From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Racism Warning!

This article might offend some minorities. Alas, as they are not the majority, we will eventually follow the democratic tradition and vote regarding the contents. Until then, neither Uncyclopedia nor the original author of this article condone racism in any form.

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for garbage, or New Zealand?
We put the Spring in Springfield

Belle on winter

Bite my shiny metal ass

Bender on Springfield

Losers! Losers! Kiss my big Springfield behind, Shelbyville

Homer Simpson on how he wants Shelbyville to kiss his enormous ass

A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man

Jebediah Springfield on embiggening

A Nobel spirit explodes the smallest man

Jebediah Springfield on Dynamite

Springfield is nowhere.

Captain Obvious on Springfield

Springfield is a city in the state of Nowhere. All historical accounts agree that it sucks. It is the set of Guiding Light and The Simpsons. To summarize, Springfield=Bad. Shelbyville=Good.


Springfield was founded in 1796 by Jebediah Springfield, alias Hans Sprungfeld, after abandoning Maryland for misenterterpreting a Bible passage. Springfield died in 1804, which left his children Buffalo Springfield, Dusty Springfield, and Jebediah Springfield, Jr. to govern, which left things to go downhill. Another legend has it that Springfield was founded by nuns. Whichever has the nuns in it, that's not right. Anyways, here is a brief and complete history of Springfield.

Attractions in Springfield[edit]

  • The Box Factory
  • Maison's Derriere

Minorities in Springfield[edit]

Majorities in Springfield[edit]

  • Stonecutters (There are 908 men in Springfield who are Stonecutters)

Who's in charge?[edit]

Mayor Quimby seen here brainwashing Homer Simpson

The mayor is some idiot named uh-ra uh-ra Quimby. He's a Massachusettsan jackass, Democrat, wife-swapper, tax-cheat, pot-smoker, former illiterate, and suspected illegal immigrant. He slept with at least 37 women. 37 WOMEN! I am truly amazed that that man does not have any STDs. Mayor Quimby, better known as Joseph Fitzgerald O'Malley Fitzpatrick O'Donnel The Edge Quimby, once had a bodyguard named Homer. In The End, Fat Tony tried to kill Mayor Quimby and nearly succeeded. He deserved it. He was a jerk to everybody. For a short time, Mayor Quimby was a musician and released an album entitled "Why Am I Such A Jerk?" If that's not bad enough, Mayor Quimby knocked Up a Beauty Queen. Believe me, Mayor Quimby's an idiot. He thinks The Answer to The Great Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything is 69. He also created a brainwashing program to hypnotize Homer.

The emperor isn't far much better. He's a sex offender, like Prince. He's also a filthy bartender. The emperor of Springfield is Moe Szyslak (as announced in The Simpsons Movie )

Faces of Springfield[edit]


That crippled racist atheist English scientist owns a Little Caesars in Springfield. I HATE THAT GUY! Remember that Stephen Hawking ran over my cat.

See also[edit]