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The Autoconspiracy 2000 (more commonly known as the Conspiracy Theory Generator) is a top-secret computer program built by the world's most elite historians and computer scientists for the purpose of expanding historical knowledge beyond that which would normally not be achievable by humans. The goal of the program is to map out and eventually solve every historical uncertainty by "Exploring the Infinite Chronoscape" as the program's metadata puts it.

Early versions of the Autoconspiracy can be traced back to prehistoric times, where archaeological records show evidence of some particularly clever cavemen who had studied the natural patterns of moss and of mud to explain the origins of organic material. More refined methods of discovering hidden truths came later, culminating with the final Autoconspiracy version, Autoconspiracy 2000 c. 2000. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured)

... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)

... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that your fly is unzipped?
... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?

... that Angelina Jolie took method acting to the extreme to play the role of Slim in A Bug's Life? (Pictured)

... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website?
... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
... that you've just lost the game?
... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?

... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?

... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
... that under Communism, everyone gets a C?
... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?

... that in Israel, chess sets contain rabbis rather than bishops? (Pictured)

... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?
... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord?
... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?

... that the Black Knight always triumphs? (Pictured)

... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?

... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured)

... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?

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In the news
He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • ~~YouTube~~ • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
February 24: "I don't care what day it is" Day 1803 - In Marbury v Madison, two men named Mr. Marbury and Mr. Madison fight each other with canes, and the Supreme Court decides who wins. 1863 - People on their way to California collapse from heat while traveling across the desert, and rather than dying with humanity, they found Arizona. 1920 - God decides today is a good day to create Nazis, a few select Germans suddenly feel an unusual aversion to international Jewry. 1942 - Aliens attack the city of Los Angeles! (Pictured) They're confused for Japanese soldiers due to racism. 1978 - Five men disappear after attending a college basketball game in California. The bodies of four of them were actually clones of the same person. 2007 - Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe launches a spy satellite to perv on Kim Jong-un's sister, Kim Yo-jong. 2008 - Fidel Castro retires, spends the rest of his days smoking cigars and laughing at assassination attempts. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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