Today's featured propaganda
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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.
Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.
Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that cabbages are not to be trifled with? (Pictured)
- ... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
- ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
- ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
- ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
- ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
- ... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them?
- ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
- ... that cabbages are not to be trifled with? (Pictured)
- ... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
- ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
- ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
- ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
- ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
- ... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them?
- ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
- ... that cabbages are not to be trifled with? (Pictured)
- ... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
- ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
- ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
- ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
- ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
- ... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them?
- ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
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In the news
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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.
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On this day...
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April 1: April Fools' Day
- 1926 - April Emily Fools is born to Herb and Emma Fools in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
- 1938 - At the age of twelve, Fools first shows an interest in baking when she helps her grandmother bake cookies.
- 1944 - Fools lands her first job, working at a tank tread manufacturing plant in downtown Milwaukee.
- 1949 - After a lengthy engagement, April marries Albert Cranston in Madison, Wisconsin.
- 1952 - Upon the suggestion of a friend, April begins a small baked goods business from her own kitchen.
- 1955 - April and Albert welcome their first child into the world: Richard Cranston, named after his paternal grandfather.
- 1957 - The Cranston family welcomes their second child, Judy.
- 1971 - April enjoys what she would later describe as "the rush of a lifetime" after appearing on a local television program instructing children how to bake brownies.
- 1978 - Albert and April become grandparents to Henry Cranston.
- 1994 - April Emily Fools-Cranston passes away in her hometown of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The Milwaukee Herald declares her birthday a national holiday.
- 2022 - In honor of April, Morbius is released, raking in morbillions at the box office and boosting her family's trust to guarantee the continued support of the April Fools Baking Institute for years to come.
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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