Today's featured propaganda
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Uncyclopedia is proud to present an exclusive, never before published column by Chuck Norris.
Recently a debate aired on ABC's Nightline pitting popular theists, Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron, against two reviled atheists from the "Rational" Response Squad, which is also reviled. This testifies to the growing number (30 million people) of fools who profess there is no God. Add to that what I believe is possibly three times that number of functional atheists, those who believe in a God but don't show it (as True Christians® do, by voting Republican, wearing little American flag pins and putting Jesus fish on the tailgates of their pickup trucks), and patriotic Americans in America are facing a new religious horizon in which atheism is becoming a formidable foe.
Shockingly, although the majority of Americans continue to claim to be Christians, a Gallup poll discovered that forty-five percent of the population would support an atheist for President. Such a survey is a clear indication that the secularization of our Christian nation is alive and well. Secularization, if you are not aware, will signal the end of America as we know it. For example, soon the secular government, blinded by their lack of common Christian decency, will (as they did with public schools) banish the Bible from the White House, before banning it in church and eventually outlawing it in your very own home! Will real Americans continue to stand for this outrage? I pray to the Lord, no. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
- ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
- ... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
- ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
- ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
- ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
- ... that Godot isn't coming?
 - ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
- ... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
- ... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord?
- ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
- ... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
- ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
- ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
 - ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
- ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
- ... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
- ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
- ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
- ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
- ... that Godot isn't coming?
- ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
- ... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
- ... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord?
- ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
- ... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
- ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
- ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
- ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
- ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
- ... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
- ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
- ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
- ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
- ... that Godot isn't coming?
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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