Things America Did Not Invent

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This article may be Overly British

Americans may not understand humour, only humor. Canadians and Australians may not understand anything at all. Don't change a thing to remedy this.

This article was written by an exceptionally whiny Brit. Please proceed through with that thought in mind, and make sure to dump their tea in your nearest body of water.
Ah yes, the sport of baseball, a butchered form of cricket.

There is a long list of things America did not invent. From the apple pie to zebras, America didn't invent them all. However, Americans believe an astonishing amount of bullshit, not the least of which is the notion that America is actually capable of producing an original idea. A classic example of this is the phrase "American as apple pie", which, along with Santa Claus, is the sort of crap parents instill in their children in the USA. I mean, come on! Apples... crust... baking... Americans don't honestly think they were the first to make the connection, do they? Anyway, enjoy this horribly butchered and painfully biased list.

Along with apple pie, plenty of other "American inventions" were stolen from Europe. In fact, Europeans should really consider entering a giant class-action lawsuit against the US for intellectual property rights infringement.

  • Food — Many Americans are under the impression that until America came along, the world was hungry, and that America invented all food. Examples include the previously mentioned apple pie (stolen from Britain), hot dogs (stolen from a German guy), Kumara (they stole it from New Zealand and called it sweet potatoes), hamburgers, pizza, bacon, and broccoli. Did I mention apple pie?
  • Terrorism - Some Americans think that George Bush invented 9/11. This conspiracy theory is damn wrong and simply another example of American stupidity. Even George Bush wouldn't murder thousands of civilians and destroy a huge part of the financial district of America. It is well known that Dubya doesn't have the brain power required.[1] However America DID invent Irish Terrorism to kill the British inventors.
  • Super Sonic Planes - Although the patent was American, the American government asked to see England's intel in return for theirs. [2] Nonetheless, England's government accepted the offer, being gents England showed their intel first. However, America did not return the favor, and made a supersonic plane and put someone in it before England had the chance. Americans are thieving bastards.
  • Sports - Baseball, golf, football. All stolen. (Yes, they invented American Football, but not the sport of Football that makes most Americans want to gouge their eyes out).
  • Language - America is well known for stealing the English Language from the British and editing it so it sounded more American. Pronunciation of words is different (hence its spelt S-E-M-I not S-E-M-E-Y-E or A-N-T-I not A-N-T-E-Y-E , Zebra not -Z-E-E-E-B-R-A. The list goes on and on. Its ih-raq not eye-raq. Americans also decided to name their Toilets , "Restrooms" as many Americans decided to change the name so that they could use the excuse to rest in it.
  • Television - The Office. True, the British had it first, but no one can deny that the American version is funnier... if you have no sense of humour. Incidentally, humour was invented in Britain, the Americans just butchered the 'u' in the spelling).
  • Air — As full of themselves as many non-Americans view Americans as being, it's still always surprising when one comes across Americans who believe America invented air. Air, as we all know, was actually invented in Britain during the Scientific Revolution, alongside water and the Sun.
  • "Fixed-wing aircraft". — All the Wright brothers did was put a kite together and wave mechanical wings using rusted bicycle parts, going from someone's roof to the ground, which is something Man has been able to do since the Dark Ages, and much faster too! The true inventor is some Brazilian guy you've never heard of.
  • Silicone boobs— Stolen from Japanese people! But it's not their fault. It's the only way those poor flat Asian girls can get boobs.
  • AmericaJohn Cabot, An Italian working for a Welshman called Richard Amerike (After whom America was named) found America, and it belonged to the British until the Yankees decided to steal it. To this day, the few smart Americans that are left hate the rest of the population for the vast deficit of life the USA now have, and wish that they stayed British.
  • Electricity- Stolen from the Serbian scientist Nikola Tesla, along with Tesla's wallet.

. To its credit, America has yet to invent a disease (except perhaps chronic obesity). We have Africa and Asia to blame for that. Syphilis can be blamed on a hot Latina chick Christopher Columbus picked up in Puerto Rico, which isn't really America.

Things America Really Did Invent[edit | edit source]

  • Toilet roll — No argument here. Although, toilet paper is more commonly used by the British! Too many crumpets and scones cause diarrhea.
  • Jazz — Yes, America is home to the fundamental sound of jazz.
  • Fast Food — Yummy McDonalds,Burger King,Subway and many more great sources of death fast food restaurants.
  • TechnologyHummers and the Terminator. Just you wait.
  • Other — Great cars, until they break down outside the dealership!
  • Boner — Invented by Elvira, it helps stimulated millions of perverts in the world, leading to her winning the Nobel Sex Prize in 1986.
  • Porn - America, the place where Porn is free.
  • Morbid Obesity - This one speaks for itself.
  • American Accents - This accent also has the strange quality of mysteriously rendering the speaker unable to understand any other accents.

See Also[edit | edit source]

  1. Just ask Bush Sr.
  2. I must admit whoever was prime minister must have been a retard, as England had already figured it out.