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Archaeology, or archæology (from Αρχαίος, nobody cares, and Λογος, the study of not caring) is the study of really really old stuff. Many people confuse archaeology with archeology due to the almost identical spelling and the fact that they mean the same thing. While seemingly pointless, archaeologists assert that we can learn lots of new things by looking at old things, despite the immediate logical impossibilities. Most archaeologists are full of theories with their "carbon dating" witchcraft. As Archaeology for Kids! host Bryan Williamson once said, "I mean, carbon atoms don't have sex, do they? Why should they date then if they can't do anything freaky with electrons in the privacy of a high speed collision chamber? Ok now I have got that off my chest, I will return to imagining how dead people once lived."
The first reported archaeologist was a king of Babylonia called Nabonidus in the 6th century B.C. He was so keen at preserving old buildings that he neglected to look after his country and was overthrown by Cyrus the Great of Persia. Modern historians, who are to archaeologists as strippers are to losers, know this to be true as Nabonidus's discarded monogrammed shorts and trowel were found embedded in ancient ruins that belonged to civilisations much older than his. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that Vincent Price is laughing at you from the grave? (Pictured)
- ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
- ... that a camel's boobies are on its back?
- ... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
- ... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
- ... that under Communism, everyone gets a C?
- ... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
- ... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
 - ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
- ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
- ... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise?
- ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
- ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
- ... that The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 was caused by Uncyclopedians?
- ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
- ... that in Rhode Island any marriage where either of the party is an idiot and/or lunatic is considered null & void? And therefore, almost everyone in the state is, technically, a bastard? (Pictured)
- ... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
- ... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
- ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
- ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
- ... that nobody asked?
- ... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
- ... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
- ... that the man on the left is admiring the bare torso of the man on the right in a purely non-sexual manner? (Pictured)
- ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
- ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
- ... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
- ... that I'm better than this person in particular?
- ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
- ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?
- ... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
- ... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured)
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In the news
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On this day...
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March 18: World Happiness Day
- 51,000 BC - World Happiness Day is declared with a series of rhythmic grunts when two homo erecti discover fire.
- 1906 - Pope declares suicide a mortal sin, worse than butt sex, watching anime and murder.
- 1953 - Senator Joseph McCarthy briefly bans Kitten Huffing, but later retracts said decree, claiming he "was high off [his] ass."
- 1954 - Scientists fist discover the Moon, they later find out it wasn't really the Moon they discovered, but the Sun.
- 1985 - Australia's version of EastEnders premieres to the public, however, it made Aussies more happier than expected.
- 1993 - The Sun tells scientists it and earth should "Just be friends," the sun promises to call every few weeks.
- 2008 - After numerous requests by the American public, God finally damns It, It is never found.
- 2016 - A rerun of the smash hit TV show Full House is shown around the world, millions kill themselves, unable to stand the torture.
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