User:Lenoxus/Fucking everything
“Fuck America!!!”
“Fuck you, cabron.”
“Can I?”
“A fine sport indeed!”
“Uncyclopedia has an article about fucking everything.”
Fucking everything is an idealistic goal held both by hard-core nihilists and various horniness advocacy movements. Like world peace, it is complex in its interpretations and fascinating in its inspiration of free love. Generally, it is agreed to refer to a theoretical future condition whereby all persons and things have been fucked.
However, disagreement frequently arises among advocates over precisely who or what should be responsible for the fucking, whether the fucking is strictly metaphorical, and whether or not the scope of "everything" is limited to all objects found on the Earth's surface which would not cause immediate harm to the fucker in question.
Naturally, the ideal in general has been criticized by some for not only these inconsistencies, but for being naive, unattainble, and plain messy. Advocates generally respond by re-stating the goal in terms that specify these particular critics.
What to fuck?[edit | edit source]
Other interpretations of that which is plausibly and desirably fuckable may pertain to:
- large, physically interconnected matter such as oceans and the Earth as a whole
- underground straits, rivers, civilizations, and musical acts
- extraterrestrial objects and beings, possibly even those for which "fucking" is either biologically meaningless or (in the case of stars) results in instantaneous vaporization
- Life and/or the Universe
- abstract, religious and fictional concepts such as The System, God, the Virgin Mary, karma, magic, or Lara Croft, Tomb Raider
- it
- things which formerly existed but no longer do, such as dinosaurs, decent societal values, and New Coke (these raise the question of whether time travel is a viable option to correct for this, in which case the fucking of time travel will likely have to postponed into the very future from which it will come)
- White House interns versus the American military and Iraqi people (an understanding is typically held that one, but not both, of these would be ethically off-limits — check your local party line for clarification)
- Variously, Harrison Ford, Sharon Stone, "Weird Al" Yankovic and Celine Dion (particularly if acting upon each is expected of a single person, and not of the several who have, at various times, already carried out the goal in each case)
- the act of fucking itself, whose fucking might crash the universe but at the same time make a great show
- YOU.
Quotes on just plain fucking everything[edit | edit source]
“The question is often asked: what, precisely, are most of us failing to do to make the world a better place? Call me cynical or call me crazy, but such is my answer.”
“I won't mince words: we're all royally, well, you know. So yeah, that's us down and everything else to go.”
“Hmm, all right, so the item is bigger than a breadbox. Let's see... do you eventually intend to fuck it?”
“I'm not going to answer that.”
“I'm going to fuck every Australian.”
