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40,966 governments to overthrow
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Today's featured propaganda
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Uncyclopedia is proud to present an exclusive, never before published column by Chuck Norris.
Recently a debate aired on ABC's Nightline pitting popular theists, Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron, against two reviled atheists from the "Rational" Response Squad, which is also reviled. This testifies to the growing number (30 million people) of fools who profess there is no God. Add to that what I believe is possibly three times that number of functional atheists, those who believe in a God but don't show it (as True Christians® do, by voting Republican, wearing little American flag pins and putting Jesus fish on the tailgates of their pickup trucks), and patriotic Americans in America are facing a new religious horizon in which atheism is becoming a formidable foe.
Shockingly, although the majority of Americans continue to claim to be Christians, a Gallup poll discovered that forty-five percent of the population would support an atheist for President. Such a survey is a clear indication that the secularization of our Christian nation is alive and well. Secularization, if you are not aware, will signal the end of America as we know it. For example, soon the secular government, blinded by their lack of common Christian decency, will (as they did with public schools) banish the Bible from the White House, before banning it in church and eventually outlawing it in your very own home! Will real Americans continue to stand for this outrage? I pray to the Lord, no. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip?
- ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
- ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
- ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
- ... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
- ... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
- ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
 - ... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
- ... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
- ... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
- …that it’s offensive to call them “black pencils” and we should call them “pencils of colour isntead”?
- ... that I'd rather be a hammer than a nail?
- ... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
- ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
 - ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip?
- ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
- ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
- ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
- ... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
- ... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
- ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
- ... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
- ... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
- ... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
- …that it’s offensive to call them “black pencils” and we should call them “pencils of colour isntead”?
- ... that I'd rather be a hammer than a nail?
- ... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
- ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
- ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip?
- ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
- ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
- ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
- ... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
- ... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
- ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
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In the news
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On this day...
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March 21: Vernal Equinox... Probably
- 5 AD - The first recorded instance of the question "What Would Jesus Do?" occurs when his mother asks what he wants for breakfast.
- 1890 - Oscar Wilde pens his novel The Picture of Dorian Gray in the vicinity of one of his favorite sources of inspiration, a kitchen sink.
- 1919 - The Treaty of Versailles is dictated to several secretaries, ending World War I. One of them is a German spy and covertly adds a clause mandating a sequel.
- 1931 - The electric guitar is introduced, resulting in the genre of Rock 'n Roll being born and enjoying its peak during the Great Depression.
- 1943 - In the last recorded mounted cavalry charge, soldiers on horseback from Austria-Hungary charge a battalion of Russian tanks and succeed in destroying 80% of them using only their broadswords and ceremonial poofy hats.
- 1993 - The first video is uploaded on the internet: a skin flute performance.
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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