User:Joe9320/The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
| The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword | |
|---|---|
 Semper Fi. The latest in annoying Link since Navi. | |
| Developer(s) | Untendo |
| Release date | 2011 |
| Genre | Action-Adventure |
| Platform(s) | Piinis |
| Port | Wine |
| Rating | T |
| Would John Kerry play it? | YES! YES! |
The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword Zeruda no Densetsu Infinity Wōdō Sōdō (ゼルダの伝説 スカイウォド ソード ) is a video game developed and published by Nintendo for the Piinis gaming system, being the second Zelda game for this console; the first game for the Piinis is The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. The game is released on November 2011 to mark the 25th anniversary of the Zelda series, and is considered by bitchy Nintendo fanboys and unpleasable critics as the best Zelda game since The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. First release copies, as well as pre-order copies of this game came with a CD with all of the Zelda songs as part of the limited edition pack that fanboys drooled all over but realising that it cannot be played on the Piinis. Another limited edition release contains the box, the game, the CD, and also a gold Zelda Wii Remote Plus whose value exceeds to over $100 in American prices.
Hyrule Historia: The Timeline Released[edit | edit source]
After many years of Zelda fanboys eager to know where do the games fit in the Zelda timeline, and after so many years of the fans constructing their own timeline, which is often in series of debates, arguments and fighting, Nintendo finally gave in to the cries, whining, bitchslapping, hitting, killing and bitching of the fanboys. They released a book called Hyrule Historia, a Latin-sounding Spanish title of over 60 pages of Zelda's history on December 2011. In this book, which is in full Japanese because there are no English texts available, and if there is one announced it will possibly be released on December 21, 2012, 2063 or later, the book gives out a full history of the Legend of Zelda series, how it was created and the storyline of each game. But what grabbed the raging fanboy's eyes was the timeline- split into three parts after Ocarina of Time. Various theories of the timeline- whether it is just one big timeline or split into different sections, are rendered obsolete in place of the official timeline. Some fans even cried or committed suicide at the moment that their timeline is officially considered as non-canon.
But confusion still remains, and that is whether Nintendo was trolling the Zelda fans into believing that the timeline was revealed, and that there was another version of the timeline, or that the timeline was bullshit demanded by fans post-2000s to get themselves in a pissy fit over it. Some even believed that this released timeline was fake and the new timeline is still confidential and in secrecy.
But in the post-timeline revelation world, one question was asked, but among YouTube dada artists: where the fucking hell does the CD-i excuse for a game series fit in? But one person has the answer, and that the CD-i games (as well as the rest of the non-canon shit) fit before the actual Zelda timeline.[1]
Storyline[edit | edit source]
Ghirahim Groose: Tingle's ancestor, and once rival of Link. Said to had released a new game called "The Legend of Groose", which will hit Hylian shelves after the defeat of Demise. Link: The main character of the game. As always. Recently outed himself as bisexual and looking less gayer than the previous games. Goron Fi- more annyoing and more robotic than Navi.
It all started way, way into the past, into the period that nobody cares about except the die-hard Zelda fans.
Gameplay[edit | edit source]
When one purchases this game, people do not realise that they need a Wii MotionPlus or a Wii Remote Plus to play this goddamn game, otherwise they couldn't actually play it. As a result, this had causing fits of rage and aggression because the Wii MotionPlus had long been out of production and people are forced to buy a second, third, fourth or even fifth remote that has this so that they can play Skyward Sword. Of course, once they have the Wii Remote Plus or Wii Motion Plus, the controls become a bit flimsy, and those who thinks that they are swinging a sword gets a laggy feedback from the controller. The whole premise of the game consists of Link travelling between Skyloft and the other three regions: Faron, Eldin and Lanayru with his bird that remarkably resembled that from Avatar, but was given wings. The similarities between the Loftwing and those flying dinosaur things from Avatar is not purely coincidental, as they both are giant birds.
Zelda fans began complaining to Nintendo on the release of The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker because of the different, cel-shaded design and backgrounds, including the characters. Some Zelda fans turned out to like the design, which caused a split between the so-called "traditional" Zelda fans who like the style of Link as seen in Ocarina of Time, and the "Celda" fans who preferred the Wind Waker version of Link. Nintendo eventually found middle ground and attempted to reunite the two whining fan bases together with the impressionist-style design of the scenery and characters in just eight years, after the announcement of Skyward Sword in 2010. It is said that in the future, a third group will be formed and cause a backlash between the two existing fan bases.
Unfortunately for such a flimsy, laggy control system, using the items provided does not feel like you are actually using it in real life. For example, although you can use the whip like a real whip to whip Groose, Zelda, evil Underwear Gnomes, plants, and to grab hold of branches and swing around like Indiana Jones, or a blower-vacuum that can be used as such to blow away sand instead of leaves, or even roll actual bombs, you cannot use a bow and arrow like an actual bow, a slingshot like any other slingshot can do, or an actual clawshot that ejaculates the claw to any target. However, there are some tools that are seriously in the what-the-fuck levels, like a Beetle for collecting Rupee notes and coins, and bombs, and a bug net to protect Link from malaria caused by the genetically-engineered Deku Bee's sting. The Wii Remote is used, obviously, like a sword, but its laggy feedback mean that it has to be recalibrated periodically so that the sword doesn't swing horizontally when the remote is swung vertically, for example.
Reception[edit | edit source]
Reference[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Kotaku staff are idiots. The Zelda Timeline edited by the Kotaku idiots!. Kotakunt. Retrieved on 2012-03-18.
See Also[edit | edit source]
| Games: |
The Legend of Zelda - Link's Arousal - Ocarina of Time - Majora's Mask - The Wind Waker - The Midget's Crap - Twilight Princess - Phantom Hourglass - Spirit Tracks - The Wand of Gamelon |
| Characters: | Link - Princess Zelda - Ganondorf - King Harkinian - Tingle - Morshu - That Old Man from The Legend of Zelda - Lord Jabu-Jabu |
| Somethings: | Hyrule - Link is a Tree - The Legend of Zelda Link theory - Rupees - Unquotable:Link |