From today's featured article
A woman is not a womyn or a wyf or a wyfman. She is someone who has not decided to affiliate with feminism or Middle English in any way. She is probably very normal, but in an attempt to prove male dominance, only one out of ten (male) doctors agree with this assessment.
For thousands of years, men have been searching for a final solution to the women problem. They have yet to execute any permanent measures and experts are beginning to admit grudgingly that women might be here to stay.
In the news
- Halloween soundtrack arrives in October
- Madonna is 60. Feel old yet?
- UnNews remembers Aretha Franklin (Pictured)
- TV's Mrs. Garrett dies at 92
- Lordy, there are tapes!
- Trump would/wouldn't flip changes US history
- The Dark Knight: Ten years later
- Chevy Chase, Maryland to change name to Bill Murray
- Donald Trump farts
- A Saucerful of Secrets is 50 years old! Also Michael Jackson
- Growing belief that flat earthers do not exist
- Rush Limbaugh ties too much brain behind back, goes into cardiac arrest
- Ice cream is racist
- UnNews logo on articles now links to UnNews main page
- Opinion: Trump signs executive order to end border separation that HE started
- Fishermen reel in M15 Nuclear Bomb
- Rapper XXXTentacion shot and killed at 20
- Trump uses Space Force to distract from border separation scandal
- Why your horror nerd friends are unusually excited
- Why your European friends are unusually excited
- Roseanne reboot gets canned after Roseanne can't keep her racism down to a 6.5
- Twitter reinstates news outlet Palmer Report after brief suspension
- Phil Hartman: Twenty years later
- Twitter suspends news outlet Palmer Report for telling the truth
- NBC's next live musical celebrates hippies, drugs, nudity, masturbation, and sodomy
- Actress Meghan Markle marries unemployed welfare prince
- Senate votes to restore net neutrality, House says "hold my beer"
Did you know
- ... that Godot isn't coming?
- ... that one person can change the world?
- ... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
- ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
- ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
- ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
- ... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
On this day
- 5000 B.C. - first dingo arrives in Australia. Says dingo: "Man, I'm hungry. Could sure go for something chewy and defenseless."
- 3020 B.C. - Dingo's successfully mate with a Wallaby. The Dallawingoby young, a Wingodollajoeyhopper, is found to be delicious when BBQ'd, insuring quick extinction.
- 1776 - Thomas Jefferson releases happiness at 11am.
- 1777 - Thomas Jefferson releases packs of Dingoes into the Virgina wilderness. These same Dingoes are later accredited with the eminination of the Roanoke Settlement.
- 1918 - Bolshevik revolutionary leader Moisei Uritsky is assassinated. Dingos are suspected.
- 1980 - "Ah Dingo Ate Moy Baybee!"
- 1984 - Happiness is prohibited by the ISoPT.
- 1986 - A pack of rabid Dingoes invade and devour the city of Syndey Austrailia.
- 1988 - Pakistani President Muhammad Zia-ul-Haq and US Ambassador Arnold Raphel are killed in a plane crash. And then eaten by dingos.
- 1988 - The legendary Alex Cross was born in Redhill, Surrey, UK. He then roundhouse-kicked a dingo in the face when it tried to eat him.
- 1997 - Rabid packs of Dingoes win parlamentary elections in Austrailian run-off elections.
- 1999 - Nothing happens.
- 2004 - Alex Cross beat Chuck Norris in a fight, but Chuck Norris, with his last ounce of strength, roundhouse-kicked himself back in time to avoid being in a fight with someone far superior.
- 2006 - President George W Bush is confused on why the farmer would name his dog "Dingo". Puppet Master Cheney tries to explain, but then gets fed up and shoots a friend in the face.
- 2009 - Mount Everest a splode.
Be a writer
Unfortunately, anyone can edit Uncyclopedia. Click the Edit tab at the top of most pages (or the  link above sections) to try to add your own brand of funny. If you want to take on other tasks, our introduction will guide you through the basic principles of editing, unless you don't know how to read.
There are many resources to help you along the way:
- How to be funny and not just stupid – for help with that comedy thing
- Policies and guidelines — for the boring rules no one follows
- Formatting – for help on editing
- Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
- Village Dump – to throw angry invectives at other users
- Community portal – for even more resources
Today's featured picture
Truman's flight was the culmination of the Manhattan Project, a sustained secret project by the United States military to develop superpowers in order to resurrect the American Justice Coalition. Because superhero technology was so valuable, the project was disguised as an effort to create a nuclear bomb, a deception that was so complete that the nuclear bomb was also developed. Subsequently, all American presidents have been endowed with superpowers and occasionally fight together as the New American Justice Coalition.
Image credit: Isra1337
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