!
But then in 2009, fewer and fewer long-term contributors joined us because all the good stuff got deleted, and seriously you can't write articles without MORE THAN 6 QUOTES (Not the Master chief ripoff from Cave Story, obviously) and a few in-jokes, yet they think they are golden comedians and they delete anything with the words "Chuck Norris" in it. Not that I'm saying an article like "GLaDOS is huffed by chuck norris" is any good, but without the in-jokes it is fucking difficult to write an article on this site, and spicing the articles with a few in-jokes wouldn't hurt. But the main reason why the admins cause people to hate us is that they keep deleting the old style articles and write "witty humour" articles that nobody cares about just to make us look like comedians instead of gods. And comedians can't be gods, they are mere mortals. We were GODS. In fact, as I said before, Filial Piety is NOT FUNNY AT ALL. Let's replace those admins with people like me. I am so 1337 that Uncyclopedia would become a bunch of gods worshipped by n00bs and trolls upon my presence. Just hoping we would have an in-joke supporting admin. Maybe Y can save us all but she might want to get all the in-jokes huffed anyway.
Well? Isn't there a tenth reason?[edit | edit source]
Yes, I know I said this was 10 reasons. I'm an Uncyclopedian, not a mathematician. Don't expect too much of me.
Is there any hope?[edit | edit source]
No. The admins are hopeless because they are a steaming pile of dog turd on top of a huff-o-matic with a gigantic banhammer for a left arm and a huge cock on its head (covered in dog turd). Obviously.
Notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Obviously we can't cover all the reasons in so small a space as an Uncyclopedia article. There are just way too many of them. That's how bad those admins are.
- ↑ You probably thought teh lulz only existed on Encyclopedia Dramatica, but unfortunately you were wrong.