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From today's featured article

A woman is not a womyn or a wyf or a wyfman. She is someone who has not decided to affiliate with feminism or Middle English in any way. She is probably very normal, but in an attempt to prove male dominance, only one out of ten (male) doctors agree with this assessment.

For thousands of years, men have been searching for a final solution to the women problem. They have yet to execute any permanent measures and experts are beginning to admit grudgingly that women might be here to stay.

Notable characteristics include chocolate blood, talking too much, 15 GHz multi-tasking capabilities, and an innate hunger for shopping. (Full article...)

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In the news

You make me feel...

Fox News: 9 out of 10 Aretha Franklins are Patti LaBelle
Halloween soundtrack arrives in October
Madonna is 60. Feel old yet?
UnNews remembers Aretha Franklin (Pictured)
TV's Mrs. Garrett dies at 92
Lordy, there are tapes!
Trump would/wouldn't flip changes US history
The Dark Knight: Ten years later
Chevy Chase, Maryland to change name to Bill Murray
Donald Trump farts
A Saucerful of Secrets is 50 years old! Also Michael Jackson

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Did you know

... that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (Pictured)

... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal?
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... tennis isn't just a game?
... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?

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On this day

August 18: Everybody Run From the Godzilla Attack Day

644 - A prodigous comet appears in the sky, in the shape of a rock. The rock magically flies through the sky, before it lands in ancient Greece and kills a busload of time-travelling nuns.
1868 - French astronomer Pierre Jules César Janssen discovers helium. Initially, he had a difficult time explaining the gas producing process without evoking gales of laughter.
1969 - Godzilla tries to attack France, but has to stop in Tokyo to ask for directions.
1989 - The Who, working in conjunction with Godzilla, trash several hotel rooms in Wales and Scotland. The Isle of Man is never seen again.
1990 - Godzilla attacks Paris, humping the Eiffel Tower twice before being driven back into the sea.
1991 - Godzilla attacks Paris again, this time bringing flowers. The Parisians surrender to his radioactive charm, and an evening of bliss is had by all.
1992 - Godzilla once again attacks Paris, leaving fifty-three successive messages on the answering machine of the Ile de Cite, each one more angry and irrational than the last. Paris gets a restraining order. In a blind, drunken confusion, Godzilla attacks a department store in Rome. Mothra and Mechagodzilla are called to drive the heartbroken beast home.
1993 - Princess Diana pre-died.
1999 - Cape Breton declares an open nuclear war on the Y2K bug subsequently pounding it into oblivion. Eminent scientists have confirmed this fact as the reason why much speculation about the threat of Y2K was ultimately unfounded.
2006 - Way more people die than usual.
2007 - The Canso Causeway, forever asserting the will of mainland Nova Scotia against Cape Breton, is melted in my microwave.
2010 - Godzilla sends a passive-aggressive text message to Paris, asking if it wants its copy of High Fidelity back or if he should just throw it away.
2010 - 1:24pm, Josh "I'm full."