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This is exactly why I love men.

Oscar Wilde on JimTS

Do you feel lucky?

Clint Eastwood on punks

Iä! Iä!

JimTS on Yog-Sothoth

JimTS is a model citizen and should be a role model to all of us.

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\m/ I am a metalhead; I wear offensive shirts, I headbang to really loud music. I have long hair, but am not a hippie.
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About Me[edit]

I am Jim T. S., an inspector hailing from Innsmouth, Massachusetts. I was the world's foremost expert on Scientology until I took 1d10 sanity damage 1d10 sanity damage 1d10 sanity damage 1d10 sanity damage 1d10 sanity damage.


Contrary to what the userboxes on the right say, I speak every language in the world, except for English, which I refuse to even attempt to use for any reason.

Early Life[edit]

I was born in 198X (which is Japanese numerals for nineteen-eighty-ten) in a town named Springfield. I was raised by three fathers who all wanted me to be a lawyer, like them, but instead my hobby of hitting myself in the head with heavy things convinced me to spend my life investigating strange happenings in New England.

Do you believe in God?[edit]

I believe in God.

Do you... do you believe in God?[edit]

Okay, you got me.

Later Life[edit]

I am a famous writer (but not Stephen King, who I want to kick in the balls). I have written Chapter One of approximately 1,396 novels, and the last chapter of exactly zero. My main hobby is fishing, which I do to piss off actual fishers by catching all the fish and drinking all their beer, even though I don't actually like fishing or beer. My second hobby is vampire hunting.

I currently live in the South.

Sex Life[edit]

I am an Uncyclopedia user. You tell me.

Chuck Norris[edit]

Few people realize this, but Chuck is a humorless dick in real life, and even if he wasn't, the jokes are old now. I support the initiative started by You Are Dumb Dot Net to transfer all the Chuck Norris jokes to Jean-Claude Van Damme, who is the only action star with no Internet popularity.

Clint Eastwood, on the other hand, is exactly the same in real life as he is in the movies. If I were gay or a woman, I would orgasm just thinking about him. Not that I don't already, but I have to think about women afterward, and convince myself that's what I was thinking all along, to make myself feel less queer. Now excuse me, I have to change my pants.