Today's featured propaganda
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Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them.
Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
- ... that I'm better than this person in particular?
- ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
- ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?
- ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?
- ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
- ... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?
- ... that the man on the left is admiring the bare torso of the man on the right in a purely non-sexual manner? (Pictured)
 - ... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
- ... that I'm better than this person in particular?
- ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
- ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?
- ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?
- ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
- ... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?
- ... that the man on the left is admiring the bare torso of the man on the right in a purely non-sexual manner? (Pictured)
- ... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
- ... that I'm better than this person in particular?
- ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
- ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?
- ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?
- ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
- ... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?
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In the news
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On this day...
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March 26: Fast Food Day (U.S.)
- 1845 - Fast food, then called fasting from food, is invented in Ireland: millions starve due to new trend.
- 1940 - First McDonald's restaurant opens in San Bernardino, California, life expectancy drops to levels unseen since the Civil War.
- 1965 - Fox in Socks, the first depiction of a modern-day rap battle, is published by Dr. Seuss.
- 1994 - After complaints from vegans, McDonald's switches from beef fat to vegetable oil for their fries, vegans celebrate, give money to company that kills millions of cows.
- 1997 - Someone orders an iced coffee from Starbucks, destroys the economies of three South American countries.
- 2011 - McDonald's attempts to make Happy Meals healthier, billions of apple slices rot inside their teeny plastic bags.
- 2016 - New FCC regulations on misleading advertising forces Carl's Jr. to release new 30 second ad of a fat man crying, alone.
- 2018 - Wendy's delivers epic clapback against dumb bitch on twitter with sesame seed allergy.
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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