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From today's featured article

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Lord Sauron, 1st Earl of Hertfordshire, KG, GCMG, PC ( BC – 28 May 1896), known as The Dark Lord of Mordor before 1861, was an English Conservative politician who served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in the mid-19th century. He is well remembered in the United Kingdom as the first Prime Minister to exist solely as a manifestation of pure evil, a tradition that has since been continued by subsequent Conservative politicians.

Details of Lord Sauron's past are sketchy at best, it was rumoured that he served as an officer in the Crimean War, where he would famously hurl Cossacks 20ft in the air with a giant iron mace, but these feats are likely fictionalised, as there is no reputable evidence that Cossacks actually exist. Sauron first arrived on the British mainland in 1861. He was drawn to the island, so the legend goes, because he mistook the inhabitant's unusual facial characteristics for that of the orcs of his homeland. (Full article...)

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Did you know

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  • ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
  • ... that the The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
  • ... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
  • ... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
  • ... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
  • ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
  • ... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?

On this day

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April 22: National Try To Assassinate The President Day (U.S.)

  • 1609 - Council of Antes declares that peas will henceforth be eaten with a fork.
  • 1882 - First obscene phone call made, crude equipment mandates heavy breathing when careless whispers can not be heard.
  • 1962 - Lee Harvey Oswald (Pictured) fucks up first attempt to kill JFK so badly the attempt goes unnoticed until 1986, when a remodeling crew fixes the bullet hole.
  • 1970 - The Partridge Family thinks it loves you, but what is it so afraid of?
  • 1981 - A second failed assassination attempt on Ronald Reagan takes place, the shooter's motive being Reagan's films which the shooter declared, "sucked".
  • 2002 - WWE star Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson invents the ability to refer to himself in the fifth person.
  • 2022 - Darth Vader gets his voice box fixed after decades of agony.

Today's featured picture

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Some modifications have been made to the newest translation of the Holy Bible. In this scene (often called "Palm Sunday"), Jesus is now riding a raptor. While this was partially made to help make Jesus more accessible to Today's children, the decision was also made because certain Christians didn't want people to be able to say that Jesus was "riding someone's ass" that day. Both scientists and fundamental Christians question the historical accuracy of this account.
From the New Cooler Edition: "And Christ touched the Velociraptor, and the Velociraptor was tamed." Luke 13:37 (NCE)

Image credit: Tshell

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