Today's featured propaganda
|
|
Uncyclopedia is proud to present an exclusive, never before published column by Chuck Norris.
Recently a debate aired on ABC's Nightline pitting popular theists, Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron, against two reviled atheists from the "Rational" Response Squad, which is also reviled. This testifies to the growing number (30 million people) of fools who profess there is no God. Add to that what I believe is possibly three times that number of functional atheists, those who believe in a God but don't show it (as True Christians® do, by voting Republican, wearing little American flag pins and putting Jesus fish on the tailgates of their pickup trucks), and patriotic Americans in America are facing a new religious horizon in which atheism is becoming a formidable foe.
Shockingly, although the majority of Americans continue to claim to be Christians, a Gallup poll discovered that forty-five percent of the population would support an atheist for President. Such a survey is a clear indication that the secularization of our Christian nation is alive and well. Secularization, if you are not aware, will signal the end of America as we know it. For example, soon the secular government, blinded by their lack of common Christian decency, will (as they did with public schools) banish the Bible from the White House, before banning it in church and eventually outlawing it in your very own home! Will real Americans continue to stand for this outrage? I pray to the Lord, no. (Full article...)
|
Did you know...
|
- ... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured)
- ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?
- ... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
- ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
- ... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
- ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
- ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
- ... that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (Pictured)
- ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
- ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
- ... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise?
- ... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
- ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
- ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
- ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
- ... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured)
- ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?
- ... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
- ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
- ... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
- ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
- ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
- ... that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (Pictured)
- ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
- ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
- ... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise?
- ... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
- ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
- ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
- ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
- ... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured)
- ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?
- ... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
- ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
- ... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
- ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
- ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
|
|
|
|
To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
|
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Weinners: 2005/2006
|
