Uval

Uval is a mighty autonomous district in the great nation of Яussia. It was founded when God himself came to Яussia, realized how shitty it was, and created the most influential holy city on planet Earth! Its modern territory consists of roughly 2 apartment complexes and half a shed.

A bird's eye view of the most amazing place on Earth!

Uval I The Serene Awesome Amazing Empire of Uval
Flag
Motto: The new world order
Anthem: "If you must" by Del the Funky Homosexual
Capital	Jerry’s Livingroom
Official language(s)	Tongues
Government	Empire
Supreme God Emperor	Ted the Facehugger
Ethnic groups	Uvallians (Small Traces of Uvalian found as well)
Established	Yeah
Currency	Uvallian Spacebuck
Religion	OurCowism
Population	7 1/2
Major imports	Anything needed to live

“What do you mean "part of Яussia"?”

~ Oscar Wilde

History

Founding

According to ancient legends, the first Uvalians were cast out from Moscow in 69 CE for being too awesome. While they were travelling, one of them claimed that God had spoken to him in the night and told him that if they found a Turk fucking a piece of raisin bread on top of a giant brown mushroom from Minecraft, they should create a city there and have it be the greatest city in the world. They all for some reason thought he was insane and proceeded to violently dismember him, as you do. However, the very next day the 5 remaining Uvalians (most had died of dysentery at this point) found the exact thing the man described in his vision. They were overjoyed at the sight and immediately started ####### each other and ###### small animals along with hosting a giant ######## where they constructed a 300ft #####. However, God was angry with this and proceeded to utterly raze the area. Another group who had been following the Uvalians known as the Uvallians used the 300x300ft space to construct the monumental half-a-shed, and the nation has flourished ever since.

Early History

During the early days of the nation, nobody even knew that the people they exiled from Moscow were alive. They weren't, as stated previously, but the group following them was and sent a messenger to tell Moscow about the founding of their marvelous city. This messenger was found dead in 2012, having been mauled to death by the ancestor of Vladimir's pet bear. The lack of contact with the outside world caused them to rapidly expand past the Russian border. Because Uvallians are just cool like that, they took over the entire area we would come to know as Imperial Russia. However, due to the fragile egos of the tsars, Uval renamed the empire to Яussia and moved the capital to Moscow.

Soviet Union

When the Communists over through the tsar, they also had to deal with another rival government, known as the Belarusians (not to be confused with the "people" from Belarus). This government was backed by the city of Uval, which meant an automatic victory. However, the dream of starving Ukrainians to death was so strong in Red Russia that they came to a peace deal. Uval could control the entire territory past the Ural mountains secretly but they would have to pretend that the Red Army won. They signed the deal, and soon all of the Soviet nations that end in -stan were puppeteered by Uval. Uval even created the first Soviet atomic bomb without needing to steal American technology, they just knew how.

Modern History

Nowadays, Uval is considered to be the capital of Soviet Russia, even if Moscow claims the role. Uval also has a thriving economy due to their many exports of being cool. They also have found a way to become the head of the United Nations, although the lack of power the UN possesses means that this is a very subtle change to the world order.

Reasons You Should Move There

1. They need more people
2. If you even bothered to go onto Uncyclopedia, you probably would be happier here than anywhere else.
3. It's the best part of Яussia
4. Bill Nye is from there
5. The local cuisine is very tasty
6. They have a flourishing tourism industry
7. All people must make a pilgrimage to Mecca Uval at least once in their life

Fun Facts

• There is a 99% chance of not dying ever if you visit
• Nobody expects this
• God has blessed the land on Uval so that all crops are fertile
• The previously mentioned fertility blessing would apply to women, but roughly 7% of the population is female
• I fucked your mom last night