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Throughout the ages, the Jewish people have suffered much, created a magnanimous history and tradition, gained riches and knowledge, and more, much more: they managed to piss off just about everyone (they were Jews, after all). It has come to pass that all Jewish holidays are meant to remind the Jewish people of how they suffered, whereabouts they wandered to, and more, much more: they are meant to remind the Jews who they managed to anger. This article is written in remembrance of all the nations out there who tried to tell the Jews how annoying they are, and failed. We shall remember them fondly. (Full article...)

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In the news

February 22, 1732 — April 17, 2018

Barbara Bush dies (Pictured)
UnNews remembers Night Court star Harry Anderson
Hannity named during Cohen hearing
R. Lee Ermey dies! Don't start blubbering, maggots!
John Boehner is cool, man
Putin dumbfounded by concept of free speech
Trump says: Talk to my lawyer! FBI says "Yeah sure why not"
Lindsey Buckingham goes his own way, leaves Fleetwood Mac: Dads worldwide in shock
UnNews writer promoted to admin
Trump Tower employees fired
U.S. Government retaliates against Chinese tariffs by executing cute panda
Why didn't anyone tell me Ron Jeremy was in Ghostbusters?
For the love of God, somebody please give Björk some Beano!
Toni Braxton engaged to Birdman
God to Bozo: "Cram it, clown!"
Putin wins Russian presidential election in stunning, unexpected upset

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Did you know

... that your nipples (Pictured) can fall off?

... that you're pregnant?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
... that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...
... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?

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On this day

April 18: Dependence Day (Canada)

1485 - A conductor accidentally invents jazz music when the orchestra's metronome goes on the fritz.
1524 - The world's first Spanish restaurant is founded by Hernán Cortéz in Tenochtitlan.
1958 - The Supreme Court of the United States bans poetry and evicts all known poets from the country.
1972 - First state laws mandating public toilets passed in Texas. In protest, Texans urinate in public.
1983 - A suicide plumber floods the United States embassy in Beirut, Lebanon.
2002 - The internet is officially declared "useless and beyond redemption" by the Norwegian military.
2007 - The same orchestra who played jazz band music in 1485 faces the horror of Cole Porter's "Anything Goes."