From today's featured article
Lord Sauron, 1st Earl of Hertfordshire, KG, GCMG, PC (∞ BC – 28 May 1896), known as The Dark Lord of Mordor before 1861, was an English Conservative politician who served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in the mid-19th century. He is well remembered in the United Kingdom as the first Prime Minister to exist solely as a manifestation of pure evil, a tradition that has since been continued by subsequent Conservative politicians.
Details of Lord Sauron's past are sketchy at best, it was rumoured that he served as an officer in the Crimean War, where he would famously hurl Cossacks 20ft in the air with a giant iron mace, but these feats are likely fictionalised, as there is no reputable evidence that Cossacks actually exist. Sauron first arrived on the British mainland in 1861. He was drawn to the island, so the legend goes, because he mistook the inhabitant's unusual facial characteristics for that of the orcs of his homeland. (Full article...)
In the news
- Mini-Me dies
- Natalie Portman no longer Jew of the Year
- UnNews remembers Avicii (Pictured)
- Barbara Bush dies
- UnNews remembers Night Court star Harry Anderson
- Hannity named during Cohen hearing
- R. Lee Ermey dies! Don't start blubbering, maggots!
- John Boehner celebreates 4/20 early
- Putin dumbfounded by concept of free speech
- Trump says: Talk to my lawyer! FBI says "Yeah sure why not"
- Lindsey Buckingham goes his own way, leaves Fleetwood Mac: Dads worldwide in shock
- UnNews writer promoted to admin
- Trump Tower employees fired
- U.S. Government retaliates against Chinese tariffs by executing cute panda
- Why didn't anyone tell me Ron Jeremy was in Ghostbusters?
- For the love of God, somebody please give Björk some Beano!
- Toni Braxton engaged to Birdman
- God to Bozo: "Cram it, clown!"
- Putin wins Russian presidential election in stunning, unexpected upset
Did you know
- ... that my English teacher is gay? (Pictured)
- ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
- ... that the The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
- ... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
- ... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
- ... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
- ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
- ... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
On this day
- 1609 - Council of Antes declares that peas will henceforth be eaten with a fork.
- 1882 - First obscene phone call made, crude equipment mandates heavy breathing when careless whispers can not be heard.
- 1962 - Lee Harvey Oswald (Pictured) fucks up first attempt to kill JFK so badly the attempt goes unnoticed until 1986, when a remodeling crew fixes the bullet hole.
- 1970 - The Partridge Family thinks it loves you, but what is it so afraid of?
- 1981 - A second failed assassination attempt on Ronald Reagan takes place, the shooter's motive being Reagan's films which the shooter declared, "sucked".
- 2002 - WWE star Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson invents the ability to refer to himself in the fifth person.
- 2022 - Darth Vader gets his voice box fixed after decades of agony.
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Today's featured picture
From the New Cooler Edition: "And Christ touched the Velociraptor, and the Velociraptor was tamed." Luke 13:37 (NCE)
Image credit: Tshell
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