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Uncyclopedia is proud to present an exclusive, never before published column by Chuck Norris.
Recently a debate aired on ABC's Nightline pitting popular theists, Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron, against two reviled atheists from the "Rational" Response Squad, which is also reviled. This testifies to the growing number (30 million people) of fools who profess there is no God. Add to that what I believe is possibly three times that number of functional atheists, those who believe in a God but don't show it (as True Christians® do, by voting Republican, wearing little American flag pins and putting Jesus fish on the tailgates of their pickup trucks), and patriotic Americans in America are facing a new religious horizon in which atheism is becoming a formidable foe.
Shockingly, although the majority of Americans continue to claim to be Christians, a Gallup poll discovered that forty-five percent of the population would support an atheist for President. Such a survey is a clear indication that the secularization of our Christian nation is alive and well. Secularization, if you are not aware, will signal the end of America as we know it. For example, soon the secular government, blinded by their lack of common Christian decency, will (as they did with public schools) banish the Bible from the White House, before banning it in church and eventually outlawing it in your very own home! Will real Americans continue to stand for this outrage? I pray to the Lord, no. (Full article...)
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| Did you know...
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- ... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)
- ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
- ... that I think you know what's happening today?
- ... no, you didn't! Stop lying!
- ... that other people can prevent forest fires too?
- ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
- ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
- ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?

- ... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
- ... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?
- ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
- ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
- ... that this is why we can't have nice things?
- ... that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...
- ... that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography?
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