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From today's featured article

A woman is not a womyn or a wyf or a wyfman. She is someone who has not decided to affiliate with feminism or Middle English in any way. She is probably very normal, but in an attempt to prove male dominance, only one out of ten (male) doctors agree with this assessment.

For thousands of years, men have been searching for a final solution to the women problem. They have yet to execute any permanent measures and experts are beginning to admit grudgingly that women might be here to stay.

Notable characteristics include chocolate blood, talking too much, 15 GHz multi-tasking capabilities, and an innate hunger for shopping. (Full article...)

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In the news

You make me feel...

Halloween soundtrack arrives in October
Madonna is 60. Feel old yet?
UnNews remembers Aretha Franklin (Pictured)
TV's Mrs. Garrett dies at 92
Lordy, there are tapes!
Trump would/wouldn't flip changes US history
The Dark Knight: Ten years later
Chevy Chase, Maryland to change name to Bill Murray
Donald Trump farts
A Saucerful of Secrets is 50 years old! Also Michael Jackson
Growing belief that flat earthers do not exist
Rush Limbaugh ties too much brain behind back, goes into cardiac arrest
Ice cream is racist
UnNews logo on articles now links to UnNews main page
Opinion: Trump signs executive order to end border separation that HE started
Fishermen reel in M15 Nuclear Bomb
Rapper XXXTentacion shot and killed at 20
Trump uses Space Force to distract from border separation scandal
Why your horror nerd friends are unusually excited
Why your European friends are unusually excited
Roseanne reboot gets canned after Roseanne can't keep her racism down to a 6.5
Twitter reinstates news outlet Palmer Report after brief suspension
Phil Hartman: Twenty years later
Twitter suspends news outlet Palmer Report for telling the truth
NBC's next live musical celebrates hippies, drugs, nudity, masturbation, and sodomy
Actress Meghan Markle marries unemployed welfare prince
Senate votes to restore net neutrality, House says "hold my beer"

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Did you know

... cluck gawk cluck cluck cluck cluck bock bock cluck cluck B`gawk? (Pictured)

... that Godot isn't coming?
... that one person can change the world?
- ... but the admins will probably just revert it?
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.

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On this day

August 17: Dingo Ate My Baby Day (Australia).

Michael Jackson celebrates Dingo Ate My Baby Day

5000 B.C. - first dingo arrives in Australia. Says dingo: "Man, I'm hungry. Could sure go for something chewy and defenseless."
3020 B.C. - Dingo's successfully mate with a Wallaby. The Dallawingoby young, a Wingodollajoeyhopper, is found to be delicious when BBQ'd, insuring quick extinction.
1776 - Thomas Jefferson releases happiness at 11am.
1777 - Thomas Jefferson releases packs of Dingoes into the Virgina wilderness. These same Dingoes are later accredited with the eminination of the Roanoke Settlement.
1918 - Bolshevik revolutionary leader Moisei Uritsky is assassinated. Dingos are suspected.
1980 - "Ah Dingo Ate Moy Baybee!"
1984 - Happiness is prohibited by the ISoPT.
1986 - A pack of rabid Dingoes invade and devour the city of Syndey Austrailia.
1988 - Pakistani President Muhammad Zia-ul-Haq and US Ambassador Arnold Raphel are killed in a plane crash. And then eaten by dingos.
1988 - The legendary Alex Cross was born in Redhill, Surrey, UK. He then roundhouse-kicked a dingo in the face when it tried to eat him.
1997 - Rabid packs of Dingoes win parlamentary elections in Austrailian run-off elections.
1999 - Nothing happens.
2004 - Alex Cross beat Chuck Norris in a fight, but Chuck Norris, with his last ounce of strength, roundhouse-kicked himself back in time to avoid being in a fight with someone far superior.
2006 - President George W Bush is confused on why the farmer would name his dog "Dingo". Puppet Master Cheney tries to explain, but then gets fed up and shoots a friend in the face.
2009 - Mount Everest a splode.

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Today's featured picture

August 6, 1945: After being given superpowers by the Manhattan Project, Harry S. Truman, the Truman Torch, personally drops the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan, signalling the beginning of the end of World War II.

Truman's flight was the culmination of the Manhattan Project, a sustained secret project by the United States military to develop superpowers in order to resurrect the American Justice Coalition. Because superhero technology was so valuable, the project was disguised as an effort to create a nuclear bomb, a deception that was so complete that the nuclear bomb was also developed. Subsequently, all American presidents have been endowed with superpowers and occasionally fight together as the New American Justice Coalition.

Image credit: Isra1337

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